Advice

You met him in line at Starbucks last week, and the chemistry was intense. You exchanged numbers and two days later, found yourselves at a romantic restaurant swapping seductive glances over wine and pasta.

Excited about the possibility of this new relationship, you hastily called him a day later to plan your next date. He didn’t pick up the phone, so you left a message, asking him to call you back.

He never called back.

You may be agonizing over why…things were going so well, and there was so much chemistry. You may wonder what you did wrong. The short answer to that is: likely, you did nothing wrong. There are many reasons that guys do not call back, so the next time you find yourself in this position, remember the following:

• You were probably not the only girl he was dating. Many guys date several girls at the same time, but when they meet one that really holds their interest, the other girls drop off the radar. Better you find out early on rather then when you were already invested. Besides, unless you’re exclusive, you both are allowed to date around.

• He just got out of a relationship. Some guys date on the rebound after ending a long-term relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, but it may explain his erratic behavior. If he senses that you might want something more, he is likely to steer clear.

• Maybe the fireworks weren’t there after all. Sure, you may have left swooning over him, but maybe the feeling wasn’t mutual. Though he should call and let you know that he’s “just not that into you”, remember that he might not feel comfortable breaking the news to you, and so he just doesn't respond.

• The ex is in the picture. Perhaps he broke up with his ex, but she was still hanging around the periphery of the relationship, and called him again just when he met you.

Whatever the case, don’t take it personally. You wouldn’t want to date a man who was not in a place to move forward in a relationship with you. Time to let it go and move on to the next.

Men are confusing creatures. Sometimes they don’t think they even know what they are looking for. But, based on my dating experience, I’ve realized men look for four things in a woman: Beauty, Brains, Body, and Balance.

Beauty

Men are visual. This means that they fall in love through their eyes. The first thing a man notices about a woman is her physical beauty. So, now that you have this information, use it wisely. Do everything you can to look your personal best. No matter how old or young you are, all you need is a little effort to be beautiful.

Remember, your wardrobe is an important part of who you are. You have to dress the part of who you want to be. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, dress with class. Men treat you the way you tell them to. If you let them walk all over you, they will! If you make them chase you, they will! That being said, you don’t have to dress like a nun. Of course it’s okay to show some skin, but you don’t need to have everything on full display.

Being comfortable in any situation will allow you to have fun wherever you are. The number one way to be at ease is to be confident. No matter who you are or where you are, men pick up on confidence. If you walk into a room feeling like a million dollars, people will notice you.

You have to constantly have a smile on your face. Think of a smile like your wallet. When you leave your home you wouldn’t walk out without your wallet. So, don't go anywhere without your smile.

It is important to have a sense of style. You should be dressed as if you are a celebrity. If you were famous, you would never leave the house unless you look your absolute best. The same goes for any social situation you find yourself in. The minute you walk outside your front door, you should look like a superstar.

The next thing to keep in mind is to be polite. No one likes a rude person. You should always be nice to others because people will recognize it. If you are exceptionally polite, you will be complimented on your kindness.

To ensure that you feel at ease in any situation, make sure you are positive. No one wants to be around a Debbie downer. If you are optimistic and have good energy, others will want to be around you. Remember, everyone enjoys being surrounded by happy people.

Good posture is something that is often forgotten. You should always stand up straight to show you are proud of yourself. You own your body, so let everyone know that it’s yours. Do you ever see a person with great posture and think they look very elegant? Well if you are mindful of your posture, you can be that person too!

In addition to your natural beauty, your brain is an important part of you. You should have conversations about subjects you are familiar with. Show off your knowledge. Both men and women are attracted to intelligent people. Wisdom is sexy.

Femininity is another quality that men love. Keep in mind that masculinity is not attractive. If you are gentle and soft spoken, you will stand out in a crowd.

Another way to ensure that you feel comfortable in any situation is to make a friend. Women will be your best friend if you let them. Go up to a woman and compliment her on her lipstick or shoes. Ask her where she bought them and I guarantee she will want to be your friend.

Last but not least, wittiness can add to your comfort level. Humor is a characteristic that is appreciated in every culture. If you tell a funny joke and someone overhears it, they will want to talk to you. If you want to be comfortable in any situation, be funny. Everyone loves funny.

One of the things that drives me crazy is when people say, on their online dating profiles or their blogs, that they're “waiting for their Prince Charming” or “waiting for their fairy tale to begin.” Women are not the only ones guilty of this; some men apparently can't wait to find their “damsel in distress.” Let's think about what we're really saying when we bring up fairy tales, shall we?

Usually, the women in fairy tales are pretty helpless. Think about the beginning of the cartoon version of Snow White – the first and prototypical animated princess: she literally swoons around and sings about how she's waiting for her Prince Charming, that he'll find her. She does not need to search for him; she's a princess, he can come to her.

It doesn't stop with her; virtually every traditional fairy tale princess has to be helped out of some awful situation, whether it's a bad home life or an evil witch (or both). Rarely do they make any move to help themselves. So when a girl says she wants to be “swept off her feet,” whether she realizes it or not, she's saying she wants to have her partner do all the work in the relationship, and she's waiting for the perfect guy to fall out of the sky and into her lap.

There are some guys for whom this is perfectly acceptable; they're eager to battle dragons to win their fair maiden. So let's think about that: how is a partnership equal if one person is a prize? At best, it's putting one member of the relationship on a pedestal; at worst, it's treating them like property.

Now, not all people who speak of fairy tales actually mean any of this – we've been raised hearing these common phrases as ways of describing romance and true love. For most they're generic phrases that are used to describe the excitement and “magic” or romance. Even under the best circumstances, however, they're trite and overused.

So when you construct or edit your profile, ask yourself: do you need fairy tales to describe what you're looking for? No offense to the Brothers Grimm, but I think we're all a little more creative than that.

If someone tells me they've got an online dating profile, I don't bat an eye. Of course they do! If they're single, I all but expect it. It's just another sensible way to meet new people, after all. And to me – and most of the people I know – there is no stigma whatsoever.

It would appear that most of society is catching up as well – articles are published every day about the increasing number of online dating site memberships. However, there's always someone who falls a little behind the curve; someone who still thinks online dating is “weird” or “scary.” It's easy to ignore it when it's a parent or someone who's not even single; but what do we do when it's a single friend?

It's a fine line to walk. Resisting online dating for no good reason might seem ridiculous to someone who's been comfortable with the idea for a long time. At that point, it becomes easy to get overenthusiastic about online dating, to exert peer pressure or even use a condescending tone. Those are not the ways to convert anyone to anything. I have heard more than person say, “Online dating, ugh. Not a day goes by when there's not a friend bugging me about joining.”

It gets worse if your friend is newly single, or frustrated with the local dating scene; your friend might be feeling defensive or sensitive before the conversation even gets going. So how to promote online dating without becoming overwhelming?

In short, don't make online dating a big deal. It might be the best thing that's ever happened to you, but for someone who already has reservations, setting up online dating as something exotic and new – even in a positive sense – could make them shy away.

Simply mention in passing, “Well, this has been working for me, so there's another option.” You can give one or two sites that have worked for you, maybe offer to help them get started, nonchalantly – and that's it. If they're interested, they'll ask questions, sooner or later. Some people have to arrive at decisions in their own time. It's great to share what works for you, but giving a single friend some space, allowing the decision to be theirs, will make them more pro-active when they finally do decide to give online dating a try. And you will have avoided becoming the friend that bugs them.

When you're single, it's easy to be critical of the relationships around you. How many times have you been at a wedding and heard the mutterings of “I'll give them five years”? (No one, I'm the only one acquainted with such terrible people? Great.) It's easy to look at a couple, shake your head and say, “I have no idea why they're together.” Much harder is observing a couple and noting what they're doing right. However, it's that very skill that could be vital to our own future relationships.

How do we know how to behave in long-term relationships? How do we know what's “normal” or acceptable? How do we gain the skills to navigate something like a marriage? Well, a major part of it is observing other long-term relationships: our parents, our grandparents, our siblings.

Here's the thing, though: we don't all have elders that have successful marriages. In fact, it's equally as likely that we don't. So if we can't look to our parents for a good example of a long-term relationship, what do we do?

We pay attention to the relationships around us that do seem to be working, and we take note of what makes them tick.

Sometimes we get unfortunate surprises – that couple that seemed just picture-perfect turns out to have a toxic relationship under the surface, or there are compromises made that are just too extreme for you. Just as frequent, however, are the interesting insights – that fighting can be okay if it's really just communication at top-volume. Longevity is certainly a helpful barometer for identifying a successful relationship, but it's not the only one; we've all heard of unhappy marriages that last for decades, and some of the same lessons can be learned from a couple that's been together for six months or sixty years.

The key here is not to dwell on the relationships around you that are negative, but to focus on the successful ones. Not only could it potentially teach you a few lessons, it just might leave you feeling more positive about relationships in general. Best of all, it could help you identify a truly great opportunity if – and when – it presents itself.