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Legit BDSM or fetish dating sites?

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I use whiplr and collarme and thats it. Am really looking to gather a sub for a poly, but as my 'primary' sub will be out of touch for 6 months, guess i am looking for a new primary potentially


Your better off using Friday-ad or Vivastreet and just paying for it, if you do find a site that is for BDSM you will end up paying a fee when you meet the women anyway.


I was doing a bit of research and came across this discussion. I have gone through the suggestions given here but none of them work for me. Most seem ttserveo serve countries/regions(I am in kenya) that are too far from me and some like are not helpful at all.
Is there a genuine site near me that I can go looking for a dom safely



in the u.s. hooking up for some bdsm action is a real pain (in the bad way). but in germany it's easy and full of hot girls and ladies into it. is really good, if you are willing to spend a vacation in berlin.

the economic way is, a month or two before you come, use wg-gesuch to rent a room
two weeks before you come, do a profile on smklub or another site (there are others)
google translate works excellent for german < > englsh, use it



If you really want to meet people 'in' the lifestyle, 'in' groups or attend events then Fetlife is probably your best bet.There are many venues and ways of finding like minded people and many groups there to help you discuss and/or find people in your area.

Collarspace was always more about the game of BDSM than finding people serious. I go there because I met my former Sir there but we were both involved in many other groups. The majority are married or new or out of the country or doing this secretly.

And anytime you have a site for people who like getting hit or tied etc. you will encounter aggressive people who want to hurt others. So being smart and careful is essential.

The biggest problem with online sites seem to be the same be those sites vanilla or kink related.

People prefer to look at photos and not read the words.
Scammers (some from the site owners) are everywhere.
People can be very hurtful because they don't have to look you in the eyes.
A huge collection of pros, newbies guessing through it, people who think it's all funny, marrieds and online only players getting off on your cooperation.

Probably just better to go to a place like Fetlife and look at local groups to you and start by attending munches and socializing with no agenda to hook up.

If you want more. To learn, to evolve, to get real-time support, check out groups like MAST international, MHDL, MsC or just google real time groups (insert your focus) and see what comes up.


As a young girl into BDSM (yep, we do exist!), who is in 3 of the sites mentioned in this thread, I would like to tell my (our?) side of the story. The simple fact is that we're totally outnumbered and overwhelmed. It's a bit like being the only kinda-decent-looking girl in a packed nightclub (I'm not especially gorgeous or anything, just your average scrawny girl next door, people say I'm cute but that's all.) If I don't sign in for a week, when I do, finding 100+ messages, friend and chat requests etc is not unusual at all. Just properly sorting them out can take hours and it feels like a job rather than fun. If you're not in the mood, you just mark all of them as "read" and start searching yourself for whatever you're looking for.

Because, no, we aren't "generic girls", we are in those sites looking for something which fits you. We're persons, like you, with our own tastes, fantasies, cravings or whatever which may or may not fit yours. If we just wanted to meet a "generic partner" or just have a "hardcore f**k"... well, you know how the world turns, we wouldn't need to join any site, just attending the nearest event, munch or whatever will do. In my experience and having talked to other girls, those of us who join a site and are actively seeking (including myself) are looking for stuff that we can't find at the nearest event. We're looking for a specific "match." If you don't feel like that "match", expect a "thanks but no thanks" answer in case I'm not so overwhelmed that I don't answer at all.

I'd ask you to read our profiles and check our groups/fetish/kinks lists etc before making contact. If they don't "feel like you"... please don't lose your time and mine (ours?), it's not gonna work. A friend of mine for example is looking for Dom/Domme couples to be their slave as explicitly stated in her profiles... and over 95% of mail and requests she gets come from single men or Dom/sub couples. The remaining 5% are full of single men or Dom/sub couples posing as Dom/Domme couples... that's going nowhere, sooner or latter she's gonna realize it. I, for instance, am not looking for a Master/Mistress or sub, I just want to experience some fantasies that I've had for a long time. Even those who are looking for a more "conventional" Dom/Domme or sub will most possibly be looking for a specific match ---just like everybody. That match will most possibly involve a real relationship, not just being "the toy" for someone to play with when they're not with their wife and kids. You get what I mean. Etc.


I haven't read closely all of the replies but I didn't see OKCupid. While that is a primarily vanilla site I have found that there are significant numbers of women (and I assume men) who are into various forms of kink who have profiles there. I have met a number of women there and find that OKCupid out performs Collarspace and Fetlife by a wide margin.


Don't join Collar and cuffs that site is discrimative.


After typing 'bdsm sites' in google search, i found a reviews website of top 5 BDSM dating sites in the 1st page of search result. The reviews written there are detailed, but i'm so confused that why it ranks as No.1. In my opinion, fetlife is better than any BDSM or fetish sites. And the most important is that is totally free.

All in all, i'm not agree with the ranking on that website. But we may refer to such a reviews site when we need the detailed information of some dating sites. It really saves us lots of time.


Aussie BDSM is a site that I, in hindsight, stupidly subscribed to recently. It's just like the others described here, mailbox flooded by contacts when you first create an account, you can't read messages until you pay, and when you do, those who have messaged you never log back onto the site...funny that!

Worse still is that the site randomly auto-generates messages to other users, so suddenly you get a reply from someone you would never have messaged in a million years, saying thanks for the mail, I'm interested / not interested...err what, huh?

Then there are the scammers, whose locations change day by day, Australia one day, USA the next and so on. If you try to post anything useful in the forums about scammers or offer advice to other members who have posted questions, about things they've been told they need to purchase to get a date (red flag), the post is deleted, as it apparently breaks 'house rules'. So it looks like the site is happy to allow scammers a free run.

Finally, with this site, there is no online option to Cancel Auto-renewal or Cancel Subscription. You have to request a form, which is sent to you via email. You then have to print, complete the details, sign and scan, before sending the form as an attachment back to them via email and in the clear (unencrypted). If that doesn't have serious security concerns, it would be laughable. I think people might be forgiven for thinking the whole site / setup is a scam.

Avoid this site like the plague!

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