Studies

If the state of dating in America in 2014 was summed up in one word, it would be "open-minded."

ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com have teamed up for the second year in a row to bring you inside information on what it means to be single and dating in the United States in the 21st century. The second annual State Of Dating In America report explores the ever-evolving public opinion on sex, infidelity, gender roles and other controversial issues. It also delves into the ways mobile technology is affecting and changing societal norms of courtship and relationships.

"In today's modern world there are so many factors contributing to blurred lines and mixed messages when it comes to dating and relationships," says Rachel Sussman, a Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who partnered with ChristianMingle and JDate to analyze the findings of their study. "I see clients every day who are struggling with how to navigate muddled waters in a new or long-term relationship, and this study by ChristianMingle and JDate confirms these issues exist across the country."

The big news coming out of those muddled waters this year is that singles are becoming more and more open-minded when it comes to gender roles, dating expectations and infidelity. Singles have accepted that infidelity isn't always a black and white issue. Shades of gray are an inevitable part of being in a relationship:

• 86% of men and 92% of women consider having sex repeatedly with another person to be cheating.
• 82% of women and 56% of men believed sexting or online flirting is infidelity back in 2013. But this year the number of women who believe that flirtatious messages count as stepping out dropped significantly to 86%, while the number for men dropped slightly to 51%.
• In 2014, 90% of women agree that passionately kissing someone else is cheating. In 2013, that number was 100%. Men's opinions reflected women's shifting views: 86% considered passionate kissing cheating in 2013, compared to 75% in 2014.
• Cheating isn't always a dealbreaker. Nearly a quarter of singles say they would consider marrying someone who is unfaithful to them while dating.

Attitudes toward gender roles are also evolving in major ways. Fewer men believe that they should be the primary breadwinner in a relationship, and fewer men believe it's their duty to pick up the tab on a date. We are, apparently, increasingly confused about whether or not we're actually on a date or just hanging out with someone casually, but we're also increasingly open to the idea of dating online.

94% of respondents say online dating expands their dating pool. Two out of three singles know people who've met through online dating. And 85% of singles say they believe online dating is completely socially acceptable.

For more information on the dating sites which conducted the survey you can read our Christian Mingle review and our JDate review.

Do you know when you're on a date and when you're just hanging out? If you're confused about the difference - you're not alone. It's getting harder and harder to tell for a lot of singles.

According to a new study by Christian Mingle and JDate, there is a lot of ambiguity. Their online survey of 2,647 singles of varying ages (18-59) shows that 69% of respondents are confused about whether an outing with someone they're interested in is a date or not.

Maybe the confusion comes in with the definition of a date. According to the data, only 22% agree that "if they ask me out, it's a date," whereas 24% think it's a "planned evening with a group of friends."

So why all the ambiguity? According to the study, technology might have something to do with it. Fifty-seven percent of 18- to 24-year-olds say texting has made it more difficult to determine whether an outing is an actual date. But among older daters, that isn't necessarily true. Only 36% of 35-44 year-olds think that texting has made it more difficult.

The ambiguity isn't gender-specific either - both men and women generally agree. Mostly, opinions vary by age. The younger the dater, the less likely he or she is certain whether or not it's a date.

"In today's modern world there are so many factors contributing to blurred lines and mixed messages when it comes to dating and relationships," says Rachel Sussman, Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who analyzed the results of the study. "I see clients every day who are struggling with how to navigate muddled waters in a new or long-term relationship, and this study by ChristianMingle and JDate confirms these issues exist across the country."

Expectations for men to pay on a date seem to be declining, too. Only 69 percent of men say the man should foot the bill for a date (vs. last year's study of 78 percent). This might be part of the dating ambiguity issue, too, because if the outing isn't clearly defined, there's no need to offer to pay as a gesture of affection or chivalry.

While singles might not agree on what constitutes a date, they do overwhelmingly agree (by 85%) that online dating is a socially acceptable way to meet people. Also, two out of three know couples who have met through online dating sites. Ninety-four percent believe that online dating expands their dating pool.

While the definition of a date might be more and more ambiguous, it seems that online dating is gaining more and more acceptance as time goes on. We'll see what the results say next year.

Does having a healthy body image contribute to a better relationship?

According to a new study by Tallinn University, women who were satisfied with their body image were found to maintain happier relationships, too.

The study was based on survey data drawn from 256 women between the ages of 20 and 45. Nearly 72% of respondents were cohabitating with their partners and 28% were married.

After studying the responses, lead researcher Sabina Vatter noticed that women who were satisfied with their relationships were more likely to be satisfied with their body weight regardless of whether or not they had an ideal body type or weight. She also discovered that these findings corresponded to higher levels of self-esteem and low self-consciousness.

"This shows that body and body weight can create general satisfaction, which would be forwarded to feelings for a romantic partner," Vatter said.

Additionally, those participants who were dieting or who just came off a diet were more likely to be self-conscious about their bodies. They were less satisfied with their body weight, weighed themselves more often and had higher BMIs than those who had not been on a diet. They also reported lower satisfaction with their relationships.

Women who were most critical of their body image were found to have less satisfaction in their relationship, including their sexual relationship with a partner.

According to Vatter, "These findings suggest that our satisfaction with body size, shape and weight has more to do with how happy we are in important areas of our lives, like our romantic relationships, than it does with what the bathroom scales say."

The study didn't mention any other factors related to body image as part of the survey, but focused specifically on the connection between body image and relationship satisfaction. Many women compare themselves to an ideal body type they can't duplicate but perhaps see in magazines, causing more feelings of anxiety which can also impact relationships.

According to the study, those women who have greater levels of acceptance and more self-esteem about their bodies (and less inhibition) are able to have happier and more fulfilling relationships, including the sexual component. But it goes both ways - happier relationships can help create happier feelings about your body.

"When a woman was satisfied with her relationship, she was also satisfied with her body weight, which also applies vice versa," said Vatter. "Higher body-weight satisfaction results in higher satisfaction with a relationship."

So just how easy is cheating online for men compared to women? To what abysmal lows will people stoop to steal another person's partner? And how can you uncover a cheater without tumbling down the rabbit hole of morbid, life-consuming paranoia?

Those are the questions asked on Recovery.org, where a brave sole posed as 40 different people on OkCupid to find out how the Internet affects infidelity. Each fictitious dater was married or 'seeing someone,' and their mission was clear: they wanted to cheat. Real photos were used, and the fake profiles were spread across the 5 US cities dubbed the "most unfaithful" by Ashley Madison.

The profiles were divided into four categories: The Brazen Cheats, The Married Maybes, The Recently Taken, The Sincerely Singles. Each category had distinctive characteristics:

Americans are gravitating away from meeting for dinner as a first date option, preferring to meet for cocktails instead. Maybe it's the promise of a social lubricant for those who are more reserved or nervous, or it's a more efficient way to get to know someone, or perhaps it's just a more casual approach than taking someone to dinner. Whatever the reason, singles are meeting each other more and more often over a glass of wine or a gin and tonic rather than a bowl of pasta.

A new study by DatingAdvice.com surveyed 1,080 respondents and found that 15% preferred drinks over dinner for a first date. Gay men and women were more than twice as likely as heterosexuals to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner, at 32%.

Interestingly, income plays a role in how people prefer to meet. It seems the more you make, the less invested you want to be in a first date (at least financially). Those earning between $100,000 and $124,999 were 57% more likely than those earning less than $25,000 to choose drinks over dinner.

Divorced men and women were also more likely to choose drinks over dinner, maybe in an effort to keep things more casual at the beginning of a potential relationship. One in four divorcees preferred to meet for drinks rather than dinner, compared to one in ten of singles who had never been married.

DatingAdvice.com expert Gina Stewart attributes the trend of meeting for drinks to the increasing rate at which our work lives tend to spill over into our personal lives.

"The benefits of cocktails on a first date mean social lubrication. Someone can break out of the first date jitters much faster. Drinks don't take as long as dinner, so if the date isn't going well, you're not forced to endure it more than the length of the drink," she said. "Nice cocktails are cheaper than nice dinners, and you have no worries about having embarrassing stuff get on your face or stuck in your teeth."

Race and age both play a factor, too. Both African-Americans and seniors aged 65 and older were half as likely as the general population to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner (both at only 9%). Southerners were less likely to go for drinks on a first date too, with only 13% responding affirmatively.

The study was conducted based on accurately representing the U.S. census data in terms of consideration for age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors.

Maybe you're not a gamer, but a new study by Stanford's Virtual Human Interaction Lab brings up an interesting conundrum. Researchers found that online avatars (our own virtual representations) could cause us to take on certain personas in the real world. Specifically, sexy avatars are making women objectify themselves in real life.

Researchers immersed 86 participants into a virtual reality world, giving some sexualized avatars (dressed suggestively in short dresses, high heels, and tight shirts) and others conservative, neutral avatars (wearing jeans, jackets, and tennis shoes). When asked about the gaming experience afterwards, the women with sexualized avatars were more likely to talk about their bodies. More than that, if they found themselves physically identifying/ resembling their avatars, they were more likely to believe sexist myths like women are manipulative.

Women with sexualized avatars actually started to see themselves as objects, rather than as human, during the course of the study.

While this study was specific to the relationship between women and avatars in the virtual gaming world, it made me wonder how our online images in general affect our real-life personas, especially in online dating. If you create a profile to project a certain image to potential dates, do you start thinking of yourself in a different way in real life?

Or to take it one step further, think about your social media profiles - Facebook, Twitter, and the like. Do you sometimes post comments or report a specific status to cast yourself in a certain light? For instance, do you post comments about the parties you attend or who you're meeting as opposed to saying "watching television in my pajamas and eating mac and cheese." If you post pictures of yourself in sexy dresses at bars, do you think of yourself differently than if you just post pictures of yourself hiking in your sweats and running shoes?

It's an interesting subject to consider. We are more than what we do in our day to day lives, we are also our online images. Many people we interact with online we don't see that often. Our image of ourselves can be crafted, and in turn make us think that who we are online is really who we are.

So what does this mean for online dating? We all want to present our best selves, so we pick photos that we think make us look sexy or powerful or confident, and we craft profiles to emphasize how we're sexy or confident or successful. This can make a first "real life" meeting nerve-wracking, because you will be compared to your online persona.

One thing is for sure, the virtual world is shaping all of us.