Matching

The latest dating app launch is capturing a lot of buzz - and aimed at marketing to the so-called “dating elite.” If you’re single and successful, The League might be the app for you.

The League has gotten attention because of its latest round of funding. Though founder Amanda Bradford was at first looking to raise half a million according to Time Magazine, she has now received $2.1 million from investors looking for the next Tinder – but without, you know – all the low-brow hook-ups.

The League differentiates itself from its competition by offering exclusivity – you have to be accepted into its network. The acceptance algorithm it uses according to Business Insider “scans the social networks to ensure applicants are in the right age group and that they are career-oriented.” The article goes on to say: “That doesn’t mean they have to be Ivy graduates or work for a big-name firm. But they should have accomplished something in their 20s.”

If you are accepted, you are given a limited number of matches each day at 5:00pm, which The League calls “Happy Hour.” You are also given the ability to refer one friend.

The League isn’t the first app to offer more “quality” matches as opposed to the giant dating pool that is Tinder. Hinge is invitation-only, working from your social media circles and offering a limited number of matches per day, as does Coffee Meets Bagel. The difference is that The League utilizes LinkedIn to find matches, avoiding direct contacts (like your boss) and working with those a little further removed. Some have argued that this blurs the line between business and personal, although eHarmony announced earlier this year they would be offering job-matching services to employers and potential employees.

So far, The League has attracted around 4,500 users from San Francisco. Like Hinge, CEO Branford wants to move slowly, city by city, to build her network in a more thoughtful way. She discovered most couples meet through school or work connections, and she wanted to optimize these already-existing networks (hence using LinkedIn for matching). In fact, she is doing much of the business networking herself by attending parties of tech execs in Silicon Valley and fundraisers in San Francisco. She walks around demonstrating her app and offering bracelets with the app’s logo to attendees.

“It isn’t an app for everybody,” Branford told the New York Times. “We’re trying to hit home that…people do have high standards.”

Online dating is evolving along with daters’ preferences. We have grown used to the idea of using technology for our personal lives, with more people online dating than ever (thanks to the rise of dating apps like Tinder).

The dating landscape has changed, even in the last few years. There is new technology of course, but there is also the growing number of singles (which consist of more than half of U.S. adults over age 18), and the fact that young adults are waiting longer to marry. So college isn’t the place you’re likely to meet your life partner – instead, it’s more likely going to be online.

With so much changing and so many singles out there, why is it still so hard to find the right person, or even to get a date from a few back-and-forth texts?

The answer might be simpler than you think. There have been several studies in recent years about our ability to make decisions, especially when we are given a lot of choices. Much like wandering into a candy store when you just want a bite of something sweet, your mind can be immediately overloaded with all the different types, brands, and flavors – so that you almost become paralyzed by the choices and unable to make a decision.

A study was conducted a few years back, where a group of people were given a choice between a few different brands of laundry detergents and asked to pick which one they’d buy. With only three or four choices, they tended to read the labels of ingredients and decide which was best based on content. They were also generally pleased with their choices.

The next group was given dozens of choices of laundry detergent. Researchers discovered when there were more than a few choices, people didn’t take any longer in making a decision - they were too overwhelmed and didn’t read the labels at all. The majority chose which detergent they would buy based solely on what the container looked like, and didn’t look at the ingredients. In fact – they were basing their decisions purely on superficial “looks,” because it was easier than trying to get to know all of their choices.

It’s no wonder we feel a bit ADD when it comes to dating, and that apps like Tinder have taken off. When we are given too much choice, it’s easier to just look at the photo and make an impulsive decision – yes or no - rather than think about what we really want. We don’t get to know people before deciding we aren’t interested in a date or even a drink. It’s too easy to think “there’s probably someone even better” while we are swiping, so we don't think twice about standing someone up or refusing to text them back.

Maybe it’s time to focus on one date at a time. Maybe we should start saying yes more often - instead of no.

Another year, another crop of studies trying to solve the problems of online dating. Maybe I shouldn't get so into them, but I can't help it. If science can help us get even a little bit closer to finding love, I'm all for it. The end of 2014 and beginning of 2015 predictably brought on a slew of new research with some interesting insights to share.

One study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found something that's unlikely to surprise you: men who post more selfies to social media sites are more narcissistic.

The research uncovered a connection between a penchant for posting selfies and four personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy and self-objectification. Narcissism and psychopathy were both linked to the number of selfies posted, while narcissism and self-objectification appeared to influence the tendency for men to edit photos of themselves online.

The most important aspect of your online dating profile is the photo. While visual-based dating apps like Tinder have made the photo the only determining factor in whether to swipe left or right, photos have always played a crucial role in how many times your profile gets viewed and by whom.

Does this seem shallow, or turn you off of online dating altogether? It shouldn’t. Let’s face it – when you meet someone in real life, the first thing you notice is what he or she looks like. The difference is, while you might not initially be attracted physically, having a chance to interact in person could change your opinion. Chemistry is elusive – you might want it with someone who looks a certain way, but actually have it with another who isn’t your type. But you don’t know until you meet face-to-face.

Which is why you want to give yourself the best advantage by including photos that will make people stop and take a second look at your profile, regardless of whether or not you feel you look like a model. The point is – you want to get to the actual in-person meeting to make that determination. But you have to get past the screening process first – a.k.a., the photos.

Here are some tips:

Accentuate your unique features – even the ones you don’t like. Think your unruly hair will turn people off? Think again. OkCupid did a study, and as it turns out, online daters have really varied tastes! Most are interested in people with unusual features rather than just ordinarily attractive features – so emphasize your curvy hips or regal nose. It will get you more attention.

Look into the camera. Most people prefer online dating prospects to look at the camera, and to smile. It looks much more inviting and engaging.

More is more. Posting a slew of selfies isn’t a great way to create your online dating profile, but you do want to post more rather than fewer photos. Have a friend take some varied shots that you can sort through later. Go outside where the best light is, and where you can have a little more fun with the camera.

Vary your poses, and do a close-up. You might not be comfortable in front of a camera, but you don’t want to make potential dates work hard to figure out what you look like. Embrace a close-up photo so your face is clear, and incorporate a body shot so you don’t look like you are trying to hide. Don’t pose with friends – this is a solo act.

Show your active side. Do you like to climb rocks, play volleyball, or strum a guitar? You’re much more likely to get messages if you have a visual of what you love to do.

Show your playful side. A big trend in online dating is to not take yourself so seriously. You are looking to meet people and have a good time, so it’s good to be a bit more playful and creative with your photos. People want to see your personality up front – so do that silly pose. Have more fun.

A recent article in the Boston Globe discussed the disappointing journey of online dating. Many single people start the New Year off by setting an intention to find a partner – so they sign up with an online dating site. And after a few weeks or even months of effort, they are exhausted and ready to throw in the towel on dating altogether.

In other words, they are burned out from dating.

If you’ve ever done online dating, you will know what dating burnout means. Often, when you sign up with a new dating website or download a new app, your expectations can be high that this time it will be different. This time you can meet someone special. But then, after a few bad experiences or lack of chemistry or matches, it’s easy to become frustrated and think that online dating will never work.

Online dating is tough if you aren’t finding the right person, but should you always point your finger in blame when things don’t work out? There are more singles than ever in the U.S. – roughly 50% of all adults, so it’s not that there are “no good ones left.” But if you are experiencing dating burnout, it is hard not to believe it.

It’s important to look past all the bad experiences, and try to start each date on a clean slate. This isn’t wishful thinking, it’s what is required if you want to move from a negative place to a more positive place – because the first rule of dating is that you attract people of the same attitude to you. How can real chemistry happen if you aren’t willing to approach a new date with fresh eyes, even after a hundred bad dates?

I’m not saying dating is easy – far from it. But nothing in life worth having is easy. Nothing really valuable comes because we can order it off a menu, or a dating app. Instead, it comes from the work we put in. It comes from our mistakes, which help us to learn what works and what doesn’t.

If you want a true partner, it might happen through online dating, and it might not – but you have to be ready to wipe the slate clean each time you meet someone new.

So online dating isn’t the problem. If you want your dating life to change, you first have to examine yourself and see where you might be holding back from others, or how much you might be judging. Not everyone is going to be Mr./Ms. Right, but you will have a better time when you let go of what you can’t control (other people) and take control of what you can (you).

Peace and love for 2015! 

If you are among the 150,000 Tinder users in Ireland, your chances of finding a match are only one in a hundred - or about 1% - according to a new study.

Researchers for Ipsos MRBI, who surveyed people living in Ireland who say they use Tinder, discovered that dating app users’ chances for finding someone they click with are not that much greater than randomly meeting people at bars and pubs. In fact, the odds may be less favorable with apps, likely because there is the perception of browsing through a seemingly infinite number of eligible singles each time you log on to the app, making commitment seem unappealing. The more choices you have, the less willing you become to settle for just one person.

There is an addictive quality to apps like Tinder, according to its own figures. The average Tinder user spends between an hour and 90 minutes using the app every day, logging in 11 times. There are also an estimated 50 million active users of Tinder, compared to 864 million active Facebook users and 300 million active Twitter users – proving that the dating app has as much power to hold users’ attention as the major social media platforms.

Part of the reason for its low percentage of matches might be Tinder’s demographic, at least in Ireland - preferred mainly among fickle twenty-somethings who log on to the app several times a day. Only 12% of Irish Tinder users are between ages 35 and 44, and for those between 45 and 54, the number goes down to 3%.

Men are also less picky than women when it comes to saying yes to a dating app match. According to the study, they are three times more likely (46%) to swipe “like” on a woman’s profile whereas only 14% of women say yes to a man’s profile. The study also shows however that women invest a little more thought and time - women spend 8.5 minutes reading profiles on Tinder each time they log in, compared to a man’s 7.2 minutes (which are spent swiping).

So what does this mean for daters? The U.K. might not be much different from Tinder users all over the world. There is an accessibility and ease to the app, which has made it extremely popular and given its users a lot of options when it comes to meeting new people. But just like flipping through magazine pictures, sometimes it’s easier to just look at more photos than to reach out and contact someone, even if you find them intriguing. The real test is – can Tinder translate to real-world relationships?

Maybe your chances are about the same on Tinder as they are at your local bar. But until you reach out to try and meet in real life, you won’t know.