Crossing the Line: Playing Detective

With so much personal information on the internet, it can be difficult to know where to draw the line. There has been much discussion about the amount of personal information you might put out there - that office party where you got a little drunk, those risque photos from college, your work information, your address. However, while we emphasize the importance of monitoring the information you’re putting out into the ether, very little is said about the general etiquette of looking up anyone else. When it comes to online dating - a veritable pool of strangers - how much research should you do, and when are you crossing the line?

First and foremost, a general rule of thumb should be that you respect the privacy of people with whom you have never established contact. If you’re exchanging emails and preparing to meet up for a date, it’s natural that you might want to do a quick search engine check. If you’re avidly following someone on social networks and they’ve never responded to your email, on the other hand, you may be skirting the realm of creepiness.

Next, if the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s only polite to let them slip back into the white noise of the internet. Some might check up on exes every now and then, but there’s no reason to keep tabs on someone with whom you’ve had one date. Equally inappropriate is talking publicly about your date on the Internet. Unless they did something truly offensive, keep your “bad date” stories free of identifying information.

Staying out of someone’s business before and after a relationship might seem like common sense, but what about the sensitive period when you’re reassuring yourself that your match is safe to meet? A good method to go with here might the called the “I’m not listening!” method. A simple name search should assure you that there aren’t any hate sites from jilted lovers or news articles about crime sprees. You might come across a few public social networks, which is a hazy realm and left up to your discretion. But it’s really not appropriate to be checking out the estimated value of your match’s house, for example. Plug your fingers in your ears, close your eyes, and close that window.

Obviously it’s good to be aware of the information we’re putting out into the ether. However, it’s also imperative that we monitor our own search habits when we’re meeting with others. It can be tempting to try to find out everything you can, but what do you do if it’s revealed you’ve been playing detective? Relationships are built on trust; don’t cross the line before you’ve even started the race.

For information on a service that will help you do background checks on someone you are dating you can check our review of PeopleFinders.