Profiles

Guys, ever read through profiles on your favorite dating site and said, "Dang, these girls have BAD ATTITUDES!! They all have this paragraph of reasons NOT to write! What gives?"

To answer this question, let's take a look at the average woman's experience with online dating.

Enter Girl Average

Girl Average is ... well, average. She's girl-next-door cute, but not a knockout supermodel. As far as her profile, she's got the typical interests of a person in her age group. Sports, dining out, movies, hiking, nothing terribly out of the ordinary.

As soon as her profile goes live, Girl Average begins to receive anywhere from 1-10 emails a day. This is because her profile is flagged "new" by her dating site and her mug is being featured in both search results and in emails to the guys who have requested to see fresh meat via email as soon as it's available. The email storm dies down once the new batch of fresh meat goes live on the site.

A lot of these emails will be from trigger happy men who are hoping to "scoop" her off the market before other, better guys come along. They think that a totally sweet pickup line or a compliment about how she fills out her sweater is the way to woo a girl. They also totally ignore any indications that they're the wrong guy.

"So what if she says she doesn't want guys over 35? I'm a young 52!"
"She won't mind that I'm a high school dropout when she sees my pecs!"
"I won't mention my divorce isn't final yet. Hopefully she won't ask..."

I remember one email I received very vividly, because it was both ridiculous and hilarious. It was in the first week that I'd activated my Love@AOL account (back in the day before they were eaten by Match.com). I received an email that I can quote from beginning to end:

Subject: Hey
U R hot. Email me.

Oh, and that's not the end of it. The attachment was a picture he had taken of himself. Wait, it gets better. He was holding the camera between his legs. Oh, that's not it! You could see the tip of his... member, large as life, at the bottom of the photo. In fact, the camera focused more on that than his face, which was a bit fuzzy in the background.

Now, I'm no prude, but sending me a picture of your junk along with an email where you can't be bothered to spell out the words "you" and "are" does not make me leap to email you back. Especially not when there are better, more articulate men in my mailbox who are going to wait until we know each other better before revealing the cash n' prizes.

The more traditionally attractive the woman, the more of these ridiculous emails she receives. And actually, the more attractive the woman, the more ridiculous the emails become. It's no wonder that women online are adding this "bad attitude paragraphs to their profiles - they're trying to get fewer of these ridiculous emails!!

If you're guilty of sending these emails - STOP IT. Seriously. Give your dating life more thought and care and stop bothering these women, especially if you know you'd have no chance of being with them.

If you're not guilty - I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry that the lesser members of your gender are ruining things for you and turning the women of your dating site into jaded, picky ... witches. (Hey, it's almost October, right?) If you see a profile you really like that ends with one of these paragraphs, consider emailing the woman anyway. Chances are if you match her and you write something personalized and thoughtful, she'll turn out to be a good witch.

In these economic times, I'm sure that you've updated your resume. Whether you're out of work or afraid you might be soon, you have your resume shined up and ready for action. But unlike a resume, your dating profile is posted and up for viewing 24/7. Here are some ways your dating profile should be like your resume:

It's up to date
Most people only have to update their resume when they're changing jobs, but if you want to really make your resume impressive, you should update it with accomplishments and accolades from your current job while they're still fresh in your memory. Your dating profile needs to be updated with recent events as well - I recommend updating it with each season at a minimum. Make a reference to something you love or are looking forward to this season. For me? Pumpkin cheesecake. Yum!

It's not fill-in-the-blank
Nothing gets a resume fed to the shredder faster than looking like a Mad Lib. If you pulled up the Microsoft Word template for Resume and then pasted in information you found on a career site that sounded good about a job that was vaguely like yours, the HR folks can tell. If your dating profile reads like a Mad Lib, it's going to scream that you're boring and uncreative.

You've proofread - thrice!
Spelling and grammar are extremely important. Ask any HR rep and they'll tell you that mistakes cost you the job. While many people will overlook a mistake or two in your dating profile, if it's full of errors, you'll be labeled stupid (or at best, lazy). There are plenty of really intelligent people who are poor writers. That's not a problem. Embrace spelling and grammar check! Ask a friend to read it.

You tailor it for your goals
Your resume should highlight the skills and experience you have that is relevant to the job you wish to get. If you focus on the wrong things, your resume won't be as effective. Your dating profile should be written in a way that is irresistible to the person you want to attract. Describe your life in a way that makes that person say, "Wow! I need to contact him! He sounds like my type of person!"

Your career is important, but so is your love life. Keep your profile looking as sharp as your resume and you'll find love in no time!

Next on the list of words that kill your online dating profile is one that everyone THINKS is a good thing, but really isn’t something you should mention – monogamy.

You’re thinking, “But that’s a noble goal! It should be all about two people in love and faithful to one another forever and ever. Why would stating you want that be a bad thing?”

Sorry, friends. It’s another one of those things where the word says more about you than you realize.

Remember how using the phrase “no drama” implies you’ve experienced more than your share of drama? Well, using “monogamy” implies you’ve experienced more than your share of cheating. More specifically, you’ve been cheated on. Or, someone you are very close to has had their heart broken as a result of cheating.

No, I’m not psychic. (At least not most of the time!)

Remember that your first goal on a dating site is to get someone to write to you. You’re not asking for an exclusive relationship from the first email, or even the first date. For starters, you’re looking for someone with similar interests and a similar worldview.

Also, most cheaters either:

1) know they’ll always be cheaters and don’t care who they hurt in the process or 2) vow to themselves they’ll never cheat again.

Either way, they’re not going to avoid your profile simply because you say you want monogamy. (The #1s might because they’ll peg you as a difficult target, but there are always players that enjoy a challenge if you’re attractive enough to work harder to catch!)

The people who are going to give your profile a raised eyebrow are those who are always monogamous. (The very people you want to date!!) They’re going to think to themselves, “Hmmm, I wonder why it was important for her to mention monogamy. Did her last boyfriend cheat? Is she damaged goods?”

Pull the monogamy reference from your profile. It’s something you can discuss when it’s relevant – once you’ve met in the real world and decided to date each other exclusively.

If I had a nickel...

This is one of those online dating phrases that sadly has permeated the culture. People see it in other people’s profiles and think, “Wow, that’s a good idea!” and add it to theirs. What they’re spreading is a phrase that puts up big red flags and turns away perfectly good dates.

What’s this word?

Drama.

More specifically, in its many incarnations:

“No drama.”
“Tired of the drama...”
“I hate drama queens...”
“The only drama I like is on a stage or screen.”
Etc, etc.

Please, folks, pull those references from your profile ASAP. They’re not helping you, and in fact, they’re hurting you.

Here’s why they’re not helping:

1) Many people who are drama queens don’t realize they are.
2) How often have you known on a first, second, or third encounter that someone was a drama queen? Sure, it happens sometimes, but usually it’s something that comes up after knowing someone for a while.

Thus, advertising “NO DRAMA” in your profile does absolutely nothing to keep drama queens out of your life. A drama queen isn’t going to read your profile, see “No drama” and say to themselves, “OMG! I’m a drama queen, I shouldn’t message this person.” It’s just not going to happen. Sorry.

Here’s how it’s hurting:

1) It’s showing that you have had enough experience with drama in the past that you feel the need to mention it in your profile.
2) People may assume that you ATTRACT dramatic people due to this statement. And if there’s anything just as bad as a drama queen, it’s someone who seems to always attract drama queens.

Rethink what’s in your profile. Make every sentence count and be tailored to the good qualities of the person you’d like to meet. That’s the best way to get the results you want.

Match.com's Whitney Casey was on The Early Show Saturday Edition sharing some insiders secrets of what relationship experts find makes for a good online dating profile that will help you get notice and to avoid moves which will turn potential matches off.

First impressions count in online dating so your profile picture needs to be good. It should show your face clearly and smiling. Natural photos are best (instead of a head shoot from your local photographer). Black and white photos and photos cropped from others are not recommended.

Casey suggests to answer the who, what, when, where and why in your profile questions along with anything you feel strongly about like smoking or for example, you only date guys who are taller than you. Above all Casey says to be honest in your profile. Think of it as a type of resume.

For a video of this segment on The Early Show, visit CBS News and to find out more about this dating site, read our Match.com review.

There are several words that kill your online dating profile. I’m going to start with a tricky one first – I. I know, you’re thinking:

“This profile is about ME! How can I write about myself without using the word I?”

Let me give you an example of how the word I can kill a dating profile. I’ll use a before and after from my site Geek’s Dream Girl.

Before:

I am an optimistic person. I always try to find the good in things and in people. I am very laid-back and easy-going. It takes a lot to get me mad. I can laugh at myself. I am easily amused. I love to smirk and laugh. I am dependable. I am punctual, loyal, trustworthy, and truthful. I am also very trusting which has been my downfall sometimes but that’s who I am. I am a geek. I love to read. Especially fantasy and science fiction. I also like computers and roleplaying games. I am very healthy. I love to cook. I would rather cook than eat out most of the time. I eat healthy. I exercise every day. I play softball for my work and am looking to join other sports. I take care of my body. I do not smoke and do not drink very much if at all. I am independent. I have my own house, truck, and live alone. I take care of myself and my two cats. I am clean and organized. I am a country person. I like camping, fishing, hiking, etc. I love the rain.

Notice how nearly every sentence begins with the word I. Not only is this poor form in writing, it also sends a message that this guy is all about himself. I, I, I. Me, me, me.

That’s definitely not the message you want to send when you’re looking to share your life with a special someone. Not into yourself? A profile full of I’s can also indicate someone who is very self-conscious. That’s not a vibe you want to put out there, either.

Here’s his profile after my makeover:

Why go out to eat when you can have a wholesome home-cooked meal? You’ll find me conquering a mini-golf course, knocking down pins at the bowling alley, catching fish, working out, or watching a good game of hockey, but it’s rare to find me at a restaurant unless I’m with a group of friends. My mom taught me how to cook and it’s so satisfying to eat a meal that I have prepared myself from start to finish. I pride myself on my recipe for quiche – not only is it fun to make, it’s delicious!

My match might be found at the local bookstore, paddling a canoe down a river, or hitting some softballs out of the park. She’s passionate about her interests and curious about mine, so we’d always have plenty to talk about and learn from each other. Would you like to be my sous chef, co-chef, or taste tester? Send me an email and let’s create a culinary masterpiece together!

Take a look at your profile. Can you rewrite some of those I statements and make yourself appear more open and receptive for others?