Advice

If your faith is important to you, then you want to date people who share in it. You want someone you can take with you to church or to temple, someone to celebrate the holy days with, someone who you can pray with daily. It can sometimes seem difficult on the mainstream dating sites to tell whether or not someone selects "Christian" or "Jewish" because they are practicing or just because they grew up in that faith.

On Mainstream Sites

On mainstream sites like Match.com, it's hard to tell sometimes how serious someone is about their religion. (At least with OkCupid.com, they can select "and serious about it" after their religion choice!) This leaves you in the position of having to tell from their profile text if they are as serious about their faith as you are. Some people make this very easy! I see profiles every day where people say, "God is the most important thing in my life" or "My match should share my faith."

But what if you don't see anything like that? Then, you'll have to send them an email. Don't word it like an interrogation about their religious practices - that will put anyone on the defensive! - but add the question on the end of your email:

OkTrends first online dating advice post was about the number of responses members of OkCupid see from first contact messages of different lengths (see Story). Their second advice article takes a look at what members should say in these messages to increase the likelihood of a response. OkCupid based it's data on over 500,000 first contact messages from their dating site. Here are a list of recommendations. Any statistic information given is based on the average reply rate of all messages of 32 percent.

1. Be Literate - Bad spelling, grammar and netspeak makes a terrible first impression. For example the average of messages who used words like "ya" only saw a reply rate of 7 percent. There are a few exceptions to the netspeak rule, most deal with showing emotion like "haha" or "lol".
2. Avoid Physical Compliments - This is the same for both genders. General comments like "cool" and "awesome" (38% reply rate) work well but physical comments will see a huge drop in replies. The average message with the word "beautiful" in it saw a drop in the rate of replies of 10%. The word "sexy" was even worse and saw a drop of 14% to only 18% of initial contact messages to ever see a reply.
3. Use an Unusual Greeting - A message with no traditional salutation saw a reply rate of 27%. Messages with the 3 top salutations of "hi", "hey" and "hello" all performed below average with "hi" doing the worse at 24%. The best response rate was with the salutation of "how's it going" with 54%.
4. Don’t try to take it Outside - Asking for email addresses, cell phone numbers or other off site communication in the first contact message saw all reply rates drop to almost 10%.
5. Bring up Specific Interests - Mentioning your specific interests or better yet, those of the person you are contacting, increases the chance of response to almost 50% in some cases.
6. If you’re a Guy, be Self-Effacing - Male message reply rates increased if they appeared unsure of themselves and used words like "sorry", "apologize", "awkward" and "probably". This is not true for women.
7. Consider Becoming an Atheist - Mentioning any religion helps increase the average response rate, but mentioning the fact that you are a "atheist" increased the response rate twice as much over the increase the leading religion of "Christian" saw. With the word "atheist" in your message, members saw a 42% response rate, "christian" saw a 36% response rate.

For more on this dating site, read our OkCupid reviews.

To begin, I'd like to say that I've been on both sides of the weight spectrum. I've been thin and athletic and I've been (according to BMI) obese. Was it easier to get dates when I was thin? Sure!! Does quantity mean quality? Heck no. When I was thin, I found I got more emails from men who wanted to comment on how "hot" I was without actually giving any consideration to whether they matched the kind of man I wanted to date. And often, when I did choose to date one that seemed compatible, it quickly went down the road of him trying to get me in bed.

As a curvy girl, I found that the men who emailed me (and emailed me BACK - I always took initiative for my own dating success) were much more compatible. Were there fewer of them? A bit. But the quality was much higher. The matches were much closer. I got fewer of the drive-by "U R Hot" emails, so I could use that time to talk to men who had taken the time to read my profile. When I went on dates, they were genuinely nice guys. Many of them are still friends of mine, some I dated casually, and I had a couple long-term relationships.

One of the burning questions asked by online daters is "Do I HAVE to reply to every email I receive?"

At the moment, the message sent to us by our online dating services is "no, you don't." We can simply hit the delete button and that undesirable person disappears. Poof, no more!

I was one of the rarities online, the woman who always took the time to reply. Sure, there were times that I'd use one of match.com's pre-made messages, but more often than not, I'd write a sentence or two. What I found was that more often than not, men were appreciative of the email and learning exactly why I felt he wasn't a good fit for me. Sure, there were a couple that argued, and one or two that got mean, but on the whole, it was a worthwhile experience on both ends.

Here are some "Thanks, but No Thanks" emails that you can feel free to steal for your swipe file:

In these economic times, I'm sure that you've updated your resume. Whether you're out of work or afraid you might be soon, you have your resume shined up and ready for action. But unlike a resume, your dating profile is posted and up for viewing 24/7. Here are some ways your dating profile should be like your resume:

It's up to date
Most people only have to update their resume when they're changing jobs, but if you want to really make your resume impressive, you should update it with accomplishments and accolades from your current job while they're still fresh in your memory. Your dating profile needs to be updated with recent events as well - I recommend updating it with each season at a minimum. Make a reference to something you love or are looking forward to this season. For me? Pumpkin cheesecake. Yum!

It's not fill-in-the-blank
Nothing gets a resume fed to the shredder faster than looking like a Mad Lib. If you pulled up the Microsoft Word template for Resume and then pasted in information you found on a career site that sounded good about a job that was vaguely like yours, the HR folks can tell. If your dating profile reads like a Mad Lib, it's going to scream that you're boring and uncreative.

You've proofread - thrice!
Spelling and grammar are extremely important. Ask any HR rep and they'll tell you that mistakes cost you the job. While many people will overlook a mistake or two in your dating profile, if it's full of errors, you'll be labeled stupid (or at best, lazy). There are plenty of really intelligent people who are poor writers. That's not a problem. Embrace spelling and grammar check! Ask a friend to read it.

You tailor it for your goals
Your resume should highlight the skills and experience you have that is relevant to the job you wish to get. If you focus on the wrong things, your resume won't be as effective. Your dating profile should be written in a way that is irresistible to the person you want to attract. Describe your life in a way that makes that person say, "Wow! I need to contact him! He sounds like my type of person!"

Your career is important, but so is your love life. Keep your profile looking as sharp as your resume and you'll find love in no time!

Next on the list of words that kill your online dating profile is one that everyone THINKS is a good thing, but really isn’t something you should mention – monogamy.

You’re thinking, “But that’s a noble goal! It should be all about two people in love and faithful to one another forever and ever. Why would stating you want that be a bad thing?”

Sorry, friends. It’s another one of those things where the word says more about you than you realize.

Remember how using the phrase “no drama” implies you’ve experienced more than your share of drama? Well, using “monogamy” implies you’ve experienced more than your share of cheating. More specifically, you’ve been cheated on. Or, someone you are very close to has had their heart broken as a result of cheating.

No, I’m not psychic. (At least not most of the time!)

Remember that your first goal on a dating site is to get someone to write to you. You’re not asking for an exclusive relationship from the first email, or even the first date. For starters, you’re looking for someone with similar interests and a similar worldview.

Also, most cheaters either:

1) know they’ll always be cheaters and don’t care who they hurt in the process or 2) vow to themselves they’ll never cheat again.

Either way, they’re not going to avoid your profile simply because you say you want monogamy. (The #1s might because they’ll peg you as a difficult target, but there are always players that enjoy a challenge if you’re attractive enough to work harder to catch!)

The people who are going to give your profile a raised eyebrow are those who are always monogamous. (The very people you want to date!!) They’re going to think to themselves, “Hmmm, I wonder why it was important for her to mention monogamy. Did her last boyfriend cheat? Is she damaged goods?”

Pull the monogamy reference from your profile. It’s something you can discuss when it’s relevant – once you’ve met in the real world and decided to date each other exclusively.