Advice

Even if you fancy yourself smoother than the lovechild of Casanova and Don Juan, you're bound to run into some situations that leave you feeling lost. There's no way to avoid every uncomfortable or confusing situation you might find yourself in, but with a little practice you can learn to make your dating life as stress-free as possible.

Ever wondered what to do if...?

1) If you're concerned that your date might be married, or dishonest in any other way, trust your instincts. Ask them directly, and watch for signs of guilt or defensiveness. If you still have doubts after speaking with them, go with your gut.

2) If you ask for a phone number or email address, use it. Never ask for contact information if you don't actually plan to get in touch with someone. It's never fair to lead someone on.

3) If you're unsure of what kind of pictures to post on an online dating profile, follow these simple rules:

• Put the drink down. Unless you're only looking for a party-buddy with keg-standing abilities that match your own superhuman talent, limit the number of photos that feature alcoholic beverages.
• It should go without saying, but resist the urge to use photos that are old or aren't really you. it's always a bad idea to create expectations in a date's mind that you can't possibly meet. In fact, some online daters intentionally post photos in which they don't look their best, so that dates are pleasantly surprised when they meet in person.
• Your ex's are out of the picture - so keep them out of your pictures. Photos of you cuddling with former significant others do not belong on your profile. Potential dates will not see a future with you if they think you're stuck in the past.

4) If you're feeling under the weather when you have a date scheduled, politely cancel it. It might feel rude, but trust me - postponing a date is infinitely less rude than spending a date blowing your nose and hacking up balls of phlegm.

5) If you don't know how manage an online love life, follow these quick tips:

• Spend time crafting a profile that's actually good. You can find tons of profile-writing advice on this site, for instance here and here.
• Respond appropriately to rejection. Rejection happens to everyone, so handle it with grace. Don't bombard someone with angry emails because they didn't respond to a message.
• Spend as little time communicating online as possible, once you've made a connection with someone you're interested in. Emails are nice, but phone calls are better. And the longer you communicate with someone remotely, the less likely you are to meet in person.

6) If a date doesn't go as planned, end things respectfully. Thank your date for the nice time and be honest about your feelings, rather than allowing them to think you're still interested or simply disappearing. Burn as few bridges as possible.

When people find out you've dedicated yourself to studying relationships, offering dating advice, and helping singles find love, they inevitably have a lot of questions.

How do I find a man who's x, y, and z?

How do I write an online dating profile that actually gets noticed?

How do I approach a woman?

How do I ask someone for their number?

How do I go in for the kiss without being rejected?

If you've thought it, I've probably heard it. But one question always strikes me as the most interesting: If you could give me one piece of advice - just one - what would it be?

It's a difficult question to answer - I've learned so many fascinating things over the years and I want to share them all! - but one piece of advice always stands out from the crowd: If you want to meet the person of your dreams, create an amazing, irresistible lifestyle.

Meeting your match is about more than understanding body language and knowing the perfect opening line - it's about being, at your core, an interesting and attractive person.

Rather than having to chase after love for the rest of your life, wouldn't you rather be the kind of person that others want to pursue? A happy and fulfilling love life starts with being happy and fulfilled in the rest of your life. A person who has a negative attitude, a job they hate, and doesn't spend time doing the things they're passionate about is not someone you want to spend your life with, On the other hand, a person who sets goals and pursues them, has a positive outlook, indulges in hobbies they enjoy, and has a career they love is extremely attractive.

To put it simply: when you have an amazing life, others will want to be a part of it.

So how do you become the positive, energetic, passionate, well-rounded, interesting individual that everyone will want to meet? How do you create a lifestyle that you love, and that naturally attracts other equally-amazing people into your life?

There's no easy way to do it - it takes some soul-searching and a lot of hard work and dedication - but it's worth every minute you spend, because the outcome is much more than a blossoming love life. Developing an attractive lifestyle will improve all areas of your life, from your career, to your friendships, to your physical health.

Continue on to Part II for a few tips on creating a life you love.

From the time we’re children, we’re learning the rules of attraction, flirtation, and dating. Just by existing out in the world, watching television and movies, and observing friends and family, children learn how to express affection, how to communicate with others, and more. But what do you do if your models are less than ideal? If your parents’ divorce was a blessing, if your friends and family were exhibiting dysfunctional behavior?

Well, as with so many things, just questioning yourself about these issues is probably a good sign. If all the sub-optimal relationships you were exposed to were in your childhood, I would take a moment to remember that you never stop learning, never stop absorbing information. You’ve probably been exposed to hundreds of thousands of messages about relationships that have nothing to do with your past. If you have a very specific problem, of course that’s best talked about with a professional; however, if you’re just generally concerned, it can’t hurt to seek out positive examples of healthy relationships, learn new habits and ways of communicating.

However, even adults can be thrown for a loop now and again, when they’re reminded that very little in the world is a perfect working model. “My aunt and uncle had the picture-perfect relationship,” Ruth tells me. “I could always look at them to see how to best handle a situation. Sometimes I’d even ask myself what they would do. I wanted my marriage to be just like theirs, someday. And now they’re getting a divorce, and it turns out their marriage wasn’t perfect at all!”

It’s always a bit of a shock when the couple that seemed to have it all together splits up; it’s worse if they were a role model. However, just because a relationship ultimately ended doesn’t mean everything you observed was useless. Relationships end for many varied, complicated reasons, that might have absolutely nothing to do with the public side you observed. If you’ve learned something that’s helped you, keep using it! Remember: each relationship is between two unique individuals. No relationship is exactly the same, so it’s always good policy to use what works for your situation, and discard what doesn’t.

You aren’t the sum total of everything you’ve observed in your life. Even if you were, a relationship also contains another individual, with their own life of observation and quirks. With the two of you communicating openly and working together, any relationship has a chance of success.

You've logged on to your favorite dating site only to find the same matches you've had for the last week appear..again. You start to search through new profiles, feeling a sense of overwhelm and hopelessness. None of your choices seem like good options, no matter how many you look through.

Or perhaps you haven't checked your matches in several weeks, because the thought of putting any more effort into an online dating search seems futile. After all, you went on five bad dates in a row. It's not worth it.

Regardless of why you're bored or unhappy with your online dating experience, there are some tips to help renew your search and put you in a better frame of mind. After all, you won't get any closer to meeting the right person if you don't put yourself out there and keep trying. It's a numbers game, so keep an open mind and a little perseverance.

Remove the pressure. Instead of making your search an all-or-nothing process, recognize that all of your dates have something to offer, whether or not they are right for you. Dating is good practice for sorting out qualities that you do and don't want in a relationship. If you look at each date as a learning experience rather than a quest for Mr. or Miss Right, you can have fun in the moment. Shouldn't dating be more fun and less pressure anyway?

Wait it out. If you've been on a string of bad dates, it is hard to get excited about the next one. Give yourself a break and take a couple of weeks off from looking at your matches. Go out with your friends and do something that makes you happy. Come back refreshed and ready to start again.

Change your filters. Are you matching with the same people over and over, even on different sites? Chances are you've set your filters a little too rigidly. Increase the radius of your search from 10 miles to 50 miles. Increase your age limits. Rethink your preferences, like those candidates with certain professions or interests. Try dating a cop or a nurse instead of entrepreneurs. Try dating someone who likes bike riding even though you prefer academic, bookish types.

Email him/her now. You might have a list of "maybes" in your saved searches, so you haven't reached out. Or maybe you've winked at someone hoping to get a response. Stop waiting and start emailing, because the only way to get to a date is to get the process going. Be bold! What are you waiting for?

When you meet someone on the Internet first, and then prepare to meet them in person for the first time, it can be a nerve-wracking experience. Whether it’s a friend or a romantic interest, someone with whom you’ve only exchanged a few emails or someone with whom you’ve been chatting for years, the experience is very much the same. As you head out to see the for the first time, bearing these few facts in mind might make everything go more smoothly.

First, no matter how compatible you are (as friends or more), it will be a little awkward, even if just for a few minutes. It’s strange adjusting to seeing a living, breathing person in front of you; to adjusting your communication style to something less familiar. It’s okay to feel strange at first; they probably are too. Making a joke to address the tension and break the ice - “Where’s my keyboard?” - isn’t a bad idea; by addressing that you both feel a little strange, you’re essentially putting the two of you on the same team. By having the freedom to feel awkward, you give yourself the freedom to get past it all the more quickly.

It’s very rare that someone has a completely different personality from what they display on the internet, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to be exactly the same. The internet allows people to be a little more uninhibited, a little louder. Sending emails affords the time to edit and be clever. What you see in person is someone “live,” in real time, and quite possibly a little more shy and quiet (at least until they warm up). Again, if they’re a little different it doesn’t mean they’ve been lying or hiding their true personalities; it’s just a slightly different aspect of the same person. Don’t be bewildered at the difference.

Finally, no matter how many pictures you’ve seen of the person you’re about to meet, they will look slightly different in person. Maybe they’ll be smaller, or look better or worse; most of the time, they just look a bit different. It’s the nature of photography, of freezing only a tiny moment or just one certain angle. Even a completely unedited, honest photo isn’t a true representation of the living, 3D-person you’re going to meet. Don’t be alarmed if a quick scan of a coffee shop or restaurant doesn’t have your potential match leaping out at you - your brain is used to looking at only a certain collection of images, not a looking for a real person.

These facts, small and insignificant as they may seem, have been known to cause panic in people who are meeting for the first time. By being aware of the uncertainty you may feel, you can recognize it for what it really is - entirely natural - and cast it aside. Then, you can focus on what’s really important: the person you’re about to meet.

Confidence is a strong character factor especially for singles searching for other singles. It's a virtual turn-on because people can sense if you're confident or not. You don't have to be a contestant in a Miss Universe contest or be a Mr. Muscle Man to draw other singles to you.

Though money, clothes and other material things may help boost up confidence, the true sense of confidence should come from within the person. Even your physical features are nothing without confidence.

Study what goes through your mind. Do you talk what goes through your mind in confidence? Or do you have self-pity over what the past has done to you? Do you keep putting yourself down? Perhaps you are so full of fear that you only conceive yourself as a failure even if you're not.

Do you recall the old song, 'The Greatest Love'? Recall the chorus that goes something like this: "I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I lived as I believe. No matter what they say or do, they can't take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all inside of me."

Remember the times you passed your exams in college? How did you get that much-coveted job? Or when you helped your best friend overcome his struggles? In all of the above, how confident were you in doing these things?

Your strengths, talents and weaknesses are all inside of you and only you can determine how strong your confidence can be. Everything that you did in the past entailed a certain amount of risk so there's nothing different when it comes to the risks of a first date or finding a true love or committed relationship.

Perhaps another thing you should stop doing is to compare yourself to other people. You can never be anyone else but yourself. You cannot be a Tom Cruise or a Matt Damon. You need to stop saying 'I could never do that.' There is only one you and what you can do is different from others. You may be a carpenter or furniture maker but, others are not. We think George Clooney could never make good cabinets like you can.

The name of the game is being realistic. That's all there is. Everyone faces the common tasks of everyday struggles in different phases.

Remember, only you have the power to make a difference. Start today, take steps to build your own self-image. Take the time to talk to and help strangers, the benefits can be tremendous.