Tips

Perhaps you're wondering why your friend seems to have no trouble getting a date, even though he's not looking for a girlfriend. For you, it is more difficult. You can approach women at the bar, but they seem standoffish. Or perhaps you've tried online dating but can't seem to connect.

If you're wondering why a nice guy like yourself can't seem to catch a break, or think that all women are only after rich, handsome players think again. Women are looking to connect as much as you are. Following are a few tips for attracting them to you:

Be bold. Most women still expect men to approach them in social situations. If you're waiting for them to talk to you, you could be waiting a long time. Go up to her and offer to buy her a drink and strike up a conversation.

Be confident. Women are attracted to confident men. If you're feeling insecure, instead of trying to hide your weaknesses, remind yourself of your strengths and emphasize those. I don't mean bragging about your career or sexual prowess! I mean, if you're a good listener, ask questions. If you're funny, bring out your sense of humor. If you engage, women respond.

Be light-hearted. If you can't resist talking about your ex or problems you're having at work, then don't expect much to happen in your love life. Most women aren't interested in your past, they want to know what you can offer them in a relationship. They want to know you are fun, smart and funny. Keep the conversation light and flirty.

Remember your manners. I've been out with a lot of men who talked with their mouths full, walked in front of me, didn't offer to buy me a drink, answered their phones during dinner...you get the picture. Remember that consideration goes a long way.

Don't look around at all the other women in the room. This may seem like a no-brainer, but most men aren't aware they do this while they are talking to a woman. Maybe they look around because of nerves, but we assume that they are looking at other women and seeing who else they can approach. This can kill attraction before it even starts. If you want to be successful, give a woman your full attention and resist the urge to turn your head when a beautiful blonde walks by.

We've all witnessed a man magnet: she is the woman who can walk into a room and instantly all the single men in proximity gather round her. Maybe she's beautiful, but often, it's something else that makes her so irresistible. So, what's the secret of these man magnets, and can the rest of us learn their tricks?

The short answer is, it's possible for any of us to be a man magnet. The key is being open to meeting men and making yourself approachable. There are many ways we close ourselves off from potential love interests. By being more aware of your own tendencies in social situations and trying something new, you can revamp your love life. Following are some specific tips.

Make eye contact. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating. Men look at eye contact as a signal that it's okay to approach, so if you're avoiding it or looking away, don't expect them to come closer.

Don't isolate yourself. If you're at a party with friends, do you tend to stay with them rather than going off on your own to introduce yourself to others? Instead of staying in your comfort zone surrounded by people you know, draw other people in and circulate. Putting yourself out there is a necessary step to making yourself approachable and becoming the woman who men want to meet.

Have fun. If you're in a bad mood, stressed from work or frustrated with dating, this will come across to the people around you even if you don't talk about your troubles. Energy and body language can attract or repel. Remember to smile and lighten up. Check in with yourself before you go out, and be sure to leave your negativity at home.

Be comfortable in your own skin. Feeling insecure? So does everyone else, so don't worry about it so much. Instead of wondering how you're coming across, or what others think about you, know that you are unique and wonderful and there's nobody quite like you. When you embrace who you are, others can't help but be attracted and want to get to know you.

Compliment and flirt! It's true that women tend to get complimented frequently compared to men. The truth is, we all like it when someone notices how we look, so why not return the favor and flatter the men around you? There's nothing wrong with a little flirtatious banter. They will be sure to take notice.

No doubt about it, dating can be an emotional roller coaster ride. It takes persistence and patience, which can sometimes be hard to muster. We go from being excited to frustrated to disappointed in the span of an evening.

Instead of letting your frustration get the best of you by deleting your online profile and giving up on your search for Mr. Right, try some of these tips to give yourself some perspective and recharge your spirit:

Know you're not alone. The old saying about "all the good ones are taken" couldn't be farther from the truth. One third of the American adult population is single, or about 104 million people. Those are pretty good odds that one of them is right for you. The trick is to keep meeting people until you do find the right one.

Lighten up. Maybe you think that each date is a litmus test for how strong the chemistry is between you and where the relationship is headed. Instead of taking the process so seriously, try to have fun instead. If you don't feel chemistry right away but enjoy being with him, what's the harm in dating again? Many couples admit to falling in love with their partner after they developed a friendship. What's to lose?

Change your dating profile. Maybe you've been using the same online profile for the past few months. Have a friend look through it and see what changes they would make, or how they would describe you. Sometimes, all you need is a little refresher to attract more candidates to you. If your friend is single, have him join the site with you so you will be inspired to check your matches more often.

Open your mind. Instead of assuming things about your date, or predicting how your date will go, leave all assumptions at the door. Just because you had a negative experience in the past doesn't mean that you are doomed to repeat it. Everyone is different, and every date is an opportunity to experience something new.

Take a break. If you find yourself in a bad mood before your dates even begin, this is a sign of dating fatigue. It's important to start things off on the right foot, which means having a positive attitude. If you don't feel that you can be positive, take a break and reenergize. Do something that makes you feel great.

Try something new. Maybe you've been considering joining a ski group or taking cooking classes. There's no time like the present! Doing something you love makes you feel good, which makes you attractive to others. Even if you don't meet any eligible singles in these places, you may meet new friends who can introduce you to Mr. Right.

First dates are nerve-wracking. They require putting your best foot forward mentally, physically and emotionally. But sometimes they can make us feel inhibited and shy. We wonder what's appropriate to talk about, considering there is so much advice floating around about how to act and what to say. This can make conversation stilted and uncomfortable.

So what can you do to break out of the cycle of silence on a first date?

First, it's important not to take it so seriously. You are just two people meeting and seeing if there is a connection between you. Also, remember to keep an open mind. Perhaps I sound like a broken record on this particular point, but I think it's one of the first things we overlook when dating. We all have our lists, and we tend to discount people if we feel they don't meet all of our criteria. Instead, make a real effort to get to know the person sitting across from you.

Following are some questions to help break the ice if you find yourself searching for conversation starters on a first date:

What is the funniest movie you've ever seen?

What kinds of things make you really laugh?

What were you like as a kid?

What's the one thing you love to do more than anything else?

What was the best trip you've ever been on?

What do you usually do when you go out with friends?

How do you like to spend your weekends?

Steer clear of conversation about your ex or your desire to marry and have many children. This is a first date, and you don't want your date to jump to the wrong conclusion about who you are or how you'll be in a relationship. Coming on too strong or revealing too much too soon can make the date come to a screeching halt before you've even begun. The first date is an introduction so you can get to know each other.

Also, be careful of making extreme statements, like "I will never move away from New York" or "I always go jogging in the mornings". You don't want to close yourself off to new opportunities and communicate to your date that you're not willing to change your lifestyle or routine.

Most of all, keep it light and interesting, so you can really engage with each other without asking the traditional "what do you do?" questions. Remember, if you're having fun, your date will notice.

Although most online daters prefer quantity when it comes to finding matches, there are some who prefer people who share the same interests, mindset, or passion. While larger sites like Match.com or eHarmony are good for the majority of single men and women, niche online dating sites approach love from a different angle. Instead of appealing to the masses, they cater to those who have very specific guidelines of who they will and won't date.

Generally, my advice is to keep a more open mind and avoid limiting your options. But for those of you who aren't finding love via mainstream channels, niche dating sites might be a better option.

While the list of sites for every predilection is long, following are a few highlights for those who know what they are looking for:

Cupidtino.com - For the Apple lovers out there, this site provides matches who share the fervent passion for iPads and iPods that you do. Beware PC users: you can only access the site via Apple products.

DateMyPet.com - If you want to find someone who loves your pet as much as you do, this site might be for you. The profile section includes a section entitled "my pet would describe me as". If you're only looking for a playmate for Fido, the site offers this option as well.

DateForLeave.com - If you're in the military and are expecting to be deployed, this can definitely affect your opportunities for romance. Most people want to date someone they can see on a regular basis. But there are women and men who understand and share this lifestyle, so DateforLeave.com has established a site to help them connect.

TallFriends.com - While many women like their men tall, tall women often have more of a problem dating. They prefer to look men in the eye, or at least not tower over them. And men generally gravitate towards women who are shorter than they are. This website helps the tall folks get past the first date and the issue of height requirements.

TrekPassions.com - If you have been hiding your passion and knowledge for all things Star Trek when you date, this website allows you to release. Meet up with other fans as enthusiastic as you are, and see if there's a romantic connection as well.

Remember, if these sites do not work out for you, I would also recommend checking our eHarmony.com review and our Match.com review.

You've been staring at the guy across the bar for several minutes, trying to see if he's interested. You wait, nursing your drink and hoping that he might come over and talk to you. So far, it isn't happening.

Many men and women make the mistake of waiting for the object of their desire to approach, instead of taking the matter into their own hands and making the first move. Instead of waiting for your love life to happen, following are some tips to help you initiate romance and give your dating life some intrigue and excitement:

• Be flirty. This is not about having witty banter like you see in the movies. Flirting requires you to smile, lean in a little bit, and enjoy some initial boy-meets-girl conversation. If you're nervous and you look around, or pretend that you're not that interested to protect yourself from rejection, you won't get anywhere. Take a chance and have some fun. If he or she doesn't respond, move on.
• Be bold. Don't stand around for an hour debating the pros and cons of whether or not he's interested or if you should approach, just do it. Imagine how good you feel when someone approaches to flirt with you. Even if you're not interested, it's great to be noticed. Return the favor and be brave!
• Be confident. Don't look around or approach someone thinking that you'll be rejected. Go forward with confidence. Let them know you're interested. Confidence is attractive to everyone.
• Don't put too much stake in the response. Again, making the first move takes practice. You won't always be successful. This is not a reflection of you. Everyone has different tastes, so respect their choice and move on. You don't even know them, so there's nothing to lose!
• Be aware of body language. So many women are guilty of avoiding eye contact or crossing their arms when they're nervous or self-conscious. Unfortunately, this sends a signal to men that you aren't interested. Again, be bold and make eye contact. This is usually the first move to give permission to approach.

Happy dating!