Long Term

Dating looks vastly different in 2016, even compared to a few decades ago. But while our methods have changed, the mindset remains the same: at the end of it all, most of us are hoping to find “the one.”

Online dating can raise questions. Is it just about hookups? Will I actually meet anyone in person? Are there real people behind those profiles? How do I make a good impression on someone I’ve never seen face to face? Are there any signs that they could be something serious?

PlentyOfFish knows the struggle of finding a soulmate better than most, so they set out in search of answers. The popular dating site surveyed more than 1,100 former users who married someone who met on their site. After all, if those people don’t know the secrets to long-term love, who does?

According to Match’s Singles in America Study, most people are interested in long-term relationships, especially men. However, if you spend much time in the real world of online dating and dating apps, you see a different story unfold: most people are afraid to commit, less they lose their options for meeting other people.

It’s a double-edged sword: there are more options now thanks to apps like Tinder which have made meeting people online very easy, but there’s also the problem of choice as Aziz Ansari talks about in his book Modern Romance. When there are too many options, people tend to feel less satisfied with any one choice.

So what should daters do?

I read a Washington Post article recently penned by a single Mom, who used to find online dating a horrible, time-consuming experience. But since apps came into the picture and she’s able to swipe at any time, like say – between diaper changes or feedings, she finds it absolutely freeing. Dating apps have given her more confidence, because she knows that even when she has a bad date, she can always find someone else. At any time.

But for those of us who have experience looking for love for months or even years, you can start to feel a little bitter and exhausted from the process. After all, how many first dates can you go on before you feel like you’ve had the same conversations and met the same types over and over?

That’s why this summer I have a proposition: instead of looking for someone special, or jumping into a relationship too soon, or getting too excited about an online match before you’ve even met, try taking a step back. Swipe right on more profiles than you want. Try dating a range of people outside of a “type” you find most attractive.

And most importantly, date more than one person at a time. Really.

There’s no reason to continue with serial monogamy this summer, when you do have choices and you can explore your dating options a bit more than you have in the past. Instead of getting excited and let down, riding that roller coaster, try scheduling more dates and seeing all the people you can meet.

There’s no reason to fixate on one choice when you aren’t exclusive. Dating means exploring your options, testing the waters, and seeing who is out there. Plus, when you date outside your type, you are adding to your choices.

I’m not trying to stress out your already busy schedule, but why not take advantage of longer summer nights by keeping your options open? It can’t hurt. And you might have more fun when you don’t take things so seriously.

You turn to OkCupid for casual dating, Tinder for hookups, eHarmony for long-term love, and Ashley Madison for illicit extracurricular activity.

Or do you?

You may think you know which dating services are best for different kinds of relationships (and you’re probably very opinionated about it), but how do your favorites actually stack up when put to the test? A new survey by Consumers’ Research sought to find the dating app that is most likely to lead to a long-term relationship.

The educational organization looked at four popular online dating services for its research: Tinder, Match, eHarmony, and OkCupid. The two most popular options by far were Tinder and OkCupid, which comes as no surprise to anyone who reads the news. Consumers’ Research also found that tech savvy Millennials prefer to use multiple dating apps, instead of just one, to increase their odds of stumbling across someone special.

Well over half of the survey’s participants reported that they ended up in relationships for at least some period of time after using an online dating site or app. The question is, which service is most effective if you’re looking for a long-term relationship?

1. Match.com: The number one spot went to Match.com by a significant margin. Thirty-eight percent of users said they’d had a relationship that began on the site that lasted longer than a month. Thirty-three percent reported having relationships that lasted longer than six months. You can find our Match review here.
2. OkCupid: OkCupid landed in a respectable second place. Thirty-two percent of users had made it past the month mark with someone they’d met using the service. You can find our OkCupid review here.
3. eHarmony: Although they portray themselves as the go-to destination for serious relationships, eHarmony only secured third. Twenty-nine percent of users reported having a relationship of one month or more. eHarmony is the leader though with the most relationships formed by users of any dating service at 57%. You can find our eHarmony review here.
4. Tinder: In a confirmation of the prevailing sentiment, Tinder scored the lowest for those looking for a relationship that lasts. Only 13% reported relationships beyond the one month mark. You can find our Tinder review here.

The Consumers’ Research survey also examined online harassment. User experiences largely ran along gender lines, with around 57% of female respondents and only 21% of male respondents reporting experiencing harassment. The highest reports of harassment came from Tinder and OkCupid users at 39% and 38%, respectively.

Your best bet for avoiding the frogs and finding the princes (or princesses) is to be outgoing and proactive. The survey showed that while the majority of online daters average fewer than six new attempts to connect per day, those who send more messages end up in relationships more often. Increased interactions are linked with greater likelihood of winding up in relationships (of any length). Moral of the story? Get on Match and start messaging.

As ubiquitous as the phrase “Netflix and chill” now is, it's not surprising that the streaming site could impact your love life. According to a new study released by Netflix itself, the shows and movies you watch online do affect your search for a soulmate.

The study, which examined a sample of 1,008 Americans 18-39 years old, found that around one third of respondents (27%) said show compatibility was important. Yes, in 2016, 'show compatibility' is a real thing. Netflix even coined the term 'show goggles' – the psychological phenomenon resulting in a drastic change in perceived attractiveness based on taste in TV shows.

A quarter of respondents admitted to having show goggles, with 13% saying they would ask someone out solely based on if they liked similar shows. Men seemed to be more susceptible than women – 34% said they are likely to get smitten based on shared tastes in shows and movies.

As we date, Netflix helps us get closer. Fifty-eight percent of study participants said they bond over Netflix. Instead of asking questions over coffee, discussing movie and televeision preferences helps us get to know each other better. Sixty-five percent said they engage in negotiations while choosing what to watch, while 35% said they trade show for show.

The couple that streams together, stays together. Netflix continues to play a role as things get more serious. Sharing a Netflix account is now a modern milestone along the lines of going Facebook official. “More than half of respondents said sharing a Netflix account felt like a 'serious' step forward in the relationship,” reports Forbes, “and 17% said they would wait until getting engaged or married to share an account.”

And no, it doesn't end there. Once a relationship is established, Netflix plays an integral role in maintaining the closeness of that bond. Seventy-two percent of respondents who were married or in a relationship said that staying in and watching Netflix was a favourite way to spend date night.

What the study doesn't address is what happens if things don't work out. While some couples live happily ever after with their Netflix queues, binge-watching into the sunset together, others aren't so lucky. In the event of a break-up, who gets the joint Netflix account? Add that to the list of things that have to be divvied up, along with the social circle and the cat.

If you need to come up with the perfect date and a cupid-worthy gift. If this study is right, the pressure's off. All you need is a comfy couch and a Netflix subscription.

From the first date, to the first kiss, to your first time between the sheets, every new relationship is marked by a series of milestones. Every one you reach is thrilling and nerve-racking, and daters have wondered since the beginning of time how to hack the system.

A new survey from Match.com attempts to answer the question of when it's the 'right' time to cross each milestone. More than 2,000 men and women in the UK were surveyed in attempt to map out the journey of the average (as much as any relationship can be 'average') long-term relationship. Here's what they found.

Within Two Weeks

The Match.com chart starts at the logical beginning: the first date. According to Match's research, the first kiss happens immediately. In the next one to two weeks, a budding couple will hold hands for the first time. They will also sleep together for the first time in that period, although they won't stay the night.

Within A Month

After the two-week point, things take a slightly more serious turn. A new couple will get undressed in front of each other – but only with the lights off – within a month. They will also introduce each other to their respective best friends.

Within Six Months

The relationship solidifies over the first six months together. Couples buy each other their first birthday presents and begin to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. At five months comes one of the biggest milestones of all: saying 'I love you.' After that, the realities of a life together begin to sink in. Couples have their first argument around 170 days, reveal imperfections around 173 days, and introduce each other to parents before six months are up.

Within A Year

Couples become increasingly permanent fixtures in each other's lives during the first year. After six months have gone by, they are comfortable leaving toothbrushes at each other's bathrooms and having a drawer in each other's homes. Then comes the travel. At 204 days, they'll go away for a night together and at 298 days they'll take an entire vacation. Within a year, it's time to have a serious conversation about the future.

Over A Year

The biggest life milestones come after the one-year mark is reached. The average couple gets engaged at 743 days (around 2 years), gets a pet at 813 days, and buys a home together just before they reach three years. The average marriage comes at 1190 days, just over three years. Finally, the average couple has their first child together at 1422 days, after three years and 11 months together.

View the full flowchart from Match.com here and check our our Match.com review.

Online dating services like eHarmony and Chemistry.com have long emphasized their ability to find “quality” matches based on matchmaking algorithms. Even dating app Tinder, known as more of a hook-up app than a true matchmaking service, is getting in on the long-term love strategy. The company just released a new version, with updated algorithms that Tinder CEO Sean Rad maintains will lead to “more meaningful matches.”

Matching algorithms work like this: If you craft a profile with your interests, hobbies, income, and other descriptors, and you identify the qualities you are looking for in a match, then voila – the online dating site will find those candidates best suited for you. In other words, they will find people with similar preferences, interests, and backgrounds and match you together.

Which means that there’s a higher likelihood of the two of you falling in love and living happily ever after, right?

Not necessarily. Some writers point to research that says otherwise. As The Washington Post shared in a recent article: “Dating site algorithms are meaningless. They really don’t do anything. In fact, the research suggests that so-called ‘matching algorithms’ are only negligibly better at matching people than random chance.”

The reasons behind this conclusion are varied, but the basic idea is that chemistry between two people is highly variable. Just because you might match up well in theory, (and online), doesn’t mean that the spark will exist in real life. But the dating sites want you to believe otherwise.

There is an argument to be made that people who are considered “compatible” or who have the same background, communication style, or any number of factors in common might make better matches. And they might – or they might not. According to one very prominent study from 2012 conducted by Northwestern University’s Eli Finkel on the matching algorithms used by online dating sites, there was just as good a chance that someone you meet at random could end up being the love of your life.

According to Finkel’s study, relationship success depends on three things. First, individual characteristics, like whether you’re smart, funny, consider yourself beautiful, or avoid commitment at all costs. Second, the quality of interaction between two people - specifically how you hit it off in-person, not through text messages back and forth. And third, your surrounding circumstances, like your career, ethnicity, financial security, and health.

As we know from online dating sites, we aren’t always accurate or truthful when we are describing ourselves, so it’s likely we aren’t as compatible as we think. Another problem is that compatibility isn’t the marker of a good relationship. It really comes down to that elusive thing called chemistry and how you interact together in person.

With this information, it’s to every dater’s benefit to accept more invitations and matches, even those who don’t seem to be suited for you. Because the truth is, until you meet, you just don’t know.