Advice

Attention tall men. There are women on your dating site that aren't getting very many emails, or if they are, they're rejecting them in hopes of finding YOU. They've been a little neglected in the guy department for most of their dating lives and they'll tell you that they are sick and tired of it. Where's their prince? Where are you?

Oh, that's right. You're wasting time on women who probably won't email you back. You're neglecting this prime community of women who are dying to meet you because you don't have your custom searches set up to find them.

So who are these babes who are dying to meet you, tall guy? Tall girls!

Sounds obvious, right? But really, how many of you have a custom search set up just for women over 5'10"? Probably not many of you! Meanwhile you're sifting through tons of girls, some tall, some average, some short. How's your success rate for emails? Not so great?

Hook up your custom search to show you women over 5'10". Many of these women have problems finding dates, or if they do find a man about their size, they have to retire all their high heels. (Tragedy!) I've had several tall friends throughout the year and they've all sung the same song:

"Guys are afraid of me. Nobody asks me out."
"Just once, I'd like to feel SMALL when I'm with my boyfriend."
"I want to be the little spoon!"
"I'd love to tilt my head up to kiss my guy."
"Sometimes guys email me, but when they realize they overlooked the fact I'm 6'1", they get all awkward and then disappear."

Email those tall girls, tall guys! They're waiting for someone like you - a guy that can be the big spoon, make her feel small, and lift her chin up to kiss her. Step up to the plate!

Have you been called a “cougar?” Well, you’re not alone. In the dating world, it seems that any woman who happens to connect with a younger man is destined to bear the title of cougar these days. Granted, it’s not the nicest thing a confident woman in search of a romantic match can be called, is it really all that bad to be a cougar these days?

Women in their mid-thirties and beyond have a special edge over their twenty-something “competitors” in the dating world. What is it, you ask? Read on and I’ll tell you the top five reasons it’s great to be a cougar and on the prowl these days!

Reason 1: You know what you want to be when you grow up.

Confidence is completely sexy and your have it in spades. As a matter of fact, you’ve spent the past thirty-some-odd years developing that confidence. You’re not bouncing around from job to job and have probably come to discover what you really love doing with your life. Your career, passions and pursuits all reflect who you are and what you enjoy. There’s nothing sexier than waking up in the morning and knowing that you’re a confident woman who knows where she’s going. That’s a ride for which any match is lucky to get a ticket.

Reason 2: You’ve come to understand and appreciate sex.

In your teens and early twenties, you’re figuring out sex. Hopefully by your late twenties and early thirties, you’ve discovered what pleases you and how to please a partner. Understanding the importance of sex in your life – no matter where it falls on the scale – can only add to you being a better partner for the match in your life. You see it as a release, as passion, as fun and occasionally as a pure need. Being able to see sex for more than just what goes on in dorm rooms and the back seats of your parents’ car lends to that whole confidence thing and makes you someone lovely to wake up next to.

Reason 3: Alone time – everyone needs it.

As a “cougar,” you don’t need to be with your partner 24/7. Rather, you understand and appreciate that you each have things you like doing and they sometimes don’t involve the other person. When you can each go your separate ways and pursue what you love yet still converge and share the wonderful things in life together, you’re going miles towards not only being a great partner. You’re letting your partner know that you respect their life. You’re each better people for what you do individually. Those individual pursuits make you better together as well.

Reason 4: You don’t need men to buy your drinks.

Whether you’re out for a night on the town with your girlfriends or on a business trip and catching up on some reading at the bar over a solo dinner – you’re a big girl. You can buy your own drinks and meals (though it’s nice to have someone offer on occasion). You know that who you are is more important than how much you drink or how little you eat and that you’re more than just a caricature of a woman on the prowl. When you share your time with someone, it’s because they are deserving of your company and add value to your life. Not because you need them to pick up the tab.

Reason 5: Because you know that chemistry is hard to find and you’re not limiting yourself on finding love.

No matter the age of the person you connect with, you understand that how you two relate is what keeps conversations alive, sex exciting and your relationship from going stale. If you find that connection with a younger partner, who’s to criticize? So long as you’re realistic about expectations and face more challenging issues head-on (like the desire to have children, blending families and life goals), there is nothing set in stone that says the people involved in a perfect couple are within a few years age of one another. Follow your heart, honor yourself, and don’t compromise on what makes you feel loved at the end of the day.

Being a cougar in this day and age isn’t such a bad thing after all! We are all looking for someone to make our days brighter and heart fulfilled. Cougars are just a few steps closer to fulfilling that on a personal level! Never let anyone say that being a cougar is a bad thing. After all – if they didn’t call us cougars, they’d call us something else.

I had a client come to me recently with a very boring profile. His profile said absolutely nothing. In his initial email to me he said, "This online dating thing sucks! I'm not getting any results!" When I checked his profile, the story told itself. Or rather, it didn't.

When I asked him about his profile, he said that he just didn't know what to say about himself. Moreover, he was worried about tooting his own horn or seeming like he was full of himself. He was a nice guy, he said, and this lack of results he was seeing was obviously because women only like jerks and he was destined to end last.

As nice dating coaches do, I talked him down and then we began to chat about him, his job, his hobbies and interests, and the type of woman he was interested in attracting. Turns out, he had a lot of great things about him that hadn't made his original profile. He had a fascinating job, volunteered for several local groups, and was a talented classical pianist who played dinner parties and weddings every weekend. He was really a catch, but none of this was in his profile.

When I rewrote his profile to include these things, he was shocked. "This is me... but... it's like... I would date me now!" he stammered. "How did you do it?"

"It's easy," I grinned. "I don't have your self-consciousness."

As a dating profile writer, my job is to write a profile that best markets you to the type of people you're interested in dating. I promote your best points and make you sound great!

When you write your own profile, you need to step back a bit out of yourself. See yourself as a marketer sees a product - what do you bring to the table that's interesting, cool, or unique? Don't be afraid to write about yourself and toot your horn a little bit - as long as it's true, it's worth including in your profile!

Every dating site has its own spin on the dating profile format. In this series, I'll take a look at some of the different profile formats and how you can write your best profile for that particular service. SoulGeek is a dating service that caters to only those who describe themselves as geeky.

The main body of the profile contains two 600 character boxes - one to describe yourself, and a second to describe the geek of your dreams. I like that they keep things short and sweet in the main profile, because it leaves room for the geeking out later:

SoulGeek's profile allows you to really geek out and describe all the things that you obsess over - whether that be Star Wars, RPGs, SCA, programming, whatever you like! There's a tendency to get a little longwinded, but on a site as niche as this one, you're among people who understand, so I say go for it!

Every dating site has its own spin on the dating profile format. In this series, I'll take a look at some of the different profile formats and how you can write your best profile for that particular service. OkCupid is one of the free dating sites available to singles - absolutely no cost to join or use features. They are famous for their crazy quizzes and the "Friend / Enemy" percentages they use to indicate a match (or lack thereof!).

After filling out your basic stats and such, you are faced with the following sections to complete:

My Self-Summary

this is the quick and dirty version of who you are. OKCupid profiles are notoriously long, so brevity is of the essence here. Imagine yourself as a box of cereal on the supermarket shelf and write those few lines that describe you as succinctly as possible while making you sound tasty and worth eating.

What I'm Doing With My Life

This is your area to write about your school, job, kids. Again, keep it brief but interesting.

I'm Really Good At

This one can be a list of the things you excel at doing or you can write a sentence or two about one thing that you do very well.

The First Thing(s) People Usually Notice About Me

If you don't know the answer to this one, poll your friends. Do you stick out because you're really tall/short? Do you have pink hair? Are your fingernails always painted funky colors? Is your wardrobe stuck in the 1940s?

My Favorite Books, Movies, Music, and Food

You don't have to hit all of these. You can do these in a list or a paragraph, but don't make it an exhaustive list. Think top 2 or 3 of the category, not top 20.

The Six Things I Could Never Do Without

Very straightforward. List your top 6. (If you are a guy seeking a girl, putting "sex" in the list doesn't make you witty.)

I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About

World Peace? How your cell phone works? Why the cable delivery guy is always late? Keep this answer short and either profound or witty. Bonus points if you can make it profound AND witty.

On A Typical Friday Night, I Am

While this does say "typical," if your typical Friday is lounging on your couch flipping through the channels, you may want to stretch the truth and talk about another activity you do semi-frequently on the weekends.

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit Here

Don't TMI (too much information). You can mention something weird ("My cat insists on following me into the bathroom, no matter what I plan to do in there.) or funny ("I frequently get 80s cartoon theme songs stuck in my head and have been known to be caught humming Mighty Mouse's song in business meetings."). But don't get too personal. That's for later.

You Should Message Me If

This is your call to action - someone read (or skimmed) your profile all the way down to here. What's the last thing you can say that convinces them to email you? If you just say "if you think I'm interesting and worth getting to know" you'll get a lot fewer responses than if you tied it into your previous profile text and said something like "you've ever been caught humming or whistling an entirely inappropriate song for the given situation." This is your last hurrah - make it count!

OkCupid.com allows you to have lots of pictures. I recommend at least 4, but no more than 6. One picture should be a close-up of your face, one full body shot, and the rest can be of your choosing (group shot, action shot, more close-ups, etc).

Best of luck getting Cupid to shoot you! Next in the series... PlentyofFish profiles!

For more information on the dating site mentioned in this article, read our OKCupid.com review.

Every dating site has its own spin on the dating profile format. In this series, I'll take a look at some of the different profile formats and how you can write your best profile for that particular service. JDate.com, part of the Spark Networks family of dating sites, is focused on matching Jewish (and Jewish-friendly) singles.

JDate's profile is in four tabs: Basics, Lifestyle, Interests, and Relationship.

Basics

Here is where your About me paragraph goes. Only a paragraph (maybe two!) is necessary here to give people a taste of who you are and what you do. The purpose of this section is to intrigue people into contacting you, not to dish your life story. Be fascinating, but brief.

Lifestyle & Interests

No paragraphs to fill out here, just things to select or not select.

Be careful when selecting checkboxes for your personality. Your idea of "stubborn" may be that it takes you a little while to be convinced to eat at a new restaurant. Your potential match may read it as "will challenge me on everything and make my life miserable" because that's what their ex's flavor of "stubborn" happened to be. Tread carefully.

Relationship

There are four optional paragraphs in this section. There are some MAJOR traps in these, so read carefully so you know how to avoid them:

My ideal relationship:

Here's where you describe the style of relationship you want. Think in terms of the kind of activities you'd like to do with your future mate. "I'm looking for a man who likes a long walk after dinner so we can burn off dessert while we chat." or "She's the type of girl who always thinks of the little things that I'd forget - like keeping extra Lactaid pills in her purse so I don't have to skip out on Cold Stone!" Don't mention the scary "m" word - monogamy. Most people agree that it's a good idea, and are kinda put-off by seeing you flat-out request it.

My past relationships:

Don't fill out this question. Seriously, it invites too much negativity. If you really need to fill it out, mention the positive qualities of your past relationships. For example, "Each of my ex's has taught me something interesting. Thanks to Dave, I can follow a football game. Thanks to Daniel, I know how to rollerblade (and love it!). Thanks to Justin, I have an urge to go back to school and get my PhD!"

I'm looking for a:

Here's the section where you can list the qualities of the person you'd like to date. Be specific about character, but leave the details of looks, job, etc out. Focus on the type of person, not the specifics.

My perfect first date:

Up to you here. What I'd suggest is mentioning a place or activity you'd like to try but haven't yet. That gives your potential match a good idea of something to talk to you about in their first email. "This may sound crazy, but I really want to try that new burger place on Long Street. It's not really a fancy first date, but I really love a juicy burger!

Jdate.com allows you to have four pictures. One picture should be a close-up of your face, one full body shot, and two of your choosing (group shot, action shot, another close-up, etc).

Best of luck with your JDating! Next in the series... OkCupid profiles!

For more information on the dating site mentioned in this article, read our JDate.com review.