Single

As the East Coast braced for the horrific storm that was about to descend on them the evening of January 26^th, single folks apparently took to their dating apps for comfort.

Hinge, a dating app that matches based on your social media circles, reported that its usage rate that day was plugging along at a normal rate, when suddenly at about 3pm East Coast time - the time officials were warning residents about the upcoming storm -  activity on the app exploded, even if the actual snowstorm fell flat. 

According to Hinge’s figures, the app experienced an average of 4.75 logins per user on Monday -- a record for the app. “‘User sessions’ (the number of times an individual logs into the app) increased by 27 percent during peak hours, and activity on the app increased by 22 percent overall on Monday,” according to The Huffington Post.

There’s no doubt about it: anticipation at the thought of a free day to play motivates singles to see if they can connect with someone. "Who wouldn't want a playdate on a snow day?" Karen Fein, Director of Marketing at Hinge told The Huffington Post.

Unfortunately, the giddiness daters felt about having a snow day didn’t last.

The app noted that activity calmed down by about 10pm – perhaps because the storm wasn’t as bad as the weather reporters made it out to be, and users were wondering if they would return to work the next day instead of having a snow day. 

Or perhaps some of them had connected after all, and were getting to know each other instead of hanging out in the confines of their apartments.

It would be interesting if Tinder also released its own stats about whether or not it experienced a surge in activity in anticipation of the storm, or whether online dating sites in general had record numbers of logins, messaging, or emails sent.

It might help that this is one of the busiest times of year for online dating – New Year’s Day through February 14^th (Valentine’s Day), so the threat of the storm gave daters a little extra push to get out there and meet someone, even if it would be in two feet of snow. Or perhaps it’s entertaining enough to just flip through photos when you’re bored, or send texts to guys you haven’t yet responded to and clean out your inbox.

Whatever the case, don’t wait for another storm to hit before you login to your dating app. See who you can meet now.

No partner? No problem.

There's an app for that, because there is, no joke, an app for everything at this point.

Picture a family get-together. Picture that family asking you invasive questions about your relationship status. Picture awkwardly trying to deflect their questions. Picture inventing a fake significant other just to avoid the interrogation.

Now picture a world where that doesn't have to happen. To alleviate the social pressures single people face, St. Louis business partners Matthew Homann and Kyle Tabor decided to do the hard work for you. They created the Invisible Boyfriend and Invisible Girlfriend apps so you don't have to worry about dreaming up a believable fake date.

The apps promise a faux SO “your family can believe in” and “real-world and social proof that you’re in a relationship - even if you’re not - so you can get back to living life on your own terms.” For $24.99 a month the app offers a personalized partner constructed from a hundred text messages, 10 voicemails and one handwritten note. You'll also get crowd-sourced selfies and a story about how you met your sweetie, plus the opportunity to customize your invisible SO's name, personality, interests, and physical characteristics.

Before you start worrying you'll fall in love with your faux dream person and wind up living the real-life version of Her, Matthew Homann says it's out of the question. “We’re not trying to build something that could fool you,” he told TIME. “Our intention has always been to build something that helps you tell a better story about a relationship you’re not in.”

The apps were inspired by real life events. Nine years after Homann divorced his wife, he found himself feeling frustrated when his mother asked if he was bringing a date to Thanksgiving dinner. "In that moment I realised how great it would be to have an answer for her that didn't require me to actually be dating someone," he writes on the website. He started putting the plan into motion in 2013 and the app went live into public beta this month.

You may be wondering just how unhealthy it is to have an invisible BF or GF. That's definitely one of the stops on the crazy train, isn't it?

Gail Saltz, MD, Health‘s contributing psychology editor, says that isn't the case, as long as you're honest about why you're using the service. If it's all in fun, you have nothing to worry about. It only becomes a problem if you become so lost in the fantasy that you forget to look for real relationships.

It may even be a useful tool, Dr. Saltz adds. “Someone with a lot of social anxiety might practice with something like this as a method of making themselves more comfortable for the real thing.”

There's just one problem: what happens when your parents want to meet the new love of your life?

Online dating is evolving along with daters’ preferences. We have grown used to the idea of using technology for our personal lives, with more people online dating than ever (thanks to the rise of dating apps like Tinder).

The dating landscape has changed, even in the last few years. There is new technology of course, but there is also the growing number of singles (which consist of more than half of U.S. adults over age 18), and the fact that young adults are waiting longer to marry. So college isn’t the place you’re likely to meet your life partner – instead, it’s more likely going to be online.

With so much changing and so many singles out there, why is it still so hard to find the right person, or even to get a date from a few back-and-forth texts?

The answer might be simpler than you think. There have been several studies in recent years about our ability to make decisions, especially when we are given a lot of choices. Much like wandering into a candy store when you just want a bite of something sweet, your mind can be immediately overloaded with all the different types, brands, and flavors – so that you almost become paralyzed by the choices and unable to make a decision.

A study was conducted a few years back, where a group of people were given a choice between a few different brands of laundry detergents and asked to pick which one they’d buy. With only three or four choices, they tended to read the labels of ingredients and decide which was best based on content. They were also generally pleased with their choices.

The next group was given dozens of choices of laundry detergent. Researchers discovered when there were more than a few choices, people didn’t take any longer in making a decision - they were too overwhelmed and didn’t read the labels at all. The majority chose which detergent they would buy based solely on what the container looked like, and didn’t look at the ingredients. In fact – they were basing their decisions purely on superficial “looks,” because it was easier than trying to get to know all of their choices.

It’s no wonder we feel a bit ADD when it comes to dating, and that apps like Tinder have taken off. When we are given too much choice, it’s easier to just look at the photo and make an impulsive decision – yes or no - rather than think about what we really want. We don’t get to know people before deciding we aren’t interested in a date or even a drink. It’s too easy to think “there’s probably someone even better” while we are swiping, so we don't think twice about standing someone up or refusing to text them back.

Maybe it’s time to focus on one date at a time. Maybe we should start saying yes more often - instead of no.

We've all been there: caught smack-dab in the middle of a rut that feels too big to ever crawl out of, like an ant at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. You can see the sky, but good luck climbing the sheer cliff walls to get there.

Except you're not an ant, and you only think your rut is as big as the Grand Canyon. It looks big when you're at the bottom, but your rut isn't forever. You can escape.

Getting out of a rut means re-evaluating your dating behaviors. Take stock of what is and isn't working in all areas of your life. Ditch the things that aren't. Do more of the things that are. And you'll find yourself approaching romance with renewed energy and a new perspective.

Here are 5 things you can do, right now if you want to, to set yourself on a course towards the sky:

1. End the crutch relationship. The crutch could be a relationship you know is going nowhere, but that you give your time, energy, and emotions to anyway. The crutch could also be someone you go back to after every breakup, so you don't have to deal with the heartache. Or the crutch could be the person you text late at night, because some company is better than no company. Whatever your crutch looks like, ditch it. It's in the way of what you really want.

2. Change up your strategy. If you're not meeting anyone in your daily life, sign up for an online dating site. If you've been using dating websites but haven't had any success, delete your account and resolve to go out next weekend.

3. Own up to your issues. Yeah, you have them. We all do. Take some time to think about what bad habits you've fallen into and what negative beliefs you hold. When you're self-aware, you're more in control. You can make the choice to accentuate the positives and let go of any baggage that's holding you back.

4. Spend a night in. Dating fatigue is a real thing. If you're constantly going on date after date, it's easy to become complacent about the experience. You don't want to meet someone new if you're exhausted, annoyed, bored, etc., because your mood can make or break the date. Take time to yourself and recharge.

5. Review your dealbreakers. Having goals and boundaries is a good thing, but having rigid, nonnegotiable criteria is not. It's good to occasionally challenge the requirements you think you have. Stick with only the most important dealbreakers, and learn to be flexible about everything else. Expanding your openness means expanding your pool of potential dates.

Single Man, Married Man – a new book written by a group of men specifically for single women – proclaims to offer brutally honest advice for women who are looking to get hitched.

The book has outraged many feminists, and for good reason. Some of the advice offered in the book includes this as fact: “all men” want to get married – if they tell you otherwise, they are “lying.” Another piece of advice from one of the book’s single authors: “No matter where a woman is in life, she should always be able to cater to her man’s needs.” A divorced co-author advises that when a man gets his ego stroked, he will be more inclined to love you.

The book also offers reasons why a man you are dating isn’t taking the relationship to the next level – namely, that it’s your fault. One author writes: “It takes a lot to hold their attention, and men tend to lose interest in romantic partners when they stop being, well... interesting.”

In other words, women need to start giving more massages, complaining less, and stroking their guys’ egos a lot more often. Then they will more likely convince their men to put a ring on it. (Speaking of Beyonce, one of the writers even suggests keeping Destiny’s Child’s “Cater 2 U” on repeat on your playlist).

The book is certainly gaining a lot of attention in the press because of its apparent sexism, and its authors maintain that it is “brutally honest” because they want to help women. Two of the main authors spent three years interviewing more than 300 men online and in person to arrive at their conclusions, so they stand by them.

So what does this mean? Should women take a step back and consider catering more to the men in their lives? Or should the guys who authored this book admit that creating a controversial book would help them sell more copies?

The truth is, no matter how many people you interview, or how much research you do, or how many coaching sessions you conduct, dating is still mysterious and fickle for everyone. Some tactics work with some people, others don’t. Some people have chemistry together, others don’t. You can’t force a relationship to move forward if that’s not what it is meant to do. There are no tricks. Dating is much more nuanced and individual. Blanket advice of how each gender should behave doesn’t really move the conversation – or the dating scene itself - forward.

So as much as we take dating advice from many sources, we should also be discerning. If something doesn’t feel right to you, pay attention. If you’re working too hard to try and “make things work” with your current love, maybe it is time to let go. To find out more about the book "Single Man, Married Man" you can check out the authors website.

There’s something many people don’t want to admit to their dates, because they equate it with a character flaw or weakness; but the truth is, many daters are shy.

Introverts make up a significant portion of the population, and chances are, you will meet a few introverts if you date long enough. Unfortunately, online dating doesn’t lend itself to shy types. It requires real action, attention, and bravery. It pushes us outside of our comfort zones. (Actually, so does any kind of dating.) And it’s especially difficult for introverts to muster the courage to flirt or ask someone out.

But if you want to find love, it is necessary. Unless you think a hot stranger will appear at your doorstep to whisk you away, dating is an essential process to finding a long-term relationship, and it’s not easy. It’s better to face this challenge head-on than retreat in fear because you’re shy. Remember, many of your dates are going to be shy, too – so don’t feel like you’re the only one.

Following are some dating tips to help overcome your fears:

Widen your social circles. Instead of retreating into your safety zone of close friends and family, dating requires you to meet new people often – at least until you find someone you click with. If you feel uncomfortable online dating, try widening your social circles bit by bit. Get to know a new co-worker, or the person next to you in Zumba class. Make new friends within your circles, because they could introduce you to potential dates.

Rejection isn’t personal. But being shy prevents many people from connecting, because when you’re shy you hold back. You don’t want to put yourself out there for fear of rejection. But you have to also look at dating as trial and error – if someone doesn’t click with you, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It means that there isn’t a connection. Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t stop. What counts is that you’re trying (like everyone else), so keep going.

Expand your comfort zone step by step. Instead of hiding behind your insecurities, it’s time to push yourself a little bit outside of your comfort zone. Take small steps. Accept invitations to parties and local singles events, and invite your outgoing friend to help introduce you to people. Strike up a conversation with the person in line next to you at Starbucks, even if you’re not interested. Every little bit of practice builds your confidence.

Use your assets. Not all of us are smooth talkers, or good flirts, or are good at introducing ourselves to strangers. Instead of listening to all the advice about how to approach people, try striking up a conversation by doing what you do better than most – actively listening! Then ask thoughtful questions. Getting to know someone takes you a lot further in dating than having a good pick-up line.

Happy dating!