Profiles

If you’ve ever dated online, you have probably encountered a match who wasn’t completely honest. Maybe he claimed to be 5-foot-ten in his profile, but when you showed up in heels for the date, he was definitely more like five-foot-five. Or perhaps the last girl you met posted a photo from a couple of years ago, when she was 20 pounds lighter.

Do you think your dates misrepresented themselves? Do they believe they were lying in their dating profiles, or simply “enhancing” how they see themselves?

Most people would agree that these types of “enhancements” are misleading. But when it comes to your own dating profile, do you hold yourself to the same ethical standard you apply to others, or do you shave a couple of years off your age or add a little more to your annual salary?

Lying in dating profiles is a slippery slope. While it’s true that people do filter according to certain preferences more than others – like height, age, and weight – does this mean you should fudge the numbers so that you are more likely to be included in someone’s search? If you do, then what happens when you meet in person and you have to explain yourself? Or after you’ve been on several dates with someone you’re really attracted to, and she starts making cultural references that you don’t relate to? Do you fall silent or pretend you know what she’s talking about?

It’s easy to get caught up in your deceit. The problem is, when you lie in your profile, it’s much more difficult to continue in a relationship that seems promising. You have started off on the wrong foot, and your date might be resentful that you lied (even if he did, too).

It might seem counter-intuitive to be called out on your lie when your date might have misrepresented himself, too. But it happens. This is where so much mistrust has built up in online dating. Everyone is so busy trying to “get past” the filters people put in place. But if you take this route, it works against you. Plus, it will make you distrust more online daters, and probably set your filters with even narrower focus. For instance, if you set an age range filter of matches between the ages of 25 and 40, but you meet a few 45 year-olds who fudged their ages, chances are you are going to set your filters to a more narrow focus of 25-35, assuming you will get guys who are actually 40 or younger.

Instead of trying to outsmart the filters on dating apps, or trying to widen your options by lying, try taking the honest route. See if your dates respond more positively to you. And see if you have a better, more comfortable time with them.

We could all use more honesty in online dating.

The dating app market is flooded, so new companies entering the field and looking to make their mark have to differentiate themselves. For some app developers, it’s taking a female-centric approach, like with Bumble. Others look to social networking connections to make people feel more secure about meeting strangers, like Coffee Meets Bagel or Hinge.

The latest grab for online daters’ attention comes in the form of creating a dating app that is as exclusive as possible.

In other words, a new crop of apps are taking a completely different approach from acquiring the most users, like with Tinder. The success of an online dating company or app has always been evaluated by how large its database of users is. But these apps are banking on another measure of success - that is, how coveted the app is. They are driving demand for the app, and then being selective about who gets to use it.

The hack isn't the only bad press plaguing the Ashley Madison camp. Following the security breach, the leak of sensitive customer info, and a class action lawsuit, a former employee is now back in the news for claiming she was told to create hundreds of fake profiles for non-existent female “members.”

Doriana Silva, who worked at the company’s headquarters in Toronto, Canada, tried to sue the firm after claiming she suffered a repetitive strain injury after being told to input 1,000 counterfeit memberships in a short period of time.

According to court documents, Silva alleges that her job “entailed concocting phony profiles of alluring females and inputting these profiles into the appellants' online dating service in order to attract male subscribers.” She claims she was given only three weeks to create 1,000 fake profiles on Ashley Madison.

Her claim states that the purpose of the profiles is to “entice paying heterosexual male members to join and spend money on the website. They do not belong to any genuine members of Ashley Madison — or any real human beings at all." She also claims she was led to believe that the creation of fake profiles was considered a normal business practice in the industry.

Silva claimed £10 million in damages when she launched her case in 2012. Avid Life Media, Ashley Madison's parent company, counter-sued. The two sides agreed to drop their cases earlier this year, but the suit is back in the news following the big hack.

Online security experts have suggested Ashley Madison is perhaps guilty of further fraud. Some believe the company may have purchased bulk email addresses from marketing companies in order to create the impression that their user base is significantly larger than it really is.

A source involved in the FBI's investigation into the leak told The Daily Telegraph that inspections of the database suggest that a large number of the female profiles on Ashley Madison were in fact created by a relatively small number of individuals.

Ashley Madison says on its website that it cannot “guarantee the authenticity of any profile,” but it's hardly an uncommon phenomenon for an online dating site to artificially inflate its number of profiles to appear more attractive to new users. Ashley Madison may have taken publically available information from other databases to use on its site.

Alternatively, actual users may have stolen other people's email addresses to avoid giving their real name and contact info.

Either way, the news is ensuring Ashley Madison is hit even harder. Avid Life Media has scrapped plans to float on the London Stock Exchange and now faces serious legal action from those affected by the hack.

Dating can be difficult, there’s no doubt about it. One of the most difficult things about online dating is the mental game many of us play. Instead of looking and considering each potential match on its own, we compare and contrast our matches, swiping left and right based on a couple of photos or an Instagram feed. The faster we swipe to reject (or even accept), the faster we can meet someone with whom we have a connection. Someone “better” than the last match.

When we are judging others so swiftly and definitively, it’s hard not to do the same thing to ourselves. Do you wonder what others think of you – why they might be swiping left instead of right? Why another match might be “better” than you? Do you think that peoples’ reactions might change if you were just a little prettier, or more athletic, or taller? (Especially if you reject matches based on these same criteria?) This can ruin your confidence as well as your online dating experience. Sometimes, it’s better to take a step back and gain some much-needed perspective.

Online dating creates the illusion that we are not only sizing each other up, but competing with one another. Let’s take social media as an example – something that most of us check regularly. We are constantly looking at what other people are doing, and how our lives compare.

Have you ever come across the Facebook or Instagram feed of a friend who is always posting vacation photos from exotic locales, or your friend who is part of a happy couple who can’t stop sharing how much they adore each other or their new baby? Maybe you see your friends’ new promotions, new houses, and exciting moments and think your life falls short.

Social media can give us skewed perspectives, and so can endlessly swiping on dating apps. While we might think that other people have an easier time with online dating, or they are getting more dates, or are somehow meeting “better” people online, rest assured – all of us have the same insecurities and challenges.

Instead of looking at online dating as a competition or a numbers game, it’s time to approach it differently. Instead of mindlessly swiping and judging, try taking things slowly. (I know, it’s against the dating app mindset, but it’s necessary.) Try reading what each person says in his/her profile. Spend one minute looking at a profile before moving on to the next. Try looking through an Instagram feed and not judging or comparing your lives, just observing. Try saying yes to a match who doesn’t seem like your type, just to see what the date might be like.

The more you can distance yourself from the cycle of comparing yourself to others, judging others, and hating online dating as a result, the better. Instead, have a more curious approach. Try to get to know someone rather than making a judgment. Seek connection, not perfection.

You can kiss SexyGirl88 goodbye. Usernames will no longer be part of the dating profile, at least on Match.com. The dating website giant has announced that it will no longer require its members to sign up with usernames, which have long been the cornerstone of the dating profile.

Since Match was created 20 years ago people have used catchy, cute, and frankly sometimes crazy usernames as a way to express themselves. But given the ubiquity of online dating coupled with the popularity of social media, the stigma of “being seen” online no longer exists. Despite the creativity usernames require and how they have playfully enhanced profiles seen by potential matches, Match feels there’s no longer a need for people to hide behind an alias.

Match decided to pay homage to the art of the username by providing some final statistics about them, gathered from its own user database. They created a list of the top 10 “most memorable” user names (making it understandable why many people won’t be sad to see them go):

• TwisDemNipples
• Hardworkingmilf
• IWantAllDaSecks
• DilettosJunkie
• SkittleFartz
• TonyPonyNY
• GlitterIsAColor21
• SPF70Always
• BigGulps32oz
• Assless_Chaps

Match also conducted a survey of its members on some of the best and worst usernames employed over the years. (Although we should note that daters could have used this kind of information when usernames were still a part of the equation.) Perhaps this information can help you with your profiles on other dating sites.

Match discovered that your given name matters. Guys named Mike (61%), Dave (60%) and Steve (59%) are the most likely to get messaged by a woman on Match, while men are more likely to contact Sarah (62%), Michelle (60%), and Lisa (59%).

Country music has always been a money-making business, and it seems that daters on Match likewise preferred to emphasize their own country roots. “Countryboy” and “Countrygirl” have been two of the most popularly utilized names on the site, but 78% of women and 36% of men would NOT reach out to someone with that moniker. The least popular usernames - “Babygirl” ( 14%) “Angel” ( 29%) and “Cowboy” (16% ) did not fare too well, either.

Match also found that men and women differed on what they felt made usernames “bad.” According to the survey, 62% of men felt that immature names were a turn-off, while 81% of women felt offensive names were a turn off.

Now that Match no longer requires usernames, perhaps other dating sites will follow suit. Thanks to dating apps, profiles are being streamlined down to their basic elements: photos and a few tags. It makes sense that usernames would become sidelined, too.

For ore on this dating service you can read our review of Match.

Don’t you wish you could tell if someone on an online dating site was lying, or if all the information provided was accurate and up-to-date? Well it seems there’s an app for that.

Been Verified is targeting users of online dating sites in its marketing campaign. The service provides online background checks to help people “discover, understand and use public data in their everyday lives.” Basically, Been Verified consolidates data from many sources of public records, providing a background check on potential dates, including police records, mortgage deeds, and social networking profiles.

If this is unsettling, remember – it is all information that you volunteered or that is automatically public record. So, everyone is searchable, but sometimes it’s difficult to gather all of the information that’s out there. Been Verified just makes it easy – one-stop shopping, if you will.

Been Verified has dealt with a lot of fake profiles and scammers, so they wanted to get the word out to online daters about how to protect yourself. Following are some tips they recommend:

• It’s a big red flag if your online interest asks you for money, especially if it is early on and if you’ve never met face-to-face. Scammers will often ask for money on behalf of a sick relative, a short-term loan to pay rent, or travel money to visit you if he lives out of state.
• Be careful if he avoids meeting you, especially if he states he will be out of the country. There is a reason that scammers don’t want to meet face-to-face.  If they are running a game, they will come up with all kinds of excuses to avoid meeting. Some may use work travel as an excuse, others may say they have shared custody of his kids and it’s his weekend to keep them, or that an ill mother needs to taken care of. Listen carefully to what they are saying.
• To avoid identity theft scams, try Google's reverse image search. Take a few minutes to search the profile's pictures, and if the reverse search shows up across hundreds of pages, it is highly likely that the person is being deceitful and is using someone else’s images as his own.
• When chatting online, make sure the flow of conversation makes sense to ascertain if you’re talking to a live person or a robot profile. Mix up the conversation; see if the person continues to track with you. If they are unable to switch gears, it could be a robot responder giving predetermined responses.
• If his profile is comprised of only one photo and the text is basically empty, they could be a scammer. People who don’t want to be held accountable to the content of their profile will simply leave it blank. If they are too lazy to take the time to self-disclose and post some self-descriptive text, then you should probably take a pass.

Been Verified was founded in 2007 by Josh Levy and Ross Cohen with a mission to help people discover, understand and use public data in their everyday lives. With millions of app downloads and millions of monthly visitors, BeenVerified allows individuals to find more information about people, phone numbers, email addresses and property records.