Advice

For many people who use online dating sites, a long-term relationship is the ultimate goal. Often, this involves cohabitation at some point, so it might seem logical to some to address any associated issues right from the very beginning. In some cases, this is true; if you're deathly allergic to cats, for example, this would affect you from the very first date. In most other cases, however, bring up cohabitation issues can come off as jumping the gun at best, and just plain creepy at worst.

I've seen some profiles that seem more like a resume for housekeeping work or an arranged marriage than someone looking for a new friend. “I love being a keeper at home! I can't wait to have children! I'm really skilled in sewing!” This sort of thing is not limited to women, by the way. Not only have I spotted men looking for just that sort of woman, I've also seen them offering up their own skills that might be useful “around the house.”

Other profiles get into the nitty-gritty of everyday life right off the bat, or seemingly advertise their great location or spacious apartment. Usually I understand what the writer was trying to say – maybe that they have room in their life for someone else, or that they're happy with their life, or that they're trying to give a glimpse into a typical day. However, it comes off more as a listing looking for a roommate than a significant other.

When you're constructing your profile, try not to think much further ahead than the dating stage – it could subconsciously influence your writing. Remember, you're looking for a potential friend, first and foremost – if there's chemistry, the rest of the story will practically write itself. Thus, focus on the hard part – getting to that first meeting. If it's not going to affect every aspect of your dating life – like an allergy, or an unusual diet – the everyday stuff can always wait 'til later.

If you live in a highly-populated area, online dating sites can occasionally provide quite a bit of frustration when it comes to zeroing in on likely matches.

Your city (or metropolitan area) has no shortage of potential candidates, but none of them seem to have anything in common. Most of the options designed to narrow the search are actually areas in which you'd like to keep an open mind, like body type and height. You're not looking for someone with a specific look – you're looking for a specific personality.

This is where keyword searches can come in handy. Most of the time people use keyword searches solely to find something in common, but that can be like searching for a needle in a haystack – what are the odds of every compatible person listing the same obscure movie as their favorite? However, with a little bit of research, you can use the keyword search to look for various kinds of people.

Let's imagine a woman in her mid-thirties. She's a little bold, a little dramatic, and pretty independent. She's a fan of movies like Star Wars, but it might not occur to her to list it. She loves wit and sarcasm mixed with her horror. She hasn't been living in a bubble for the last fifteen years.

Chances are, she's a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Now, you might be a man who would not list Buffy as one of your own favorites, but you know the women you've gotten along with in the past have all loved it. So why not do a keyword search for Buffy? Chances are, you'll find a higher ratio of compatible women than if you'd started wading through everything in a given age range.

The key to doing a keyword search is keeping the keywords broad and popular. The TV show I mentioned was incredibly popular, and lasted several years – one of those generation-definers. It's possible to be either too broad or too specific. If you're a female sports buff, listing a specific sport – basketball – is more useful than the ultra-general word “sports.” However, getting too specific - “Detroit Pistons,” when you live in LA – could limit the search unnecessarily.

If you feel like you've hit a wall in your searches, why not play around with the keyword search function? Leave all other search ranges as broad as possible. You may come up with a pleasant surprise.

It's summer. Now, usually it's recommended that with each passing month or season, you change some little bit in your online dating profile to reflect the time of year – to show that your profile is quite obviously up-to-date. Thus, “I can't wait for the warm weather to get here” becomes “I'm so glad the summer sun is finally here” becomes “I'm ready for the beautiful fall leaves.” It's a pretty easy fix.

Unless, of course, you absolutely hate the time of year at hand. Then, it becomes tempting to lie.

Maybe you really don't like the summer weather. Maybe you live in a place where it spikes over 90 for a few weeks and you don't have central air. Maybe you're allergic to the sun.

This most frequently comes up around the winter holidays. Everyone tends to be so jolly and full of winter spirit that anyone for whom the season has bad connotations comes off as a scrooge.

So, how do you make a seasonal update when you're not generally thrilled about the season at hand?

Well, first and foremost, don't lie. Don't say you like the smell of Christmas trees, when what you really mean is that you like the smell of them burning. Don't say you're ready to hit the beach when you'd actually turn into a lobster in five minutes flat. Perhaps the people who email you are looking for a beach buddy, or someone to help them pick out a Christmas tree. You'll be caught in a lie, which is not only awkward but effectively kills your future chances.

However, if you really want to go the seasonal route, don't say something negative. Even if you don't like the current season, find a way to spin it in a positive way. Instead of saying you hate summer, say you're looking forward to fall. If you can't stand the cold weather, talk about how wonderful the warmth of a fire is.

There's a final option – it's not an absolute necessity to talk about the weather or the seasons. To demonstrate that your profile is current, how about mentioning a movie you're planning to see this week, or which TV show finale you're anticipating? This might require a little more maintenance – every few weeks as opposed to a few months – but hey, you're not forced to say something nice about something you're not wild about. Overall, the important thing is that your profile is current, fresh, and honest.

A lot of people will agree that most people are attracted by confidence. This boils down to our prehistoric instincts, which under the surface are still as strong as ever. People often want a confident partner in order to feel safe, and they will intuitively be attracted to these qualities.

Fortunately confidence is not something we are born with. It is something that can be developed throughout our lives by our life's experiences. Our confidence can also be affected by negative experiences. Confidence levels subtly change from one day to the next, and even from one moment to the next. Hypnosis can help them confidence levels move in the right direction, up.

As you may already know, the dating game is not always easy. You might have some success with the opposite sex for a while, and your confidence levels begin to soar, only to have a bad experience and be knocked right back down. When you have had some success, your confidence levels usually rise, breeding even more success. However after a knock back, you can become stuck in a vicious cycle of failure.

The world of online dating can sometimes seem rather formulaic. Do this to get people to look at your profile; don't do that; an email should be this long and stay away from these subjects; don't go on a date too soon. It can become easy to forget about the human component, the thing that actually makes it dating. And that human factor can make online dating just as unexpected and interesting as meeting through any other channel.

A male friend of mine recently got an email from a woman (not usual, to say the least). “You seem like a really interesting guy, and we seem to have a lot in common,” she wrote. “I see, however, that you're looking for a long-term thing, and I'm looking for something that's a little more casual. It would still be great to meet and hang out, though...”

So, comfortable with the knowledge that it wasn't a meeting to determine if they were soul mates in true love, my friend decided to meet up with the casual girl anyway. The girl was spot-on in her assessment of their compatibility – they appear to have tons in common, and he had a great time. Now, at the very least, he has a new friend. Will it turn into something more? Time will tell, but for now there's no pressure.

As you check out profiles, bear in mind that online dating sites are essentially just a way to meet new people. There's no harm in meeting someone who doesn't meet your criteria for a perfect match, because you might come out with something different than true love. However, take a cue from casual girl and be upfront about your intentions; if you're just looking for friendship or you know you have a major difference, get it out of the way now. You have the means to meet lots of great people at your fingertips; take advantage of the tools, and you might just surprise yourself.

So let's say you've met someone, and things are going swimmingly. Your new potential significant other has met your friends – and that's going pretty well too. So well, in fact, that you've been invited on an all-new adventure – the double date.

Double dates open up a whole new world of anxiety and awkwardness. Sure, they can be a ton of fun. More often than not, however, they reveal the insecurities of a brand-new couple, and invite unflattering comparisons. If you're about to embark on a double date, keeping a few survival tips in mind could make the difference between a fun outing and a nail-biting session.

First and most importantly, remember that each relationship is unique. Maybe you've known your new flame for a few weeks, while the other couple has been together for years. Maybe you and your match are naturally a little more low-key on the PDA, but the other couple acts like teenagers with puppy love. That's okay – there's no “right way” or “better way.” And for crying out loud, don't try to make it into a competition about who's more in love. That's just silly.

It's not always the case that the other couple is a positive example; sometimes there's sniping and even flat-out arguments. It's never a pretty sight, and never a comfortable atmosphere. If you think you can successfully lighten the mood, go ahead and tell your jokes, but never, ever get involved in the argument. Don't turn it into a case where you and your partner are taking sides, or even worse, fighting about gender issues.

If the double date is clearly off in some way – whatever the reason – and you and your date are uncomfortable, take initiative. Make up an excuse, call it an early night, whatever, but get yourselves out of there. Even if the double date goes sour, you can still save the evening and have a good time with your significant other.

Sometimes double dates can be illuminating and fun – you're seeing your partner in a different light, in a situation that's social but not overwhelming. On other occasions, the situation can be toxic. Either way, if you stay alert and avoid these common issues, it's possible to make the best of any double-date scenario.