Statistics

Is this the most unconventional dating advice ever?

While most experts encourage you to put more effort into your online dating messages, OkCupid co-founder Christian Rudder suggests doing exactly the opposite. And he has the research to back it up.

“OkCupid has records from the pre-smartphone, pre-Twitter, pre-Instagram days — hell, it was online when Myspace was still a file storage service,” he wrote in an article for New York magazine. “Judging by messaging over all those years, the broad writing culture is indeed changing, and the change is driven by phones.”

Think that politics and dating don’t mix? In this unprecedented election year where political beliefs and emotions are running high, it turns out that more people than ever aren’t willing to date across party lines.

OkCupid just released a new survey that finds 50% of their users would NOT date someone with opposing political views – an all-time high according to their records.

When they dug a little deeper however, they found that the words people choose in their profiles do indicate political and personal leanings in terms of conservative and liberal mindsets, which might explain this trend.

Many online daters don’t really think about the time or day they login to their accounts to see their new matches. Because we have our phones on us all the time, we tend to check whenever we have the chance.

But a new study has come out from dating website eHarmony, which found that 2:00pm on Tuesday afternoons seem to be the best time to find love online.

eHarmony studied more than 800,000 logins to identify the peak hours throughout the week for finding matches and scheduling dates. Not surprisingly, nine of the ten peak times happened on Monday and Tuesday, right after the weekend, and also around lunchtime. (Perhaps this is to help with that “back to work” melancholy we all feel from time to time.)

But at 2:00pm on Tuesdays, eHarmony found that three times as many people log in than any other time of the week. Perhaps after a quick lunch date gone wrong? On the other hand, they found that the fewest people are online Sundays from 8:00pm to 8:30pm, Monday nights from 6:30 to 7:00pm, and strangely, Tuesdays from 7:30pm to 8:00pm. (Maybe that’s because they are on the dates they set up earlier in the afternoon? Or maybe many people are bored at work during the day, but prefer to watch Netflix at night rather than asking people out.)

This study is only based on eHarmony users, however. A similar study was released earlier this year by Nielson, who studied the patterns of online daters in the UK using Tinder and OkCupid. They found that the most people log in to find dates around 9:00pm, in direct contradiction to eHarmony’s users. (This could be because eHarmony’s users aren’t looking for the last-minute hook-up like some Tinder users.)

Previous studies, like those from Match, have indicated the best time of year for online dating is typically between January 1st and Valentine’s Day. Specifically, the best day of the year to snag some online dates is the Sunday evening after New Year’s Eve, around 9:00pm.

Regardless, there is no “right” or “wrong” time to log in to your online dating account. The best strategy is to check in on a regular basis, preferably every day, because people move fast. If you aren’t active, your profile goes inactive, too. Send more messages and try to engage when you can, even when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store.

Making time for online dating has become really easy and accessible, so take advantage.

Last year’s infamous Ashley Madison hack revealed a statistic that seemed to confirm what many already feared about online dating. The site’s database included over 31 million male users and just 5.5 million female users. Of those profiles, only a small percentage were real and active: around 20 million men and 2,500 women.

You don’t need to be a mathematician to know those numbers are bad.

The vast majority of Ashley Madison’s female users were inactive or, worse, not real to begin with. Since then, singles have become even more skeptical of the veracity of women’s profiles on dating sites. SurveyMonkey Intelligence recently put those suspicions to the test by studying which dating apps have the highest proportion of women.

The bottom of the bunch is no surprise: Grindr, an app geared towards gay and bisexual men. Some of the entries farther up on the list are equally unsurprising. Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble, both female-friendly apps, scored relatively high. Tinder and PlentyOfFish found themselves in the middle of the pack, despite having more users than any of the other apps tested.

But the number one spot is where things get interesting. Topping the list, with a userbase that’s 58.6% female, is Christian Mingle. Christian Mingle, Coffee Meets Bagel, and eHarmony are the only apps that have a majority of female users. Who would have guessed that a niche, faith-focused dating app would rank so highly?

SurveyMonkey Intelligence also found that men and women use dating apps differently. Looking at what percentage of users engage with an app on a daily basis, the results are almost flipped. Grindr is the clear leader, with 70.3% of users engaged each day. Christian Mingle and eHarmony bring up the rear with 33.7% and 28.7%, respectively.

It could be that men are generally more engaged daters than women or, as SurveyMonkey Intelligence speculates, it could down to Grindr’s demographic. Because the app is geared towards a targeted market, Grindr users may stick to one app while other demographics spread their efforts among multiple services.

SurveyMonkey Intelligence tested a variety of other factors (read the full report here) and closed with a few tips. “Straight men may want to check out Coffee Meets Bagel, while straight women can confidently choose between a number of apps where the gender ratio is favorable,” the report advises.

It’s also important to take your dating style into account. If you’re the spontaneous type who wants dating to be part of your daily life, SurveyMonkey suggests trying your luck with the highly-engaged users of Happn. If, on the other hand, you take a more relaxed approach, the more infrequent users of Coffee Meets Bagel could be more your speed.

If you believe Beyonce, girls run the world. But if you’ve spent any time using an online dating service, you may have noticed a different story.

Despite the continuously decreasing stigma around online dating and the increasingly loud conversation about feminism, women on OkCupid remain surprisingly traditional in one key way. Data published recently by the site found that its female users, regardless of sexual orientation, do not initiate contact. Straight women are 3.5x less likely to send the first message than straight men.

Naturally, being the inquisitive types, the folks over at OkCupid had a question: why are ladies — in particular, straight women — less likely to spark a conversation?

According to a post on The Deep End, the successor to the OkTrends blog, the initial hypothesis was that women are more passive because they can afford to be. Their inboxes are already flooded with messages, so why bother initiating conversations with anyone else?

The team compared messages sent vs. messages received for straight male users and straight female users and found that, contrary to their hypothesis, the number of messages received does not affect how many messages they send. Even if a woman receives no messages, she’s not likely to send any of her own. Men, on the other hand, initiate no matter what and do increase the messages they send when they receive more.

The next step was to test by age. Perhaps older woman act more assertively because they’re more confident and more particular about what they want. Again, the hypothesis proved incorrect. Regardless of age, the outboxes of female users remain empty.

So OkCupid turned to the next logical factor: attractiveness. Women with a higher attractiveness rank on the site may feel like they don’t need to reach out first because they’re used to getting attention. Yet again, the team was stumped. The most attractive men send the most messages, but the same pattern does not appear amongst female users.

What OkCupid did finally find was one striking habit: online daters tend to reach out to people who are more attractive than they are. More specifically, men reach out to women 17 percentile points more attractive, and women contact men who are 10 percentile points more attractive. That means that if women do nothing, they’ll be inundated with offers from less attractive men.

A small adjustment has a dramatic effect. If a woman sends the first message, everything changes in her favor. Men tend to respond frequently. Women on OkCupid are 2.5x more likely to receive a response if they initiate. “If you’re a woman who sends the first message,” concludes the report, “not only are you more likely to get more responses in general, but you’ll be having conversations with more attractive guys.”

The message is loud and clear, ladies: stop waiting to be approached. Read our review of OkCupid for more information on this dating site and app.

When Pew Research Center first studied online dating in 2005, few Americans had ventured into that uncharted territory. More than a decade later, digital technology - especially smartphones - has drastically transformed all aspects of our society, including our love lives. Today 15% of American adults say they have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps.

Pew Research Center continues to produce some of the most comprehensive and interesting data on online dating, most recently with the release of five facts about online dating in 2016:

1. Online dating has lost much of the stigma that once plagued it. In 2005, most Americans had little exposure to online dating. It was viewed as a poor way to meet people and those who used it were considered desperate. These days, nearly half of the public knows someone who has met a partner using a dating service. Attitudes have shifted significantly, making it much more culturally acceptable to find a romantic partner online. Nearly half of US adults agree that online dating is a good way to meet people.
2. Online dating is increasingly popular with singles under 25, as well as those in their late 50s and early 60s. Between 2013 and today, the share of 18- to 24-year olds who use online dating has roughly tripled from 10% to 27%. Usage amongst 55- to 64-year-olds has also risen substantially. Only 6% of adults in that age bracket reported using dating services in 2013. Today that number is 12%.
3. One-third of people who have tried online dating have never actually gone on a date with someone they met using those services. Two thirds (66%) of online daters told Pew Research Center that they’ve gone on a date with someone they met through a dating site or app. That’s a large increase from the 43% percent who answered the same in 2005, but it still means that one-third of online daters have never turned their online activities into offline romance.
4. One-in-five online daters have sought help with their profile. Online daters recruit friends to help them put their best digital foot forward. Around 22% have asked someone to review or help create their profile. Women are especially likely to seek outside advice - 30% of female online daters have done this, compared to 16% of men.
5. 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online. Online dating plays a larger role in modern romance than ever before, but the vast majority of relationships still begin offline. Even newer relationships are more likely to start in traditional ways. Eighty-eight percent of Americans who have been with their partner for five years or less say they met their partner without the help of a dating site.

For more statistics from Pew Research Center, click here. For our own information on the subject you can visit our Dating Statistics and Facts page.