The Internet has been afire recently with the news that both Facebook and OkCupid have experimented on their users. Both companies have apologized or pseudo-apologized for their actions, while being careful to note that such online experimentation isn’t uncommon.

OkCupid took it one step further in their non-apology, candidly declaring that “if you use the Internet, you’re the subject of hundreds of experiments at any given time, on every site” and revealing two more experiments they’ve conducted on users.

The first was born out of OkCupid’s short-lived blind date app. To celebrate the app’s release, OkCupid removed all the photos from the site on launch day. During those seven photo-less hours, OkCupid noticed some interesting things:

• Users responded to first messages 44% more often
• Conversations were deeper
• Contact info was exchanged more quickly

In short, OkCupid functioned better without pictures. When the photos were restored, the conversations that had started blind melted away. “The goodness was gone,” notes the blog post, “in fact worse than gone. It was like we’d turned on the bright lights at the bar at midnight.” The blind date app revealed a similar phenomenon. When users got to the date, they had a good time more or less regardless of how physically attractive their partner was. “Basically,” the post reads, “people are exactly as shallow as their technology allows them to be.”

In a related experiment, OkCupid decided to test its original rating system that allowed users to judge each other on two separate scales: Personality and Looks. “Our thinking was that a person might not be classically gorgeous or handsome but could still be cool,” the blog explains, “and we wanted to recognize that, which just goes to show that when OkCupid started out, the only thing with more bugs than our HTML was our understanding of human nature.”

After gathering the data, OkCupid found that “looks” and “personality” were essentially the same thing to users. They ran a second, direct experiment to confirm their hunch that people just look and pictures and ignore profiles. A small sample of users were shown profiles that did not contain text, resulting in two sets of scores for each profile: one score for the picture and text together, and one for the picture alone.

The results were predictably disheartening: text is less than 10% of what people think of you. The blog says it best: “your picture is worth that fabled thousand words, but your actual words are worth…almost nothing.” Ouch.

Dr. Neil Clarke Warren left eHarmony a few years back, only to take control of the company he founded once again in 2012 to implement a turnaround strategy for its drastically sinking subscriber base. As it turns out, this new strategy has been key to eHarmony’s unprecedented recent success. This past week, the company announced that it has the highest number of subscribers in the company’s history, and has grown its base of users 54%.

This is quite an accomplishment, considering the growing popularity of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge. The market is crowded these days, so you have to effectively differentiate yourself in order to compete. Traditional online dating sites have struggled to make their offerings more competitive and accessible.

eHarmony is an especially interesting contender in the online dating industry. Going against the grain of its competitors who offer an easy sign-up process and a high number of matches, eHarmony has a rather lengthy and grueling sign-up process that can take up to 90 minutes to complete before you receive your matches. And you only receive a few matches at a time, ones that are selected by eHarmony, not you. On top of that, there is another “guided communication” process to complete with each match before you can just send them an email to meet for a date.

It seems to be working.

All of these steps are important to eHarmony’s goal: compatibility matching. This was the original intention behind the launch of the site, and founder Dr. Warren has remained firm in this vision, which numbers show is paying off. He brought in a new management team to improve the website and mobile design, the technology, and implement a new marketing program.

As a result, the company has gained subscribers who are also more willing to stay longer and pay more than in years past.

“eHarmony was created as a way for individuals to begin a relationship already a step ahead – with someone who is truly compatible,” said Dr. Warren in a statement. “We are proud of what we have achieved over the past two years, securing the largest subscriber base in our history. We are confident in our ability to continue to grow eHarmony in the future.”

With so many dating sites and apps competing for sheer numbers, it’s interesting that eHarmony’s more serious approach to dating and its focus on the goal - helping people find long-term relationships – is paying off. There is indeed a market, and a need, for people to find and make real-life lasting connections, and the continually growing numbers prove it.

Many singles get burned out on dating. If you’ve been out of a relationship for a while, it can be exhausting to go on an endless amount of first dates, join online dating site after online dating site, or even just drag yourself to another party that may or may not have any single people attending.

While I’m a huge advocate for putting yourself out there, taking advantage of opportunities (romance can come into your life when you least expect it), sometimes it’s more beneficial to take a time-out and regroup when you're feeling depleted.

In recent months, there has been an increasing interest in “unplugging.” We are constantly busy, always rushing to the next meeting, event, business trip, or date – so it’s hard to disconnect from our phones and our lives, even for a few minutes. The problem with all of this over-stimulation is that it burns us out. We put so much time and energy into our careers, social media presence, friends and family obligations that we often lose ourselves in the process. This doesn't make us very motivated to date.

How can you connect with anyone else if you have lost touch with yourself?

Instead of beating yourself up for not meeting anybody, or for letting your membership lapse on Match.com or eHarmony, remember we all need a break from time to time. Try these simple tips instead to help you regroup. Time-outs are good for all of us:

Pick a new hobby that makes you happy. Maybe you used to paint, or play volleyball, or were learning Italian before you got pulled into those daily obligations or got caught up in schedules and career. If there is a hobby outside of work and your family life that is all yours, then pursue it. We become the life we cultivate for ourselves, so make sure you incorporate joy into yours.

Meditate or do yoga. It’s important to embrace silence. We are surrounded by constant stimulus, so it is difficult sometimes to pull ourselves away from email, work, social media, or checking Tinder. But it’s vital. Take time to be quiet and strengthen your mind and body so you can be in a better place to connect with others when you go on your next date.

Find an exercise routine that invigorates you. Going to the gym is healthy but can get so boring! Get outside instead – go rock-climbing, biking, play volleyball, or take up a new sport that challenges you a little. An extra boost of energy and endorphins goes a long way.

Linger over dinner or brunch with friends. That’s right, no more scheduling meetings and appointments back-to-back on the weekends. Leave your afternoons free, enjoy spontaneous plans, and linger over that delicious meal with your friends. It will help you be more present and relaxed on your dates, too.

Facebook caused a huge outcry back in June when it revealed it had manipulated the news feeds of over half a million users as part of a psychological study to examine how emotions spread on social media.

The response was intense (to say the least), but Facebook is far from the only Internet company to treat its users like lab rats. OkCupid fessed up to conducting studies on its members via a blog entry posted on July 28. And they weren't exactly apologetic about it.

“We noticed recently that people didn’t like it when Facebook 'experimented' with their news feed,” the entry reads. “Even the FTC is getting involved. But guess what, everybody: if you use the Internet, you’re the subject of hundreds of experiments at any given time, on every site. That’s how websites work.”

Admittedly, they have a point. No matter how popular or successful OkCupid is, there are always improvements to be made and the only way to discover those improvements is to conduct experiments. Or, in the site’s own words, “OkCupid doesn’t really know what it’s doing. Neither does any other website. It’s not like people have been building these things for very long, or you can go look up a blueprint or something. Most ideas are bad. Even good ideas could be better. Experiments are how you sort all this out.”

In this case, the experiment told users they were more compatible than they really were to test the power of suggestion. Typically, among users who were given a 30% compatibility rating by OkCupid, a single message from one to another turned into a conversation just 10% of the time. But, if OkCupid told users with low compatibility that their compatibility score was 90%, the odds of having a conversation jumped to 17%.

The experiment found the same results in the opposite direction. When users with 90% compatibility were told their score was only 30%, the likelihood of a conversation dropped from 20% to 16%. OkCupid isn’t at all surprised that users take the compatibility rating so seriously – “after all,” notes the blog post, “that’s what the site teaches you to do.”

Then OkCupid took a step further. The question became “Does the displayed match percentage cause more than just that first message – does the mere suggestion cause people to actually like each other?”

As far as this data goes, the answer is yes. When OkCupid tells people they’re a good match, they act as if they are, even if they should be wrong for each other - which means that at the end of the day, the myth of compatibility may be just as powerful as the truth.

We all set goals and make plans in our lives. After all, without a plan in place, it would be difficult to accomplish anything! But sometimes our planning and control mechanisms go into overdrive. For instance, maybe you try to predict others' reactions to your news about starting your own business and plan what you say or do in response – before they’ve even said a word! Or maybe you think of everything that could possibly go wrong so you can feel more prepared. Or perhaps you have a set time schedule – whether it’s how many errands you can run in an hour, or your plan to get your MBA by age 25 while working at your full-time demanding job.

And chances are, things didn’t quite go as planned. People can be unpredictable in their reactions. Ordinary plans get hijacked by extenuating circumstances, like traffic jams that hold us up. Or our job takes us to a new city, and our good intentions for school get put on hold.

When you’re planning out your life, to accomplish everything by a certain age, you can expect that life probably has other plans for you. Life will interfere. And the beauty is, that is okay. It is supposed to be that way.

As cheesy as it sounds, life is a mystery. We don’t know how long we will live, what experiences we will have that affect us profoundly, who we meet that will forever impact our lives. And isn’t that a good thing, to be surprised by life’s beautiful moments?

We should feel just as inspired by life’s unexpected challenges. When things don’t go as planned – when your new business can’t get off the ground, when you don’t seem to be meeting the right man, or when your MBA gets sidelined by your job transfer to Hong Kong – there is a purpose. These challenges show you that it is okay to let go.

Letting go of expectations and timelines that are beyond our control is liberating. It helps us to stop for a moment, take a look around, and really see what other opportunities life has in store.

Would you rather go through life knowing exactly what to expect, who you’ll meet, and what you will be doing each day? I wouldn’t. The most beautiful moments in my life were the ones that weren’t at all planned, that just happened because I got held up or diverted from my own plan, and ended up doing something else.

I got let go from a job, which led me to three jobs I hated, but also allowed me to meet my dearest friends to this day. I would never have met them had I not been floating from one job to the next, uncertain of what to do. I also wouldn’t have gotten an opportunity to develop my writing skills as I did when I was in-between jobs. I discovered a new love.

Once on a road trip with my boyfriend, we got lost when we missed an exit and ended up in a small town on the Oregon Coast where there were only two small motels. There was also a cyclist convention, and hundreds of people traveling through. It was late at night, and I felt defeated, wondering where we would stay. We were both too tired to continue driving to the next small town, so we took our chances and stopped by one of the motels off the highway. As it turned out, someone had just canceled their beachfront room at the motel across the street, so we not only got to take in a gorgeous moonlit night from our window, but we discovered the sheer beauty of something as simple as getting lost in order to reconnect with each other.

That’s something you can’t plan.

If you’ve been anywhere near a news source lately, you probably heard about Facebook’s big news feed experiment. The social network manipulated the news feeds of hundreds of thousands of users to see if the emotion they absorbed through reading content on their news feeds impacted the emotion they later displayed in their own posts. People were, unsurprisingly, not too psyched at the revelation that Facebook had toyed with their emotions.

Shortly afterwards OkCupid revealed that it, too, has experimented on users, and the furor started again. In their most recent experiment, OkCupid told users — falsely — that they’re compatible in order to spark more conversations. As a result, OkCupid found that perceived compatibility is just as effective as real compatibility.

Reactions to both experiments have been mixed. Some have said that OkCupid’s testing is less controversial than Facebook’s. Others have called the OkCupid experiment worse than Facebook’s. What everyone seems to agree on is that they’re not quite sure if they should be upset or not. On one hand, lying to customers seems like an obvious faux-pas. But on the other hand, isn’t that just how the Internet works?

As Josh Constine noted in a TechCrunch post, by using services like Google, Twitter, LinkedIn and yes, Facebook, we agree to be part of experiments that change the way we experience the sites. The experiments are called A/B tests, and companies use them to figure how to encourage users to visit a site longer or click more things. This is nothing new.

However, there may be some room for concern. In academia, research involving human subjects is severely limited and carefully monitored by review boards to ensure that it is not deceptive and harm is minimized. Where companies are concerned, there’s no such thing as a review board. It’s up to the companies themselves to abide by the core principles of ethical research.

So how should you feel about Facebook’s and OkCupid’s experiments?

Any way you want. Unlike those two companies, I’m not here to manipulate into doing or feeling anything.

But if asked to take a stand, I’d have to put myself pro-OkCupid and less-than-convinced about Facebook. Facebook deliberately tried to change users’ emotions for the worse by manipulating content in their feeds, all without their consent. It’s hard to get behind that, no matter how much you enjoy psychological studies. For OkCupid, I’m willing to give a pass. At the end of the day, those kinds of experiments are just OkCupid doing its job. Without testing, OkCupid would never improve its ability to match users – and that’s the whole reason we’re there in the first place.