When Role Models Model Bad Behavior
- Wednesday, June 22 2011 @ 09:07 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,720
From the time we’re children, we’re learning the rules of attraction, flirtation, and dating. Just by existing out in the world, watching television and movies, and observing friends and family, children learn how to express affection, how to communicate with others, and more. But what do you do if your models are less than ideal? If your parents’ divorce was a blessing, if your friends and family were exhibiting dysfunctional behavior?
Well, as with so many things, just questioning yourself about these issues is probably a good sign. If all the sub-optimal relationships you were exposed to were in your childhood, I would take a moment to remember that you never stop learning, never stop absorbing information. You’ve probably been exposed to hundreds of thousands of messages about relationships that have nothing to do with your past. If you have a very specific problem, of course that’s best talked about with a professional; however, if you’re just generally concerned, it can’t hurt to seek out positive examples of healthy relationships, learn new habits and ways of communicating.
However, even adults can be thrown for a loop now and again, when they’re reminded that very little in the world is a perfect working model. “My aunt and uncle had the picture-perfect relationship,” Ruth tells me. “I could always look at them to see how to best handle a situation. Sometimes I’d even ask myself what they would do. I wanted my marriage to be just like theirs, someday. And now they’re getting a divorce, and it turns out their marriage wasn’t perfect at all!”
It’s always a bit of a shock when the couple that seemed to have it all together splits up; it’s worse if they were a role model. However, just because a relationship ultimately ended doesn’t mean everything you observed was useless. Relationships end for many varied, complicated reasons, that might have absolutely nothing to do with the public side you observed. If you’ve learned something that’s helped you, keep using it! Remember: each relationship is between two unique individuals. No relationship is exactly the same, so it’s always good policy to use what works for your situation, and discard what doesn’t.
You aren’t the sum total of everything you’ve observed in your life. Even if you were, a relationship also contains another individual, with their own life of observation and quirks. With the two of you communicating openly and working together, any relationship has a chance of success.
Well, as with so many things, just questioning yourself about these issues is probably a good sign. If all the sub-optimal relationships you were exposed to were in your childhood, I would take a moment to remember that you never stop learning, never stop absorbing information. You’ve probably been exposed to hundreds of thousands of messages about relationships that have nothing to do with your past. If you have a very specific problem, of course that’s best talked about with a professional; however, if you’re just generally concerned, it can’t hurt to seek out positive examples of healthy relationships, learn new habits and ways of communicating.
However, even adults can be thrown for a loop now and again, when they’re reminded that very little in the world is a perfect working model. “My aunt and uncle had the picture-perfect relationship,” Ruth tells me. “I could always look at them to see how to best handle a situation. Sometimes I’d even ask myself what they would do. I wanted my marriage to be just like theirs, someday. And now they’re getting a divorce, and it turns out their marriage wasn’t perfect at all!”
It’s always a bit of a shock when the couple that seemed to have it all together splits up; it’s worse if they were a role model. However, just because a relationship ultimately ended doesn’t mean everything you observed was useless. Relationships end for many varied, complicated reasons, that might have absolutely nothing to do with the public side you observed. If you’ve learned something that’s helped you, keep using it! Remember: each relationship is between two unique individuals. No relationship is exactly the same, so it’s always good policy to use what works for your situation, and discard what doesn’t.
You aren’t the sum total of everything you’ve observed in your life. Even if you were, a relationship also contains another individual, with their own life of observation and quirks. With the two of you communicating openly and working together, any relationship has a chance of success.
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