Tips

Being single doesn't always feel so free and empowering. Many of us are looking for a long-term relationship instead of a series of more dates. Sure, we might cherish our independence, but maybe we'd also like a partner or a family.

Sometimes, trying to find the right person can feel like a waiting game more than anything else. So, what can you do to make the most out of your time as a single? Following are a few tips to think about:

• Take risks. You see a cute guy in front of you at the coffee shop. Do you wait for him to say something, or do you approach? If you find yourself acting shy in these situations, start pushing yourself. Start the conversation. Even if it doesn't lead to anything at first, this practice becomes easier over time, and increases your chances of meeting someone great. Also, you up your dating game because you are taking risks. This increases your confidence and attractiveness, and you'll attract similar potential mates!

• Don't put off your dreams. Have you always wanted to go to Italy, but were waiting for a romantic trip with Mr. Right? Stop waiting and buy that dream ticket! Whether you take a friend or go solo, don't put off doing something you want to do while you're single. When you do things that make you happy, you attract happier and emotionally healthier people into your life. Plus, it's nice to have your own adventures before entering into a partnership.

• Expand your dating options. Instead of going to the same bars or joining online dating sites using the same profile and old photos, try something new! Grab a friend to check out a new café that just opened, or ask her to help you write a new online profile. Sometimes you just need to mix things up a little!

• Live in the moment. It's easy to say "I'll be happy when... I have a new job, I meet the right person, or I buy that house". Instead of concentrating on future happiness that is dependent on something or someone else, try cultivating your own happiness today no matter your situation. When your attitude changes, you attract different people and circumstances into your life. So, do the little things that make you happy...whether it's taking a hike in the morning or learning how to make fresh pasta. People will notice a different you.

Are you ready to rev-up your dating life? Maybe you feel like the online scene is in a bit of a lull or your latest dates haven't been filled with anything resembling chemistry. Enough of the complaining! It's time to take some action and get your love life in line with your urge for excitement and dates that sizzle. Try these eight ideas to put your passion back on the map - after all, it's not uncommon to fall into a rut if you haven't found your perfect match quite yet.

Make a Love List

It may have been awhile sit you sat down and remembered what it is you're really looking for in a mate. Head out to the back porch or the balcony with a pen and paper (or your laptop) and make a list of everything you want in a mate. Leave to "don't wants" off the list and focus on the "wants."

Ditch the Negative Vibes

It's time you became tired of everything you don't want and don't like, because trust us: your dates are already tired of those things! Leave the negative vibes at home and do your best to be upbeat and positive. This goes fro reviewing online dating profiles, email communications, phone calls and the date itself!

Hit the Gym

If you're feeling the blahs, why not treat yourself with a gym workout or, if you already go regularly, a session with a personal trainer? Getting your butt kicked (or kicking it yourself) can give you the extra self-esteem boost you need to have a fabulous date.

Style It Up

Maybe what you need is an image touch-up. Take yourself on a little shopping trip. If you're a guy and can't bring yourself to head to the mall, grab a gal pal and bring her along for some fashion tips. If you like what you're wearing, you'll feel better and that will show through to your date.

Flirt!

Yes, we said FLIRT! The next time you're on a date and you like the person sitting in front of you, there's nothing wrong with a little flirtation to liven things up. Don't practice this on the ones you're not interested in, as that will just send mixed signals. But a well-timed flirtation can go miles for making your date smile.

Mix it Up - One at a Time

Are you in a dating rut? Why not freshen-up your dating life by committing to a series of places you've never tried before for your next few dates? New restaurants, parks, coffee shops and bars - they're out there and waiting for you to find them. If you need inspiration, try a site like Yelp.com that gives local favorites rated by people just like you.

Make Real Time

Stop trying to cram your dates in after work, into happy hour and before you go home. If you're relaxed when you show up for a date, you're probably going to have a lot more fun! Take the time to go home, get comfortable, change clothes and decompress after your work day. Chances are, your date will also appreciate the downtime and be more relaxed when they show up for your special evening, too!

Get Interested

Do you find that you let your dates talk more than you? If you're at a loss for how to converse with your date, grab a friend and go get some coffee. Make it your mission to find out a few things about your friend that you don't already know. While you never want your dates to sound like the Spanish Inquisition, asking questions indicates that you're interested. Be interested - it feels good when people are interesting in who we are wand what we do.

Instead of a mid-life crisis, why not focus on the dating opportunities if you're in the "middle aged" bracket? You've got half of your life behind you, which translates to a boat load of experience - it's truly nothing but upside! There's nothing wrong with being single at your age and the chance to find Mr. or Mrs. Right is still out there. The Huffington Post recently published a fun article on all the positives associated with middle aged living, so we took that information and translated it into dating terms. Enjoy!

• People are living longer - This means you have more than ample time to enjoy that partner who's ready and waiting for you in the wings! While you might think you have half of your life behind you, think about it in dating terms: you have half of your life left to spent with someone very special!
• Our brains keep evolving - The article indicates that we actually think better later in life than we did when we were younger. This means that, whether your using an online dating site or have friends fixing you up on blind dates, you can make better decisions about the people with whom you choose to spend your time.
• People are happier over 50 - Well, isn't that the best news we've heard in dating? Forget about going out on dates with people who are down in the dumps - the article states that stress levels decrease and feelings of well-being increase as we enter our fifties.
• Even divorce is a positive thing - Look at the recent Tipper/Al Gore split. Divorces later in life are increasingly common. Instead of divorce being seen as taboo, it's the opportunity to rediscover yourself and find a new lease on life.
• The stigma is gone - Even AARP is getting a makeover (they even have a Facebook fan page). You can move into your "mid-life" and still stay connected and find others who are connected (perhaps through online dating) as well.

For more information on popular dating sites for singles who have some life experience, you should read our Match.com review and our eHarmony review.

Every now and then, I bop over to Oprah.com and see what's cooking in her relationship kitchen. While most of the content is pretty pedestrian, there's always something that surprises me. As I'm always looking for ways to improve my relationships while on the road to Mr. Right, the site recently published an article called Honesty is the Best Policy. It highlights ways and reasons people choose to be deceptive (and sometimes without even knowing it) and nine great ways to be loving in a more open and honest way.

We never want friends who will talk behind our back. That type of behavior never helps anyone and just feeds gossip and distrust. According to the article, we all want to have some "front stabbers" in our lives. Front stabbers are people who tell us to our face what we're doing wrong. They're the voices of reason when we don't necessarily WANT reason. All to often, we avoid the truth when we're looking for open, honest and loving relationships. Is that any way to build one, though?

According to the article, there are several reasons we choose to keep quiet when faced with challenges in relationships:

To be liked - we mistakenly believe being dishonest and not saying what we truly feel will make someone like us more. But they'll never like "us." They'll like who we pretend to be.

To feel superior - we can feel better about ourselves by holding a lesser view of those in our lives by not expressing how they could improve.

To avoid change - the status quo is always easier because we know our comfort zones.

To avoid being vulnerable - it's an uncomfortable feeling, so we keep quiet to avoid it.

To hide low self-esteem - if people don't know what we think, they can't look down on you for thinking it.

It's not hard to see that we avoid honest conversations because of the level of intimacy they entail. It's easy to be a jerk but much more difficult to be the bearer of hard-to-hear information with love and intimacy. The article offers these nine tips on how to become a "front stabber" from a warm and loving perspective:

Start with yourself - If you can't be honest about you WITH you, who can you be honest with? Start first with a secret you've been keeping and understand why you've been keeping it. Associate a positive emotion with the negative one and put your head on straight before discussing it.

Timing is everything - Don't start a "front stabbing" conversation without adequate time. Give yourself at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time and find a place where you can speak with a sense of privacy.

Start with love - According to Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, he can predict 96% of the time how a conversation will end within the first three minutes. That means if you start with harsh words, the conversation will end harshly. Take the time to start your conversation with love so you put yourself in the best possible position to have it end with love as well.

It's no end-all, be-all - It's only your opinion. There are certainly other opinions. The best you can do is express how YOU feel, so let the subject of your "front stabbing" know that this is how YOU feel and others may feel differently.

Start with the "I" not the "you" - Being an effective front stabber is about sharing how you feel about someone's actions or behavior. Talk about how you feel and now about what the "you" is doing. This takes the pressure off of your partner and places a shared weight between you.

Converse - Once you've dropped your loving bomb, leave the door open for talk. Otherwise, all you're doing is launching ultimatums.

Be specific - No one "always" does something. If you can't give specifics about someone's behavior, maybe you need to hold your conversation until you can.

Follow-up - Let the subject of your front stabbing know that you're loving them and not judging them. When we choose to front stab, we do so because we want to see the person in front of us grow and make better choices that will add to their happiness, not to cause hurt. A simple follow-up let them know you care and you're not abandoning them.

When we're serious about online dating, we search through many profiles, send off dozens of emails, and try to go on a lot of dates. Some are more fun than others. Some people we click with, and some we don't.

What happens if in this rush of dating as many people as possible, we overlook a potentially great candidate? What if we look back and remember his easy-going nature or contagious laugh and wonder...what if? Is there a chance we could have a second first date?

This is a tricky question, because in the world of online dating things move pretty quickly. He could have moved on, or he could have lost interest because you didn't really consider him the first time around. However, if you notice your old date's profile is active once again, there's nothing stopping you from testing the waters. Before you walk back down that road, here are a few things to consider:

• Be realistic about how things ended. Did you not respond to his emails or phone calls? Were you rude or direct about not wanting to see him again? If you let communication drop or somehow treated him poorly, don't expect a grand reception welcoming you back. Consider it a lesson learned and move on.

• Did you recently end a relationship? Sometimes when relationships end we look back through our contacts and reminisce. Although this helps in the short-term, I'd advise not contacting your old dates until you've had time to heal and truly gotten over your break-up. Nobody wants to be a rebound.

• Be open and honest. You've been on dates before that didn't go anywhere, so why are things different now? Your old date will want to know why you have a change of heart about him, so be prepared to respond.

• Be prepared to be rejected. Maybe your old flame is available, but he doesn't want to date you. Fair is fair, and he is entitled to avoid revisiting the relationship. Allow him this choice.

• Realize you might be disappointed. After all, you dropped him the first time around for a reason. Maybe the same traits that bugged you before are still there. Are you prepared?

• Have your dating choices evolved? Maybe you didn't see what a great guy he was the first time around because some of his other qualities weren't attractive to you, but now you're priorities have changed. Let him know you're interested and have the open, honest conversation about who you've become. If he's worth it, he will respect you for this and be willing to give things another chance.

First impressions are key when dating, but so is follow-up. If you had a great first date, there is no guarantee that it will go anywhere without some effort. When you are getting to know someone, it's necessary to take the extra steps if you want your new relationship to progress.

Following are some tips to keep in mind:

• Show genuine interest. Many people aren't fans of game playing and acting coy. If you are interested, show with your actions. Be engaged in conversation: listen and ask follow-up questions. Be careful not to get carried away and fire question after question though...nobody likes to be interrogated. Listen and engage.

• Pay attention to body language. There are clear signals we send out to let our dates know whether or not we're interested, although sometimes we don't even realize what we're doing! If you cross your arms, sit back in your chair, or keep looking away, chances are your date will take note and assume you're not interested. However, if you lean forward in your chair, laugh and make eye contact, your date is more likely to notice your attraction.

• Guys: compliment her, but don't go overboard. Even if she is the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, please don't share this with her again and again. She's likely heard it before from other men and won't be impressed. Instead, compliment her on something that you find unique about her...the way she tells stories, or the gesture she makes with her hands when she laughs. This shows you are paying attention.

• Don't let your cell phone distract you. If you tend to check emails, Facebook, or Twitter every few seconds out of sheer habit, don't tempt yourself. Turn your phone off and put it out of sight. It won't endear you to your date if you are constantly distracted by texts and tweets.

• Follow up. When you end the date, tell him you had a nice time, or tell her you look forward to seeing her again. Don't play games and say "I'll call you" if you have no intention of calling. Also, don't follow rules like waiting 3 days to call again. If you are interested, follow up quickly or you risk losing your love interest.