Preserving Privacy

In the early days of the internet, anonymity was implied, if not outright assumed. People got to know one another in chat rooms behind random screen names. Later, there were avatars, but digital cameras were not yet popular; if you saw the person you were talking to, it was likely a blurry webcam shot or a poorly scanned picture from a disposable camera (and even then, not necessarily recent).

Nowadays we live in a different world. We still use screen names and avatars, but sometimes they’re used more to express our individuality than protect our privacy. It’s not unusual to have pictures of yourself floating around the internet, linked to your real name. When you meet someone online, you can google them.

Online dating is more popular than ever, so the chances of encountering the profile of someone you know are growing. The world isn’t necessarily getting smaller, but the various pools of acquaintances are getting mixed together into one churning tide. It’s not really a problem - unless you’re someone who requires anonymity or privacy from the people you know.

Maybe your friends and family don’t know about your lifestyle choices. Maybe your coworkers aren’t aware that you’re no longer married. Maybe your job is a highly visible or sensitive one, and you don’t want to be recognized. Just as these factors can make life more difficult, they can make online dating more difficult as well.

The good news is, it’s not impossible to preserve your privacy; ideally, you won’t be lying either. However, writing a profile takes more thought. Every individual situation is different and should be tailored accordingly, but here are a few questions you can ask yourself: what is the most sensitive information? If you’re a celebrity, it might be your face; for someone else, it might be their job. Prioritizing will help you focus in the right direction.

Next: am I using a screen name familiar to friends and family? Am I copying and pasting something about me that already exists elsewhere (like the ‘About Me’ section of a social network page)? These leave you vulnerable not only to being immediately recognized, but also to simple copy-and-paste google searches.

If you have a lifestyle choice that you’re looking to keep secret, it’s possible that searches by people you know might filter you out automatically. However, it might be best to choose a site that’s geared toward your niche, and avoid the popular ‘catch-all’ sites, particularly if you already know people who use it.

The picture is the most complicated part. You don’t want to flat-out lie and post a picture of someone else; you could decide not to post a picture at all, but it will be more difficult to get interest that way. Perhaps a good compromise is to post pictures that have nothing to do with the part of your life you’re trying to avoid. If you’re a celebrity, that means you don’t put up pictures from the red carpet. Likewise, don’t post anything that might represent your workplace. Pictures that you commonly use on other social networks should be avoided.

Before you publish your profile, ask yourself: “Worst case scenario, if I were found out, is there anything specific that would upset me most?” Maybe that suggestive phrase or compromising photo should be edited. Being discovered at all is embarrassing, sure, but some profiles can be more embarrassing than others.

It may be impossible to be completely anonymous in today’s world, but with a little bit of thought and care, you can preserve as much privacy as you can. Online dating is a great way to meet people outside your normal sphere; the trick is to avoid running into people you know along the way.