Tips

Picture two online dating profiles. In one, your prospective date is hunched over with contracted shoulders and crossed arms. In the other, their spine is straight and they’re holding their arms up in a “V” shape.

Assuming you’re basing your choice only on the picture (because, well, like it or not, that’s often how it works), which date are you more likely to pick? Science can predict not only your answer, but why you're inclined to choose it.

Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, author, and professor at Harvard Business School, explored the subject of body language in online dating in a 2016 talk in New York City. She says she was drawn to her husband, who she saw for the first time on Facebook, because he was in what she has deemed a “power pose” - an expansive posture that can make you feel more powerful and confident.

Dating looks vastly different in 2016, even compared to a few decades ago. But while our methods have changed, the mindset remains the same: at the end of it all, most of us are hoping to find “the one.”

Online dating can raise questions. Is it just about hookups? Will I actually meet anyone in person? Are there real people behind those profiles? How do I make a good impression on someone I’ve never seen face to face? Are there any signs that they could be something serious?

PlentyOfFish knows the struggle of finding a soulmate better than most, so they set out in search of answers. The popular dating site surveyed more than 1,100 former users who married someone who met on their site. After all, if those people don’t know the secrets to long-term love, who does?

Dating apps have made a lot of bad dating behavior even easier. Because of the anonymous, behind-the-screen nature of dating apps, there is little to no accountability for the way you treat people. Which means a lot of online daters are left wondering if using a dating app is worth it.

Dating apps are great tools, but both men and women make mistakes when it comes to meeting people and trying to connect. Many online daters put forward images of themselves that aren’t necessarily true to gain more matches, and many also tend to be flaky about follow-through and meeting in person. Instead of hiding so much behind your dating app, it’s better to take responsibility and treat your dates how you would like to be treated.

Following are some behaviors that guys do on dating apps that we wish you would stop doing:

Jason Hill was in for a surprise when he attended a meetup of OkCupid users in 2009. Sam Yagan, co-founder of OkCupid and current CEO of Match.com, dropped by the gathering and spoke to Hill. When Hill told him he joined the site in March 2004, Yagan was shocked.

“That was less than a month after we started,” Yagan exclaimed. “You must be our longest user!”

Fusion recently spoke with Hill about his status as OkCupid’s longest continual user, and the lessons he learned along the way. His story offers key insights into the world of online dating:

So you’re ready to take the plunge into the 21st century and try online dating. Before you join Match or download Tinder, you need to prepare yourself for what’s to come.

Online dating is a roller coaster of emotions. When it’s up, it’s amazing. When it’s down, it can be devastating. The best way to ride it successfully is to arm yourself against anything it can throw at you. Here’s what to expect when you sign up for a dating service:

#1 Anxiety.

Dating of any kind comes with its fair share of stress. Dating online when you’ve never done it before ups the anxiety factor significantly. You’ll fret over which pictures make you look good and represent who you are. You’ll agonize over every word in your profile. You’ll rewrite messages until you’ve done more drafts than a college student writing his thesis. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that every online dater has been there.

#2 Rejection.

It’s guaranteed to happen, especially if you’re a guy (sorry gentleman, it’s a hard truth of dating no matter how you do it). Rejection comes in many forms online and no one is immune. Many find it easy to say no to someone who’s just an anonymous profile. On the plus side, many also find it easier to handle rejection when it’s coming through a screen instead of face to face.

#3 Silence.

Your interest won’t always be returned, and not everyone will have the time or courtesy to tell you up-front. The casual approach many singles take to online dating means you will sometimes craft messages that go unanswered. One follow-up is fine if it’s someone you were really into, but anything more than that sends the wrong message.

#4 Flakiness.

Messages aren’t the only thing that might go mysteriously unanswered. Make plans to meet up with a match and when the big day arrives, they may suddenly cancel (or worse, just not show up). You’ll probably never know why they decided to flake, so don’t expect closure. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

#5 Ghosting.

The worst of all flaky dating behavior is ghosting. Ghosting is the hip, buzzy term for the silent treatment. When someone you’re dating ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, with no explanation whatsoever, you’ve been ghosted. It’s confusing, and potentially painful, and there’s nothing you can do about it except move on.

#6 Spam Bots & Scammers.

There are a lot of genuine people on online dating sites. Most of them are genuine people. But not all. The reality is that some profiles belong to scammers looking for their next victim or robots trying to take your money. It’s important to date smart and steer clear of cons.

#7 Fibbers.

Even the people who aren’t looking to empty your bank account or steal your identity aren’t always honest. Fortunately, it mainly falls into white lie territory - add an inch or two to the height, take a pound or five off the weight - but sometimes the stories get more elaborate. If the person who shows up for your date looks nothing like the person in the profile, take comfort in the knowledge that you’ll have a killer story for Reddit later.

Dating apps are no longer the upstarts of the matchmaking world. Like traditional websites before them, they’re now firmly mainstream and wildly popular. Millions of people around the world using dating applications and the number increases daily.

As users increase, so do the number of apps available. From Tinder and Bumble and Hinge, to newcomers like SWEATT and The Grade, dating apps are efficient, fun, easy to use, and often free. To get the most out of the experience, brush up on these expert dating app hacks.

1. Don’t Be A Slacker. Dating apps are the pared-down, lazy alternative to dating sites, right? Oh so wrong. A blank profile says you’re either only looking for a hookup or a scammer in search of their next victim. Your profile doesn’t have to be as detailed as it would be on Match or eHarmony, but you should offer a brief intro to your life, your personality, and what you’re looking for.
2. Swipe Often. Dating apps only work if members use them regularly, so most punish infrequent users by showing them other sporadic users - meaning you’re stuck choosing from a pool of people who are less interested in meeting someone and fewer matches overall. The more you open the app, and the more often you swipe, the better your chances and the higher the quality of your matches.
3. But Do Exercise Restraint. Dating apps penalize both picky swipers and indiscriminate swipers. A user who swipes right on everyone looks like a spambot or scammer, which algorithms are designed to weed out. Don’t say yes to everyone in a desperate attempt to increase your odds of getting a yes back.
4. Use Your Words. Swiping is a perfect way to pass the time on public transportation or in line at your local coffee shop, and no one is immune to the ego boost of receiving a right swipe, but there’s more to the experience than that. Why waste time making tons of matches that go nowhere? Dating app users are notoriously lax when it comes to communicating, so buck the trend by sending a message as soon as a match is made.

And why stop there? If the conversation is going well, take the next step and meet in person. Waiting too long leaves ample opportunity for your date to get bored and move on or - possibly worse - to create an idealized image you can’t live up to when you’re finally face-to-face. For more information, you can view our list of reviewed dating apps.