Single

So you're back in the game. Whether you're freshly out of a relationship or hitting the field after a stretch on the sidelines, retuning to the dating world can be overwhelming.

Not only will you feel like you've forgotten how to socialize, you'll be confronted with fancy new tech “the kids” are into that you don't understand. What is that “swipe right” nonsense, anyway? Back in your day, phones were only good for making calls and serving as paper weights.

It's time for an online dating crash course. Here's what the newly single need to know:

1. Don't be obsessed. You're back on the market! You're looking forward to meeting new people! It's exciting! But don't let that excitement turn into obsession. Check your account once or twice a day. Logging in 10 times a day is not a good look, nor is responding to a message immediately after you get it. Slow your roll and play it cool.
2. Toss expectations out the window. The person you're looking for could totally be out there, but you're probably going to meet a lot of not-that-person first. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the love of your life right away. Even people who seem perfect on paper (er...screen) may fall short when you meet them in person. Just chalk it up to experience and move on.
3. Don't become penpals. Message chemistry and face-to-face chemistry aren't always the same thing. Some people have good message game but can't translate that connection into real-life conversation. The sooner you meet someone in person, the sooner you'll know whether you're actually compatible. Don't get sucked into a long exchange of messages before setting up the first date.
4. Choose the first date wisely. No dinner. No movie. No long walk on the beach. No nothing that requires a serious investment of time or energy. Save that for the second date after the first date goes well. If you're meeting for the first time, stick with coffee, a drink, or something else similarly short-lived. If there's no click, you want to be able to end the date. Imagine how awkward it would be to sit through a 4-course meal with someone you have nothing in common with.
5. If it's not working out, be honest. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. That's nice of you, but that doesn't mean you should bail on dates with excuses about a friend emergency or your oven being left on. Your fib is almost always transparent, and your date will probably feel even worse. Be kind but honest: “It was nice to meet you, but I'm not feeling this.” You'll find that, in the long run, honesty is less awkward and more empowering.
6. Remember that most first dates will also be last dates. That's ok. We date to find out more about what we want and need in a partner. Those lessons are important. Every date you go on gets you closer to the person you actually want to be with. If you're not into a date, or they're not into you, say thank you and move on with your confidence intact.

And last but not least, have fun with this. If you’re not enjoying it, what’s the point?

Do you have Tinder overload? You’re not alone. Dating apps have made meeting people easier than ever, but dating behavior can be pretty brutal. Messages go unanswered, and connections are forgotten in favor of swiping left and right. With all of the distractions and annoyances that come with dating today, it’s difficult to get to know someone special.

Maybe it's time to disconnect.

When you’re experiencing frustration and overwhelm, it’s a good time to take a break so you can recharge. A fantastic benefit of being single is learning how to take care of yourself without relying on someone else to come along and do it for you. Instead of dating aimlessly and without much enjoyment, focus on yourself and what makes you happy.

Following are some tips to nurture your heart and soul and get you back and ready to date again:

Get away. There’s nothing that lifts the spirit like a new setting. It’s easy to plan a getaway when you’re single – there’s nobody else’s schedule preventing you from making plans, so take advantage! Plan a weekend getaway with friends or jump in your car for an impromptu road trip, even if it’s just for a day. It will give you a much-needed break from routine.

Set a goal and work towards it. Have you ever dreamed of running a half marathon, or finishing college, or getting that certification for a new career? Now is the time to establish your personal priorities outside of a relationship. When you find someone special, you will still want to challenge yourself – why not start now?

Learn a new hobby or sport. This is the perfect time to explore. You learn about yourself when you try new things – sometimes a new activity can become a stress relief and source of life-long happiness, whether you're in a relationship or not. You never know unless you try. So sign up for Zumba, join a volleyball meet-up, or try out that pottery making class – whatever sounds interesting to you, give it a try.

Relax. Sometimes the stress of dating takes a physical toll on our bodies as well as our psyches. For me, hiking and running were great ways to get out of my own head and truly relax. For others, it’s booking a massage or meeting friends for dinner. Fill your schedule with activities that replenish your spirit, and you will find you have more energy, too.

Meditate or practice yoga. This might sound New-Agey, but yoga and meditation are truly helpful ways to let go of anxiety, and there’s a lot of it in dating. Practice taking deep breaths, sitting still for a period of time, and stretching your body on a regular basis. These techniques help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, and less worried about where you “should” be in life. This is most important when it comes to finding a truly fulfilling relationship – you realize that you are enough, no matter what.

Let's not sugar coat this: there few things worse than the end of a relationship. If you breakup with your SO, find out your goldfish died, and then realize you've run out of ice cream, then yes, you're having a truly terrible day and have my deepest sympathies.

But barring that unexpected car crash of unfortunate events, a breakup is about as bad as it gets. Being in a relationship takes a lot of effort, even if it isn't a very long one, and at the end it feels like your energy is totally tapped out. Then you think about the fact that you have to start the process all over again with someone new, and becomes twice as exhausting.

People don't just hop up and run marathons. They train, slowly, until they're in good enough shape – both mentally and physically – to take on the challenge.

Adopt the same strategy for your post-breakup plan. There's no rush, but you do need to put conscious effort into the process or you'll never cross the finish line. Here are 3 exercises to add to your breakup personal training program:

1. Spend time dating yourself. After the chaos of a breakup, you need peace, quiet, and time to regroup. It's easy to lose sight of who you are in a relationship that isn't working, so use this time to recover your sense of self. Treat yourself to the things you love, whether it's brunch, bike rides, cooking classes, or trips to museums. The goal is to remember how great your own company is and regain a solid idea of yourself as a single individual. Once you've got that down, you'll be ready to let another person in and feel more confident about doing it.
2. Find the fun in flirting. If you're just getting out of a relationship, your flirting muscles probably haven't been exercised in a while. They're bound to be a little stiff, and as the marathon runner from earlier knows, stiff muscles need to be carefully stretched. When you have the opportunity to put your flirty feelers out, do it. Don't expect anything in return – being overly attached to a specific outcome is a good way to set yourself up for failure – just enjoy the fun of working muscles that have been dormant.
3. Be social. Ben & Jerry are good dates for a limited amount of time, but pretty soon they'll be hurting instead of helping. Grab your friends and get out, whatever “out” means to you. It can be an afternoon of picnicking in a park or a wild night of partying – either one, or anything in between, is helpful as long as you're putting yourself in social situations. Bonus points if you start talking to strangers in addition to your friends.

Suddenly 26 miles doesn't seem so hard, does it?

Just when you think you've got this dating thing figured out, you enter a new stage of life and everything gets flipped on its head.

Life in your early 20s was very different from life in your late 20s. Both still have some sense of freedom and finding yourself, but things change as you approach 30. You're more comfortable with who you are and have a better idea of where you're going. You're older (duh) but also wiser, and that means a shift in who and how you date.

Dating in your late 20s/early 30s is a different game with a whole new set of rules. Like:

Expand your reach. When you were younger, you probably looked for dates in the same few places. College parties. Your classes. Local bars. But now that you're older, you have starting looking elsewhere – including places you never thought you'd look. Put yourself out there in ways you never thought you would, whether that means taking a tango class or joining an online dating site.

Be direct with your dates. If casual dating is your thing, keep with it. But if you're in the market for something more serious, you have to put in the work to find it. The sooner you can separate the good ones from the horror stories you'll tell your friends later, the better. You have to be upfront with your dates. Don't think of it as “coming on too strong” - you're being honest about what you want (and what your dates want) so you know right away if you're not compatible and no one's time is wasted.

Stand firm with friends and family. This is usually the age when friends and family start peppering you with questions. So...are you seeing anyone? Do you plan to settle down? Don't you want children? Why are you still single? They mean well, but it will probably make you want to throw things at them. There's probably nothing you can do to stop the questions – even if you know you aren't ready for those steps or know that you never want them – but you can be prepared. Come armed with answers you've worked out ahead of time when you know those questions are likely on the way.

Don't compare yourself with others. Whether or not you get those questions, insecurities have a way of creeping up. Your life changes dramatically in your late 20s and early 30s, and so do the lives of everyone around you. Just look at your Facebook feed – engagement photos, wedding photos, baby photos. Wash, rinse, repeat. If you're there and your friends are still getting wasted on Friday nights, that's ok. If you're not there and everyone else seems to be getting hitched and buying houses, that's ok too. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time for your life.

It was only a matter of time before a Denver-based app developer would take advantage of the city’s new legalized pot industry. High There! - a new dating app specifically for weed lovers, launched this month for Android and will be debuting in the iTunes store soon. In addition to the mile-high city, the app is also available in 23 states that have legalized medical marijuana laws.

High There has been described as “the Tinder of pot smoking,” although instead of matching according to proximity and age preferences, the app asks for your weed preferences, such as vaping or smoking, and what your energy level is when you are imbibing – “low energy couch potato or high energy explorer,” according to a report on Mashable.

The design of the app is similar to Tinder, with photos as the main feature and the ability to accept or reject a match by swiping left or right. Besides how you consume your pot, a few extra questions are added to enhance your profile, including what you are in the mood for – “go out, stay in, or chat?” and your interests (“culture, outdoors”).

CEO Todd Mitchem says he was inspired to create the app after his date called it quits when she found out he smoked pot. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, so he decided he’d rather only date pot smokers – but needed a way to meet them. He wanted to build a community around people who might otherwise feel shunned for their habit. He told Mashable that the app “can also act as a kind of social network for smokers who are seeking recommendations on local dispensaries, to share tips or just make friends with other like-minded folks.”   

High There however is not the first dating app to cater to this particular clientele. My420mate launched last year, and 420Singles has been offering their pot-friendly app for a while as well, though High There seems to be getting a lot more attention in the press.

So far, the reception to High There has been mixed, according to reviews in the app store. The main reason for users’ frustration is that they download the free app and then can’t use it because of the marijuana laws in their particular cities. (If it isn’t available to purchase legally in your town, you can’t use the app.) Many people complain that they do have medical marijuana cards from another city, but can’t use the app because of the legal status in the city where they live.

High There is free and available for Android users, and will soon be available for download from the iTunes store.

Valentine’s Day can stir up a lot of emotion for singles. The holiday is pervasive –there’s the mountain of chocolates and pink hearts on display when you walk into your local grocery store, not to mention the bouquets and presents being delivered to your work colleagues as they squeal in delight.

Maybe you wonder: why is it that a Hallmark-manufactured holiday is still around, making couples spend money they don’t have and making singles feel like uninvited party guests? Sure, some people are now calling February 14^th “Singles Awareness day,” but does that really help the situation?

There are a few ways to buck the holiday – or at least, try to have some fun in spite of it. Instead of getting frustrated or venting with your friends about your single V-Day, try one or some of these to have a little fun:

Throw a party with your friends. There’s nothing stopping you from celebrating Valentine’s Day without a romantic partner. Why not acknowledge the love you have for your group of friends? They have been there through it all, so it’s good to recognize this. Grab some fondue, some wine and cheese and make it a night to celebrate!

Take a spa day. Why should couples have all the romantic fun? Treat yourself to a little TLC and splurge for a massage – maybe throw in a scrub or a facial, too. The point is – pamper yourself. There’s no reason you can’t have love for yourself on Valentine’s Day.

Host a dinner. If you’re not into throwing an informal party, invite a few friends over and try your hand at cooking a fabulous meal. If you’re not a chef, then see if one of your friends wants to pitch in or pick up some food from your favorite local spot. Then serve in fancy dishes around your table to make the night special. The point is to cultivate love.

Call a friend who’s far away. Not really feeling social? That’s okay, too. But if you choose to spend the night at home watching rom-coms in your pajamas, it might make you feel worse. Try calling your old friend who you talk to maybe once every couple of years. There’s nothing more meaningful than telling someone how much they mean to you, no matter how far away.

Volunteer. Valentine’s Day is a good time to acknowledge how much we have in our lives, and to share love with others. Do you love dogs? Try walking them at a local shelter. If you want to work with people, try reading to kids at your library. There are lots of opportunities if you look around you. In fact, everyone should look into this for Valentine’s Day, whether or not they are in a relationship.

The point of Valentine’s Day is to spread love, right? So let’s start with it in our own lives.