Advice

Anyone who's been in a long-distance relationship knows that keeping love alive across the distance is a challenge. Thankfully, technophiles across the globe are doing their best to make those vast distances disappear through smartphones, computers, cameras, and other technology. These days it seems like the question on the minds of programmers and inventors everywhere is "Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?"

Projects like Pillow Talk, Path, and Couple Fire believe that the answer could be "yes." Take a look:

Pillow Talk

It sounds saucy, but don't let the name fool you. The Pillow Talk device isn't a naughty bedroom accessory, it's actually rather sweet. Here's how it works: slip a ring on your finger before you fall asleep. The moment you put it on, the device begins wirelessly transmitting signals to a pillow in your partner's possession. The pillow will begin to glow, and when your loved one lays their head on it they'll be able to hear your heart beat in real-time. Trade rings and you can both enjoy the intimacy of hearing each other's hearts beat despite the distance.

Path

Path calls itself a "smart journal that helps you share life with the ones you love - your thoughts, the music you're listening to, where you are, who you're with, when you wake and when you sleep, and beautiful high quality photos and videos." Users can post pictures and videos and comment on the items that other users post. One of the biggest problems long-distance couples face is feeling like they are not a part of each other's lives, and Path might be the perfect solution.

Couple Fire

Couple Fire promises to help "Add spark to your relationship." How does it do that, you ask? Couple Fire is a brand new private social network for you and your long-distance love. Members are given a virtual bulletin board on which they can post pictures, date ideas, dreams...anything and everything you can think of to make you feel more connected to your partner. It's like Pinterest for loved-up long-distance couples!

And there's always that proven, tried and true savior of long-distance relationships: Skype. As crazy (and just a bit stalker-y) as some of these technological relationship innovations may seem, I can't help being intrigued by them. Relationships are hard even when you live in the same city, so why not use the miracles of technology to try to ease the difficulties of long-distance love?

There’s so much about dating that we can’t control. We can’t control the feelings of others; we can’t control our own chemistry (try dating someone you’re not attracted to, for instance). We can’t control the size or the quality of the pool of potential matches. And, like civilizations of old, when there’s something we can’t control, we look for small ways to feel like we do. In other words, it’s easy, when you’re in the dating world, to become superstitious.

Sure, we might maintain a sense of logic, and say, “This email approach has worked well in the past, so I’ll go with it again,” but it’s not uncommon to also hear, “I wore this on my last date and it didn’t work out, so I can’t wear it again!” I’ve seen people reject profiles or emails because they just “can’t” date someone of a specific profession or even hair color. And when questioned, there really is no logic behind their conviction, other than superstition.

But superstition can sneak into our dating habits in less obvious, more insidious ways. In a common example, Steve might not mention to friends and family that he’s seeing someone new, because it’s going well and he doesn’t want to “jinx” it. Sally might not want to clarify the depth or exclusivity of her relationship, because things have been going so well and she’s waiting for the “other shoe to drop.”

Sure, there might be some valid reasoning behind these superstitions. For example, it’s natural to be wary about announcing your new relationship to the world if you would be upset about having to tell those same people that it ended. Still, why do we enter into relationships? Is it to walk on eggshells until we’ve reached some magical point?

It’s an unfortunate fact that we don’t control the world, or the future. A relationship could end after two weeks or eighty years. Why not enjoy each day, instead of dampening it with fear and superstition?

Since we've covered the ground on what turns people on, it's only fair to also cover what can turn them off. There are times when you're interested in someone and suddenly she says something that makes you cringe. Or he acts in certain ways that make you question his intentions. This can be a real turn-off while you're dating.

Or maybe you have some bad dating habits of your own that you might need to change. If you're not aware of what you might be doing to turn people off, following are some tips to help make you more successful in attracting people to you. Remember, once you have the spark, it's nice to keep it going!

Although everyone has different tastes, there's some universally disliked behavior among men and women. I can attest to one in particular because it happens so much in L.A.: flakiness. If you make plans with a woman and she consistently cancels or reschedules, it can be more annoying than if she'd simply said she wasn't interested in you in the first place. There's no excuse for inconsiderate behavior. If you're too busy, don't make plans and reach out. Wait until you can dedicate some time. If you want to find love, make sure that dating is a priority in your life.

Another turn-off for both men and women is people who play games. If you wait until the other person texts you, or play hard-to-get, or insist on being "chased," you'll have a hard time attracting quality men. And if you aren't consistent about calling and making your intentions and feelings clear to your date, and instead are keeping her interested in you so you have someone to booty call, this is also playing games. Be upfront about your intentions: whether you're just looking for a good time or something more serious, let him or her know.

One turn-off I hear often from men is that women can be too picky. They often feel cross-examined on dates, and told me that they don't understand all the expectations placed on them. Should they open the door, or pay for the meal, or will the woman feel insulted? (Not to mention the problem with women who appear "high maintenance." One man described how his date ordered specialty-made food items that weren't on the menu, and then spent the rest of their date complaining about the service. He felt embarrassed because he'd picked it out and paid for everything. Obviously, he didn't want to ask her out again.)

And the biggest turn-off for women? It's a man who doesn't engage or seem interested in getting to know her. If he's looking around at other women while she's talking, interrupting a lot, or talking too much, she assumes he's not interested and then begins to shut down. If you're perplexed why a woman isn't responding to you it's because she doesn't feel connected. So keep your attention focused on her, not on what's going on around you.

Hope this helps - happy dating!

It’s somewhat surprising to me how many general rules there are for dating based on random criteria such as gender. “Let the man do the pursuing.” “Let the girl take the lead on how fast to go.” What if one person is particularly shy? What if they both are? What if both members of the couple are the same gender? What magical, one-size-fits-all rules apply there?

The truth of the matter is, no matter who you are, or your personality type, there are points in dating when you will simply have to be brave. It’s nerve-wracking and maybe even frightening, yes. But absolutely no one should assume that they’ll find themselves in a relationship without ever taking a little personal risk.

“Oh, I just wish people could be mind readers,” you might be thinking to yourself. But what are you actually saying? You’re saying you wish people could be privy to your personal thoughts and feelings. But there is a simple way they can be - you can tell them. Functionally speaking, there’s no difference - you still run the risk that they might not feel the same, but you could also find yourself in a new romance.

So what will bravery mean for you? It might mean emailing someone whose profile attracts you. It might mean moving in for the first kiss. It might just mean doing a little extra-obvious flirting with someone you know is shy or uncertain. Regardless of what actually falls outside your comfort zone, you’ll know it when you get there - the butterflies, the adrenaline. You might be amazed at your own audacity.

But here’s the thing - we all have to do it sometime. No one likes the risk of rejection, but a relationship is comprised of two people willing to stick their neck out to succeed. Are you going to let fear, complacency, or some ridiculous “rule” hold you back from love?

You're with a couple of friends at a local bar, and someone catches your eye. You can't stop staring. Is it her eyes, her smile, or the way she carries herself, or even something more intangible?

There's something to be said for sensuality. You don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous to be sexy and attractive. So what is it that attracts us to some people and not necessarily to others?

For me, humor and attentiveness are very sexy qualities in a man. To someone else, it may be his intellect and confidence. What attracts us varies from person to person, which is why it's a good thing that we're all unique. If you try to hide what you perceive are flaws or if you think there's something different about you that you don't want others to know, you're sabotaging yourself and your love life. People are attracted to different qualities, and usually it has something to do with what you uniquely offer.

Men and women feel attraction in different ways. For women, it's all about connection. If she feels close to a man, it's a turn-on. There are many factors that make a woman feel connected - like if he listens and is attentive to her, if he treats her with respect and consideration, if he's a good kisser or physically in tune with her, or if he communicates well with her.

For men, turn-ons are more physical. They prefer women who smile and make eye contact, so that he knows she's open to him approaching and flirting with her. Men are also attracted to women who dress a little sexy - from wearing high heels or showing some skin in a low-cut blouse. (No need to be get slutty - show skin but most men prefer you keep it classy). Contrary to what women think (that men only like a certain "type" of woman) - men vary in their tastes of who they find physically attractive, so stop worrying about your body type or anything you may perceive as a flaw. There's also more to attraction than just the physical for men - according to AskMen.com, guys also prefer women who can have some fun and laugh with them.

For both men and women, the biggest turn-on is someone who feels comfortable in his or her own skin. Confidence is sexy. There's nothing more attractive than someone who knows who he is and isn't afraid to be himself.

There are a few questions that have stumped great thinkers forever:

To be or not to be?

What is the meaning of life?

What's more important: your profile or your picture?

I don't have an answer for the first two, but a small study run by AnswerLab in San Francisco may have an answer for the third. The study asked 39 patrons of a coffee shop to look at dating profiles from Match.com and eHarmony.com on a laptop. The 18 women and 21 men who participated all identified as interested in dating someone of the opposite sex.

As the participants viewed the profiles, the researcher used the Tobii X1 Light Eye Tracker to collected dating about where the participants' eyes focused on the computer screen. The tracker works by shining an infrared light at the eye and creating a reflection that is then recorded by a camera. After collecting the recordings, the program evaluates the physical structure of the eye (the angle between the cornea and pupil) to calculate the angle of the gaze. Added together, the angle of the gaze and the distance between the eyes and the screen make for an accurate method of tracking the eye's movements.

Though most people are not aware of it, the eye is moving at all times in order to take in everything with the maximum amount of detail. The eye stops moving only briefly, called a "fixation," to focus on each different element that catches your attention. Thanks to the fixations, eye tracking systems can determine exactly what we look at and for how long - like what parts of an online dating profile attract the most attention from curious singles.

The AnswerLab study found that women spent an average of 84 seconds evaluating a profile to determine if it was a match, while men spent an average of 58 seconds. Men spent the majority of their time assessing a user's photo - 65% more than women, to be exact. Men also spent 50% less time analyzing the profile overall.

The sample size was small for the study, but it may offer a little guidance when it comes to creating a profile. Know your target audience: if you're interested in men, spend more time picking the perfect photo, and if you're interested in women, devote your time and attention to crafting an original and (literally) eye-catching profile.