Cheating

Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by DatingSitesReviews.com, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

The poll was taken by readers of DatingSitesReviews.com.

According to a United Kingdom dating site for cheating spouses 22 percent of their members attended private school. This is more than twice the national level. There study further revealed that 15 percent of members had attended a religious school. The dating site has over 500,000 members which equal about 2.5 percent of the married population in the United Kingdom.

For more on this story, read the press release.

Last year was the year of adultery claims The Daily Targum. This is due to that several high profile celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James got caught cheating on their wives. I would also add to this claim that dating sites like Ashley Madison which promote infidelity made this a hot topic in the media as well.

Chemistry.com's relationship expert, Dr. Helen Fisher, has said that adultery has roots not only in psychology but biology as well. Some of the psychological reasons for adultery she gives include:

• Solving a sex problem.
• Looking for more attention.
• Revenge.
• Supplement a marriage.
• More excitement.

Dr. Fisher also makes the point that there is a biological side to adultery. She states that the brain has two systems with one linked to attachment and love and one which is the sex drive. In some people these two systems are not well connected which enables people to more easily cheat without regard for their partner's feelings. Dr. Fisher research also indicates that a gene may be partially responsible for this. Researchers in Sweden have found a “cheating” gene in a study of 552 pairs of twins and their spouses. People without the gene were more likely to have a successful marriage. If people had two copies of the gene, the researchers found that the couples were more likely to have a crisis in the marriage.

To find out more information about the dating site in which Dr. Helen Fisher help design the matching system, read our review of Chemistry.

7,152 members over 12 hours participated in a poll at Smooch.com which looked at infidelity. On average 35 percent of participants said they had been unfaithful to a partner at some point in their life. When you split the results by gender, men came out much worse at 41 percent while women were at 29 percent.

It was also found that as men age; there is an increased chance of them being unfaithful. Men aged 18-24 averaged 31 percent of who have cheated on their partners, while men over the age of 60 were at 44 percent. Men who are more educated also on average cheat more. Over half the participants, 54 percent, who have a masters degree have been unfaithful. Men with no formal education came in at 30 percent.

As matter fact, the more attractive a man is the more likely he will cheat:

• 47 percent of athletic men
• 65 percent of men with high salaries.
• 43 percent of men over 6 feet.

Drinkers are also more likely to cheat at 49 percent and surprisingly 85 percent of men with full beards admitted to being unfaithful to a partner at some point in their life.

For more on the story read Response Resource.

The Times Online UK took a look at what they called Quickie Dating Websites recently. When I think of a quickie I assumed they were referring to an adult dating site where people go looking for casual sex. I was only partly right. They were talking about Affair / Infidelity dating sites for married people. On this side of the Atlantic, the most popular dating site for people looking to have an affair is Ashley Madison, where it is even guaranteed. In the Times article they took a look at Forget Dinner (ForgetDinner.co.uk) which is very popular in London. It is not advertised really as an affair dating site but most people on the service seem to be married. Profiles tend to be straight to the point and a lot of the photos contain nudity. There appears to be about 10 men for every 1 woman on the dating site.

Here are some infidelity related figures for the UK. In 2008, there was 115,200 divorces granted and 29 percent of these divorces were the result of adulterous behavior. According to a Grant Thornton UK Survey (2009), 9 percent of women would cheat on their partner as long as there was no way to be found out. In comparison, 24 percent of men said they would cheat. In the same survey 20 percent of men admitted to having an actual affair where only 10 percent of women did.

In the United Kingdom every month 7 million people visit online dating sites. This is a 27 percent increase over last year, whereas the percentage of the UK population that used the internet only grew by 4 percent.

For more on this story, and to get a couple of men's and one woman's experience on Forget Dinner read Times Online.

The Miami Herald has some interesting information in their article about people going online to look for married dating and affairs. The largest affair dating site of it's kind is Ashley Madison. As with most dating sites it is free to join but requires you to buy tokens or credits to message other members. AshleyMadison.com reported in March revenue in the 10's of millions of dollars and 3.86 million members worldwide. 12 months ago we reported that Ashley Madison had just over 2 million members (see Story). Business has been very good for them as they increased their membership by 50% in less than a year. The six largest markets for Ashley Madison in order are:

• New York
• Los Angeles
• Toronto
• Dallas
• Houston
• South Florida - With over 177,000 members.

The gender split on average is 70 percent male and 30 percent females but in Florida it is more even with 60 percent of South Florida members being male. This ratio split is on par with other dating sites whose main theme is the intimate encounter.

Founder Noel Biderman when he launched the dating service in 2001 decided to name it after the two most popular girl baby names that year, which happened to be Ashley and Madison. He originally decided to create an affair dating site after he did some research and found that almost 35 percent of people using online dating sites already had a partner. He thought this would be a win-win situation by providing a place for cheaters to go and preventing singles on other dating sites getting duped by people just looking for affairs.