Long Term

There’s no denying that family has a major impact on who and what we turn out to be. But exactly how big is that impact?

The research team PlentyOfFish set out to understand how your family affects your likelihood of reaching financial and personal success. The study examined the correlation between birth order and long-term relationships, income brackets, and education level. It also looked at the relationship between birth order and hair color, pets, and body type.

The participants in the study were North American singles, both men and women, between the ages of 25 and 45 who are from families of up to six children. All had created a PlentyOfFish profile since 2013, but were a mix of current users and those who had since deleted their accounts.

The study found that firstborns are more likely to experience multiple advantages in life. In comparison to their younger siblings, firstborns are more likely to find a relationship, pursue higher education, and make between $100k and $150k a year. Although the findings differed depending on the number of children in the family, firstborn children consistently came out on top. Fun fact: the eldest of two is also up to 8% more likely to be a redhead.

Middle children across the board are the least likely to find a relationship. On the other hand, they are more likely to make between $100k and $150k a year than their younger siblings. They are also, apparently, 20% more likely to own a bird as a pet.

Youngest children are the most likely to be looking for a relationship. The youngest of two is up to 15% more likely to be blonde and 9% more likely to own an iPhone. Youngest male children are 10% more likely to be thin, while the youngest female child of two is 9% more likely to be athletic and 7% more likely to be thin. The youngest in the family, regardless of gender, is also most likely to own a cat or a dog.

Single children are 9% more likely to be very ambitious and 15% more likely to be seeking a casual relationship. There are also 16% more likely to be overweight, 9% more likely to use an Android device, and up to 19% more likely to have black hair.

Moral of the story: birth order does have a connection to the direction your life takes, and it pays big to be the first born.

Are they or aren’t they?

Or, more importantly, are we or aren’t we?

Relationships have always been a guaranteed source of stress, angst, and all manner of other unsettled feelings, but dating these days is more unstructured than it's ever been and the anguish is even worse in our age of ambiguity.

Whereas once upon a time dating followed a relatively set path, now we're all pretty much running around blindfolded and hoping for the best. From friends with benefits, to long term live-in partners that are anxious about making the leap to marriage, our commitments are fuzzier than they have ever been before. This is especially true for younger generations, who often fear using the terms "relationship" or "dating." “We’re hanging out” is as committed as it gets.

But why this sudden urge to remain ambiguous?

One theory is that those in their 20s and 30s are the first generation to grow up witnessing mass divorce. Having watched their parents split, they may carry a legacy of insecurity with them and avoid intimacy in order to cope with it. They may also simply feel that relationships are too risky a proposition.

On the other hand, the rising incidence of narcissism that researchers are seeing amongst the younger generations may also be to blame. If we are increasingly focused on ourselves, we may also be increasingly likely to reject the responsibility of caring for someone else.

There's also the fear of rejection, which has plagued every generation since the dawn of dating. Throw in online and mobile dating, which allow people to test the waters from behind the safety of a screen, and it's no wonder we feel safer with vague intentions and minimal commitments. The ease of shopping for potential partners via digital means, plus the greater social acceptance of diverse romantic arrangements and the disappearance of clear labels, have all added to the dating confusion.

Initially, ambiguity in such a bad thing, but as a relationship continues, it becomes difficult to navigate. Constant ambiguity comes with certain risks. One person may feel more committed than the other, but may be afraid to bring it up for fear of pushing their partner away. The result is a whole lot of insecurity and time wasted with someone who ultimately isn't seeking the same thing.

That ambiguity is also extending into our breakups. More and more people are having sex with their exes, and far too often one hopes the inconclusivness means the relationship is rekindling while the other just wants a temporary hookup in the interim until they find someone else.

The question now is: will we develop new rules to govern our age of ambiguity? What will they be?

Some of us are perfectly happy to be settled into singlehood. Others absolutely hate it.

The thing is, singlehood can be a conscious choice or an unintentional affliction. If it's the former, rock on and keep doing what you're doing. If it's the latter, sit down because we've got some talking to do. I'm all for people staying single, but I don't want anyone to be forced into singlehood if it's not where they want to be. And here's the hard truth: if you're single and you don't want to be, there's a good chance you're the reason.

Of course you can't control the people around you, and they certainly have a say in whether or not they want to date you, but there are specific, unproductive mindsets and actions you may be responsible for that are keeping you single longer than you want to be.

Are you doing any of these things?

• Not making an effort. Newsflash: if all you do is watch your Netflix queue, you’re never going to meet someone. Join an online dating site. Spend weekends in museums, parks, classes – anywhere you're surrounded by strangers. And don't be afraid to make the first move. If you're not trying in the first place, you can't expect results.
• Dating the same type over and over again. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That goes for dating, too. If you've got a "type" and it hasn't worked for you yet, it's probably not going to work for you in the future either. It's time to branch out. And the added bonus is that once you've stopped limiting which types of people you will and won't date, the possibilities open up and you have more potential partners than you ever thought possible.
• Choosing partners based solely on a list of qualities. It's a good idea to know what you want and don't want in a relationship, but it can be limiting if you're too attached to your imaginary list. Someone could have every quality on your list and still be wrong for you. On the other hand, someone could be missing most of them and yet mysteriously make you happier than you've ever been. A person is a whole package, not an inventory of dealbreakers. Save the list for Santa.
• Not making space. This is one of the hardest lessons for people to learn. If you want love in your life, you have to make room for it. You can't be focused on your friends, your career, your hobbies, your family, or whatever else is taking up your time, 24/7 if you want to meet someone. Recognize that you're ready to let love in, and leave some space in your life to allow it to happen.

When it comes to committing to a relationship, men can take a lifetime deciding whether they are really ready for the relationship or not. It can be quite a frustrating moment for women. The biggest problem that women face with men is that they never seem to grow up. When will he begin to understand and accept love with all its responsibilities, complexities, and rewards? Why is it that the prospect of being committed and settling down seems so cumbersome and scary to men? The important question is - can a woman break through a man's supposedly secret barriers and make him commit to a relationship? It is definitely possible and the following steps will show how easily you can make a man to commit to the relationship.

When is he going to grow up?

Men perennially have their growing up issues. The fear that men experience rises from the belief that if they take too many hurried steps towards adulthood then they might lose themselves or their identity or individuality. It is a fear that most men are born with. A man will always weigh the potential consequences of growing up and definitely ponder upon what it will actually cost him. Will the relationship strangle him? Will it take away his freedom? Will he be able to watch baseball games in the middle of the night? These are just reflections of the fear that has the ability to consume him and thus he will always be scared of committing to the relationship. So how can you make him commit?

You need to start from the basics. Here are the two most important secrets that most women never know about how they can easily make a man commit.

Secret#1: You need to identify what your man responds to. This is the easiest way to get into his world. For example - if your man loves trekking all alone, get indulged. That is not just his hobby but his own space and soft spot. Tell him about these new places that he can go off for a trek. Get indulged in his trekking as if you were trekking with him without being over-burdening. The more interest you take in his trekking, the more easily he will open up and accept the responsibilities of the relationship.

Secret#2: Men are born with the ego that will put Kull the Conqueror to shame. Massage their ego! You need to make a man feel as if he has conquered something. You won't believe this but a task as menial as pushing an elevator button or opening the door of a restaurant is quite important for a man. For example, something as menial as parking the car, you have two options - you can argue that your man has not parked in the right place or you can let him park where he wants. If you go with the first then you have already lost him but if you go with the second then you can be rest assured that he will accommodate all your desires just the way you accommodated his desire to feel conquered.

The bottom line is that you should never try to convince a man for commitment just glide with him through his world and he will automatically become committed to the relationship!

Most women will agree that they prefer equal partnership when it comes to romantic relationships. This mean they each have equal say and an equal role to play in things like finances, child care, household chores, and major decisions like where to live or whether to start a business.

It makes sense in our culture, as the majority of women are pursuing both careers and families. They want a partner who respects and supports their ambitions.

But what if the reality is different from our post-feminist ideal of equality in relationships?

New research by New York University doctoral candidate in sociology Ellen Lamont is challenging the way many women still seem to accept certain elements of “the man’s role” both in terms of dating and marriage.

Maybe some of this rings true for you: Lamont found that when dating, women seem to prefer the man to ask them out and to pay for the date, a more traditional role. Also, women like to leave it to the man to make decisions about the trajectory of their relationship. That is, they wait for him to say “I love you” or to commit to being serious first. Essentially, this puts the man in control of the relationship.

It seems dating and courtship play a big role in how women view long-term relationships. If during the dating process, women put the man in the driver’s seat (so to speak) and let him decide where things are headed, then how is it possible to easily transition to an equal partnership once they are in a long-term, committed relationship?

“[Women] want traditional courtship and egalitarian marriages and I just don’t think that will be possible,” she said. “Their justifications for traditional courtship are based on beliefs in essential biological differences between men and women and they reinforce these beliefs in their dating practices.”

Lamont chose to study women who had some form of college education to better understand women who are balancing both career aspirations and wanting a love relationship. Even with education and ambition, many of the women still subscribe to “traditional gender norms,” according to Lamont.

“Women were supposedly so desperate to get married, while men were supposedly so reluctant,” Lamont said. “I wondered if women’s so-called desperate behaviors that are so frequently highlighted in the media were actually the result of the powerlessness they feel about the process of getting engaged.”

It’s an interesting point, and maybe one worth considering as we move forward into a bigger and more technologically advanced dating pool.

The women surveyed ranged from 25 to 40 years of age.

There has always been a nagging problem lurking in the back of the online dating industry's head: when you've built your business around helping singles find true love, what happens when they find it? On one hand, your marketing department has a lot to brag about. On the other hand, you just lost a customer.

HowAboutWe has answered the question and solved the online dating paradox with an innovative strategy: aim for a whole new market. Co-founders Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout turned the problem into a business advantage by creating a dedicated site for people who are already paired up. The site was christened HowAboutWe for Couples, and a new era of online dating was born.

"We had always focused on bringing online dating offline," Schildkrout told Fast Company. "All the sites are designed to keep users chatting, poking, and endlessly searching profiles online," but HowAboutWe's purpose was "to connect people in the real world." Its original incarnation earned over 1 million users easily, but the dating experience doesn't end at a meet up.

"Couples go on thousands of dates in the course of their relationship," Schildkrout observed. Multiple studies have shown the positive effects of date nights for committed couples. One such study from the National Marriage Project found that married men and women who go on dates at least once a week are 3.5 times more likely to report being "very happy" in their marriages. Consequently, they're also less likely to get divorced than those who do not spend dedicated time with their mates.

To help its couples stay together, and keep them coming back for more, HowAboutWe for Couples curates a list of date ideas culled from existing data on dates, information gleaned from the site's user base, and a team devoted to uncovering the best undiscovered dates. Think dessert tastings, archery lessons, hot air balloon rides, and an aphrodisiac pop-up dinner, whatever that is.

The couples' site operates similarly to the original dating site. Users pay a membership fee ($18 per month) to browse dates, and pay per date based on the ones they choose. Unlike coupon sites like Groupon or LivingSocial, HowAboutWe doesn't extract a percentage from the cost of the date. 100% of the proceeds go to the vendor. Because of this, Schildkrout says, HowAboutWe is able to offer more unique experiences then the daily coupon companies.

So far, HowAboutWe's move seems to be a good one. Though only 12% of users who met through the site are currently using the couples service, Schildkrout reports that it has maintained a 90% month-over-month retention and has over half a million users. To find out more about this dating and couple service you can read our How About We review.