Profiles

Many online dating sites are all about service. They’ll email you new members, people who match your search criteria and make it easy for your to contact them just by clicking on a link in that friendly, service-oriented email.

But you shouldn’t. And here’s why:

The only information you have at that point is a face you find attractive. Is that really worth a click?

It is no different than when you are out with your best guy or gal pals for an evening of fun and you spot someone across the room. Even in this case, you have more than just a pretty face. You have body language, their entire physical appearance and whether or not they seem to be having fun. However, you’re still in “just a pretty face” until you get into the meat of who that person is and actually have the chance to learn about all the things below the surface.

Next time you get one of those update emails from your online dating site of choice, thin before you click to “wink” or “send a message.” Instead, why not click through to their profile and give it a read? They’re putting it out there for your review, so by golly – give it a go! You may find out that he or she is, indeed, your dream girl. Or better yet, that pretty face may not want to date someone with kids and you’ve got two that you adore. Why waste your time? Move on to someone who’s a better fit right from the start instead of starting a conversation that isn’t going to go anywhere.

The bottom line is you should always be reading the profiles for anyone you wish to contact at an online dating site before initiating a conversation. Not only does it give you common ground to build a conversation around, it’s polite. Remember how you felt when the last person who obviously hadn’t read your profile sent you a message or a wink? You were probably a bit annoyed because they weren’t anything like you were looking for. If only they’d read your profile, right?

Ladies, this one's for you. If you've ever wondered how you can compete with all the other pretty faces on your dating site (and c'mon, you can admit you scoped out the competition, got upset, and poured yourself a big glass of wine - we've all been there!), then be prepared to learn the ways of a plain Jane who was never short on dates.

Your profile text is what's going to make guys REALLY want to get to know you. Sure, your face will help. But when those guys read an amazing profile, they'll be clambering to write you about how interested they are. (And, bonus: you'll easily be able to pick out those who read the profile and those who just sent a form email!)

Toot your horn!
Many women underestimate themselves in their profiles because they're afraid of coming off like a... witch (hey, it's almost Halloween!), or uppity or high maintenance. So instead of being that, they swing the pendulum ALLLLLL the way to the other side and come off sounding like a 1950s housewife. "Oh, I have some interests, but I'd really like to learn about yours, dear potential husband." Ugh!

Seriously, ladies, write about what makes you awesome. Do you climb mountains, write novels, change your own oil, bake the world's best chocolate chip cookies? Tell a story that makes guys want to be a part of your life!

Let's face it. We all have certain physical qualities that we find attractive and others that turn us off. I often have male clients asking me "How do I say 'No fatties' without saying 'No fatties'?" (This is extra ironic because by their definitions, I am a fattie.)

But this issue encompasses a lot more than weight. There are people who don't find skinny people attractive, or who find artificially colored hair gross, or who would never date a Republican or an atheist or someone who owned more than one cat.

How do you make your desires known without coming off like a rude person? It all boils down to one rule:

Seniors are not the typical demographic for most of the online dating services. However, you just don’t want to go sit in front of someone and have them videotape you, either. Dating is a very personal decision, especially when you’re past the point of starting a family and your children are already grown. So how do you get back into the dating game when you’re over 50?

It’s simple: think like you’re thirty-something! When you were in your thirties, that was the time of your life where you probably realized what you really liked. Your hobbies, your passions, places you like to travel. So take all of those experiences and add them to the others you’ve earned along the way and let them be a guide for writing an online dating profile that will be your ticket to time well-spent. Here are some tips to get you started in the world of online dating for seniors, so put that thirty-something hat on, grab your life experiences and away we go!

Family Considerations: It wasn’t something you took likely when you were younger, so why make light of it now? It’s not uncommon to find men in their 50s who would like to have another child or women in their 60s who would prefer to not be involved with men who have teenage children. In your online dating profile, be sure to highlight the details of your family and whether you’re open to raising a new family or would prefer to leave those child-rearing days behind you.

Work Status: Are you working full-time? Part-time? Blissfully retired? Let your prospective matches know how you spend your time. After all, if you’re planning on working for another five years and you start dating someone who is fully retired with a desire to travel, you may find that your priorities don’t align and you’re headed for conflict.

Short and Long-Term Goals: Maybe there’s a trek across Nepal in your future. Perhaps it’s an Alaskan cruise. You want to spend more time volunteering with your favorite charity. State your passions and help your potential matches understand what’s important to you. You’ve had a beautiful life filled with varied experiences so far, but you’re certainly not done yet. Travel, charitable work, time with family or grandchildren, contributions to your church – they all bear mentioning when you’re writing your online dating profile. Show them who you are and what you’re made of – you can never go wrong with passion.

Ladies, my first matter of business is to apologize. I am sorry that you have to deal with the idiot men that you have to deal with on your dating site. I am sorry that there are members of our species that will devalue you and make you feel like an attractive cut of meat rather than a person. I am sorry that while you prefer educated men, you're getting emails from guys with little to no grasp of their native tongue. I am sorry that you're getting emails from old dudes who want to trade in their 50 year old wife for two 25-year-olds. I am sorry that you get emails from philandering businessmen who want to take you for drinks at their hotel bar and "let nature take its course."

I'm sorry because I've gotten those emails too. Every one of them and then some. You're not alone and you are not wrong to feel as frustrated and angry as you do. It's a waste of time to weed through all these emails when you could be doing better things.

But please, please, please, don't add a "bad attitude paragraph" to your profile.

What's a bad attitude paragraph? Here's one:

The world of online dating can be daunting. Whether you’ve been in the mix of various online dating sites for awhile or are completely new to the scene, it’s easier than you think to create a profile that will get you more glances than passes.

Building your online dating profile doesn’t have to be in the same category as a trip to the dentist (with apologies to the dentists reading this). Just think about the last time you sat down at a business meeting, a party, or even a date. What was it that you found interesting about the people you were talking to? It probably wasn’t that they liked the color blue or “looked as good in a cocktail dress as they do in a pair of jeans.” More likely, it was the truly unique qualities and experiences they possessed. A recent trip to Nepal, a sense of humor like Jerry Seinfeld or that they just completed their first 100-mile bike ride. Am I right?

This is what your online dating profile should be like! Filled with the truly unique character traits that embody you – from the words you choose to the pictures in your profile, let your profile scream “I’m somebody special!” instead of “Keep looking. I’m just like everyone else.”