Glitz, Glamour, or Lies?
- Tuesday, October 15 2013 @ 06:44 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,040
When it comes to meeting someone for the first time, it’s natural to want to present the best version of yourself. You might dress in one of your favorite outfits; your hair might just be the best your date will ever see it. Your best manners are (or should be) on display. It might not be a completely accurate snapshot of day-to-day living, but in general, everyone knows this and understands it. However, where do you draw the line between an “idealized” version of yourself and outright falsehoods?
It might seem like a fairly easy distinction to make - and most of the time, it is. But the line can get fuzzy when it comes to discussing the future - your future plans and intentions. Consider a few scenarios:
Tim wants to take the plunge and write a screenplay. He’s dead serious about this, and his date is enamored with the idea of dating an author. But after a few months of attempting it, he realizes it’s not for him. Should she feel deceived?
Kate knows she never wants to have children. However, she doesn’t want to come across as callous or unfeeling, so when it comes to dates, she softens it to “maybe someday” or that she’s “not sure.” Deep down, however, she knows the truth.
Patrick is planning on pursuing a promotion at his job. If he gets it, he knows it’ll mean he’ll have to move overseas, but he doesn’t want his date to think he’s not interested in something long-term. Also, he doesn’t want his date to back off at the possibility of the move. After all, he doesn’t know for sure whether he’ll even get the job.
None of these are quite cut-and-dry situations, but they’re not exactly equal in truth, either. For example, Tim honestly believes he wants to be a screenwriter, and he’ll honestly try his hand at it. His date should understand that there’s no guarantee of success or even fulfillment when you’re trying something new.
Kate, on the other hand, knows that she doesn’t want to have children. Sure, there’s a slim possibility she might change down the road, but she knows she’s certain about her wishes right now. Thus, she should be honest about where she is now; she’s looking for someone compatible with the current Kate, not the potential Kate from ten years in the future.
Patrick, on the other hand, isn’t dealing with a slim chance from ten years down the road; his life may change in a big way very soon. If he’s serious about pursuing a relationship right now, he should be honest about the possibility that there may be a great deal of upheaval soon; otherwise, he could wait until he’s received an answer about a promotion.
As you head out on your first dates, ask yourself: are you being honest about your dreams, desires, and plans for the future? Or are you just saying what you think your date wants to hear? Remember: even a polite, well-coiffed version of yourself is still you. But dress up your personality too much and you’ll have a version that isn’t anywhere close to the truth.
It might seem like a fairly easy distinction to make - and most of the time, it is. But the line can get fuzzy when it comes to discussing the future - your future plans and intentions. Consider a few scenarios:
Tim wants to take the plunge and write a screenplay. He’s dead serious about this, and his date is enamored with the idea of dating an author. But after a few months of attempting it, he realizes it’s not for him. Should she feel deceived?
Kate knows she never wants to have children. However, she doesn’t want to come across as callous or unfeeling, so when it comes to dates, she softens it to “maybe someday” or that she’s “not sure.” Deep down, however, she knows the truth.
Patrick is planning on pursuing a promotion at his job. If he gets it, he knows it’ll mean he’ll have to move overseas, but he doesn’t want his date to think he’s not interested in something long-term. Also, he doesn’t want his date to back off at the possibility of the move. After all, he doesn’t know for sure whether he’ll even get the job.
None of these are quite cut-and-dry situations, but they’re not exactly equal in truth, either. For example, Tim honestly believes he wants to be a screenwriter, and he’ll honestly try his hand at it. His date should understand that there’s no guarantee of success or even fulfillment when you’re trying something new.
Kate, on the other hand, knows that she doesn’t want to have children. Sure, there’s a slim possibility she might change down the road, but she knows she’s certain about her wishes right now. Thus, she should be honest about where she is now; she’s looking for someone compatible with the current Kate, not the potential Kate from ten years in the future.
Patrick, on the other hand, isn’t dealing with a slim chance from ten years down the road; his life may change in a big way very soon. If he’s serious about pursuing a relationship right now, he should be honest about the possibility that there may be a great deal of upheaval soon; otherwise, he could wait until he’s received an answer about a promotion.
As you head out on your first dates, ask yourself: are you being honest about your dreams, desires, and plans for the future? Or are you just saying what you think your date wants to hear? Remember: even a polite, well-coiffed version of yourself is still you. But dress up your personality too much and you’ll have a version that isn’t anywhere close to the truth.
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