Why Your Attitude is Everything in Online Dating

When you’re online dating, it’s important to be realistic about who you are and what you want. It’s also important to know when you’re carrying baggage along from past dates or relationships.

But let’s face it - it’s hard to be objective about our love lives. After all, our experiences shape our world. If we encounter people who don’t treat us well, or who take advantage or betray us, or otherwise disappoint, we start to look for evidence in each new person of how they might let us down, too.

This kind of emotional baggage is something all of us have. Whether it stems from the break-up of a long-term relationship or a series of potential partners letting us down, we can carry those hurts along with us. We make them part of our story. And we do our best to avoid engaging with these types of people again. Or at least, we try.

When you begin online dating, it’s important to see where you’re at emotionally. If you’re not really ready to meet someone new, if you feel like you’ll just meet another drama queen or player, then maybe it’s time to take a short break and regroup.

Otherwise, you risk peppering your profile with references to your exes or past wrongs – or worse – all of the things you’re NOT looking for. How would you feel if you came across a profile with a list like this:

• No drama queens, please!
• No high-maintenance prima donnas
• No smokers
• No drinkers
• If you expect me to always pick up the check, find someone else
• Don’t expect me to take you on trips all the time or surprise you with gifts

Would you rush to send him a message? Probably not. He might have been disappointed by some women in the past who he felt took advantage of him, but he’s already assuming he’s going to meet them again in the future! Worse, he’s ruining his chances of meeting someone he actually wants, because he prefers to focus on what he doesn’t want.

Nobody wants to go into a date feeling judged. It doesn’t exactly set the mood for romantic potential.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed at the prospect of dating, it’s time to take a break and replenish your emotional reserve. Do something you enjoy, book a trip, or visit some friends who lift your spirits. Getting in the right frame of mind so you’re ready to meet people and embrace the unknown is the most important thing you can do for your dating life.

When you have an open mind and open heart, magic can happen. But you have to believe it first.