Tips

If you've tuned in to CNN or TheFrisky.com this week, they're laying down the law when it comes to ladies who want to date older men. While many women (and men) seek mates close tot their own age, there are always those who prefer to or happen to fall for a man who's their senior (and not by a year or two, either). Granted, there's always the appeal of the frat boy's spry nature and the youthful exuberance of someone your age, here are some tips to guide you through being the best mate possible to an older man.

Pop Culture References

Here's the bottom line: when dating an older man, you're typically facing not only a generation gap. It's more like a generation chasm. You're both going to be operating on different sets of cultural events that shaped (and continue to shape) who you are, so go into the older man scenario with an open mind. He's not necessarily going to be hip to everything in today's hip hop music scene that's blaring over the radio wave and you might not see the lasting importance in bands like Van Halen and The Who. If you can remember that each generation has its gems, you'll be in a great position to be a great mate for an older date!

Ditch the Kid Routine

You're looking for a mate, not a daddy. Keep that in mind with every older date encounter you have. And it's very possible that, in some situations, your date might have older children - he's not looking to raise another one! Leave the needy kid routine at home and be a companion and romantic interest, not another child he has to raise. If you find a dude who wants to keep you in some bizarre child-like state, that's ground for ditching him.

Align Your Goals

Younger women are at different points in their lives than the older men they might seek to date. You may want children and he already has two or three. You might want to buckle-down with your career for the next ten years while he's catching the travel bug. There's not age limit on love but it's best to define certain things going into a May-December relationship. Having those honest conversations about expectations and needs early can save you the heartache later down the line.

The Importance of Being Yourself

As is true with any relationship, you should focus on being yourself. Many times, your maturity levels will be different when dating an older man. You won't expect him to join you and your girlfriends for a night of shots as it's likely he's past that stage (and happily so). Contrarily, you may not find the joy in an early morning round of golf when he's perfectly content getting up at 5am to hit the links on a Saturday. When you give your partner the room to be themselves in a relationship, it doesn't matter that your interests differ. It matters that you respect one another for what makes them happy. It's understanding that sometimes, the time we spend alone is what makes us a better partner in the long run when we're with our mate.

Don't lose yourself to someone else's priorities and be honest with yourself about what you want for yourself. Making sure you're feeding your YOU isn't mutually exclusive with being a great mate and it's more important than ever when you're facing age differences and varying lifestyles.

In Conclusion

No matter who you decide to date and their age, being a strong, independent woman will go miles. Don't expect someone else to complete you and do for yourself. Anything you get from a partner should be a bonus and not an entitlement. You're a great YOU and there's the perfect man out there who will appreciate that you!

We all get busy with work, and sometimes we have to put friendships and dating on hold to finish an important project. But what happens when we work overtime on a regular basis, and find ourselves cancelling our dates at the last minute over and over again?

This happened to me when I was online dating. During my lunch breaks, I would send off emails confirming plans, only to find myself still at my desk well after 8pm, canceling with plans with Tom or Jim or Carl for the third time in a row. How could I ever meet anyone if there was always something more important to do at work?

The simple answer is (which took a long time for me to come to term with): my life is more important than my work. Sure, everyone is thankful for their jobs right now if they have them, but that doesn't mean we have to be slaves to our laptops. Our personal lives matter, too.

Following are some things to keep in mind if you find yourself too busy with work to date:

• Remember that your dates are busy, too. Maybe they had deadlines or projects to finish, just like you. They are making sacrifices with their own time in order to meet you, with no expectations that the date would lead to a relationship. Offer them the same courtesy and keep a date when you set it.

• Are you using work as an excuse? Sometimes it's easier to back out on a date when we make ourselves busy at work. I was guilty of this. It takes courage to continue dating and putting yourself out there. When you follow through, even if the date doesn't go well, you at least took another step towards meeting the right one.

• Create boundaries at work. Everyone is entitled to personal time, including those who are single. You might not have the excuse of picking the kids up from daycare, but you do have a life and you shouldn't put it aside. If you have a date scheduled and you're asked to stay late at the last minute, it's ok to say no.

• Put aside the PDA when you're on a date. Ok, you've made it to the date, but are you checking your emails and texts every few minutes, just to make sure everything is ok at work? This isn't helpful for dating. If you really want to meet someone, then give your dates time and consideration without all the distractions. Leave your phone off.

You've been emailing and having great conversations over the phone, and now your latest online romance wants to meet you in person.

The excitement of a first date is contagious, and you often would like to recreate the chemistry you had over the phone, and may get a little carried away with what you disclose. Remember, you are still getting to know your date, no matter how many great conversations you've shared. First impressions are key. Concentrate on making it fun and light.

Here are some guidelines to keep in mind when you start talking:

1. Keep your exes to yourself. This isn't a church confessional, and you don't have to share the details of past boyfriends or girlfriends to your date. If you ramble on about what went wrong in the relationship, or how wrong your ex was for you, it tends to backfire and make you look like you're bitter or pining. Do yourself and your date a favor and leave the exes out of it.

2. Don't advocate your political opinions. Even if you and your date both consider yourselves politically similar, everyone has differences of opinion. If you want to argue your point of view and get into a debate on the first date, do yourself a favor and stop. You risk alienating your date and coming across as intolerant or judgmental.

3. Don't go on about your job. Sure, you might think that you have the most interesting work environment that's ever been, but your date probably won't think so. Instead of going on and on about it and making him feel more left out, keep references to a minimum. It's a better idea to share and ask questions about career interests, rather than recount the daily office drama.

4. Refrain from sharing your health history. I have a friend who starts off most dates listing her ailments, or what she is suffering from lately. Needless to say, it doesn't help her in winning over men that interest her. Of course, there are exceptions if you are dealing with a serious disease that you feel it necessary to disclose right away. But for most daters, instead of feeling the need to share your problems upfront, consider it a healthier decision to keep the conversation light on the first date.

5. Keep it light. I've been on many dates where men felt the need to share their anger and frustrations with me right away...whether it's about work, women they've dated, or family issues. This left me feeling overwhelmed rather than connected. I would have rather spent the date talking about his dog or his favorite TV show---something that might be boring but not so heavy. Heavy conversation on a first date can quickly kill budding chemistry.

When you are online dating, the first email message is one of your most important selling tools (aside from your profile of course). It can persuade someone who might have overlooked your profile to reconsider. Do you know how to effectively engage someone over email?

Consider the following when first communicating with your online matches:

• Spell words fully and correctly. An email isn't a text message, so people are less forgiving when they see poor grammar and spelling. Instead of trying to be cute and saying "how r u?", try something more substantial. You don't have a 72-character limit on email, so give it a go!

• Be specific. Instead of sending a generic compliment or question, read her profile and ask about something related. For instance, if she says she likes to travel, ask her about her favorite trip and tell her (briefly) about a great travel experience you've had. This will show her that you paid attention and are genuinely interested.

• Don't mass email. I've said this before, but it's so important. If you are sending the same email to multiple people, it's pretty obvious to the reader. Don't expect many responses unless you take the time to personalize each one.

• Don't just compliment appearance. If he/she is good looking, he's heard it before and you want to stand out from the crowd. Instead of writing a general compliment about how beautiful she is, go specific and ask her about an activity or hobby she mentions in her profile.

• Be brief. There is no reason to write a novel for a first email, since you are really only introducing yourself and trying to engage him in conversation. Keep it to a few sentences, and again focus on your match's profile.

Most importantly, if matches aren't responding to your emails, it's important to review to see where changes could be made. If you keep sending the same types of emails and receive no response, try something different! Communication is key when it comes to dating, and improving your emailing skills goes a long way in making you a great candidate.

Texting is fast becoming the primary means of communication between two daters. Phone calls take too much time, and emailing seems to be as archaic as sending a letter through the mail. Texting is efficient and timely, and requires little effort. What's not to like?

Unfortunately, texting leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding. Before you hit the send button next time, consider the following:

• DON'T text when you are drunk or angry. If you are drunk, you'll likely say things you wouldn't normally say and create unnecessary drama or confusion. If you are angry, pick up the phone and talk it out. It's difficult to communicate a point effectively in 10 words, and will only lead to more of a mess.
• DON'T avoid breaking bad news by texting instead of calling. Sure, it's difficult to have the "break-up" conversation, or to tell someone you can't make it to see her, but pick up the phone to deliver the news rather than texting. When you text bad news it shows a lack of courtesy and respect.
• DO text before a first date to confirm that you are on your way, or where and when you are meeting. It's nice to keep your date posted if you are stuck in traffic or saving a table at a restaurant. It shows your interest as well.
• DO respond quickly to a text. Most people have their phones with them all the time, so they are likely to question your interest if you don't respond with a simple text right away. By the same token, DON'T text someone again if they do not respond to your text. If you send the "are u there??" messages, it makes you look a little desperate and they will be even less likely to respond.
• DON'T have long conversations over text. If you want to ask someone how they are doing it's acceptable. But if you want to go back and forth about politics or religion, it's probably best to do over the phone or in person.

Texting is a convenient form of communication, but it shouldn't be the only way you interact with your dates. Remember, it is meant to be brief and easy.

Your friends are bugging you to get out of the house and go do something. They don't understand why you're single. They've told you to try online dating, but you have no idea where to begin! Stop sweating the process and put yourself out there once and for all. It doesn't take much to get started in the world of online dating - it just takes about 30 minutes, a friend, and a sense of humor. Ready? Set...DATE!

Online Dating Tip #1: Pick a Site - ANY Site!

There are so many online dating sites to choose from that it can be daunting to have to choose ONE (we know!). Choose one of the main ones like Match.com, Matchmaker or Date.com. Once you get familiar in these types of sites, you can start to explore the more specific ones that target certain cultures or lifestyles. But to get yourself going, keep it simple and go with one of the major players in the online dating arena.

Online Dating Tip #2: Fill Out Your Profile - COMPLETELY

This is why we're telling you to pick only one online dating site to start with. Profiles take time to complete and you want to be as thorough as possible. If you're a terrible typist, enlist the help of a keyboard wiz friend to help you through the profile building process. You can talk while they type and thus speed the process along. However - don't discount the value of a completely filled-out profile. It lets those searching know that you care enough about the dating process to put in the effort. Nothing but upside!

Online Dating Tip #3: Snap a Photo

It's OK if it's one in front of your computer - just make sure it's recent and clear! This is why we recommend that you start the online dating profile process with a buddy (because those self-portrait shots are SOOO awesome). Do your best to try and put up at least three different shots in your profile but don't take them all in front of the closet door. Try different rooms, a different shirt or head to your local park. If you can, make one a bit goofy - it shows you're human!

Online Dating Tip #4: Set Up a Special Email Account

Don't send your online dating emails to your regular personal or work email account. Go to Hotmail, Yahoo! or Gmail and set up an account specifically for your online dating site communications. This does a couple different things. It keeps you from being distracted during your work day, it prevents the inadvertent release of your private or work account to someone and it keeps your regular inbox clear of messages until you're ready to look at them.

Online Dating Tip #5: Invest!

It takes time to get into the swing of the online dating scene, so if you don't invest the time, you're unlikely to see any results. It's not unlike retirement. If you don't put money away, you won't have any! So check your email and messages regularly, perform new searches, look at new profiles. You're telling yourself that it's AOK to be where you are and be in search of someone to add to your life. People like that don't fall from the sky - engage, have a dialogue, and know that everyone you have coffee with isn't going to be a prince or princess. That makes finding the special one all the more special, though!

For the number one recommended dating site by singles, read our review of Match.com.