Communication

At this point online dating is pretty much inescapable. It seems like everyone has tried it, or knows someone who tried it, or has at least thought about it. For some of those people it's intuitive. For others it's... not.

Let's get this out of the way first: it's totally ok if you don't “get it” immediately. There's a learning curve, and learning means taking a few tumbles before you can run a marathon. An online dating marathon. Or something (just go with it).

Some of those tumbles you'll have to take on your own, but here's a quick guide to getting it right with as few scrapes and bruises as possible. Avoid these all-too-common online dating mistakes:

1. “Hi” is not a conversation starter. “How are you?” isn't either. And something obscene most definitely isn't. A conversation starter is supposed to – breaking news – start a conversation, which one boring word or easily answered phrase most definitely won't do. Pick something you found interesting in the profile and ask specifically about that.
2. 2^nd grade spelling tests do matter. Yes, they were a pain when you were a kid, but you took them for a reason. Not knowing the difference between “your” and “you're” as an adult is not a good look. Brush up on grammar rules and spell check before you send anything.
3. Try, try again does not apply here. If at first you don't succeed, it's probably a sign. You might be able to get away with one follow-up – it is possible your message got lost, or that its intended recipient was too busy to get back – but don't relentlessly message someone who doesn't respond. As Elsa would say, let it go.
4. While you're at it, don't get nosy or rude about a lack of reply. No one owes you an answer. In a perfect world we would all be brilliant communicators, but sometimes silence is all we've got. Don't ask why they didn't write back, and don't harass them about it. Accept it and move on.
5. It's not all about you. It's not not about you, but it's not all about you. What it is about is balance. On one hand, there's something in particular you're looking for – you have wants and needs that should be met. On the other hand, so do the people you're trying to date. It's ok (and encouraged) to share things about yourself, but you also have to ask about the other person. Selfishness is not sexy, period.

That should get you started. Now tumble away.

This month, eHarmony and Match.com both announced the release of new dating apps available for smartwatch users.

According to eHarmony, 50% of new users come to its service via their mobile devices, so the company has made a push towards more mobile-friendly technology; part of that initial push includes their dating app being accessible through wearable technology – specifically Android Wear and Samsung Gear S devices.

Not to be outdone, Match.com is launching its own dating app – but for the Apple Watch instead. Match’s new dating app for wearable technology joins Coffee Meets Bagel’s app, the first dating app to announce its availability on the Apple Watch.

Match’s app for Apple Watch is clean and visually based. It works through three basic steps: “Glances,” which provides a quick look at your app and how many matches you have in the queue; “Discover” which allows you to accept or reject a match alongside his/her photo, much like Tinder; and “To send a message,” where once you touch the profile, you can choose from one of the message options or tap the microphone to use voice-to-text dictation to compose your own email.

eHarmony’s new app is a little more complex, as the service is known for matchmaking and their longer communication process rather than for quick swipes to accept or reject a photo. Both the Samsung Gear S and Android Wear smartwatches will display notifications that are synced with the eHarmony users’ phone. When a match sends a communication, the member receives a push notification to their phone and an “enhanced” notification to their smartwatch. The enhanced notification includes the match’s name, age, and location, as well as their primary photo and personal message sent through eH Mail. Users are also informed when they receive a “smile” or questions sent using the company’s Guided Communication options. The member can then select Open Profile, which will open the eHarmony app on the connected Android device, and load their match’s profile.

“Mobile represents a huge opportunity for us to capture new market share and broaden our impact and we are seeing this happen at an accelerating rate in recent months,” said Armen Avedissian, Chief Operating Officer, eHarmony. “New entrants in the online dating category are helping drive interest in eHarmony, while taking market share away from competitors. Combine this circumstance with eHarmony’s powerful brand and industry-leading outcomes and we have the perfect recipe to grow substantially. We are pleased to announce these new releases.”

eHarmony and Match dating apps for smartwatches are available now in Android and iTunes stores respectively.

By now, we all know of Tinder’s unprecedented success in the online dating market. But how exactly did they make it happen – gaining over one million active users in less than a year, and then to gather 24 million users in only two years?

According to Tinder, there were two essential challenges with the online dating market before they launched the product: first, there was social stigma associated with online dating – the perception by the general public that it was a last resort, rather than a good way to meet people. Second was geographical concentration – people like to date others they know are close by; it would have to work on a micro level before it worked on a national or even worldwide level. Meaning, Tinder had to get active users who were all in the same area to enjoy using it to create stickiness. Think about it: when you download a dating app, it’s a little disappointing to see that your matches live an hour or more away.

With these two things in mind, Tinder started its marketing initiatives on college campuses. Two of the company’s co-founders were active in their respective fraternity and sorority, and first approached them for help in spreading the word. Justin Matteen, one of the co-founders, hosted a party at his parents’ house where he invited his college fraternity and sorority members from USC to help launch Tinder. For admittance, attendees had to show their phones at the door – and prove that they had downloaded the app.

This strategy worked effectively, because it addressed the online dating stigma by populating the dating app with young, socially active and attractive young people, creating a desire for a wider audience to download and use the app (in the hopes of meeting some sorority girls, we suspect). In addition, it created a buzz within a geographically close community – fraternities and sororities on the same campus. From there, Tinder’s team went to college bars and approached non-Greek members, enticing them with meeting other attractive young students via the app.

The strategy of marketing to college campus influencers worked – within six months, Tinder had half a million users. From there, the company had to branch out to a larger demographic. They started city by city, holding parties at exclusive nightclubs, appealing to the 24-35 year-old demographic. As of first quarter in 2015, the company had 24 million users.

“In early months, over 85% of our user base was between the ages of 18-24, but now that age demo only makes up about 57% of our user base," said Matteen in website Parantap. "We are seeing a huge upswing in both 25-34 year old demographic and 35-44 year old demographic.”

Tinder has taken off thanks to a remarkably executed marketing and influencer campaign. As a result, they have changed the whole online dating industry.

For more on this dating app you can take a look at our review of Tinder.

Apple Watch sales have been through the roof since the product launched, and it is creating a media frenzy (as many of Apple’s product debuts do).

Not many dating apps can be downloaded for the Apple Watch, but Coffee Meets Bagel is one of the first. The company recently announced its launch on Apple’s wearable technology.

Coffee Meets Bagel is a dating app that works through your social media connections, finding matches in your Facebook network and introducing them to you one at a time. At noon every day, CMB presents users with one personalized match or “bagel” – then each user has 24 hours to decide to like or pass. If there’s a mutual like, they can chat over a safe and private line. However, messaging is not indefinite – users will have only a week to set up a date before the private chat line closes.

With Apple Watch, CMB works a little differently. This might signal a new wave of dating technology, since swiping left and right isn’t really an option with an Apple Watch. (Sorry, Tinder.) Instead, apps rely on more hands-free technology, such as voice-to-text functionality.

According to Dawoon Kang, co-founder of the dating app, the Apple Watch app will complement the existing mobile app by "enabling members to do everything more quickly and easily," not to mention hands-free. Apple Watch’s Glance feature allows members to check their daily matches at noon. The watch will display the match’s basic profile and photos – (likely not much information will be available on the small screen, however).

Instead of manually liking or passing, members can “like” or “pass” matches hands-free using the Apple Watch’s voice technology. If two users match, then they are connected and able to chat using voice-to-text technology.

This is good news for those looking for a Tinder alternative. But is wearable technology going to be a new platform for dating apps? Considering CMB works through voice technology (i.e., talking to your Apple Watch) – it might be a little intimidating to use when you’re out at a bar. Do you really want people around you to know that you’re liking or passing on a date, or to overhear your text conversation? Tinder is much more subtle, and no voices needed.

Still, that isn't stopping people from buying the new watch. No word yet on whether CMB's dating app will also be available for wearable Android products.

Ask those who have tried online dating and most will agree: it does expand your social circles. Through the swipe of a screen or click of a button, you have plenty of new people to meet that you wouldn’t encounter if you only relied on friends and family members to set you up on dates. But sometimes despite all these opportunities, online dating is an overwhelming, confusing and even disappointing experience.

A recent article in Mic.com looked deeper into this phenomenon, asking psychologists what they make of online dating, and citing studies that maintain it’s not necessarily productive in terms of finding a long-term relationship.

There have been studies about how too many choices can overwhelm us to the point of paralysis. In a 2010 study by Psychological Science, researchers found that when we have too many choices in dating we often don’t make good decisions. They likened it to shopping: when consumers are faced with too many brands of product, whether it’s laundry detergents or chocolate, our brains become overwhelmed, which leads us to make poorer choices. In other words, we buy the detergent based on the pretty packaging, not the quality of ingredients or how effectively it cleans clothes.

The study focused on 84 different speed dating events of different sized groups. Those who met 24 or more potential dates in one night tended to feel overwhelmed, and they made decisions about who to date based solely on physical characteristics like height and weight. However at the smaller events, people felt less overwhelm, and made decisions about who to date based on non-physical characteristics, such as sense of humor, education, and career.

As one of the researchers said, “There are constraints on what our brains can do – they’re quite powerful, but they can’t pay attention to everything at once.”

And online dating has only gotten more confusing and overwhelming since dating apps like Tinder have taken over the market. People swipe left and right with little inner guidance about their choices – almost as if they are dating on auto-pilot.

The good news is, we have more choice when it comes to meeting people – we can go outside of our own circles. But we also have to understand that while there seems to be an endless supply of potential dates – and therefore it seems there’s always someone “better” to meet – we are also limiting our love lives. Taking a shopping mentality to dating prevents us from living in the present, and from enjoying the company of someone we’re getting to know. Not everyone is going to be a romantic match, but usually it takes more than one or two dates to get to know someone.

Take your time. There’s no rush. It’s time to enjoy online dating – one person at a time.

Are you tired of reading endless online dating profiles or answering questions about what kind of food you like to eat? How about messaging potential dates back and forth, hoping that maybe eventually you’ll get to meet in person?

Or perhaps you’re tired of swiping left and right on Tinder, messaging your matches back and forth, only to have them disappear before you’ve even met - such a waste of time!

Okay, maybe using Tinder is not the time drag that other online dating sites can be – like Match.com, eHarmony, or even OkCupid - where you peruse long profiles and can message endlessly without ever getting to the date. HowAboutWe thinks they can appeal to the embattled Tinder user by getting to the actual date much faster. This week, they announced a new “on-demand” feature called TONIGHT for the re-launch of their dating app.

With TONIGHT, users can choose to look for a date – to be specific, for tonight – pick a time, and HowAboutWe will search through potential matches for people who’ve also opted in for a date tonight. In about five minutes, according to the company, the service will send a push notification asking users to look at potential dates and double-tap on the ones that they’d like to go out with. Once everyone has made their selections, How About We matches them in couples (based on profile factors), and sends both users into a text conversation. Then they can accept the date.

While this might seem a little more complicated than choosing someone on Tinder, How About We is more focused on the date itself. When you sign up for HowAboutWe, the app asks you to share what you would like to do on a first date, as well as the usual info (age, location, orientation, etc). You can play it safe and choose “Get a coffee,” or opt for a more creative choice (i.e. “Get your Instagram on at a local antiques shop.”) Your profile isn’t the first thing everyone sees about you, it’s your date idea. HowAboutWe is experience-driven, although profile photos still figure prominently into the scenario.

HowAboutWe has always focused on the real-life meet-up more than the online back-and-forth, so this is a natural next step. The service’s re-launch also includes a “Pool,” or a swipe-based feed for matches similar to Tinder, and “Connections,” a highly targeted daily set of potential matches.

Depending on the length of subscription you choose, membership ranges from $10 to $20 per month. Messaging back and forth between mutual matches are free, but if you’re looking to score outside a match, you need to pay the upgrade.