Romance

We’ve all seen romantic comedies where the guy falls hard for the girl. Their mutual attraction is so strong that they inevitably kiss when they first meet - they can't help it! But is this something we should expect in real life?

Singles are more old-fashioned than you might think, at least according to a recent study. When it comes to the right time for the majority of Americans to go for the first kiss on a date, it’s usually date number two. That’s because many people feel that a first date is too soon when you’re just getting to know someone.

More than a quarter of Americans feel that it is okay – even more appropriate – to wait until the second date to kiss someone. Surprisingly, this number holds steady for both men and women (27 and 25 percent, respectively), gay or straight (27 and 26 percent respectively).

The ethnicity of study participants didn’t seem to make a difference, either. Roughly the same quarter percent would go for a second date kiss among whites, blacks, and Asians. Only Hispanics had a higher percentage from the norm to wait for a second date kiss - at 31%.

Not surprisingly, there does seem to be a difference among different age groups, with younger singles tending to be more open to the idea of a second date kiss. At 34 percent, younger Americans had the highest response among the 1,080 people surveyed. Men and women aged 18 to 24 had a 79 percent higher likelihood of kissing a potential partner on the second date than men and women aged 54 to 64.

People from different regions tended to agree as well, with 27% of respondents from the West, MidWest, and South agreeing that waiting for a first kiss on a second date is preferable. But those in the Northeast varied slightly, with only 21% agreeing that a second date kiss is the way to go.

Rachel Dack of DatingAdvice.com who commissioned the study, said that it suggests more people are tuning into their own connection or lack thereof with their dates to determine if kissing on the first date is the right option for them.

“The hope is single individuals will determine when to kiss their date based on their own sense of internal readiness, attraction, values or gut feelings as opposed to acting out of pressure from society,” she said. “I think it is also important to note it might feel like you should kiss your date or get sucked into the belief that ‘everyone’ kisses on the first date, but clearly that’s not the case.”

A few years ago, I was at an amusement park with friends when one of them shyly handed me his camera.

“Do you think you could take a few pictures of me today?” Kent asked. “I’m making a profile for an online dating site and I don’t really have any pictures of me. Especially ones that aren’t posed in some way.”

Happy to oblige, I did my best to grab good candid shots of Kent. Everything was quiet for some months, until I ran into him one morning, positively giddy.

“I just had the best first date!” he said excitedly.

“It’s ten in the morning! That must have been some first date!” I said, raising my eyebrows.

“No, no, the date didn’t start last night,” he said, blushing. “It was a breakfast date! She works nights, so this was the fastest way to actually meet in person.”

“Ooh,” I said, intrigued. “So you met her through your dating site?”

“Yep,” he said. “She moved here two years ago and only lives ten minutes away, but thanks to our jobs our chances of running into each other are practically zilch. And since we’re on opposite sleep schedules, it’s been pretty nerve-wracking writing her and then waiting a minimum of eight hours for a response. But still, that’s better than never having met her at all.”

“Well, it’s great that she seems so wonderful, but will you ever get to spend time together with such opposite schedules?”

“She’s going to get moved to a different position at the end of the year,” Kent said. “It won’t be forever. And - this may sound cheesy, but - even if it’s more work finding time to meet, she really seems worth it.”

Last month, Kent and his wonderful first date were married. Her inconvenient schedule was indeed not for forever - but hopefully her romance with Kent will be.

Related Article: Stories in Success, Part I

There's no shortage of love advice on the Internet, but it's not exactly the most diverse segment of the self-help industry. Every relationship guru out there seems to be telling you how to meet your match, fall in love, have a healthy long-term relationship…

Perhaps it's time for something different. Perhaps it's time for someone to take a stand for the miserable loners of the world. Don't want a fulfilling dating life? Good. This one's for you. It's about time someone created a guide for having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad relationship. Take it from me, if you want a truly awful love life, follow these six rules:

1. Never make plans in advance. Always text your date within, at most, two hours of wanting to meet them. The later, the better. Do not give them any time to prepare, and don't put any effort into planning your outing together. Make sure they know exactly how detached and disinterested you are.
2. Keep your compliments to yourself. If you say anything nice to your date – ever – they're bound to think you're clingy and insecure. If you’re new to the horrible relationship game, simply bury all urges to engage in flattery. If you’re a pro, emphasize your oh-so-attractive aloofness by offering backhanded compliments, subtle condescension, and no shortage of snark and sarcasm.
3. Speak only of superficial surface matters. Choose your conversation topics wisely. Family? No. Childhood? Nope. Religion, politics, or anything that even remotely displays your intelligence? Nah. Hopes and dreams? Don't even go there. If you’re in any deeper than your favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavour to snack on while binge watching your Netflix queue, you’ve gone too far.
4. Add your date on Facebook right away. The best way to get to know someone new is to stalk them online as much as possible. Friend them on Facebook ASAP, then start your searching. Bonus points if you update your relationship status without consulting them first.
5. Don’t follow-up, especially if you had an amazing time. Oh, so you enjoyed yourself on your date? Good for you. Make sure they have no idea. Do not, under any circumstances, text them the next day to say you had fun or schedule date #2. In fact, it's probably safest to avoid communication entirely unless they get in touch first.
6. If you err at any time, fall off the grid. Accidentally said something sentimental? Or sent a text that didn’t look like a post-midnight afterthought? Or – gasp – bonded? Sorry, there’s only one option left. Disappear entirely before your insignificant other starts thinking they’re not so insignificant after all.

Embarking on an office romance might seem like a nerve-wracking idea, but many people in long-term relationships have met each other this way. It’s easy to get close to a co-worker, because you get to know them a friends and colleagues first. There is a comfort level that you just can’t get on a first date.

Not to mention you’ll get an extra little bounce in your step on Monday mornings when you get to see each other again. Your focus, time and dedication to work will become even more commendable. Plus, the workday will fly by with a little flirting over texts or IMs.

Unfortunately, carrying on an office romance can also make things much more complicated at work. Chances are your co-workers will notice, and they might assume that it either affects your work quality or you’ll have an unfair advantage if you’re dating a supervisor or someone at a higher level than you are.

So what can you do? Following are five tips if you’re thinking of dating your co-worker:

Know the company rules. If your office doesn’t permit workplace relationships, then you have a choice: stay in your job and let go of the relationship or be willing to change jobs. Don’t take a chance with your job and risk being fired. The rules are in place for a reason, so know how the company operates.

Know your career goals. Are you in a job that leads to your dream career, or are you willing to sacrifice your career trajectory for a chance at a great relationship? You are the only person who can make that decision. If you want to keep your job and get promoted, then reconsider getting involved with someone at work.

Visualize what happens when things go wrong. I know it’s not a pretty thought, but you have to go there – what happens when you break up? Will you have to walk by his cubicle every day? Can you tolerate him flirting with other women? If the thought of working with an ex makes you crazy, then reconsider dating a co-worker.

Don’t date a supervisor or subordinate. If you’re going to pursue a workplace relationship, it’s better if there isn’t a power struggle between you. Don't date your boss or someone in a higher position, and don’t take advantage by dating someone who is a subordinate. If you’re hiding your relationship, assume that everyone already knows. Office gossip spreads fast and likely it will be hard for you to hide.

Be professional. Don't let your work suffer. In many ways, when you’re dating a co-worker you might have to go that extra mile to ensure your personal life doesn’t overshadow your job.

Confession: I’m one of those irritating people who, every February, talks about how Valentine’s Day is a crock of you-know-what because it shouldn’t take a special, sickeningly sweet, Hallmark-y holiday to remind you to love your partner. Every year it gets hipper to hate on Valentine’s Day, to the point that the scales almost seem poised to tip back in the other direction. In 2015, will the cooler-than-thou kids have to start celebrating V-Day instead of condemning it? What a strange world that would be…

Though the anti-Valentine’s Day forces are loud, it seems that most of us are secretly celebrating anyway. eHarmony asked 3000 people if they had plans for Valentine's Day 2014 and about 64% of them said that they would be spending the holiday with someone special. Here’s what they had planned (or not):

• 17% of people said they had not planned anything at the time of the survey (which was done only three days before Valentine's Day!).
• 6% said they had put a lot of planning into the event.
• Most people, unsurprisingly, fell somewhere in the middle – they’d put at least a little bit of thought into the holiday, but weren’t going all-out.
• Men were the romantics of the bunch. While women were more likely to say they had done very little to no planning at all, men were more likely to say they had done a fair amount of planning or a lot of planning for their valentine.

Good news for married folks: marriage may get a bad rap for dulling the spark, but the damage – at least where Valentine’s Day is concerned – is seriously overstated. Couples who were dating exclusively were most likely to have plans, at 89%, but at 82% married couples weren't far behind. Couples who were engaged were the least likely to have made any plans, perhaps because they’re too busy planning their weddings.

When the big day finally arrives, here’s what we’re up to:

• 37% of people head to dinner with their honeys.
• 26% prefer a romantic dinner in.
• 18% skip the dinner half entirely and go straight to a movie date.
• 71% of people plan to give their valentine a gift (79% of men, 65% of women).
• Women ranked their gift preferences like this: flowers (17%), jewelry (16%), intimacy (17%), a card (12%), and a spa day (11%).
• Men voted strongly in favor of intimacy as the ideal Valentine's Day gift (40%), but next in line was a card (11%).

And for all the naysayers, eHarmony also found that the biggest reasons people say they celebrate Valentine's Day are romance, connection, and genuine enjoyment of the holiday.

You adore him. He's fabulous! And it's clear he thinks you're pretty incredible, too. And now you're ready to turn up the heat.

Or maybe you've been together for a while, but haven't yet really seen the sparks fly...

Are you hoping for something exciting to happen soon? Are you waiting for him to make the next move? Why not turn on your inner sex siren, and get his engine running with some sexy, sultry moves of your own?

Some of the hot and steamy questions below are PG, but a few are very definitely rated "GS" for "guaranteed sexy." You're bound to find some that fit your particular style.

So set up an intimate dinner out. Or order in! Or just surprise him with a very unexpected phone call. And try out some of these tantalizing, tempting questions that are guaranteed to give him a little bit - or even a lot - of love fever...!

1. What do you wear when you go to bed? (Do you know what I wear? Would you like me to tell you?)

2. What would you like me to wear under my clothes when I go to work (when we go out, etc.) tomorrow?

3. What spot on my body do you think I most like to be kissed?

4. Do you think you're a good kisser?

5. How do you like to get a good massage from a woman?

6. Would you like to buy me some sexy lingerie? Should I go with you when you pick it out?

7. Where are you the most ticklish? Would you like to be lightly bitten there?

8. You fill in the blank: It's always the man's job to do _______ during sex.

9. Would you like to read an erotic story out loud to me?

10. If we were alone right now, but you only had 3 minutes, what would you do to me?

11. Do you check me out when I'm walking away?

12. Under the covers or on top of them?

13. Do you like to do it with most, some, or no clothing on?

14. Were you ever caught doing something naughty?

15. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

17. What do you think is the most sensitive area on my body?

18. If we could be alone anywhere in the world, where would you like to take me?

19. What is my sexiest article of clothing?