Tips

Have you been single for a while? Are you ready to throw in the towel and declare life-long love at the first man who returns your phone call or opens the door for you? Or commit to the man you've been dating for ten years because you're not getting any younger, even though he doesn't make your heart leap? Instead of giving in to desperation and fear, or settling for less than you want or deserve, it's time to re-evaluate things.

Following are some reasons for not settling. It's time to put your love life in perspective and remember those things that are most important to you:

You are settling out of fear. How many good decisions have you made because you were afraid? I'm guessing not many...perhaps you stayed in a mind-numbing job a little too long, or refused to approach the cute guy at the counter because...well, you were afraid you'd make a fool of yourself. Why not take a risk and see where it gets you?

You dismiss possibility. Rather than opening your world to new experiences, settling allows you to ride along in the comfort zone, assuring yourself of the same old experiences that you are familiar with. While this is reassuring (you know what to expect), it is very limiting. Isn't it inspiring to meet someone who has traveled extensively, or has many life stories to share? Refusing to settle means that you're expanding your possibilities.

Being solo is better than being with someone and unhappy. We've heard it before, but perhaps we don't believe it. While it's comforting to have a significant other in your life, if your settling for less than what you want, you won't be happy in the long run. Rather than choosing this route, why not choose yourself? Go solo for a while, try new things, meet new people. You never know where that could lead, and you'll enjoy hanging out and getting to know yourself better.

You know you are worth it. Settling teaches us to accept whatever we can get, and that it isn't much. Instead of this kind of thinking, why not realize your value and see that there is much more to life than what's right in front of you?

You can roam free and fearless. That's right. Go on that safari you've always wanted to take. Start up that business you've been thinking about for years. Take the leap, because when you don't settle, you are free to make choices independent of someone else. That's incredibly liberating!

Bottom line: don't settle for someone who doesn't make your heart sing. After all, life is bigger and richer than that, and you owe it to yourself to experience it fully.

Most online dating involves meeting a lot of people, some at the same time. Just because you start emailing or making plans to meet with one doesn't mean you have to wait on seeing others. You're a free agent until you're in a committed relationship.

However, that doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want without regard or consideration for others. Dating should involve mutual respect and honesty. If you practice these qualities, you'll attract more like-minded people to you.

Following are some guidelines to dating more than one person at a time:

Know what you're looking for. If you just want to play the field and aren't interested in a relationship, let your dates know upfront. Same thing if you are looking for a relationship. Either scenario is fine, but you get into trouble if you're not honest. Don't waste someone else's time with game playing.

Be considerate. If you're on a date, don't mention the other guys you've met online, and please don't text your other dates! A friend of mine sent a text to another man she was dating while on a date and then got up to use the restroom. When she returned, she noticed that the screen with her text was on display to her date, who obviously had seen the flirtatious exchange, and promptly told her "thanks, but no thanks."

It's okay to keep your options open. Maybe you've met someone that you really like, and decide to stop dating others because you're waiting for something to happen with him. This is not a good move. Instead of cutting off your options when there's no real commitment, take this time to continue dating and meeting people. It takes a while to really get to know someone, so take advantage and don't expect too much too soon.

Don't date friends or co-workers. If you work in the same office or live in the same apartment building with two women you're dating, things could get messy. It's best to keep your dates separate as much as possible. Even if you're not committing to anyone, you're opening yourself up to a potentially tricky situation, and will likely end up losing both of them.

Don't disappear. If you've been dating other women when you meet someone who makes you fall head over heels, don't just vanish. Be communicative with your dates. Let them know you've met someone and want to start a relationship with her, instead of letting them wonder what exactly happened to you. There's a caveat to this: don't tell them to wait around in case it doesn't work out. They are free to do as they please, as are you.

Most people know when a relationship no longer feels right, but often don't want to admit it. We'd rather make excuses, and sometimes we stay longer in a relationship that isn't working because we're scared to be alone. We may need a little help in listening to that voice inside of us that knows when to leave.

If you're contemplating leaving your current relationship but still have doubts as to whether or not it's the right decision, following are some signs that you'll be better off without your SO (significant other).

You make plans with everyone else but him. You may tell yourself you just want to see your friends, but if you prefer to go out with them rather than your boyfriend, that's a pretty good sign that the relationship is waning and maybe you're done. If you're not comfortable sharing and being with him, then it's difficult to build your relationship.

You aren't happy. Do you find yourself dreading being with your boyfriend? Is having fun together only a thing of the past? I'm the first one to say everyone is responsible for their own happiness, but in a good relationship, this comes easily. If you find it hard to connect and enjoy yourself, it's likely because you've grown apart.

You fight about everything, even little things. Do you find yourself arguing over insignificant things that you should really let go of? If your anger is getting the best of you when interacting with your boyfriend, likely it's because you're unhappy staying. Instead of finding excuses to fight, have an honest conversation with your SO and be true to yourself about how you really feel and what you want.

You compromise yourself in the relationship. If you find yourself compromising your beliefs, opinions, or values because you're afraid of how your partner will react, this is a good time to rethink your relationship. Your SO is there to support you as much as you're supporting her. If you aren't free to be yourself, that's a sure sign that she isn't right for you.

No mutual respect. This is the foundation for any successful relationship. Respect is about accepting each other for who you are, and not trying to belittle or change each other. If you don't treat each other with respect, how can you build a connection together?

The most important thing to remember is, if you have any doubts or if you're unhappy most of the time, there is likely a good reason. Don't be afraid to let go. This action will lead you to a future relationship that is right for you.

If you've online dated for any length of time, you know it can be an emotional rollercoaster. You spend time creating your profile, agonizing over pictures to post, and searching through a seemingly endless list of candidates.

At first, it can be exciting. There are so many people to choose from, how can you effectively narrow your playing field? You send off messages to the best looking women, or the most charming men. You write witty and funny musings about yourself in the form of flirtatious banter. You wink at them, send questions, or poke them depending on the site.

And then you wait.

Sometimes you wait to hear back from a particular man or woman that intrigued you more than all the others, only to get nothing in return. Or you see that the object of your affection has viewed your profile and decided not to respond. Or worse yet, you get a message saying "I'm not interested", and you want to remove every picture from the profile you painstakingly put together. It can be a major blow to the ego to be rejected by someone from only a brief online interaction.

The key to keeping your sanity and not letting yourself get down is to reign in your feelings and remember that you're not the only one experiencing rejection. It's easy to blow someone off when you don't have to do it face-to-face. Dating is a numbers game to start, and online dating only increases the numbers. You might meet more people, but you'll also experience more snubs and rejection. Don't take it personally. Your online matches don't know you at all.

If you've been messaging back and forth with your object of affection and suddenly she disappears, don't automatically assume you said something wrong or that she's some kind of gold-digger or player. When you're online dating, you are interacting with many different people. It's possible she started dating someone, and isn't going to remove her profile or respond to anyone else until she sees where the relationship can go. That's her choice, and it's yours, too. So don't keep messaging her, move on.

The main concern is that you don't take things personally. Online behavior is different from real life behavior. It's easier to go silent and disappear when you're searching and emailing from the privacy of your own laptop, so many people do. This isn't a reflection on you. Don't dwell on the rejection, move on to other matches and see if there's more of a connection.

When you're falling in love, you tend to put your best foot forward and portray yourself as the ideal girlfriend or boyfriend. After all, you've found a new love and you want things to work. Unfortunately, even the most confident among us can find ourselves hiding our quirks and weaknesses in favor of looking and acting perfect to please someone else.

Remember that as a relationship progresses however, the things you try to hide will eventually surface, so it's best to be your authentic self from the beginning. Don't try to change yourself to please someone else. After all, if he or she is right for you, they will love the quirky, weird things about you, too.

Following are some tips to help you stay true to yourself:

It's okay to say what you think. Instead of agreeing with him about your favorite television show or how you like your eggs, don't be afraid to be your own person. You don't have to like everything he does, or be afraid to disagree with him on sports, politics, or anything else. Say what you mean. He will respect you for your own choices and opinions. If he doesn't, he's not right for you.

Don't give in to your insecurities. Do you think your job is not up to his standards, or that your body isn't sexy enough? Instead of dismissing yourself and your chances because of some perceived flaw, own it. If he cares about you and pursuing a relationship, these things won't matter. He will think you're sexy and successful as you are.

Show off your passions. Is he introducing you to new activities, music, or movies? You should return the favor and let him into your world. Maybe he won't enjoy your interests and hobbies as much as you do, but he will appreciate your passion for them. Don't shy away from what you love because you think his activities are more interesting or valid. We all have our quirks and fascinations; don't be afraid to show them.

Avoid jealousy. Maybe you think she's too hot for you because guys hit on her all the time. Instead of letting your jealousy get the best of you, relax and let the relationship flow. Be yourself, and don't worry about whether she'll stay with you. Confidence is most attractive. If she's right for you, there won't be any question.

Take it easy. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong or trying to please someone else, relax. This doesn't help any relationship. Instead, enjoy each day and stop trying to be someone else. Again, if they are worth it, they will like you for who you are.

Are you having a hard time meeting people, even though you've joined two or three online dating sites? Well, it's time to expand your search and take advantage of offline opportunities as well. Following are a few ideas to get you started.

De-filter your online search. Are you filtering out potential candidates because your preferences are too rigid? Instead of only looking at people who live within a ten-mile radius, or only those above 5'10", you could be missing out. Try expanding your preferences to include people outside of your typical age range, physical or career requirements for example. The results could surprise you.

Get outside. The weather is nice, so it's time to bring your dog to the local dog park and meet other dog owners. If you don't have a dog, you can walk around the neighborhood and get to know those who do. Pets are great ice-breakers for meeting people who pique your interest.

Go to class. I think cooking and wine tasting classes are two great ways to meet people. There are plenty of options that don't seem forced or stilted and offer a creative, fun environment. Check your local listings: for example, in L.A. there is a cooking class that offers a social atmosphere so you can eat and drink your creations together at a dinner party.

Tell your friends. Maybe you think all of your friends should know you're single and looking, but have you ever asked them to fix you up? If not, it's about time. It's great to tap into the network of married friends and those who work outside of your career to expand your circle. Be open to meeting new people and accepting invitations to parties, too.

Host your own party. Who says you have to wait to be invited out? Plan a party and tell your friends to each invite someone single, and you have expanded your opportunities in one night. You don't have to make it hard; host a potluck or simple cocktail party.

Be aware of what's around you. Whether you're at the grocery store, cleaners, or your favorite coffee shop, pay attention to your environment. Many of us are in a hurry and we pick the shortest lines hoping to get out ASAP. Unfortunately, this doesn't help us see opportunities that present themselves in everyday situations. You may miss the man giving you a second glance as you're barreling down the aisles, or the woman eyeing you as you order a latte. Slow down, pay attention, respond in kind, and see what happens.