Qualities to Consider

  • Tuesday, January 21 2014 @ 08:26 pm
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When writing an online dating profile, it can be easy to become anxious. Most of what we focus on is what we can control - how we’re coming across in this sentence or with this picture. Sure, there’s not a lot we can control when it comes to the chemistry between two people, but we focus on making the best first impression we can.

The problem is, though the approach is logical, we wind up placing a lot of emphasis on the judgement of others, rather than whether we’re really looking for a connection with another person. In fact, we can put so much weight on whether the reader is interested in our profile that we don’t always wonder whether we’re even interested in them!

Sometimes filling out a profile and going on a first date can feel similar to a job application and interview. It’s important to remember that it’s not the same thing. If any “interviewing” is taking place, it’s mutual (actually, that’s not a bad thought on a job interview, either). If you view a relationship as a power struggle, or inherently imbalanced, you’re likely getting off on the wrong foot.

Instead of focusing on whether our appearance is perfect, our profile is flawless, or whether we make the best “first date,” perhaps we ought to remember why we’re dating in the first place: to find someone with whom we feel comfortable, “ourselves,” and whose company we genuinely enjoy.

It doesn’t hurt to remember that while we’re checking out the profiles of others, either. When you’re actively aware that you’re searching for a “new best friend,” as it were, it seems a little sillier to quibble over an inch in height or a year in age. It’s easier to find a solid match when you’re viewing a list of profiles with that goal in mind, and not like a row of dolls in a toy store.

Sure, it can be exciting and intoxicating to consider the potential romance that may await you. And when it comes to our own behavior, it’s easy to slip into a competitive, perfectionist mode. But before you become distracted by such tangents, ask yourself: are any of those qualities useful when it comes to finding real compatibility?