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Legit BDSM or fetish dating sites?

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I made an account for "" because some bogus review site said it's good for BDSM people, then it turns out to actually be a website called, which I searched and had several bogus reviews, then I found actual user reviews that verified everything is bogus.

ANYWAY, I can find normal women offline easy, but where do I find women into BDSM or fetish-related stuff? It seems inappropriate to post that on normal dating sites. The biggest fetish/BDSM community, fetlife, isn't a dating site and there is not a search engine designed to find matches.

I don't know what to do. I'm young, fit, everything good, but I don't know where to advertise myself where my type of women will see me.


Hey, anyone know?


Try, large dating site, and, the latter will give you information about local events as well , amongst other things.

Be careful, a lot of ignorant people and some scammers on Collar Space. Stay safe.

Fetlife is more like facebook for kinksters, with a lot of bells and whistles. it is not specifically a dating site, but no one objects if you contact people that look interesting.

IMO both sites are free and safe for signup.

Some advice : first of all, no *censored* picture for your profile picture. you may laugh, but many guys still do that.

second, if you contact someone that looks like you someone might want to talk to don't be an ass about it. be polite, and friendly, like you would be if you were to meet someone at a party. Don't just go "hey i want this and that, and you are sub, so you have to give it to me. " that will get you blocked. THese are not just kinksters, they are PEOPLE .

Good luck.

Mistymouse ( my nym on either site)


I have had 0 luck with Collarspace and Fetlife. They make me hate myself more than anything, no one ever messages you. Your search results with collarspace are limited to say the least, and there are plenty of scammers there. I am uninterested in going to Fetlife munch's because of some social anxiety, but that seems the only way to maybe meet someone.

Miss Alexandra

The kink scene is not like "vanilla" dating. There are not huge numbers of people and it is a long process to find the right people.

Definitely join both fetlife and collarme but keep expectations in check.

Collarme has relatively few women and a majority of those are pro dommes. It is worth being on there, though, and it is free.

Fetlife is a must. Everyone who is serious about kink is on it. It really is the facebook of the kink world. It does not have a search function that works for dating. However, you can join groups with a local focus and groups focused on kinks that interest you. You will find out about local events and regional/national events. If you post in the forums on fetlife it gives you the chance to engage intellectually with people, which can lead to meetings.

However, most kinky people have to get out to events. Look for local events. There are also some big kink events that are great if you can afford to travel. Some I can recommend are those run by Dark Odyssey and Frolicon.

if you are a submissive male, your first experiences will almost certainly be with professionals. There are few dominant women and many submissive men and the odds are incredibly against you. If you are hot, you may get some free play at parties and events. If you are not hot but personable, networking within the community can eventually get you play. Starting with pros can gain you credibility; most dommes don't want to waste time on total newbies. But a male submissive has to network relentlessly to get free play and/or find a relationship.Also work on your career. To be completely honest, dommes are spoled and a male submissive with little money has little chance with them.

If you are a dominant the odds are less daunting, though still against you. Go to events to learn techniques and develop a reputation in the community as a safe player and a decent guy. (Dominant does not = asshole.) Once you build that reputation the women will come to you.

Empress Cocoa

So I have been in the Scene over 30 years
Unlike other rude wannabe pop up hookers with whips I enjoy play
Lifestyle and pro respectful and play long and hard
Many photo collector. Myself included
I was sent a email saying I had too many
Emails friends and favorite requests.
Although a rule breaker I woyld abide by the rules had I been informed
Other Members told me the block is for one day
I had a photo sub and photographer there needed to converse
So I set up another temporary profile
I contacted support numerous times explaining this
I was ignored and blocked from the site

My blond counterpart has two profiles

This is a porn site purely with nothing but scammers and disrespectful rude users and staff
Grow some balls really


HI and are two BDSM dating sites. I've met lots of guys here (I'm female) and found them great sites. try them. Cheers


Quote by: Anonymous

HI and are two BDSM dating sites. I've met lots of guys here (I'm female) and found them great sites. try them. Cheers

Sorry, this sounds like a fake review.

Adult Friend Finder (AFF) owns and both are full of fake profiles.

If you sign up for the free version your mailbox quickly gets messages from people who cannot have contact with unless you pay.

Once you pay, none of those people actually reply to any effort you make to contact them. Most of them are young and good looking. In other words, 100% fake plants that the site employs to make people believe it is an active and successful site.

Worst of all, claims to be a BDSM site, and yet if you are a submissive looking for a dominant the majority of people they "match" you to are also submissives who are looking for dominant partners. If you are dominant, you are matched to other dominants and there is no way to change this. The orientation is not even an option when filling out what you are looking for, beyond Gay, Straight, Bi.

Do your research, tons of reviews show that and AFF are scams.

The biggest shame as bought and closed it down. It had the largest chatroom community.

Many other sites follow this model, like Femdom Dating, which also fills your mailbox with messages trying to get you to pay so you can read them. And all of them are from hot young women, by their photo, looking for a slave to worshi8p them, although they live thousands of miles from you, are young enough to be your daughter, and won't reply to your messages, since they do not really exist.

As for legit sites, is new and has potential. It is primarily younger people however. So if you are much over 30 you may not generate much interest. Church of Chains uses the same interface, but I do not know if they are at all related. 35 and under almost exclusively. is mainly a photo site, like a tumblr blog. It too is mainly younger people, but many appear to be real and there is a large number with dating profiles. It is international, mainly Dom Male and sub females but there are the opposite orientations too.


Fetlife is clearly the best option. But as someone pointed out, no one messages you. This is not a personal ad site, it is a community. The majority of the people there already have someone and are not "looking for love."

There are a zillion more males than females on all these sites, frankly. And if you are a submissive male there are 10 zillion for every eligible female. So you have work cut out for you if you expect to be noticed at all.

But if you are a dominant male looking for more than playing in the semi-public scene with women who are already attached but allowed to "play," you are also facing extreme odds.

Most of the single submissive females on Fetlife who are not under 25 range from extremely overweight to obese. I realize that is now the status quo in American society, but it is simply a fact that height and weight proportional people on Fetlife, who are single and looking for someone, are perhaps THE smallest population, um so to speak.


Unlike Fetlife, Collarspace is really all about hooking up, finding significant others, or additions to one's collection of subs, ployhousholds etc. The community aspect on the forums and chatrooms are but a sideline.

This is smaller than Fetlife, and yes it is full of pro dommes. But there are also lifestyle dommes.

On the whole it is mainly leather oriented, Master/slave stuff. But occasionally there are more domestic FLR and spanko types.

Collarpace has a percentage of fake "findommes" i.e. young girls who are under the delusion men will throw money at them for no reason whatsoever. And some older women who are under the same delusion.

It is pretty easy to tell the real people from the wishful thinking prostitutes.

Dominant men dominant the population. So do not expect a submissive woman to reply to even the most appropriate and polite message. They get far too many messages to be able to read all of them. But if you make an effort to search for newest members often you may get a foot in door before they are swamped with replies.

They do have chatrooms, but regardless of your BDSM orientation you have to be up for hours of small talk about the weather if you hope to be accepted and possibly get to know someone.


ipunishment is a free spanking-oriented community. It runs like Facebook. While it does have people seeking others, it is not the main objective and there is no way to search for new members or search by dominant or submissive orientation. So when you browse members, you see all the women in alphabetical order and no indication of who joined when, who is currently active, etc.


This is Dominant Female - submissive male ONLY. But they do a good job keeping the findomme fakes out and also the pervy subs who are just on there for cheap thrills.

If you are near an urban center you may have more luck through the personals of Craigslist.



i have had the best luck on Fetlife but since my relocation to Florida it has turned out to be tougher and less of a thing here in the area. But i found my Owners on Collarspace... the only good thing to come from the site.


Fetlife is not a dating site so don't post adds looking to hook up or meet people. Fetlife is an resource for education and events in your area. The best way to meet kinky people is in person as women especially will not meet up with random dudes. Try going to some munches in your area, listed on Fetlife, to meet people. Kink/BDSM is all about trusting your partner and anyone who says otherwise will be an instant red flag to potential partners.

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