Tips

Valentine's Day can make us think about what we are and aren't getting in our love lives. If you're unhappy, instead of continuing the course, consider that this may be the kick-start you need to break up and move on. It's never an easy thing, but many times admitting things aren't working can be the best thing we ever do for ourselves.

Following are some reminders why breaking up may be the best yet hardest thing to do, and what you can look forward to:

You'll find yourself again. Maybe you've been with your boyfriend or girlfriend so long, you forgot what it's like to be on your own, make all of your own decisions, and reconnect with the things that you loved to do that might have been neglected. We all need time to figure out who we are as individuals. We also need to discover new passions that help us learn and grow.

Letting go means moving forward. Break-ups are harder if you don't take the steps to really disconnect before trying to be friends again. If you still are friends with your ex on Facebook, or call him every couple of days just to check in, you haven't really let go. Give yourself time and distance to create your own support system apart from him. Then you'll be ready for new love to come into your life. When you're truly ready, it will!

Replace insecurity with more self-esteem and a better outlook. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend was critical or caused you to doubt yourself. If you feel less-than whole in your current partnership, it's a good time to step away and remember all of the great things about yourself. Spend time with friends who have a positive outlook that's contagious, and who love you for who you are.

Build your support system. If you tend to neglect friends and family while you're in a relationship, this is a good time to reconnect so you don't feel alone in your grieving. Also, getting to know others who have come out of similar situations helps put things in persepctive. Knowing that you have some supportive people to turn to makes all the difference in taking the important step of leaving a relationship. They can help take your mind off your ex and hopefully share some good times and laughs in the process.

Look forward to your next, better partnership. When we choose to face our pain and work on overcoming our fears, we are putting ourselves in control of our own lives and happiness. This is an incredible feeling. When we do the work of recognizing our relationship mistakes, we have an easier time meeting someone who is truly right for us.

Let's face it, we all text now, probably more than we actually talk to people over the phone. It's convenient, efficient, and allows you to continue with your day uninterrupted by something like a twenty-minute conversation with your friend about what she should wear to a party.

But sometimes, it's a little too convenient. According to a recent study done by Shape and Men's Fitness Magazine, 43% of women and 27% of men polled said they'd received a break-up message over text. If you've ever been dumped via text, it doesn't feel too great. People deserve a little more respect, no matter how well you know them.

I've put together a list of texting DON'Ts for those of you who might be a little confused as to what works and what doesn't when you're dating.

Don't plan a first date over text. Call first. See how your phone chemistry is before you start trading flirtatious texts back and forth. When you talk, you can establish more firm plans than a vague "let's get together this week" text.

Don't text when you're drunk. This goes without saying, but worth a reminder. If you have a few too many and start thinking about your ex, sometimes it's easy to just send a quick text and drive yourself crazy waiting for a response. Don't give in.

Don't send 50 texts hoping he'll respond eventually. One or two flirtatious texts is great to keep a connection going, but if you send multiple texts with no response, you're going to look needy. If she doesn't respond the first time, move on.

Don't try to argue over text. If you get angry and want to make a point, pick up the phone or meet in person. Emotions are difficult to convey over text, and arguments can lead to even more misunderstanding.

Don't break up over text. Have some respect for your soon-to-be ex. Pick up the phone or meet in person. Sending an email is fine if you've only been out a few times. Calling or emailing makes for a cleaner break-up and both of you can move forward with no doubts about what's going on. Yes, it takes courage but it's better than trying to avoid conflict by texting. This will only create more confusion and anger. Don't hide behind your actions, and then both of you can move on.

Be sure to check back for Part II where I discuss the benefits of texting and dating. Another good online resource that covers this topic is Guy's Guide to Texting.

If you've joined an online dating site and aren't getting many responses, you may be wondering why. Most of the time, there are easy fixes to make to attract more attention. You just have to be aware of how you're coming across to people who don't know anything about you. Following are some basic tips to make sure you're getting the best results possible.

Post a photo. If you don't post a picture, most online daters will assume the worst: that you're hiding something, whether it's a spouse, girlfriend, or your looks. Many make it a criteria to never respond to someone who doesn't post a picture. If you aren't sure about what photo to use, ask a friend to help you. It's better to post a bad picture than no picture at all.

Make sure it's current. Speaking of photos, don't post any that are more than a year old. If it's grainy, get rid of it. Your matches can tell that it's probably an older picture. Your photo must reflect who you are now, not who you were 10 years ago. Your dates will find out soon enough, so it's better to be honest upfront.

Don't stalk...wait for a response. When you email someone you find attractive and are anxious to get a response, don't drive yourself crazy by checking your Inbox every 15 minutes. And don't send a follow-up email asking why he/she didn't respond after only a day. Give her some time, and go on with your search. If she's interested, she'll respond, and if not, move on to the next.

Update your profile more often. The more you visit your online dating profile and update it, the more searchable you become. When you don't check in for days at a time, you miss opportunities. The more you check in, users can see you're active and will be more inclined to pursue meeting you.

Be creative. Many online daters make the mistake of trying to look like everyone else in terms of how "datable" they are, instead of writing about what sets them apart. Rather than writing about how you enjoy movies and long walks on the beach, show your sense of humor or something unique, like your quest for finding the perfect chocolate pie. In other words, be creative and let your personality shine through.

Don't be negative. If your profile lists the kinds of people you don't want to date, whether it's the gold-diggers, drama queens, players, or cheapskates, please don't include this in your profile. First, nobody is going to tell you that's who they are, and second, you usually wind up attracting them anyway by advertising what you don't want. Instead, focus on the attributes you DO want in a partner.

You've had a great time at dinner, laughing and enjoying each other's company. The chemistry is there, and you're feeling excited. Then the check comes, and she runs off to the restroom, leaving you to foot the bill for the fifth time in two weeks. You find yourself getting annoyed, and thinking that maybe you aren't so interested after all. She expects you to pay...again. Is this good dating behavior?

Traditionally, men have taken women out as a form of courting. But now women assert their independence when it comes to dating by offering to foot or split the bill. But what is considered appropriate?

My general rule is, whoever does the asking does the paying. Men shouldn't be expected to take care of every date; women should reciprocate by planning a date and paying for it. Dating is about mutual interest, rather than expectations.

In this case, if you've taken her out several times and would like her to extend the same courtesy, I would ask her to plan the next date. This way, you're not putting pressure on her to pick up the tab at dinner and looking like a cheapskate. On the other hand, the responsibility is on her to take care of the next date...planning and paying.

Some other tips when it comes to money and dating:

• Don't look cheap by separating the bill according to what each of you ate if she offers to split it. Divide it down the middle. This shows class.
• Plan ahead. Instead of taking your dates to expensive or trendy restaurants, take them on a picnic, make dinner, or go for a bike ride. There are plenty of less expensive, creative, and fun options. Don't feel as though you have to impress with money.
• Offer to pay. Ladies, if you're used to being taken out, return the favor. Ask him out and foot the bill. Or buy him a round of drinks. Show that you're interested in more than his wallet.

Valentine's Day has a way of making those who are not in relationships more self-conscious about their single status. The holiday shouldn't be about over-the-top romantic gestures or a celebration of couples, but rather a celebration of love in general.

Instead of lamenting about what you don't have in your life, consider this an opportunity to enjoy all the things you do. Also, it's a chance to bring a spark of romance back into your life...that's what the holiday is all about, right?

Some ways to celebrate being single:

Enjoy time with your friends. Plan dinner, drinks or a fun outing to a new gallery or theatre show. Friendship can be the most supportive love of all.

Pamper yourself. Maybe you'd like a spa day, or a relaxing bubble bath at home. Go ahead and treat yourself to a little indulgence.

Travel spontaneously. Splurge a little for a weekend getaway to a place you've always wanted to check out, or plan the trip to Japan that you've always dreamed of. There's nothing holding you back.

Get to know yourself anew every day. Whether you pursue a long-time passion or discover a new hobby, you open yourself up to trying new things and learning more about what works for you.

Some fun ways to attract romance:

Go to a local event like a farmer's market or art show opening. Take your time strolling through. Introduce yourself to someone new and strike up a conversation. What's the worst that could happen?

Buy a drink for a man sitting next to you at the bar. Instead of waiting to be approached or for a hot guy to make eye contact, extend some love to others who are on their own. It will put you in a great mindset for attracting people to you.

Hang out with a cool couple. If you know some adventurous and happy couples, start spending time with them! Their enthusiasm is usually contagious, and besides, they're a lot of fun. Surrounding yourself with people living life to the fullest helps you do the same.

The annual day of love is just around the corner, and maybe you wait on planning something until the last possible minute like I do. If you are stuck on what to do with your date that doesn't involve begging for a reservation or spending $200 on flowers, try one (or some) of these ideas out:

Aphrodisiacs, anyone? There's nothing that says "I love you" like a home-made romantic dinner, provided you aren't serving instant Mac and Cheese. There are plenty of foods that conjure up amorous feelings that aren't that difficult to obtain. Oysters, avocado, basil (caprese anyone?), and chocolate are some good ingredients to play with.

Get outside. Play hooky from work in the morning and take your date hiking, bike riding, or if it's snowing, try ice skating. Enjoying the outdoors together is a fun, inexpensive way to bond.

Scavenger hunt. Maybe you haven't done this since you were a kid, but it's a fun and thoughtful gesture and doesn't have to be a lot of work. Write 3-4 notes giving clues as to where the next note lies. The last hiding place can be at a romantic spot that means something to both of you...like where you first met or your first date. Be there to greet him/her with a glass of wine.

Buy some coconut or jojoba oil and surprise your date with a romantic candle-lit massage. These oils are all natural, absorbent, and don't have the strong smell of some spa brands. They also make good lubricants.

Long-distance love. If you have some time and have a love that lives far away (or even if she lives near), get a pretty box or glass jar and fill it with 52 notes of love, whether it's a quote, a wish, a poem, or a loving statement about your date. Each week, she can pick a new one out of the box and think of you until Valentine's Day next year.