Money

We've all heard the term "gold digger," but how many of you have ever dated one? If you're nodding your head and smiling at my question, you're not alone, I promise.

I have a friend who complains constantly of dating women he refers to as "takers." According to him, they want (and ask for) everything - dinner at fancy restaurants, luxury vacations, someone who will pay down their credit card debt. You name it, he has been asked to provide. When I offered to set him up with a friend of mine, he shook his head, saying he just couldn't date another gold digger, even though he'd never met her. He just assumed she'd be the same.

Now, he is not extremely wealthy, but he has some financial success. Enough to take his dates out to nice restaurants, buy them gifts, and when things go well, take them on trips to Mexico or Hawaii. But here's the problem: they keep asking and he keeps giving. He feels like this is a romantic gesture, a form of wooing.

The truth is, he hasn't set any boundaries for himself and the women he dates. He keeps saying yes to their demands, thinking that all women are like this. He just assumes all of his dates want something from him. No wonder he's completely turned off.

This idea of "takers" doesn't only apply to women looking to be wined and dined. There are plenty of men who are "takers" as well - financial and emotional drains. Perhaps you've dated a man who was perpetually unemployed, who relied on you for housing, money, or other things to meet his needs? This is another form of taking.

When someone takes, there is an unequal balance in the relationship. Relationships aren't balanced 100% of the time - they go back and forth, with each person relying on the other at different times for support. When one side does all the giving and it goes on indefinitely, then the relationship not going to last. Neither side is going to feel happy and fulfilled. Both sides end up resentful.

Instead of blaming others, (because you can't control anybody else's behavior, only your own), try looking at what you can do. It's up to you to set your own boundaries and decide what you are and aren't willing to put up with, as well as what you expect from a relationship.

Instead of offering to pay for so much, try planning dates that aren't so expensive. Take a picnic to the park. Make a home-cooked meal. Do things that show gestures of love and effort rather than expense and see how she/ he responds. Then see if they return the favor and start taking you out, too.

There's no need to feel taken advantage of in dating. The key is, set your own boundaries and stick to them.

Confession #1: I am guilty.

I will be the first to admit that the prospect of acquiring a partner and acquiring that partner's debt is a little scary. I attended one of the most expensive private universities in the country - it's terrifying contemplating my own debt, much less my debt combined with someone else's.

Years ago, when a new date confessed he was multiple tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt, I could feel some of my excitement about him evaporate. It was like someone instantly started lowering the volume on my attraction knob.

Confession #2: His debt never affected our relationship, which turned out to be a long and very happy one. Although it ended up being a total non-issue, I still remember how I felt when those words first came out of his mouth. It may not have been one for me, but is debt a dating dealbreaker for others?

eHarmony paired up with CreditCards.com to answer that question. Here's what their study revealed:

• 65% of men and 71% of women agreed that sharing the same attitudes towards managing money is the most important factor in a relationship.
• 48% of men and 57% of women say debt is a turn-off in a partner.
• Keeping credit card debt a secret is a breakup-worthy offense to 54% of men and 70% of women (that's the same percentage of women who would breakup with a partner if they found out he had a criminal history).
• The most common arguments for couples are about money, say 71% of men and 75% of women.
• Would you pool your money with a partner if you thought he or she was irresponsible with finances? 72% of men and 80% of women say "No."

That sounds like a whole lot of bad news, but don't fret - there are a couple of lights at the end of the tunnel. Debt may be a deal breaker to some, but it's not the most serious offense a partner can commit. Most men and women think a criminal history and cheating are bigger reasons to break off a relationship.

Most Americans also believe that a partner's spending habits can be changed. 69% say it's ok to insist that a partner alter his or her spending habits. Looking at it by gender, 70% of men and 68% of women think they should try to influence a partner's monetary decisions.

When it comes to money matters, money matters. Be honest with your partners and make sure you're on the same financial page.