Money and Dating: Maybe He's not Cheap after All

Advice
  • Saturday, June 19 2010 @ 08:52 am
  • Contributed by:
  • Views: 1,806

You've been on a few dates with a man who seems great---good-looking, kind, engaging, and interested in you. You're having a great time, until the bill comes and he doesn't reach for it, so you end up paying.

Is this a sign that he's cheap?

Maybe, but maybe not. It might be a misunderstanding rather than something more entrenched in his personality. Communication is key, so if something is bothering you, it's best to have a conversation about it sooner than later. But before you write him off for bad dating behavior, there are a few things to consider.

  • Has he paid for all of your previous dates with no argument or hesitation? If he has, maybe he wants a little reciprocity so he knows you're interested. After all, paying for dates shouldn't be the sole responsibility of the man---I always advocate whoever does the asking does the paying. This way, both of you can show each other you're interested. Ask him out and treat him next time!
  • Does he have difficult financial obligations? Perhaps he's divorced with large alimony or child support payments, or saddled with a mortgage because he wanted to buy a home. Instead of judging him for what he can't afford on a date, commend him for being responsible for his finances and not trying to overspend to impress. If you would rather be wined and dined, maybe this isn't the right guy for you.
  • Does he treat servers with respect? This is a big indicator of what kind of person he is, despite his financial situation. If he is respectful and friendly and tips appropriately, this is a good sign of how he will treat you. Actions speak louder than words in this case.
  • Is he generous with you in other ways? Perhaps he doesn't bring you flowers or jewelry, but does he remember to choose your favorite bottle of wine, or make time to pick you up from the mechanic when you need a ride? A man who shows he's paying attention in thoughtful ways is better in the long run than a man who pays for things but doesn't show up when it counts.