Tips

I can't pick on the ladies without pointing out some of the mistakes men make while dating. Guys...if you've found yourself attracted to a woman only to have the relationship fizzle after the first or second date, there may be something you're overlooking. Instead of getting stuck in an endless cycle of first dates, it's time to make some positive changes to improve your dating life.

Following are some mistakes to consider and avoid:

Are you cheap? Most girls don't expect you to wine and dine them at expensive restaurants on the first date unless they are high-maintenance or looking for rich guys. However, men do score points for being chivalrous as well as generous. Don't examine the bill to split it down to the penny, or leave too small a tip. Offer to pick up the tab without wincing, especially on a first date. If things go well, you'll have plenty of chances for her to reciprocate.

Do you act nervous or insecure? This is a first date after all! There's nothing to lose, so try to relax and be yourself. Women are attracted to confident men, and we are most confident when we're comfortable. If you're feeling unsure, take her to a place you go often, so that you can feel relaxed in the setting.

Do you come across as arrogant? If you start listing off all of your business successes, houses, and exotic vacations in the first fifteen minutes of the date hoping to impress her, it will backfire. Women don't like to hear a list of reasons why they should date you; they like to feel a connection. Instead of listing all your assets to win her heart, engage her in conversation. Ask her about herself and what she loves to do, and let the conversation flow.

Are you bringing your baggage to the date? Don't start the date with stories about your crazy ex, or bad dating experiences in general. If you're still bitter or hung up on an ex, she will pick up on it. Plus, who wants to hear about an ex on the first date? Remember, you are meeting her for the first time, so leave your own hang-ups at the door to give a new relationship a chance to begin.

Do you consider yourself unlucky in love? If you have had a few dating disasters, or can't seem to get past the first date and into a relationship, maybe it's time to self-reflect. We could all use a little improvement and awareness when it comes to dating. After all, we want to attract the right man to us, right?

If you find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of first dates, consider the following:

Do you come on too strong? Women today are independent, strong, and successful. These are all wonderful qualities, but if you feel secure in yourself, you don't try to prove you are all of these things to the men you date. Instead of taking charge like you do at work, learn to listen and engage him as well. How else will you know if he's a good match? He isn't a client, he's your date.

Are you too needy? If you've had a great date and he hasn't asked you out again, don't call or text him several times hoping to get a response. If he is interested, he will call. If you find yourself falling for guys too quickly before you really know them, take a step back and keep your options open. Remember, you're entitled to date several guys at once until you decide to become exclusive with someone.

Are you too critical? Sometimes women can be critical or judgmental, especially when it comes to their dates. Before you dismiss a guy because he doesn't meet everything on your checklist, recognize that you probably don't meet everything on his checklist either. Try getting to know him before you judge him.

Do you have a bad attitude? Ok, so you've been hurt before. This is no excuse to write all men off as losers or deadbeats. There are plenty of nice guys who are ready and open for a relationship. These guys won't be interested in someone who prefers to concentrate on past wrongdoings. Leave your baggage at the door and come in with an open mind.

It's summer which means there are plenty of barbeques and parties happening. Now is the time to take advantage of these social gatherings and start meeting new people!

But how do you approach someone who catches your eye at a party? Should you offer cheesy one-liners to introduce yourself, or is there a better approach? Here are some tips:

• Make yourself approachable. Don't stand in the corner and look around, waiting for someone to talk to you. Smile and circulate. Introduce yourself first. There's nothing sexier than confidence and putting others at ease to talk to you.

• Take interest in other party-goers. Ask questions and listen to what they tell you. Nothing attracts people more than an attentive listener and someone who treats others with respect and interest.

• Don't look around the room when you're talking with someone. There's nothing more insulting than having a conversation with someone who isn't really engaged with you. If you keep looking to see who else is at the party, you won't connect. Focus on the person you're talking to, and when you're ready to leave and move on to someone else, politely excuse yourself.

• Don't hang around the same person all night. Sure, you've found someone really attractive, but making yourself too available is a turn-off. Excuse yourself and circulate, and meet up with that person later. Alternatively, if you only talk with one or two people who you know at the party, you're preventing yourself from meeting new and interesting people. Don't cut yourself off when there is opportunity, even if you're shy. Be bold and circulate.

• Bring a social wingman/woman, or go solo. Don't bring your wallflower friend to a party or you may end up babysitting. Instead, call on your socially-savvy friends who have no problem approaching new people, and have them introduce you. Alternatively, go solo. There's nothing that screams confidence like someone who comes to a party alone and engages with new people. Plus, other singles will know you are single too.

Do your friends ever wonder why you don't make it past the first or second date stage? It's entirely possible that you're being your own worst enemy. Self-sabotage comes where we least expect it and sometimes it's our own doing! Here are seven tips to keep you on the road to dating success instead of sabotage:

1: Leave your day's frustrations at the door

If you're hung up on an argument with a coworker or the fact it took you 30 minutes to find your keys, you're bringing a bad attitude into your date. Take a deep breath and let it go before go time!

2: "Interviewing" too soon

If you're intent on drilling down into someone's "five year plan" on date one or two, dates start to feel like job interviews. It's a key reason someone might not call you back.

3: Seeing "single" as a problem

If you look at the fact that you haven't found Mr. or Mrs. Right as a problem, you might start shifting your personality around. When you do that, you're creating someone else and attracting the wrong type of person!

4: Forgetting to build your friendships

All too often, we get so wrapped-up in finding a mate that we forget our friends. Whether old or new, friends are there whether we're single or not and we need to focus on those relationships, too.

5: Going out in gangs

If you move out on the town for a night of fun, keep the groups small. Three is a great number, as people tend to not want to approach men and women hanging out in large groups. Keep yourself accessible!

6: Trying to impress others

If you focus more on what you think people want to hear instead of who you are, you're setting yourself up for failure. Nobody wants to date a Yes Man or Woman. Be yourself and say what you think and you won't have to worry about walking on eggshells when you find The One.

7: Getting overwhelmed with advice

Do you run out and ask 15 of your friends what you should do about this guy or that girl? Sure, we all need a little advice every now and then, but keep the questions for one or two select friends instead of everyone at the local coffee shop. It helps you focus on what's best for you instead of what other people might think is best!

You’ve found someone who piques your interest, you’ve messaged back and forth a few times, and now you’re wondering how to take things to the next level.

The first step is to upgrade the conversation from e-mails and other messages to a real-time exchange. A phone call is ideal, but if you or your date doesn’t feel comfortable swapping numbers yet suggest a conversation over AIM or another instant messaging client, and build rapport in the increased intimacy of that environment before moving on to a telephone conversation. When you’re ready to make the leap to a phone call, try a low-pressure approach like this: “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but can we move this chat to the phone? I’m a people-person, and I find it a little hard to get a sense of who someone truly is just by reading what they write.” Then ask for their number or offer your own.

Don’t let anxiety get the better of you when it’s time for the first phone call. It’s ok if you’re nervous, or sound a little awkward, or stutter a few times – the person on the other end of the line is in exactly the same boat. Here are a few things to bear in mind, though, to keep the conversation running as smoothly as possible:

1) Plan out several topics of conversation ahead of time so that you don’t run out of interesting things to say (but beware of the dialogue sound stilted and rehearsed).
2) Focus the conversation on the other person as much as possible. It takes a little bit of pressure off of you, and everyone is their own favorite topic anyway.
3) Don’t let the call go on forever. A good first phone conversation only needs to be about 10 minutes long. You can make it longer if your personality or their personality calls for a slow build of comfort and trust, but don’t exceed 20 minutes. Bring the conversation to a close on a high note, and leave your date wanting to know more about you.

When it comes to be time to suggest the first in-person meeting, don’t make a big deal out of it. The more casual and relaxed you make the pending encounter seem, the more likely it is that your date will feel comfortable saying “yes.” Something as simple as “I’ve had a great time chatting with you. There’s a new sushi restaurant downtown I’ve been dying to try out…you should come with me” is all you need.

Always be sure to suggest getting together somewhere that is A) low-key, B) public, and C) not in an isolated location when you’re meeting someone for the first time. It’s important that your date feels that they can leave easily at any moment if they begin to feel uncomfortable, and it decreases the risk for you as well.

Keep an eye out for a future article on Internet safety for more information on protecting yourself both online and off.

You might have seen them on VH1's Tough Love. You may have even picked up their book Crash Course in Love. However you've made Steve and Joann Ward's acquaintance (even if it's just now), you'll learn they're no strangers to mincing words. This mother-son matchmaking duo offers Oprah.com their top five tidbits for creating successful relationships.

Why does "tough love" work?

• Sometimes people close to you will only tell you what you want to hear
• An outsider can be brutally honest about what you're doing wrong and help you focus on areas to better your relationships.

Are there any "good" men and women left out there?

• Yes, they're everywhere!
• You need to have the skill set to recognize them.
• You must be able to focus on the positive!

What is the difference between visualizing your most compatible match and being too picky?

• Focusing too much on physical criteria can blind you from finding the right person.
• If your emphasis on physical or material criteria is too heavy, it's likely you're too picky!
• Relationships are about communication, respect and trust - those should be on your list.

What are the cardinal rules of dating?

• Be positive! No one likes a downer.
• Make the other person a priority.
• Don't discuss things like politics, money or religion right away.
• Joann's views say don't discuss sex on the first date while Steve says it might come up and that the right time to talk about it is before you have sex.

What can couples do to keep the love alive once they've found it?

• Keep things fun, entertaining and interesting.
• Love what you do and this means the effort your put into your relationship.
• You have to be willing to keep working at it!

Read the complete article here.