Matching

According to a recent study aiming to find the most desirable single in 2014, you'll have the most luck if you're 25 years old and rich.

The study pooled information from about 81,000 singles between the ages of 25-35 on the dating website Plenty of Fish, along with about 1.8 million messages to see what traits were the most desirable in both men and women who are online dating.

For both sexes, men and women in their twenties received more messages than those in their thirties. Women who were between 25 and 26 years old received the most messages, with a sharp decline once they turned 33.

It seems that both men and women prefer singles who make money. Women who earned between $50,000-$75,000 and men who earned between $75,000-$150,000 attracted more prospective dates than those earning less. And men who have law degrees are also likely to be the most successful in garnering attention online, with 33% more messages than the average single guy.

While data like this paints a certain picture of online dating, it's good to keep in mind that this is information gathered from only one online dating site and from just one demographic. If we were to look at online dating as a whole, the fastest-growing segment is singles over 50. And many people prefer paid dating sites like Match.com or eHarmony because daters tend to be more serious if they buy a subscription.

Free dating sites have always skewed younger, because many young daters aren't interested in serious relationships and want a chance to meet a lot of people. Paid dating sites tend to attract users of all ages who are on different levels of the dating spectrum - from casual to marriage-minded.

Twenty-somethings are also gravitating towards dating apps rather than online dating sites. Apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Are You Interested have been on the rise, mostly because of the ease of creating a profile and meeting people immediately, whereas most online dating sites require a little more effort and time before you're meeting each other face-to-face.

So while the POF study might feed into the stereotypes that persist about online dating (that singles prefer if you're young, earn a lot of money, etc.) - there are in reality a wide variety of singles who are online dating. Don't be afraid to explore a number of dating sites and see which one works best for you. This is the best time of year to do it, since more people than ever are online dating!

What does Netflix have to do with online dating?

No, it's not the fact that spending a lonely Saturday night solo with your Netflix queue makes you think "I should really give online dating another try."

Actually, that might be true too, but that's not the connection we're talking about here. What we're talking about is algorithms. In the same way that Netflix uses an algorithm to recommend movies a user might like by tracking that user's viewing history, online dating sites use a person's contact history to recommend partners with whom they might be more compatible.

Kang Zhao, assistant professor of management sciences in the Tippie College of Business at the University of Iowa, and doctoral student Xi Wang were part of a team that developed a more successful online dating formula. The team used data provided by a popular online dating service. They examined 475,000 initial contacts involving 47,000 users in two US cities over 196-day period.

Out the 28,000 men and 19,000 women studied, men were far more likely to initiate conversations. Men made 80% of the initial contacts, only 25% of which were actually reciprocated. To improve that rate, the researchers developed a model that recommended more suitable contacts based on two factors:

• A user's tastes (determined by the types of people the user contacted in the past)
• Attractiveness/unattractiveness (determined by how many of those contacts were returned and how many were not)

As it turns out, the combination of taste and attractiveness do a far better job of predicting the success of a connection than the self-reported information online daters enter into their profiles. Why is that? Some online daters are deliberately misleading while others, Zhao theorizes, simply might not know themselves well enough to identify their real tastes in a partner.

Zhao says the existing model for online dating algorithms leads to a return rate of about 25%, but claims that his team's model could boost that rate to 44%. According to the researchers, their model performs best for males with athletic body types connecting with females with athletic or fit body types. The model also works well for women who indicate they "want many kids" and for users who upload a large number of photos of themselves.

So it looks like you'll have no trouble finding a date for next Saturday night if you're an exercise enthusiast who looks forward to breeding and can't stop uploading selfies to Instagram.

When writing an online dating profile, it can be easy to become anxious. Most of what we focus on is what we can control - how we’re coming across in this sentence or with this picture. Sure, there’s not a lot we can control when it comes to the chemistry between two people, but we focus on making the best first impression we can.

The problem is, though the approach is logical, we wind up placing a lot of emphasis on the judgement of others, rather than whether we’re really looking for a connection with another person. In fact, we can put so much weight on whether the reader is interested in our profile that we don’t always wonder whether we’re even interested in them!

Sometimes filling out a profile and going on a first date can feel similar to a job application and interview. It’s important to remember that it’s not the same thing. If any “interviewing” is taking place, it’s mutual (actually, that’s not a bad thought on a job interview, either). If you view a relationship as a power struggle, or inherently imbalanced, you’re likely getting off on the wrong foot.

Instead of focusing on whether our appearance is perfect, our profile is flawless, or whether we make the best “first date,” perhaps we ought to remember why we’re dating in the first place: to find someone with whom we feel comfortable, “ourselves,” and whose company we genuinely enjoy.

It doesn’t hurt to remember that while we’re checking out the profiles of others, either. When you’re actively aware that you’re searching for a “new best friend,” as it were, it seems a little sillier to quibble over an inch in height or a year in age. It’s easier to find a solid match when you’re viewing a list of profiles with that goal in mind, and not like a row of dolls in a toy store.

Sure, it can be exciting and intoxicating to consider the potential romance that may await you. And when it comes to our own behavior, it’s easy to slip into a competitive, perfectionist mode. But before you become distracted by such tangents, ask yourself: are any of those qualities useful when it comes to finding real compatibility?

When something's called the International Business Times, you expect serious journalism and hard-hitting reporting. What you don't expect is a headline that reads "Why Online Dating Sucks 80% Of The Time."

To be fair, it's an opinion piece written by Nick Gwiazada, but still...those are some pretty harsh words for a service that's helped a lot of people.

It doesn't get any less harsh as he continues: "On Internet dating sites, everybody is 'unique.' Everybody is well-read, everybody listens to 'cool' indie bands, everybody is intellectual and refined and grown-up and perfect. Everybody online is the same boring person because online dating focuses on intellect and depth."

Um...what online dating sites is he subscribed to? Because I'd like to see this for myself.

Real life dating, on the other hand, is "more about sex appeal" than online dating, according to Gwiazada. Again...what dating sites is this guy using? Last I heard, everyone was complaining that people put too much emphasis on pictures and physical attractiveness on online dating sites. There's no way the pendulum has swung the other way.

That's not to say that Gwiazada doesn't get anything right. There's no doubt that plenty of online daters misrepresent themselves in one way or another, and yes, hiring someone else to manage your profile for you is a real thing. I'll let you decide the morality of that particular approach for yourself.

And then there's this: "Online dating throws a metaphorical wrench into the evolutionary plan of natural selection with regard to mating. It attempts to match people who are not otherwise attracted to one another." No, that's exactly the opposite of what online dating sites and all their fancy algorithms are trying to do. Dating sites spend millions of dollars to improve their ability to judge real compatibility!

Oh, and then there's this: "It puts you in contact with people you would otherwise never be in a situation to meet if not for the Internet." Yeah, Nick, that's precisely why so many people love online dating - it gives them the opportunity to meet awesome people they might never have met otherwise.

Gwiazada should have stopped with his thesis statement (oddly positioned at the end of the article): "The television commercials...say that 1 in 5 marriages are a result of meeting online. But guess what: 4 out of 5 are not. So, online dating sucks 80 percent of the time."

Sounds to me like someone is a little bitter. Take chill pill, kid, and leave online dating to the rest of us who enjoy it.

One of the most disappointing things to see on an online dating profile is someone who refuses to confidently state who they are. Instead, they’ll say, “My friends and family say I’m...” Yes, they probably just don’t want to brag; maybe all those claims are completely accurate. Still, most of us would rather meet someone rather than interview their friends and family first, and that’s essentially what that kind of profile is doing.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick the brains of your loved ones when writing your profile. It can be difficult to think of yourself from an outside perspective, especially when you’re just beginning. What would someone else find the most attractive about you? How are you perceived by others? These sort of questions can get you started, at the very least.

If you’re not comfortable actually interviewing friends or family, try thinking about how you fit into group dynamics. Are you the one who inevitably plans fun outings, or makes the recommendation that makes everyone happy? Are you the one who keeps tense moments light, or are you the kind who quietly supports the wilder ones?

So now you’ve collected some of the impressions others might have of you, and you’ve decided what you want to utilize (for example, maybe you’d like to play up your fun-loving side instead of rely on the aunt who thinks you’re just so dependable). Now that you’ve got your extra information, it’s time for you to own it, internalize it.

Instead of saying, “Well, my friends and family think I’m pretty cool...” say something like, “I can always be counted on to find the silver lining” or “I’m the kind of person who will always donate the change in my pockets.” Yes, maybe that assertiveness would come off as a little much if you were trying to sell yourself in person - but you’re not in person, and no one is going to swoop in and do it for you (and again, in a relationship you don’t really want anyone else involved but you and your potential match, right?).

Having the support and positive opinion of friends and family can be a great help; they love you and see the best in you, and they can point out aspects of yourself that you might not be aware of. Just the same, their direct quotes and opinions don’t have much place in an online dating profile. Feel free to reword and incorporate them instead; chances are, they won’t mind a little editing for the sake of your profile.

A difficult aspect of online dating is the struggle to view everything with fresh eyes. For example, let’s say you want to step out of your own personal box politically, so you purposely don’t filter for your own political beliefs. But after three dates confirm all your stereotypes, it’s hard to view the next one with the same optimism. Yes, you know every person is an individual and you shouldn’t lump them all in one box... but it’s hard not to.

There are a few ways to cope with this issue. One is purely psychological: instead of viewing your profile - or even your mental list of wants and needs - as a fixed list, think of it as a work in progress, constantly evolving. So you want to be open-minded, but you really can’t bite your tongue when it comes to that political issue. Fine; maybe that’s just something you can’t compromise on at the moment. It might change in the future, but if filtering for your beliefs now gives you a greater chance of finding someone with whom you get along, that’s exactly the point of the filter. Online dating strives to make the process easier, not more difficult.

Another tactic is to attempt to mix things up, and thus avoid falling into a rut. Maybe you alternate online dating with making a sincere effort to get out and meet people the “old-fashioned way,” whether that’s through a club, church, or just approaching someone who strikes your fancy. This way, you don’t feel like you’ve limited yourself to one approach. Furthermore, the skills you gain in one can serve you well in the other - approaching people in person can make those first dates with an online match more natural, whereas getting used to sending first-contact emails can making approaching someone in person less daunting.

Another way of mixing up your routine is to try out different kinds of online dating sites. Perhaps you have a niche interest, but you’re wary of “boxing yourself in” with a niche site as the primary place you search. By trying out different sites in addition to your “main,” you can explore your niche interests and possibly even discover that you feel more comfortable in another community. Conversely, you might find that interests are less important to you than some other value - but again, you’re simply refining your priorities, not redefining them.

Doing anything long enough can feel monotonous, even dating. Taking proactive steps to combat the issue can help prevent burnout and jaded feelings and keep the process feeling fresh and fun. After all, when you do meet someone with whom you share a spark, whether through a serendipitous event or via an online site, you want to be able to appreciate and recognize it.