Taking The Next Steps: Arranging The First Meeting Offline
- Friday, August 06 2010 @ 08:53 am
- Contributed by: ElyseRomano
- Views: 2,475
You’ve found someone who piques your interest, you’ve messaged back and forth a few times, and now you’re wondering how to take things to the next level.
The first step is to upgrade the conversation from e-mails and other messages to a real-time exchange. A phone call is ideal, but if you or your date doesn’t feel comfortable swapping numbers yet suggest a conversation over AIM or another instant messaging client, and build rapport in the increased intimacy of that environment before moving on to a telephone conversation. When you’re ready to make the leap to a phone call, try a low-pressure approach like this: “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but can we move this chat to the phone? I’m a people-person, and I find it a little hard to get a sense of who someone truly is just by reading what they write.” Then ask for their number or offer your own.
Don’t let anxiety get the better of you when it’s time for the first phone call. It’s ok if you’re nervous, or sound a little awkward, or stutter a few times – the person on the other end of the line is in exactly the same boat. Here are a few things to bear in mind, though, to keep the conversation running as smoothly as possible:
1) Plan out several topics of conversation ahead of time so that you don’t run out of interesting things to say (but beware of the dialogue sound stilted and rehearsed).
2) Focus the conversation on the other person as much as possible. It takes a little bit of pressure off of you, and everyone is their own favorite topic anyway.
3) Don’t let the call go on forever. A good first phone conversation only needs to be about 10 minutes long. You can make it longer if your personality or their personality calls for a slow build of comfort and trust, but don’t exceed 20 minutes. Bring the conversation to a close on a high note, and leave your date wanting to know more about you.
When it comes to be time to suggest the first in-person meeting, don’t make a big deal out of it. The more casual and relaxed you make the pending encounter seem, the more likely it is that your date will feel comfortable saying “yes.” Something as simple as “I’ve had a great time chatting with you. There’s a new sushi restaurant downtown I’ve been dying to try out…you should come with me” is all you need.
Always be sure to suggest getting together somewhere that is A) low-key, B) public, and C) not in an isolated location when you’re meeting someone for the first time. It’s important that your date feels that they can leave easily at any moment if they begin to feel uncomfortable, and it decreases the risk for you as well.
Keep an eye out for a future article on Internet safety for more information on protecting yourself both online and off.
The first step is to upgrade the conversation from e-mails and other messages to a real-time exchange. A phone call is ideal, but if you or your date doesn’t feel comfortable swapping numbers yet suggest a conversation over AIM or another instant messaging client, and build rapport in the increased intimacy of that environment before moving on to a telephone conversation. When you’re ready to make the leap to a phone call, try a low-pressure approach like this: “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but can we move this chat to the phone? I’m a people-person, and I find it a little hard to get a sense of who someone truly is just by reading what they write.” Then ask for their number or offer your own.
Don’t let anxiety get the better of you when it’s time for the first phone call. It’s ok if you’re nervous, or sound a little awkward, or stutter a few times – the person on the other end of the line is in exactly the same boat. Here are a few things to bear in mind, though, to keep the conversation running as smoothly as possible:
1) Plan out several topics of conversation ahead of time so that you don’t run out of interesting things to say (but beware of the dialogue sound stilted and rehearsed).
2) Focus the conversation on the other person as much as possible. It takes a little bit of pressure off of you, and everyone is their own favorite topic anyway.
3) Don’t let the call go on forever. A good first phone conversation only needs to be about 10 minutes long. You can make it longer if your personality or their personality calls for a slow build of comfort and trust, but don’t exceed 20 minutes. Bring the conversation to a close on a high note, and leave your date wanting to know more about you.
When it comes to be time to suggest the first in-person meeting, don’t make a big deal out of it. The more casual and relaxed you make the pending encounter seem, the more likely it is that your date will feel comfortable saying “yes.” Something as simple as “I’ve had a great time chatting with you. There’s a new sushi restaurant downtown I’ve been dying to try out…you should come with me” is all you need.
Always be sure to suggest getting together somewhere that is A) low-key, B) public, and C) not in an isolated location when you’re meeting someone for the first time. It’s important that your date feels that they can leave easily at any moment if they begin to feel uncomfortable, and it decreases the risk for you as well.
Keep an eye out for a future article on Internet safety for more information on protecting yourself both online and off.
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