Advice

Many times, we start dating someone we find attractive and engaging...perfect in many ways, except for "just one thing". Whether the problem is significant or trivial: the way he laughs, the way he acts around his friends, or his choice of career, it gets in the way of your relationship and how you feel about him.

So how do you decide if you can get past "this one thing" and move forward into a relationship, or whether it's a deal-breaker for you? Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

Is this something I can overlook? For example, if your date likes to tell a lot of bad jokes when he's with his friends, is this something significant enough to end the relationship? Many times habits or personality traits can be bothersome, but if his other qualities outshine the annoyances (is he kind, considerate, thoughtful, etc.?), a little tolerance on your part can go a long way.

Is there a pattern in my relationships? If you tend to date people who cheat, lie, or otherwise act in a distrustful or disrespectful manner, consider why you're attracted to this type of person. There's a reason that it happens over and over again. It could be time to break the pattern and move on.

Do your values conflict? If your significant other acts in ways that conflict with your values, or is treating you or others with disrespect, there is little room for compromise. Both people in any relationship should feel respected and valued, and if he or she thinks your values or goals are irrelevant, this is a clear sign the relationship isn't what it should be.

Can I resist "fixing" him? Many women enter relationships thinking that they can change whatever it is they don't like about their significant others. However, relationships don't work that way. Instead of trying to fix him, work on your own patience, tolerance, etc. to let him be exactly as he is. If you're unable to resist being a "fixer", this may not be the relationship for you.

Am I flexible? Maybe she lives 2,000 miles away and one of you would have to consider leaving your friends, job, and home to be together, which is a big decision. Are either of you willing to take that risk? Or maybe he's part of a baseball league and won't make plans on Wednesdays or Saturdays because of the game schedule. Can you compromise on scheduling activities you do together? Flexibility of both parties is key in making relationship work.

Every relationship requires respect and mutual consideration. Many times we have to make compromises, which isn't a bad thing. Before you consider dumping someone because of an issue you can't see past, make sure that you aren't overlooking the good qualities, too.

1. I will put myself out there. I can't find love if I don't make an effort to meet new people and go on dates.
2. I will ditch my dealbreakers. I may be missing out on great people because I'm focused on superficial qualities like height and hair color. This year, I will focus on what really counts: finding someone who makes me happy.
3. I will smile more often. Not only does smiling make me more appealing and approachable, it also boosts my mood and shares my positive energy with the world.
4. I will revamp my online dating profile. I've changed over the last year, and my profile should change with me so that it is an accurate reflection of who I am and what I want.
5. I will make dating a priority. I won't let work or Dancing With The Stars reruns get in the way of what I really want: a relationship with someone I love.
6. I will give my attitude a makeover. There are plenty of wonderful people out there...I just need to find them. I will let go of the idea that there's no one out there for me.
7. I will not take rejection personally. Some dates will work out, but it's not a reflection on who I am - it just means that we weren't right for each other, and we will find better partners in other people.
8. I will not let my past determine my future. It doesn't matter how many unfulfilling relationships I've been in - they do not mean that I do not deserve, or will not find, happiness.
9. I will speak to strangers. Even a simple "Hello!" gets me one step closer to meeting the person of my dreams.
10. I will let go of my expectations on dates. I will be open, kind, funny, honest, positive, a great listener, and do everything I can to be the best date I can be. Even if I don't meet my soulmate, I may end up meeting a new friend.
11. I will recognize my own self-worth. I am a unique and fabulous person, and I deserve to have everything I want in life and love.
12. I won't give up! Sometimes bad dates and breakups happen...but they're no reason to give up on my dream of finding love with a partner who's perfect for me.

Happy New Year!

As we enter the holiday season, we encounter a sticky subject: gift-giving. What if you’ve only had one date? What’s the magic number of dates before a present is expected? Or would giving a present be moving too quickly?

If only there was a magic response - this number of dates equals a DVD, for example. Alas, like everything else regarding relationships, this is dependent wholly on your unique relationship. However, let’s think this through a bit:

Perhaps the big issue is not whether or not to give a gift. If you’ve been on more than one date and it’s still going well, a gift of some kind will most likely be appreciated, and at this time of year, it’s a small gesture that goes a long way toward making someone feel recognized. So, let’s scratch this: go with the present. The real question, however, is how much time, effort and money should go into such a gift.

The key to a good present that doesn’t overwhelm is using personalized inside jokes. People can easily read become overwhelmed or read too much into an expensive gift; keeping things cheap, but thoughtful, is the way to go. Maybe a card that’s been “modified” to reflect some catch phrase between the two of you. Maybe a DVD that’s part of a running joke. Even a silly stuffed animal from the drugstore aisle can be a hit, if it’s purchased with some sort of double meaning, not as a generic “catch-all” gift.

The good thing about ensuring your gifts are personalized is that it’s an easy way to make sure your present is appropriate. At the beginning of a relationship, there aren’t that many in-jokes and stories; something cute but still a little impersonal is just fine. As time goes on and you have more adventures, gifts can get more elaborate, loaded with past references.

Whether you’re just getting to know each other or partners in crime, spend a little time thinking about the best parts of your relationship. It’s a great way to think up a holiday gift that provides even more memories, and that doesn’t break the bank.

As New Year's is fast approaching, it's time to figure out how to celebrate. Whether you like attending a big event at a local club or prefer an intimate gathering with friends, there are plenty of chances to meet new people and start the year off right.

If you're at a party and someone catches your attention, how do you approach? What do you say? It can be intimidating, but don't let opportunities pass by because you aren't confident or don't know what to do. Take a chance! Here are some ideas to help you get through:

Make eye contact and smile. If you're attracted to someone, don't let shyness get the best of you. Make eye contact to let them know you're interested. Many men take this as a sign to approach, so put it out there! Smiling also helps to let others know you're approachable.

Circulate. Sure, you may be happiest standing at the bar to be closer to your next *censored*tail, but this won't help you meet people. Instead of staying in your comfort zone, force yourself to go up to people you find attractive or engaging and introduce yourself. If you find they don't respond, then move on. Having a good time and meeting new people is up to you, not others.

Don't lose yourself in your smartphone. Blackberries and iPhones may help us stay more connected to the online world, but they also keep us from experiencing the world around us. If you pick up your phone to keep yourself occupied at a party, you're missing out on what's right in front of you. Would you approach someone who was busy texting?

Ask questions. Instead of providing all of the conversation or stories, ask questions. It shows your interest and also indicates that you want to engage, rather than just talk.

Flirt! This is a New Year's party after all...the best time to engage in flirtatious activity. Have some fun, let your guard down, and just enjoy the people around you. If you're having a good time, so will they.

Happy New Year!

The new year is approaching, and with that comes New Years Eve. Ah, pick a New Years Eve cliche: the excitement of getting ready for a big party; wild times under the influence of a little celebratory champagne; the magic of that kiss at midnight.

The only problem, of course, is that if you combine all the cliches you often wind up with a mess. If you have too many expectations placed on this “magical” night you’ll often wind up disappointed and unhappy. Then, depressed, you might overdo it on the celebratory champagne, and that picture-perfect kiss at midnight might actually resemble something more along the lines of a drunk, soggy with tears, throwing themselves at a random person.

How can we avoid kicking off the new year with a disaster? Well, there are a few options. You could stay home altogether, of course, but that doesn’t really seem much fun, and the symbolism is pretty depressing too. I prefer the healthier approach: modify your expectations of that New Years Eve party.

Why do resolutions often fail? Because people expect that they’ll make dramatic life changes (or several) all at once. Instead of attempting a slow, reasonable change, they want instant results, and they pout when they don’t get them.

Similarly, people often expect their New Years Eve to produce the person of their dreams. Not only will they meet this perfect person, it’ll be instant true love. They’ll be kissing by midnight, and they’ll live happily ever after.

So what’s a more reasonable goal? How about this: make a general New Years resolution to get out and meet new people. They don’t even have to be romantic prospects; the more social you are, the more new people you’ll meet, and your overall chances of meeting someone with whom you’ll find a connection will go up.

A New Years Eve party is a prime place to meet new people, but it’s not the only place. Carry the resolution beyond the New Year, beyond January; meet new people. At best you’ll find love; at worst you might make a new friend. And without the added expectations and pressure, your New Years Eve plans might actually turn into a night of fun.

So you think you've figured out every aspect of the online profile default picture. You've got one where you're smiling, you don't look like you're about to rob a bank, and you're not holding a giant drink from Ladies' Night. The picture does not look like it was taken on a web cam from 1998, or a phone from 2002. In short, you're set... or so you think.

Chances are, if you have a picture that meets all that criteria, it's a perfectly fine default picture. But occasionally you'll run across a picture that seems... off, somehow, and you can't put your finger on why. What could be the missing element?

Ladies and gentlemen who like to over-obsess on every bit of minutiae available, I present to you: body language.

But first, a warning: I think it's fine to make sure you aren't sending out any unintended messages through your own body language in pictures, just to be on the safe side. However, I wouldn't then go extrapolating meaning from the body language of others. It's all in perspective, after all; pictures can be taken at funny angles, by a third-party observer, and probably have nothing to do with how someone treats another in conversation.

Now, to get back to the fun of analyzing your own photos: the most common misfiring signal I see out there is what I like to call the “show and tell” picture. Imagine a child at Christmas that's gotten a new toy, and is holding it up for the cameras. Often, people will hold a funny prop or something cute in their picture with them: a squirt gun, their cat. And occasionally – maybe it's just the angle of the photographer – it can appear that the person is hiding behind their prop, that they're constructing a barrier between themselves and the viewer. So look at your own pictures; are you hiding behind something in most of them? Do you look friendly and welcoming, or are you literally hiding behind a wall of cat?

Unfortunately, sometimes people go to the other extreme, and every picture is reminiscent of a mug shot. By that, I don't just mean with shoulders squared to the camera; I mean eyes leveled directly at the viewer, challenging, not welcoming. It can provoke a range of emotions in the viewer, from being creeped out to just plain intimidated. Like the “show and tell” pictures, these are often only a problem when they occur in sheer numbers, so check your picture gallery: does it look like a lineup?

As with most things, it's all about the context. A picture where you're “hiding” behind something can be adorable and engaging, and a “mug shot” can be welcoming. Typically, pictures that are candidly shot can be better even if they don't meet the “rules,” simply because they're more likely to capture genuine emotion.

If you're unsure, try having a third party look through your pictures and give you an honest opinion. They're more likely than you are to match the first impressions of a viewer. Again, if you put any thought at all into your picture selection, you're already way ahead of the game; still, could you be saying more than you mean to?