Advice

If you’ve ever read a blog, you’re pretty familiar with the personal questionnaire. There are thousands of them out there, with questions ranging from your favorite color to your recollections of Saturday morning cartoons. If you’re trying to get your profile started and you’re feeling stuck, these questionnaires, surveys and memes are a great way to get some inspiration flowing, particularly if you bear the following tips in mind:

First, don’t copy and paste an entire survey into your profile. How often do you sit and really read the surveys of other people, particularly someone about whom you feel neutral? You might skim, and if it’s too long, you’ll leave altogether. No, these surveys should only be used as a jumping-off point, not a substitute for a profile altogether.

Neither should you attempt to cram all the content of a survey into your profile. Writing down your favorite color might get you loosened up in the question-and-answer session, but it’s not really something that says anything about you. You’ll probably be able to scrap most of the questions altogether. What you’re looking for is any answer that is revealing, funny, or different. Maybe you’ve always liked to mix three kinds of breakfast cereal. Maybe you stock up on office supplies during back-to-school season because it brings back happy memories. Maybe your first job was performing as a giant dancing hot dog for the local fast food place. These are the sort of facts you’re looking to pull out, not your favorite candy bar (unless it’s something really bizarre).

While it’s definitely good to open up in your profile, try not to venture into the realm of Too Much Information. Try to avoid anything that might be too depressing or too graphic (in pretty much every sense). Later on you might be filling out racy questionnaires with your partner, but they don’t need all the details about your underclothes or romantic prowess splashed across your profile.

What if the questionnaire proves to be so incredibly inspiring that you have amazing anecdotes and don’t think you can fit them all in? Fear not! These sorts of tidbits can be equally useful when it comes to first dates and small talk. Maybe you can even take note of some of the better questions and ask a few yourself (just make sure you’re not interrogating your poor date!).

A questionnaire might be something you’ve skimmed over in the past, but now you can look at it with new perspective - it’s a jumper cable for flagging creativity! Don’t be afraid to use the tools that are easily available to you, and happy writing!

You might have heard the phrase “tips and tricks” used frequently when it comes to online dating, but the term can be a little misleading. You see, there are certainly many tips to try out, but there aren’t actually any magic “tricks” that will guarantee a match. And when you think about it, that might actually be a good thing.

When you start out, the dating scene can seem like a foreign land, with customs and language you thought you studied but which are vastly different in person. Online dating is probably one of the biggest “tips” to help make it more manageable, even modifying it to fit your personal schedule.

And when you first experience success or progress, whether it’s through online dating, an edit to your profile, or a tip about first-contact emails, you may well feel like you’ve performed a magic trick, or even that you’ve “pulled one over” on your date. “I’m just me, but here I am, more successful than ever,” you might think. And it’s fun to feel that way... for awhile.

At some point, though, it’s necessary to leave the concept of tricks behind. You may still follow a tip here and there, but with the strict understanding that you’re in a unique relationship of your own, and what works for some might not work for others. Most importantly, you have to have the confidence to believe you can be just as successful on your own.

After all, what would a relationship be like, long-term, if one half always felt like they were pulling the wool over their partner’s eyes? At the least, they might feel unequal, like they didn’t deserve to be in their own relationship. At the worst, they might feel satisfaction at “conning” their match, thinking of them more as an object or accessory than a partner and friend. Neither of these options bode well for long-term success and happiness.

So yes, tips can be quite helpful, especially when you’re just starting out. You may need to look at a situation from another perspective to get your foot in the door, and anything that helps you think outside your own box is generally helpful. Once you begin a relationship, however, it’s important to realize that it’s actually you who got yourself there, not some tip or trick. And that realization, that confidence to wing it on your own and use your own judgement, is one of the best things you can do to to ensure a stable, equal partnership.

Creating a dating profile isn't an easy task. Once you've captured someone's attention with your photos and headline, you might lose them in what you choose to say in your profile.

It's better overall to avoid negative phrases - what you don't want - and instead focus on what you DO want. Shifting your focus can help change your attitude and outlook, especially if you're not feeling very inspired because your dating life isn't going so well. Even if you've been hurt or betrayed, there's no reason to take it out on the people who are browsing your profile. You've never met, so don't make assumptions based on your experiences. There are all kinds of people in the world - and you want to attract the best type of person for you.

Following are some of the biggest mistakes people make in their profiles, and how to fix them:

"I don't know why I'm online dating." This makes you sound like you're excluding yourself from the tens of thousands of people who are members of online dating sites - like you're too cool and have way too great of a social life for all that. That won't score you many dates. Instead of dismissing online dating (after all, you are doing it!) focus on the fact that you're excited to try it out for the first time.

"I'm not into liars or cheaters, so don't contact me if you are." Even if your last few boyfriends cheated on you or lied to you, this is the wrong way to attract the right guy. You will probably find that liars will gravitate to you even more if you put it out there. Avoid this subject by saying instead that you value honesty and mutual respect in a relationship.

Terrible grammar. I hate to say it, but you'll turn away a lot of candidates if you write in text-speak, or with grammatically incorrect phrasing or a lot of misspellings. Take the time to have a friend proofread your profile before posting it.

Talking about your ex. Nothing turns a person off more than someone who can't stop talking about their ex - whether it's positive and wistful or negative and abrasive. Leave that topic alone. Nobody wants to hear about your past love life - they are only interested in your future potential.

"Prove me wrong by..." If you describe the male gender as "all the same" or "players" or whatever else you had in mind, leave it off your online dating profile. Same with challenging potential dates to "prove you wrong" by being the exact person you want them to be. This is an impossible request - people are all different, and we all have our own issues to deal with. Also, think about if you came across someone else posting that - would you want to date him, someone who hates an entire gender? Probably not.

Sometimes you’ll hear (even from me!) conflicting messages about searching for common interests. On the one hand, a custom search in an online dating site is an incredibly valuable tool, and even one of the main draws to online dating. On the other hand, you want to think outside your own box, you want to broaden your search, you don’t want to get hung up on whether you both love the same TV shows. So which is it?

In a word, both! Custom searches can be valuable in a few different ways. The scenario you probably think of first is something like this: you think you’re the only person in your city who loves to watch international soccer. You sit down at your computer and do a search for international soccer, or maybe your favorite team. Bingo! Six potential matches in your area also love the sport! Who knew? Even if you don’t wind up having chemistry, you may have just found someone with whom to throw a World Cup party.

The thing is, that doesn’t always happen. Maybe you type in your favorite team and there are no matches. You still want to try to find the same “type” of person, though. Here’s where custom searches can still be valuable, but you need to think outside the box a bit. For example, maybe your specific favorite team is just too obscure; try searching for other teams (a little friendly rivalry never hurt anyone). Maybe international soccer isn’t getting any hits, so what about teams within your own country? Or maybe just someone who is a fan of all sports in general.

It might not be an exact match in interests, but you’re still finding people who are passionate about similar things in the same sphere. Even if they don’t share your specific passion, they still might understand and respect yours.

That’s why it’s important not to get hung up about whether they happen to like your favorite TV show. You don’t need to share every single opinion, but it is imperative that you respect the interests of one another. And of course, being able to share other things is important too - which is why finding the “type” of person who shares your interests can be more important than finding one who matches up exactly.

Thus, as you begin your searches, don’t seek to find a clone of yourself. Think about the sort of person you’d be attracted to, what you’d like to share, and what related interests they might have. Experiment with topics broad and specific, and don’t be afraid to play around with it; you never know who you might discover!

It’s that time of year again: back-to-school time. Now, many of our first friendships, and even romantic relationships, were forged during our years at school; and many adults will tell you it’s never been as easy to find a friend or romantic prospect as it was back then. True, as an adult you’re probably not in an environment comprised of single peers; still, that doesn’t mean we can’t apply some of those lessons even today.

First, think back to how you and your friends “found” each other. It may have been in class, but it might have been a less likely place: a chance encounter in a hallway, a conversation at the end of lunch. Though you may have had some “at first sight” friends, more friendships were probably developed slowly, as you saw each other in class or in the halls every day.

Some experts say it’s these random, unplanned encounters that increase the likelihood of forming new friendships. So, how can you apply this to love? Examine your own routine. Do you regularly make yourself “available” to others, or do you only leave your home for necessary errands? Do you have hobbies that allow you to meet new people? Is your favorite bar or coffee shop only frequented by people dramatically out of your demographic? Developing a new routine - or at least trying one out - might allow your chances at chance meetings to increase. It’s a lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone when you clearly eat at the same place every day.

Something else we learned in school: even in what feels like a small environment, chances are slim that you’ve literally met everyone. Maybe you thought you knew everyone at school, until you went to your high school graduation and realized there were dozens, if not hundreds, of people you’d never noticed (if you knew everyone at your high school graduation, you either attended a much smaller school than I did or you were much more popular). In my own experience, it was entirely possible to meet “someone new” with similar interests in a school you’d both attended for years, without having ever seen each other in the past, simply because you didn’t share the same lunch period or classes.

Similarly, try not to grow disheartened when you feel you’ve met “everyone there is to meet” in your area. Yes, it’s possible there’s only ten people using your preferred dating site - so maybe it’s time to switch to another one, broaden your search parameters, or try going out in person, because statistically, you haven’t met every compatible single out there, I promise. Remember: it was possible to not meet in high school just because you didn’t have the same schedule. Now view your “high school” as a town of tens of thousands. Daunting? Yes, but better to be challenged than to feel you’ve explored all your options.

You may not be in school anymore, but that doesn’t mean you’re not constantly learning and growing. Some things have changed; we might use the internet to communicate now, for example, and you might be looking for love instead of someone with whom to trade cards. Still, the core lessons you’ve learned about friendship - honesty, being yourself, being a good friend, making the first move - are never too elementary to heed when searching for a match.

When we think about online dating, we think about other people.

What kind of dating site will have the most compatible singles for me?

What kind of pictures are going to attract dates?

How do I write a profile that's going to look interesting to other people?

That's all well and good - the aim of online dating is to find a date, after all! - but dating sites can also be a good way to discover yourself. Your profile is an opportunity for other singles to learn more about you, and it's also an opportunity for you to learn more about the person behind the profile.

Start with this question: How do I feel? As you approach the prospect of joining an online dating site and filling out your profile, what is your mindset? Are you excited? Are you dreading it? Are you confident? Are you shy, awkward, or insecure? Do you feel positive or negative about the online dating experience? If you don't approach online dating with the mindset that it will be a rewarding venture, you're unlikely to have success. If you're experiencing doubts, address them before splashing out on an expensive subscription.

If it's all-systems-go, you're ready to start filling out your profile. Ask yourself this question: What defines me? What are you passionate about? What are you most proud of? What are your goals? What are you struggling with? What are you successful at? What is your life philosophy? What do you believe in? What is meaningful to you? Your profile is just a small snapshot of who you are, so you have to choose only the most significant details to share. It's the perfect chance to reflect on what is most important to you in your life.

Then turn the question around: What defines you? What am I looking for? One of the biggest problems daters face is time wasted by dating the wrong people. Taking the time to describe who you're looking for in your dating profile forces you to think seriously about what and who you really want. What exactly do you need from a relationship? What do you want? What are you willing to compromise on? What are your dealbreakers? The more accurate and honest you can be in your profile, the more likely you are to attract someone you're actually compatible with.

Filling out your profile is the perfect opportunity to reassess yourself, your love life, and your dating goals to make sure you're on the right track before embarking on a new online dating adventure.