Advice

It's no surprise that it's a good idea to be positive on your online dating profile. We all say it, all the time. Cut the negative! It's like a snippet of meeting you on a good day, not a bad one!

What we forget to say is that it's even better if your positive attitudes are reflected in person.

I'm not talking about a first date, or even a meeting with a potential date. I'm talking about those random days when you're talking to the elderly lady you know at the grocery store and she asks you about your love life. Or your neighbors. Or your co-workers.

Why bother? Well, there's a few different reasons. First and foremost, why not? If you can remember to think positively and can pull yourself into a good mood, why not do so? You'll feel better, and others will like being around you.

Secondly, you never know who might be thinking of you. That elderly lady in the grocery store might have someone in mind that she's thinking of suggesting – but after listening to whining for ten minutes about the lack of prospects and why everyone must have something wrong with them, she's changed her mind. In a way, it's similar to networking – being pleasant to everyone can have positive, if indirect, results.

And finally, there are some people who simply need to develop better habits. They've gotten themselves stuck in an endless negative rut, and they simply need to form the habit of positive thinking to break the cycle. Pasting on a smile might feel fake at first, and so might saying good things about yourself. Eventually, however, the smiling becomes second nature, and the positive statements pay off. People want to be around that happy, smiling you. And people you don't know might want to meet you.

While it's important to make a positive first impression on your dating profile, it's equally important to do so in person. Why wait for a first date to try it out?

The world of online dating has opened doors for many. However, from time to time I meet people whose expectations of online dating sites are on a whole new level.

There's the guy who expects to meet women, but refuses to email any, because he's heard women can get away without doing any work so he should too. It's silly, but sadly not entirely uncommon. These types of people apparently want websites to do the wooing.

However, I can top that: I recently met a woman who expected her online dating site to do the thinking. You see, she had met a man from a website that prides itself on its high caliber of singles. Well, high-caliber he may have been; single he was not. He cheerfully filled her in on the first date.

She was outraged – not just at the unfaithful married man, but at the online dating website that had brought the two together. Apparently, the site should have – what? Performed a background check? Done follow-up surveillance to make sure he matched his picture as well? I'm not sure exactly what she was looking for, and I doubt she really knew either.

An online dating site is merely a tool to meet new people. It's a supplement to dating; it doesn't do the dating for you. Just as in the world, someone has to say hello to get the ball rolling. And just as in the real world, sometimes people aren't as perfect as they might appear at first glance. That's where the discernment comes in, the trial period where two people figure out if they're really right for each other. Even if someone is less than honest on a profile, hopefully all truths will out in this trial period before real life decisions are made. Such a trial period is highly recommended by most in successful relationships. It's called dating.

Social networking sites are fast becoming the most popular way to keep in touch with others, including our significant others. We check updates, exchange photos, and leave messages on what seems to be a constant basis.

But sometimes, our addiction to social networking can wreak havoc on a relationship. Jealousy and misunderstanding stem from angry wall posts, status updates, and even photos. If you find yourself checking on your significant other several times a day to make sure he doesn't post anything objectionable or questionable on his Twitter or Facebook page, it may be time to consider taking a break.

I'm not suggesting closing your accounts. But there is something to be said for de-friending or un-following a significant other, even if you are still dating him. Social media can play tricks with our emotions if we allow it to guide our relationships.

My first suggestion would be to know yourself and your tendencies. If you are able to refrain and stop checking your significant other's pages several times a day, great. If you are able to have real conversations instead of posting angry messages back and forth, you are in a good position to keep your social networking connection alive.

However, if you find yourself unable to log on without checking his or her latest status updates, or if you find your emotions going up and down depending on whether he tweets you or not, it's time to reassess. Relationships are real life, not virtual. And ideally, you each have your own life and don't need to spend 24/7 with each other, and that includes social networking. Just because it's easily accessible doesn't make it a healthy part of your relationship. So, do yourself and your significant other a favor and if you have to, un-friend and un-follow to get your relationship back on track.

In the end, a relationship's success is all about how you communicate. Try to keep misunderstandings to a minimum by being clear, honest, and talking over the phone or in-person about what's bothering you. Don't leave it to social networking.

You've been communicating for weeks with a guy you met online. According to his profile and email and phone conversations, he seems great, and you're excited to meet him in person. Within a few minutes of face-to-face interaction however, it's clear that you aren't a match.

This scenario happens more often than we'd like. So what can you do to better prepare yourself for your first in-person meeting so it doesn't end in disappointment? Here are some tips.

Do your research. You've read his profile and you've exchanged flirtatious emails and phone conversations. You may feel that you know enough about him, but chances are, you don't. Do a Google search. If you have an iPhone or Android, download an app like Date Check, which lets you know if he has a criminal or sex offender record. It may sound extreme, but with online dating, we are meeting strangers outside of our trusted network of friends and family so it's necessary to take extra precautions. With so much information at our fingertips, there's no excuse not to use it for dating.

Utilize social networking sites. These days, most people seem to have a Facebook page, a Twitter page, or a LinkedIn account. Remember, you can look someone up on Facebook by an email address, so you know you have the right person. What kind of photos do they post? What messages do friends leave on their walls? What is their relationship status? Social networking sites provide information and insight that we likely aren't able to get through emails and phone calls.

Set up an in-person meeting sooner rather than later. If you put off meeting in person but communicate often via email, instant messages, and phone conversations, you can build up a false sense of intimacy. Better to cut to the chase to see if you click in real life, so set a date to meet for coffee next time you find yourself excited about a virtual guy or girl.

Be realistic. Falling head over heels for someone you've never met but seems great online is a recipe for disappointment. You don't know if there's chemistry until you meet in person. Approach the situation for what it is: getting to know someone for the first time...don't make assumptions, even if your online exchanges seem more intimate.

Like the weather, online dating is unpredictable and frustrating, and the results you want never seem to come at the right time. In other words, when it rains, it pours.

After months of waiting for just one email response, a friend of mine finally got one. And everything was going swimmingly. Then, just as he's really moving into the phase where he can say, “We're dating,” he gets another email response. And another! At any other time this would be a victory, but now he's kicking himself. He really wants to focus on the girl he's dating. How to let the others down nicely? And what if things don't work out with his current flame – will he have closed the door to other possibilities forever?

This is a problem most people would love to have – until they're actually in this position. We've all been turned down before, so when we're put in this position, we want to be classy, graceful. We want to have all the right things to say. And, without being cynical, we might want to leave our options open. How to go about it?

First and foremost – be honest. Say that you enjoyed their email, and it was interesting, but that you're currently attempting to give it a go with someone else. Don't scold them for the amount of time it took them to reply, or imply that they missed out; that's just tacky. If you say something like, “I'm seeing someone else, and I'm not the type of person who can date multiple people at once,” you'll be honest and they might even respect you for it, if they agree.

Now, the next part is trickier. You might not want to close the door on your potential future, but you don't want to be the person propping it open with your sleazy foot, either. Do not, under any circumstances, imply that something could happen if it doesn't work out with your current significant other – they'll wonder if you'll be looking for the next thing while you're with them. Regretfully state that under different circumstances, this story might have had a different ending, so they know you were interested – and move on.

Not just in your email; move on in your heart, as well. You really should be focusing on the current flame, after all. If – and it's a big if – things don't work out, there's no harm in going back and seeing if option number two is still available – and you haven't tried to juggle two at once. It's a bridge that should only be crossed when you come to it.

For many people who use online dating sites, a long-term relationship is the ultimate goal. Often, this involves cohabitation at some point, so it might seem logical to some to address any associated issues right from the very beginning. In some cases, this is true; if you're deathly allergic to cats, for example, this would affect you from the very first date. In most other cases, however, bring up cohabitation issues can come off as jumping the gun at best, and just plain creepy at worst.

I've seen some profiles that seem more like a resume for housekeeping work or an arranged marriage than someone looking for a new friend. “I love being a keeper at home! I can't wait to have children! I'm really skilled in sewing!” This sort of thing is not limited to women, by the way. Not only have I spotted men looking for just that sort of woman, I've also seen them offering up their own skills that might be useful “around the house.”

Other profiles get into the nitty-gritty of everyday life right off the bat, or seemingly advertise their great location or spacious apartment. Usually I understand what the writer was trying to say – maybe that they have room in their life for someone else, or that they're happy with their life, or that they're trying to give a glimpse into a typical day. However, it comes off more as a listing looking for a roommate than a significant other.

When you're constructing your profile, try not to think much further ahead than the dating stage – it could subconsciously influence your writing. Remember, you're looking for a potential friend, first and foremost – if there's chemistry, the rest of the story will practically write itself. Thus, focus on the hard part – getting to that first meeting. If it's not going to affect every aspect of your dating life – like an allergy, or an unusual diet – the everyday stuff can always wait 'til later.