Dating

Many people have been going a little nuts over Internet sensations Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodwin, two friends, colleagues, and the creators of the blog and dating project 40 Days of Dating. If you've been reading their daily posts, then you probably are dying to know - did they stay together or break-up?

Friendships that become romantic are nothing new, but we all wonder - why is it that some friends are able to overcome their worries and progress into a long-term relationship while others are left feeling awkward and resentful of each other? As it turns out, we can watch exactly how one such friendship plays out.

The couple set the website up as an experiment, because they were both having terrible luck at finding love. Timothy was your good old-fashioned playboy, the non-commital let's-just-have-fun type who didn't want to get serious with a woman. Jessica was of course the opposite - a hopeless romantic who fell quickly for the men she dated, which eventually left her heart-broken and wondering what went wrong.

While the set-up is generic, the day-to-day observations by each of them as they proceeded to date each other exclusively over the course of 40 days, attend therapy sessions, and blog about their feelings and experiences, are pretty engaging and enlightening. Many times, they completely misread and misunderstood each other. Many times they just wanted to cut loose and run for the hills instead of proceeding with the relationship. But because they were forced to stay and try to talk with each other, to come up with a workable solution that would last the 40 days, they found themselves confronting their demons on more than one occasion.

Their weaknesses (hers being loneliness and his being vulnerability) came out, and they weren't able to hide. This is what makes their relationship progression an interesting thing for us readers. They couldn't hide behind their masks. They had to take them off, to stand in front of each other and expose their insecurities and fears. And that makes for good Internet (and maybe a good movie---it seems they have signed with an agent).

While Jessica and Timothy have seemed to grow in their experiment and slowly trust each other enough to (maybe?) fall in love, they still have a long way to go. As with many relationships, trust and commitment aren't built overnight - it's a process of discovery, of revelation. The only way to move past the infatuation stage is to really spend time and get to know each other.

So what does this mean for friends who aren't sure whether they should date? The bigger question is: will you regret it if you don't at least give it a try?

Many of us agree that we can't live without our smartphones. It can even be addictive to check texts, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter through a handheld device which travels everywhere we go. No matter where we are, we are not alone. Our smartphones are by our sides.

According to a recent study conducted by JDate and ChristianMingle.com, our smartphone obsession has affected our dating behavior, too. Their report entitled Mobile's Impact on Dating and Relationships is based on an in-depth survey of 1,500 singles regarding their smartphone habits, and reveals an increased dependence on technology and expectations around how people prefer to communicate.

The study found that 55% of singles feel their mobile devices are making it easier to meet and get to know people for dating. A majority of 64% say that the quality of relationships with those they are dating has improved thanks to mobile technology.

Respondents also felt that it's less intimidating to ask someone on a date via text than by making a phone call. About 31 percent of men and 33% of women agreed, although respondents over the age of 43 said they prefer to ask someone out by phone instead of text. More men than women (44% compared to 37%) believe it's easier to flirt and get to know someone via text.

If you've had a good date, the majority of men and women say it doesn't matter who initiates contact, but it does matter how long it takes to respond. Forty-six percent of singles have become upset with someone they are dating over their text response time, with more women (52 percent) getting upset than men (40 percent). Seventy-eight percent of singles say they want to communicate within 24 hours after a first date, so goodbye three-date rule!

Daters are getting better about phone etiquette while on a date. Ninety-six percent keep their phones out of sight during a date, but beware if you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom - your date is probably checking her phone (or maybe posting a tweet or status update about your date)! Sixty-seven percent said they find a way to sneak a peek at their phones during a date.

It seems that our smartphone addiction is growing and won't be going away anytime soon. The study found that nearly 20% of all singles not only keep their phones on when they go to sleep, but also in bed with them.

Mobile technology has changed the way we date, as well as our expectations and accessibility. Sometimes though, it's okay to shut your phone off. Your date will appreciate it.

When it comes to meeting someone for the first time, it’s natural to want to present the best version of yourself. You might dress in one of your favorite outfits; your hair might just be the best your date will ever see it. Your best manners are (or should be) on display. It might not be a completely accurate snapshot of day-to-day living, but in general, everyone knows this and understands it. However, where do you draw the line between an “idealized” version of yourself and outright falsehoods?

It might seem like a fairly easy distinction to make - and most of the time, it is. But the line can get fuzzy when it comes to discussing the future - your future plans and intentions. Consider a few scenarios:

Tim wants to take the plunge and write a screenplay. He’s dead serious about this, and his date is enamored with the idea of dating an author. But after a few months of attempting it, he realizes it’s not for him. Should she feel deceived?

Kate knows she never wants to have children. However, she doesn’t want to come across as callous or unfeeling, so when it comes to dates, she softens it to “maybe someday” or that she’s “not sure.” Deep down, however, she knows the truth.

Patrick is planning on pursuing a promotion at his job. If he gets it, he knows it’ll mean he’ll have to move overseas, but he doesn’t want his date to think he’s not interested in something long-term. Also, he doesn’t want his date to back off at the possibility of the move. After all, he doesn’t know for sure whether he’ll even get the job.

None of these are quite cut-and-dry situations, but they’re not exactly equal in truth, either. For example, Tim honestly believes he wants to be a screenwriter, and he’ll honestly try his hand at it. His date should understand that there’s no guarantee of success or even fulfillment when you’re trying something new.

Kate, on the other hand, knows that she doesn’t want to have children. Sure, there’s a slim possibility she might change down the road, but she knows she’s certain about her wishes right now. Thus, she should be honest about where she is now; she’s looking for someone compatible with the current Kate, not the potential Kate from ten years in the future.

Patrick, on the other hand, isn’t dealing with a slim chance from ten years down the road; his life may change in a big way very soon. If he’s serious about pursuing a relationship right now, he should be honest about the possibility that there may be a great deal of upheaval soon; otherwise, he could wait until he’s received an answer about a promotion.

As you head out on your first dates, ask yourself: are you being honest about your dreams, desires, and plans for the future? Or are you just saying what you think your date wants to hear? Remember: even a polite, well-coiffed version of yourself is still you. But dress up your personality too much and you’ll have a version that isn’t anywhere close to the truth.

Sometimes when there are seemingly endless options available to us, making a decision can be difficult. Having too many choices can work against us - the more we have to choose from, the more overwhelmed we feel and the less informed choices we make.

Such is the case with online dating. While it brings us constant opportunities to meet new people, it can also give us a "grass is greener" complex. Here's how it works: No matter how great the person is sitting across from you, you think there might be somebody else who's even better. So you don't pursue this woman you find so attractive simply because you want to keep your options open. Instead, you go back to your online search and look for more matches to contact, more dates to pursue. You've become a serial online dater.

While this might make dating more exciting, you're making a sacrifice - you're actively choosing not to pursue or cultivate a relationship. Until you decide to stop your endless search and focus on the person sitting across from you, you'll never get to the relationship part of dating.

It's pretty easy to go online and search for dates, so it's no wonder some of us use online dating to avoid any type of commitment. Especially if you're heart is broken. Maybe you feel like the people you love cheat or abandon you, so why would your date be any different? The problem is, if you don't give someone a real chance, then you'll never find out if it can be different.

If you're a serial dater, you also might be thinking that you just haven't met "the one" yet - the elusive woman or man who sweeps you off your feet, who is so much more beautiful, successful, adventurous, funny, etc. than anyone you've dated so far. It's just a matter of time, right? Not so much. The truth is, you're not giving the people you're meeting a real chance. You haven't taken the time to get to know them and see if there is a real connection. Instead, you're relying only on chemistry or infatuation or unrealistic expectations, which aren't great barometers of long-term relationship success.

And if you are constantly analyzing your dates, looking for faults? You'll never find that "perfect" person, because everyone comes with some sort of history or baggage or preconceived notions, including you. It's important to be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we bring to the table, faults, weaknesses, strengths and abilities. We are all wonderful in unique ways, and we are also human beings.

Instead of serial dating, try making a real effort with the next person you ask out. It could make all the difference.

We first saw them in online dating profiles - photos that people took of themselves while standing in front of bathroom mirrors. Now technology has advanced and the practice has spread. People can view themselves on their smartphone screens, then pose, shoot, and post pictures to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter within seconds.

Such pictures are called "selfies," and they've become a polarizing subject among social media users. According to a recent study out of the UK, posting selfies can have a negative impact on your relationships.

The UK research team evaluated people's posting habits, particularly in regard to self photographs, and if the practice could potentially affect how others view them. Since Facebook pages typically include a wide range of people - from friends to family to work colleagues to acquaintances and high school classmates - how they view profiles varies greatly. Selfies were considered the worst type of pictures to post in terms of what people prefer to see.

In addition, posting too many selfies were found to hurt romantic relationships, too. Researchers found that users who posted selfies were more likely to report feeling less supported by their relationship partners. In the majority of these cases, their partners tended to post pictures of families and family events. Researchers reasoned that the difference between the types of photos people posted could explain why one person in the relationship feels less supported than the other.

Based on the finding of the study, researchers agreed that it would be a good idea to talk about your social media practices before entering into a relationship. If you tend to take selfies and it turns your partner off, it could be a source of conflict as the relationship progresses.

Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship, even your online communication with your circle of friends and family. If you're posting a lot of selfies on Facebook and Instagram, others could conclude that you want a lot of attention and it turns them off. Your partner might feel that you'll dish about your relationship, the good and the bad, which is nobody else's business. Others might get annoyed at your posts clogging up their Facebook feeds.

Whatever the case, too many self photographs are a definite turn-off among users of social media according to the study, and often they can detract from a relationship. Instead of turning inward and posting on social media, talk to your partner if you're not getting what you need. Work on your relationship together, offline.

Making a good online impression is really an art. Do you consider yourself an online Casanova? Are you able to email with matches endlessly, but are too intimidated to ask for a real date? Let's face it. You know that at some point, the online interaction needs to cease and you should meet face to face, because how else are you going to see if you're really a match?

Some people are talented wordsmiths while others might not feel so comfortable writing as they do speaking to someone in person or over the phone. When it comes to online dating, this shouldn't matter. Because the last thing you want to do is correspond with potential online dates for weeks or months at a time, when you should be meeting them as quickly as possible.

Many people have asked me how long they should email before asking somebody out over an online dating site. I recognize that you are strangers and it's good to feel comfortable with someone before agreeing to meet in person. However, if you wait too long, you are missing out on some great opportunities.

Technology has kicked online and mobile dating into high gear. You don't have to be at home in front of your computer in order to message or meet someone. Now, you can reach them in seconds via your phone - through instant chat, mobile apps, or even Facebook and Twitter. This means that people are meeting each other all the time. So what's to stop them from asking someone else out on a date?

It used to be acceptable for people to correspond over email for weeks at a time before actually meeting in person. But now, people don't have the patience or inclination. It's much better if you ask somebody out after one or two emails, three at the most. If you wait much longer, you risk that person meeting and dating someone else. You also risk forming an emotional attachment to somebody you might not have chemistry with in person.

I have met several men who were amazing over email - witty, charming, engaging - but then when I met them in person it was like they were complete strangers. We didn't banter, or they didn't appear to be interested in me, or they weren't the type of man I pictured as we were writing each other. In other words, I had high expectations based on a picture in my mind. If I would have met them sooner, before I became smitten with them over email, my disappointment over our real-life encounter wouldn't have been so devastating.

The bottom line: Ask him/her out, sooner rather than later. If you get on well in person, there's nothing stopping you from exchanging some amazing emails with each other later.