Single

Did you make out with your boss at the company holiday party? Or hook up with the guy in the next cubicle after a happy hour? Or maybe you have secretly been pining for a hot co-worker who you don’t know well, except for brief flirtations over Snapchat or Whisper.

If any of these scenarios make you squirm a little in your chair, you might be grappling with the age-old question of – should I or shouldn’t I? – when it comes to dating a co-worker.

It’s easy to understand why people would form romantic attachments to their fellow colleagues and bosses. After all, you spend most of your days with them, you work on projects together, and you bond over coffee breaks and happy hours. They are in a sense like another family. But what happens when you cross that line and start entering relationship territory, even if it’s all in secret from your other co-workers?

Following are some things to keep in mind before you take that next step:

Stay away from the hierarchy. If you are interested in your boss or a subordinate employee, you are treading dangerous ground. Most company policies have rules against this, because it can lead to unfair workplace advantages (or at least the perception of them among the other employees). Instead of throwing caution to the wind, look elsewhere – for another love interest or another job.

Understand the consequences. This might sounds harsh, but if the relationship ends, do you want to keep working next to your ex? Do you want to hear about his new relationship? If you can’t handle the idea of seeing your ex on a daily basis, then you might want to reconsider the relationship.

Think of career ambitions. Are you willing to quit your job and find another? Sometimes when office relationships don’t work out, it can mean problems for your career. If you’re in a specialized field with limited job opportunities, it would be better to look outside of work for a relationship.

Does the relationship have long or short-term potential? You might be in the heat of passion, but this doesn’t mean it’s good for you in the long run. Maybe you worked for hours together on a project and it created intimacy between you. It’s hard to let go of that – but ask yourself: do you have other things to talk about besides work? Are there other areas of your life that intersect? This makes all the difference in its success. If you are only caught up in the heat of the moment, it will pass. So choose your moves wisely.

The New Year is here, and this means a new chance at love for everyone. You might have made a few mistakes in 2014, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around from this point forward. The beauty of life is that we are always growing and changing – and this means in our love lives, too.

Instead of doing the same old things in your social life, or recycling that old online dating profile, the New Year is a time to toss out the old and start fresh. That said, following are five dating resolutions you can make in the New Year:

Try new places. Dating doesn’t have to be a boring series of drinks and coffee dates. Instead of local watering holes, think of things you like to do on your own and incorporate them into your dating life – like hiking, art classes, sports, or finding treasures to fix up at flea markets. Even if you don’t get along with your date, you won’t feel it’s a waste of time. Plus, it puts you in a good mood – the right frame of mind for dating.

Expand your social circle. I know there are many introverted people out there who hate the idea of going to parties alone or joining an online dating site. But rest assured – most people hate going alone to parties and joining online dating sites. You aren’t alone. The point is, you never know where you’ll meet someone special, so it’s good to expand your opportunities instead of restricting them. Allowing more doors to open in your life is a good thing.

Develop a hobby. Most people are so tied up with work and obligations towards friends and family that they seldom take time just for themselves. But when you pursue something just because you enjoy it – and not because you make a living out of it – it creates more happiness in your life. Pursuing a hobby isn’t an extravagance – it’s a necessary part of life.

Be thankful. This might sound trite, but the act of acknowledging all you have in your life creates more positive energy and a happier you. Practice giving thanks for something every day – even if it’s something seemingly insignificant like a beautiful sunrise or an invigorating run. There is so much beauty in the small moments of life. Embrace them.

Say yes more often. Dating can be an emotional roller coaster, and many people need a break from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with this, but some people choose to stay stuck by admitting that “online dating doesn’t work for me,” or other excuses based on a few dates gone wrong. Instead of dwelling in what hasn’t worked, try to remain open to future possibilities. Say yes to a date you aren’t sure about, respond to more emails and messages. Taking more chances also brings more opportunities. Seize the moment.

Happy New Year!

Well folks, it's that time again. The holidays are here and they brought with them their annual dose of relationship stress and dating anxiety. Emotions always fly high around this time of year, whether you're single, dating but undefined, in a relationship, or recently broken up.

It's easy to crack under all that pressure. What you need is a holiday dating survival guide, so I've put together a few tips to see you through into 2015.

1. Don't be a social media stalker. I know it's tempting to take a little trip down memory lane, but the last thing you need to do is obsess over the past or new photos of your ex getting frisky under the mistletoe. All it will do is set you back in the healing process. Instead of reliving old memories, focus on making new ones.
2. If self-control isn't your strong point, block your ex’s profile. Remove the temptation if the temptation is too great. It's the easiest way to avoid obsessiveness. This includes online dating profiles as well as social media profiles.
3. Don't rush into a rebound relationship. Dating is healthy. But trying for too much too soon never ends well. If you aren't ready to date yet (and deep down, you know the answer), spend time with friends or family, or get some of the alone time you know you need.
4. If you are in a relationship, discuss gift giving ahead of time. This is easily one of the most nerve-wracking parts of the holidays. How much should you spend? Should you get a gift in the first place? Instead of stressing yourself out with trying to guess the right answer, just ask. Together you can make a plan and set a budget.
5. If you're not in a relationship, don't hesitate to date. Fill your social calendar. Your inbox is bound to be full of invitations during this time of year, both professional and personal. Accept as many as ypu possibly can and go with an open mind. You never know who you might meet.

If you're feeling doubtful about dating during the holidays, I have news for you: it's actually the peak season for online daters. More singles sign up for online dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day than any other time of the year. Match.com reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new member sign-ups between Christmas and V-Day.

So what are you waiting for?

The holiday season creates stress in even the most peaceful and together people among us. Not only do we put pressure on ourselves to find the perfect gifts and cook the perfect meals for friends and family – when we’re single, we also place unrealistic expectations on ourselves for where we should really be in our lives.

Instead of getting down on yourself about not being in a relationship or being a certain age and unattached – remember that the holiday season is actually a time for us to pause and remember what we DO have in our lives, rather than what we are lacking.

Following are 4 holiday dating myths we need to let go of:

I need to make excuses for why I’m single.

Despite Aunt Dora’s attempts to question your life choices or find out why exactly you’re still single, you do have control over the information you share. It’s nobody’s business who you are or aren’t dating unless you tell them. And there’s no shame in being single. Most people who question your status are insecure about being alone themselves, and are projecting their fears on to you. Don’t let them. Embrace the freedom you have, and let them see that you enjoy your life – with or without a partner.

The holidays measure the seriousness of your new relationship.

Have you just started dating? Are you worried about the etiquette of inviting him to your office holiday party, or if he’s going to invite you over for dinner with his family? Stop putting the pressure on yourself and your new relationship, and don’t use this time of year as a barometer to test your relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable meeting family or introducing him to your co-workers, let your date know that you want to take your time. There’s no rush just because it’s the holiday season. Go at your own pace, and allow yourselves time to get to know each other first.

I can’t buy a gift for someone I just started dating.

Gifts aren’t meant to be indications of how serious you are or how much you are willing to spend on your romantic interest – they are gestures. A thoughtful gesture can include a small gift like a cookbook of her favorite food or something you can do together – such as tickets to ice skate or check out a new art gallery. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, then let her know. Honesty is the best policy, so you don’t feel awkward if she gives you a gift.

The holidays are the worst time to be single.

Sometimes it can be hard when you visit well-meaning friends and relatives who ask about your single status, or when you go to office holiday parties alone. But the holidays are actually a great time to be single. There are so many gatherings where you’ll be meeting new people (no Tinder necessary), and you should accept as many invitations as you can. You never know when a friend could introduce you to someone you may just hit it off with, so it’s really okay to be single and put yourself out there.

Happy holidays!

A new study by German researchers shows that men who are looking for more casual sex are more willing to spend money for the new iPhone 6 rather than purchase a cheaper Android phone.

According to website Science of Relationships, Christine Hennighausen and Frank Schwab of the University of Wuerzburg asked 350 men and women how likely they would be to buy an Apple iPhone or a Samsung Galaxy Ace. (The Samsung device sells for about 20% of the price of an iPhone.)

The experiment showed that men’s desire to purchase an iPhone depended not only on whether he was in a committed relationship, but whether he was looking for a long-term relationship or just casual one-night stands. As it turns out, men in committed relationships were no more or less likely to purchase an iPhone as compared to an Android. But single men who were looking for long-term relationships were less likely to buy that iPhone compared to single guys who were looking to score.

This phenomenon isn’t new. A few years ago, OkCupid did a study and found that daters with iPhones had almost twice as much sex as Android users. This was broken down further by gender and age, but the research was there – iPhones are definitely a sexual turn-on.

The researchers in the German study asked the participants about their sexual behavior, with questions such as “How many different sexual partners have you had in the past year?” and “With how many different partners have you had sex on one and only one occasion?” Higher numbers indicate a tendency toward flings, or a casual dating strategy.

When the researchers disregarded the men’s mating strategy, they found that uncommitted men were more willing to purchase the cheaper Samsung phone. So just because a man is single you shouldn’t assume he’s just looking to score. Apparently, his willingness to buy that iPhone depends on whether he is marriage material or prefers promiscuity. So the fact that more men seem to be buying Android phones is a good sign for ladies who are looking for long-term relationships.

The researchers found that more women in the study chose to purchase Android phones rather than iPhones, though their decisions weren’t influenced by their dating strategies as were the men’s.

Another interesting finding: single men who did purchase those iPhones tend to have them on display when there are women around them. This is not surprising in light of the findings – and the fact that those men put down a few hundred dollars to be first in line to get their shiny new devices, so they might as well show them off and see what happens.

A recent article in XO Jane was from a female online dater with a dilemma: she can’t seem to get any responses to her online dating profile. “Online dating has made me feel more alone and rejected than ever,” she said, noting the twenty emails she sent to potential matches with zero responses.

She is mystified by the lack of responses, something that happens to men on a regular basis but a lot less often to women. It does shake your confidence when you put yourself out there and receive no feedback, but why does it become an interesting story when it happens to a woman, but is still a regular occurrence for a man?

There is a double standard with online dating. Men have to reach out far more than women, and they get far more rejections and radio silence. Perhaps there is something to learn here about giving people a chance.

The writer does admit she got messages from a few men who “weren’t her type.” While I’m sure she reached out to the men she found most attractive, I can only assume the guys on the website were doing the same. And if she isn’t going to give a chance to the guys who messaged her, then why should she expect others to give her a chance?

Dating is a numbers game when you are reaching out to people online – you have to put a good amount of effort in, and depending on the site, use its features to your advantage. For instance, if it is OkCupid, answer a lot of questions and post your own for other site users. Start a conversation. Engage with the other online daters. If it’s eHarmony, check your matches every day and complete your entire profile and questionnaire before you opt out. If you are doing Match.com, then make sure you are checking all of your matches, posting new pictures, and changing your profile description on a regular basis to engage new members.

There are so many people online dating that sometimes it can be difficult to stand out from the crowd. But you have to make the effort, use the tools/features provided, and be diligent about checking your matches and reaching out to as many potential dates as possible, even if you aren’t sure about their profile. Remember, someone could be judging you for one line, like if you admit to “liking 90’s music” or are “a fan of the Muppets and cats.” So try not to apply the same judgment to others. Give everyone a chance, even if something in his profile doesn’t click with you.

People are more interesting than a profile, and they deserve a chance, just like you. So expand your options, keep an open mind, be diligent about sending out messages - and watch your own responses increase.