Advice

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons I had to learn when it came to finding someone special was patience.

Most of my friends got married well before I did, and sometimes I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn't find someone as quickly as they had. I found myself waiting, and waiting. I went on numerous dates. I took advice from friends and family that was unsolicited, just because I thought it couldn't hurt. I even started hosting my own dating events because I was so determined to meet someone great.

Of course, I kept waiting and waiting, with not much of anything happening. It felt like I waited for everything in my life - the right job, a promotion at work, even driving home in L.A. traffic was a daily exercise in patience. I thought that my life was full of struggle and grief when it came to relationships, and couldn't fathom that someone would one day be committed to me. Otherwise, he would have already shown up, right?

Wrong. With love, timing is never as we plan it. It's important to take a step back, breathe, and practice patience.

Practicing patience takes effort - it doesn't come easily. But it involves stopping and turning off that voice in your head that says "nothing is happening!" and trust a little more in the right timing of everything around us.

Learning patience also involves gratitude for what is in your life in the present moment. Not what you want, but what you have. If you're always thinking of what you want, you'll be in a perpetual state of wanting, and that is far from being patient. But if you recognize what you have in your life - whether it's a circle of close friends, family, a beautiful sunset, or an amazing slice of pizza, enjoy it, savor it, have gratitude. The more you feel a sense of appreciation, the more you will find to appreciate.

Patience also allows us to see more opportunities around us. For example, have you ever walked quickly through a grocery store, grabbing only the items you need because you're in a hurry, keeping your head down and your focus on leaving quickly - so that you never noticed the guy in the next aisle who was checking you out? Maybe he was going to ask for your number, but you hurried out so quickly he didn't have a chance. Sometimes we're so focused on the task in front of us, we forget that life is in the moment and opportunities are all around us, especially at the most inconvenient times.

So practice patience -daily, diligently, and mindfully - and see what happens.

Think that online dating is only for the young? Think again.

Older singles have been taking over the Web, and the over-40 set shows no sign of stopping. The Internet is the perfect place to look for love later in life, but it can be overwhelming for the online dating neophyte. Sally Landau and Julianne Cantarella attempt to make the ride a little smoother in Day Twelve of YourTango's online dating bootcamp.

Some of their top tips for online dating after 40 are:

1. Get started. The first step is the most difficult, but once you take it, the sailing is much smoother. Choose the right site for you by conducting a simple Google search - it will give you a good overview of what's available, what's in your price range, and what offers the features you need.

2. Own your experience. "You know yourself much better than you did 20 years ago," says Landau, "and you have a better idea of who you are and who you want in your life." Knowing who you are and what you want makes the online dating process so much easier.

3. Keep your profile short and simple. When your list of expectations is too long, it starts to look like a list of demands. Keep a list of your most important dealbreakers in the back of your mind, but otherwise keep your mind open.

4. Know your competition. Take a look at other online dating profiles to find inspiration for your own. What's working? What's not? How can you make your profile stand out?

5. Reach out. This goes for both men and women. Search the site for people who interest you, and start communication when you find someone who piques your curiosity. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

6. Hurry up. This is online dating,not a search for a penpal. Once you've exchanged a few messages back and forth, take the next step. Arrange a phone call or meet in person. If there's no chemistry, you're better off figuring it out sooner rather than later.

7. Be open and positive. You reap exactly what you sow. If you have a bad attitude about online dating, you'll meet other people who have a negative outlook. But if you approach the experience with the expectation that it will be positive, your chances of being a success story skyrocket.

8. Be fearless. "Getting back out there can be scary, but it can also be fun," says Cantarella. "Allow yourself to be scared, but don't get stuck. The only person you are hurting by not taking a chance is you!"

9. Present the best version of yourself. Think of your online dating profile as a marketing tool and yourself as the (fabulous) product. Do whatever it takes to present yourself in the best possible light, like uploading flattering photos and making sure your profile is completely filled out.

10. Don't dabble. Like a relationship, online dating takes work. Make it a priority, and devote the time and effort needed to generate the results you want.

Check out the post on YourTango for 10 more tips on dating after 40!

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Eleven

We all want to believe in truth-in-advertising, but let's face it: advertising often lies, and so do online daters. Most people online are looking for the same things - companionship, passion, love - and most don't lie to get them, but there are a few bad apples out there spoiling the bunch.

With so many millions of people now looking for love online, it's smart to make your safety a priority. BackgroundCheck.org offers the following facts and figures for singles on spotting liars and making sure your dates' stories check out:

On the types of lies people tell...·

• 81% of people stretch the truth about their height, weight, or age.
• A study found that the average woman describes herself as 8.5 lbs thinner than she really is, while the average man lies by 2 lbs.
• Men lie by a greater magnitude about their height.
• Men's profile photos are, on average, six months old. Women's are a year-and-a-half old.
• Many online daters would admit to being overweight before coming clean about their political beliefs.

Here's what daters think about it...·

• Daters believe a certain amount of fibbing is par for the course - and A-Ok - in an online profile.
• Some believe the penchant for lying online is the result of a tendency to idealize ourselves.
• Others believe online lies come from a strong desire to represent ourselves in the best possible light.
• More often than not, the lies tend to be small. Small lies are easier to keep up after meeting in person.

On how to detect a liar...·

• Liars use negative words - like "not" and "never" - more frequently.
• But they use fewer negative emotion words, like "sad" or "upset."
• They also tend to use fewer first-person pronouns and write shorter personal essays.
• Fabricators are less likely to talk in-depth about the subjects they are lying about in their profiles.

If you want to investigate a date, try this...

• Free Public Records Search: Find info on topics like marriage licenses, inmate records, and more.
• National Sex Offender Registry: Search by name or address to find offenders and predators in your location.
• Department of Corrections website: Visit your state's Department of Corrections site for records on fugitives, offenders' locations, and more.
• People Search Engines: Sites like Pipl and Facebook can offer a wealth of information on a person.
• A Google search: You'd be surprised by how much you can learn using something as simple as a search engine!

See the full infographic here.

There are plenty of tips and tricks out there to help you improve your online dating profile. In fact, there are so many things you could be thinking about that it’s easy to get overwhelmed. However, you don’t have to be a wordsmith to write an effective profile. If you can internalize one simple concept, you’ll start off ahead of the game. It’s one of the most basic rules of writing: “Show, don’t tell.”

The idea is to paint a picture with your words and let your readers draw their own conclusion. For example, what sounds more interesting: “She was sad” or “When she opened her test scores, her shoulders slumped”? In the second example, we might not have been told outright what she was feeling, but it makes a stronger impression.

Now think about some of the profiles you might have seen. It’s not uncommon to find one that either reads like a laundry list of statistics. Even worse are ones with statements like “I’m a great catch” or “I’m really funny.” The writer either comes off as arrogant. They’re trying to be bold or confident, but instead they come off as arrogant or unconvincing. When I read a statement like that, I mentally raise an eyebrow and think, “Oh really? Where’s your proof?”

To circumvent that kind of reaction, you give your proof first and let the readers form their opinion. For example, instead of telling people you’re intelligent, you might share some of your favorite or recent reads. Instead of telling people you’re funny (or trying to be funny, which is hit-and-miss when you’re typing instead of speaking) you might talk about the British comedies you love. Instead of saying you’re compassionate, talk about the causes with which you are involved.

Draw up a list of traits you’d like to share about yourself in your profile, but rather than simply listing them, find examples to back them up and talk about those instead. The reader will feel like their opinions are their own, and they’ll also get a greater insight into you, your personal “voice.” Not to mention the fact that your specific details give much more to talk about when they send you an email.

You might not be writing a work of fiction (in fact, I hope you’re not) but that doesn’t mean you can’t write something that is compelling, entertaining and leaves the reader wanting more! Why not use a tried-and-true rule from the professionals?

Online dating safety: everybody talks about it, but does everybody actually do it?

Sometimes it feels like I see a horror story about online dating every time I log on, and although I know that many stories are sensationalized and most people online aren't dangerous, it's still enough make me stop and think. Online dating is mostly safe, but meeting someone over the Internet just doesn't have the same assurances as meeting someone through a friend or at your favorite local hangout. Looking for the best in everyone is a healthy attitude, but protecting yourself from the hidden dangers that may be lurking online is a smart bet.

For Day Eleven of YourTango's online dating bootcamp, Louann Schwager Tung takes on online dating safety. In the past, Tung says, we turned to people in our community - like parents and close friends - for their matchmaking expertise. We relied on those we trusted most to introduce us to potential dates and to help determine if they would make suitable long-term partners. Now, although the Internet is an incredible resource for love seekers, we lack that community support. That's why it's so important to take safety seriously when dating online.

Online dating safety is like car insurance, Tung explains. More often than not, you won't need it. But if something happens, you'll be glad you have it. Here's what you can do:

• Use a paid online dating service. Money talks! Someone who pays for an online dating service is more likely to serious about the search for a soulmate than someone using a free site. Those who are looking to take advantage of online daters are more likely to gravitate towards sites that don't charge a fee, like Plenty of Fish or even Facebook.

• Use background checks. Some paid dating services perform background checks on members. You can also perform an amateur background check of your own, but Tung firmly believes that a professional background check is well worth the extra cost.

• Be aware of privacy settings. Stay in control of the information you share with strangers online. What can be seen by everyone? What can be seen by your friends? What can only be seen by you? Check your privacy settings on a regular basis, as sites sometimes update them without adequate warning.

• Don't throw caution to the wind. Even if you think you've met the perfect person, don't let your defenses down right away. Remember that it takes time to get to know someone, especially when you meet online. Moving too fast makes you vulnerable to online criminals.

9 times out of 10, cyberspace is a perfectly safe place to meet your match, but it always pays to be safe. Go with your gut and trust your instincts - if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Ten

Related Story: YourTango Online Dating Bootcamp: Day Twelve

Some people have no problems having a romantic fling, but they run into trouble when it comes to finding a committed relationship. Well, when it comes to finding a long-term relationship, several requirements must be met - the basic ones that go along with any relationship, and extra factors as well. Perhaps some who have problems finding long-term love are adept at some of the requirements, but not all - so let’s give the most important ones a look.

First, there must be mutual attraction and chemistry. This is pretty much required for any romantic encounter, but that shouldn’t diminish its importance. Lust can diminish over time (or wax and wane), so the stronger base you have in the beginning, the better. And chemistry plays such a big part in the “first impressions” department - it’s hard to even get to the other qualities and considerations if there’s no spark to begin with.

Next, there must be mutual respect. When there’s respect in a relationship, other, positive qualities tend to fall in line naturally: honesty, communication. Some relationship guides try to make this all more complicated than it needs to be, talking about a balance of power, alpha males, job status, and so on, but whether you’re talking about jobs, morals, political preference, or almost anything else, it can usually be boiled down to respect.

Finally, the timing must work out. Yes, it’s entirely possible to find someone who might be a great fit... but whose heart has recently been broken. Or maybe they’re about to go on a mission trip for the next five years. Or perhaps they’ve joined a convent. It can be terribly sad to let a great catch go, and some hurdles are able to be overcome, but the fact of the matter is if the timing isn’t right, it can effectively cripple a relationship, so it’s better to just let it go and maybe revisit it at a later date. Remember, there’s not really such a thing as only “one perfect person” for you! The best thing you can do for your potential-but-doomed match, and yourself, is allow you both to find people that make you happy in the here and now.

To find someone who meets all three of these important factors can sometimes seem as likely as a blue moon - but remember, people fall in love and form long-term relationships every day! And your chances might improve simply by being more aware of what you should be looking for. It’s great to find someone with whom you share common interests or who has smoldering eyes, but do they have the core components for long-term love?