Advice

You've been on a few dates with a man who seems great---good-looking, kind, engaging, and interested in you. You're having a great time, until the bill comes and he doesn't reach for it, so you end up paying.

Is this a sign that he's cheap?

Maybe, but maybe not. It might be a misunderstanding rather than something more entrenched in his personality. Communication is key, so if something is bothering you, it's best to have a conversation about it sooner than later. But before you write him off for bad dating behavior, there are a few things to consider.

• Has he paid for all of your previous dates with no argument or hesitation? If he has, maybe he wants a little reciprocity so he knows you're interested. After all, paying for dates shouldn't be the sole responsibility of the man---I always advocate whoever does the asking does the paying. This way, both of you can show each other you're interested. Ask him out and treat him next time!

• Does he have difficult financial obligations? Perhaps he's divorced with large alimony or child support payments, or saddled with a mortgage because he wanted to buy a home. Instead of judging him for what he can't afford on a date, commend him for being responsible for his finances and not trying to overspend to impress. If you would rather be wined and dined, maybe this isn't the right guy for you.

• Does he treat servers with respect? This is a big indicator of what kind of person he is, despite his financial situation. If he is respectful and friendly and tips appropriately, this is a good sign of how he will treat you. Actions speak louder than words in this case.

• Is he generous with you in other ways? Perhaps he doesn't bring you flowers or jewelry, but does he remember to choose your favorite bottle of wine, or make time to pick you up from the mechanic when you need a ride? A man who shows he's paying attention in thoughtful ways is better in the long run than a man who pays for things but doesn't show up when it counts.

Sometimes, it's easier to complain.

Take profile pictures, for example. When people hear that it's in their best interest to have a smiling, clear, recent picture – something more along the lines of headshot than a blurry camera phone picture shot in a mirror from 2005 – they often get huffy. “Why should I have to figure out how to take a decent picture of myself?” they say. “These are the only pictures I have! Why yes, I am an aspiring photographer with a digital camera that has a timer – maybe I even have a friend or a tripod – but that takes time! Effort! I am far too busy for that.”

Look, complainer – if you're too busy to even attempt to take a decent picture of yourself, maybe you're too busy to date, eh?

Often the complaining contradicts itself in amusing ways. For example, the ones who refuse to take a good picture are often the ones who don't like the “shallow” nature of online dating. “It doesn't matter how much work I put into my profile!” they'll say. “All people look at is the picture!”

Yes, I have heard both complaints come out of a single person. More than once.

Here's the thing: the dating world can be exhausting, and frustrating. Often it's not a fair world. Online dating attempts to level the playing field in several ways, but it can be fickle too. Such is life. But if you've made the decision to put yourself out there and find love, why shoot yourself in the foot on the way? Why do your profile halfway?

Maybe you'll need to ask a friend to proofread your online dating profile. Maybe you'll need to recruit someone to take a good picture, or spend an afternoon messing with the settings on your own camera. Maybe you'll need to write sincere first emails, instead of copying and pasting. If you're truly looking for love, are these really big sacrifices? Is the possibility of a relationship not worth it?

Small investments – typically only of your time – can pay off big in the future. Online dating provides a world of opportunity. Now you just need to take full advantage of it.

I've never been a fan of long-distance relationships, but I have friends for whom this has worked well. Sometimes, we can't control where school or work takes us, and we can't always have the luxury of seeing our boyfriend or girlfriend as often and spontaneously as we want.

If you find yourself facing the prospect of a long-distance relationship, here are a few things to keep in mind to make it work:

• Skype or videochat. Technology is bringing us all together now---instead of calling and hearing your loved one's voice, you can log in to Skype or iChat and see them virtually. It's much easier to feel connected when you're regularly seeing them, even if it is online.

• Have a plan. If you're away at school for two years, at least you have an end date to work with and can live apart for a predetermined amount of time. If you have a job with no end date in sight, you may want to have a conversation to set a timeline for you both to end up in the same city. If one or both of you refuse to move, there is a bigger conversation worth having...perhaps it's time to let the relationship go.

• Schedule regular visits if you can. Some people live a car ride away, while others might have to hop on a plane which can get expensive. Figure out your budget and try to schedule regular trips, whether it's every two weeks or once every two months. Also, share the burden and alternate who's commuting.

• Live your own life. Sure, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but there comes a point when it affects your life. If you find yourself checking his or her Facebook page all the time or turning down invitations with friends to wait for a call it may be too much. Cultivate your own friendships, get out and socialize, and do things you like doing. You'll be a happier and more engaging person when you do check in with your significant other.

• Communicate. This is the most important...if something is bothering you, please share it with your significant other. Nobody is a mind-reader, and the tendency for miscommunication when it's long-distance is high. If something isn't working, let your partner know.

Let's say you have an online dating profile. You've worked hard on your profile, and you've even had it checked over by an extra set of eyes. You're confident you're not sending the wrong messages. Furthermore, when you send out a first-contact email it's short, sweet and friendly, and doesn't attempt to move too quickly.

And despite the fact that you seem to be doing everything right, you're still only getting a small percentage of responses. After searching in vain for something you can improve, you're eventually forced to confront the truth: dating is, to some degree, a numbers game.

It can be a heard concept for anyone to accept. If you're doing everything right, why aren't they falling at your feet? Well, for one thing, dating is still subjective, sometimes based on the strangest of gut decisions. Even the most attractive stars will not be every single person's cup of tea; for us mere mortals, it's all the more difficult.

Perhaps you're not doing too badly, on average, but “on average” means there are weeks when nothing goes your way. How can you avoid becoming burned out on the online dating scene? How do you protect your heart from getting too bruised?

Well, first you can accept the nature of a numbers game. You wouldn't expect to win a poker tournament every single time; if you wrote a novel, you wouldn't expect it would be wanted by every single publisher. In essence, part of it is developing a thicker skin.

The other part involves caring only to a point. Don't get me wrong, you don't want to send out tons of copy-and-paste emails to anyone who remotely matches your criteria. However, once you identify the interesting people and send out a short, personalized email... forget about them. Don't worry about it until you get a positive response. No sense working yourself up in the meantime, especially as you recognize the nature of a numbers game.

It can be a fine line to walk between caring too much and not enough. Still, attempting to follow these basic guidelines could improve your endurance to the point where eventually your patience is rewarded. After all, though dating can be exhausting and full of dead ends, it's possible you only need it to work out once.

The trouble with gay online dating? Choices. It's no secret that there's been huge backlash from the gay community on eHarmony's unwillingness to cater to same-sex couples. However, they've recently launched a new site "powered by eHarmony" exclusively for gay and lesbian relationships. If you're looking for a same-sex partner, the online dating sites can be trying to navigate since they're generally focused towards heterosexual couples. However, we've put together a list of four sites you might want to try if you want to delve into gay online dating. After all - you want to find a date, too!

CompatiblePartners.com: Powered by eHarmony, Compatible Partners is based on their no-search model and caters exclusively to the gay online dating community. Meant more for the person who is seeking a long-term relationship and something less casual, they deliver your matches straight to you and there is no searching. When you sign up, you fill out an extensive questionnaire and then the Compatible Partners system sends you matches based on that questionnaire and your personality profile. It's certainly not the least expensive gay online dating service, but eHarmony's platform and interface are enjoyed by a multitude of members. It might be worth a shot if you're looking for long-term and not just Friday night.

Match.com: It's true - the most popular online dating site offers options for gay online dating. With reasonably-prices membership plans (and always some sort of promotional offer going on), the sign-up process is simple and you control the searching and connecting. Their straightforward interface and broad membership base makes it a favorite.

Gay.com: With over 3 million members and more joining every day, it's one of the fastest growing gay online dating sites on the web. There are two membership types here: free and premium. The premium membership allows you access photos real-size as well as private and adult photos, grants extensive chat-based privileges and more.

Chemistry: Yes, this is the sister company of Match.com and it follows more of the eHarmony model - they bring the matches to you. They used to have a significant market advantage before eHarmony launched CompatiblePartners.com, but the premise is still the same: lengthy questionnaire, matches suggested each day based on your responses, no searching and geared towards those seeking long-term, committed relationships.

When constructing an online dating profile, we typically try to appeal to as broad a range of readers as possible. We try to display all aspects of our personality: we like to go out on the town, but we also like to stay in and watch a movie. We like to have fun, but we don't need to be the center of attention.

We want to be the best of both worlds, but what do we do when we're actually a little more one-sided? What if you're terribly shy, and you really don't like to go out on the town? What if you're content to always be in the wings?

To put it simply, don't lie. Yes, you want to appear attractive, and maybe you think showing a “balanced” nature will help your chances of getting a first-contact email. However, what do you do when you're planning your first date? Or your second? When do you admit you fudged the truth on your profile – when you're having a panic attack in the middle of a club?

All misrepresenting yourself will do is add stress and ultimately add an extra hurdle in your relationship. So we've established you don't want to lie; what should you do if you feel you're not well-rounded enough?

Essentially, embrace your personality and interests – and play them up in a non-negative way. Don't say you don't know how to have fun; say you're not a party girl or barfly. Say you're most comfortable in an intimate setting – don't say you're uncomfortable in large crowds. Instead of saying you have no fashion sense, why not say it's quirky, eccentric? Better yet, explain that it's simply not important to you – and then talk about what is.

Ultimately, someone will love you for who you are, not who you're trying to be. Instead of trying to sort through fact and fiction, represent yourself accurately from the beginning, and you'll be that much closer to finding someone who is truly compatible.