Photos

There’s a common trend in online dating profiles - or, more specifically, in their pictures. It’s not unusual to see someone try to sneak in one (or several) old photos - even if those photos aren’t necessarily more flattering.

In fact, you don’t even have to have an online dating profile to see this in action. Just show someone an old (but still post-adolescent) photo of themselves. “Wow,” you might hear. “I looked so young! And cute!”

“I worried about my weight so much at that age,” one might say with a sigh. “And look: I was just fine. I should have enjoyed myself then - if only I weighed that much now!”

Once I was helping a friend compile photos for his online dating profile, and he tried to include a few that were at least three years old. He actually objectively looked much better in the present: he was dressing in more flattering clothes, he was more confident, and his haircut in the old photos seemed dated.

“I feel like I should include these photos to show what I looked like at my best,” he explained. “I mean, I was in the prime of life back then!”

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we automatically assume our older photos are more attractive?

Well, perhaps we fall a bit into a trap perpetuated by the media and society: that younger is better. Unless we’ve undergone a radical transformation for the better, we tend to assume that our younger selves are automatically more attractive, and that we look worse the older we get. Women tend to fall prey to this more than men - many men consider themselves “baby-faced” prior to a certain point, whereas many women might consider that same phase the height of their attractiveness. While it may hold true in Hollywood, that’s not necessarily the case in love.

However, the real factor may be more internal than external. It may simply be that we are less judgmental of our “former selves.” In the present, it’s easy to nit-pick every blemish, every bump, every flaw. We’re also used to seeing our current selves in a mirror image, and seeing ourselves in a photograph - not mirrored - can feel unpleasant and wrong. Once we get some distance, however, we can see ourselves more objectively - and, in many cases, more kindly.

So as you go to choose your default pictures, ask yourself why you prefer the ones you do. Are these photos that really show you in your best light - photos that friends and family would agree reveal the real you? Or are they shadows from a past remote enough that you can actually see yourself clearly?

Choosing the right picture for your online dating profile is an art form.

Wait a minute, you don't even have a profile picture? Ok, let's start right there: get one. Stat. You're gonna need it.

Here's what you need to know to choose one that brings all the boys (and girls) to the yard:

1. Do take candids. Candid shots that convey less effort tend to get a better response than professionally posed pictures. On average, candids receive 2x the messages that professionally posed photos do.
2. Don't pose in the bathroom. Please, just don't. No one has ever looked good with grout in the background.
3. Do share your passions. Show off your personality in pictures instead of words. Upload shots of you engaging in your favorite hobbies, pastimes, and passions. Action shots lead to 3x the amount of interest and higher quality conversations.
4. Don't do duck face; do do a kissy face. If your lips are parted, people are 5% more likely to be attracted to you. On top of that, women are 32% more likely to be chosen by someone when they pucker their lips into a kissing face instead of just keeping them sealed.
5. Do wear red. Both men and women find those who wear red to be more sexually appealing. Rawr.
6. Do put on a happy face. I don't need to tell you that people aren't looking for angry or sad dates. People are 12% less likely to click on you if your profile picture expresses a negative emotional state.
7. Don't post huge group shots. It just gets confusing. If it's not obvious which one is you, it's not a good choice for your dating profile.
8. Do go for natural light. It's the most flattering, and could make you look as much as 10 years younger.
9. Do remove your glasses. Online daters are 28% less likely to click on your profile if you're wearing glasses in the picture.
10. Ladies: do make eye contact. Making eye contact and flirting directly with the camera gets the best response from potential suitors. Think "Myspace angle."
11. Men: don't make eye contact. Men get better responses when they are staring at something off in the distance with a charismatic smile. Think "I'm too cool for direct camera contact."
12. Do smile! People are 45% more likely to select profile pictures when the subject is smiling.
13. Do find the sweet spot. 3 photos is the ideal number. Profiles with 3 pictures receive up to 85% more messages than profiles with more or fewer.

A picture might be worth a thousand words - but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to add in a dozen more to explain the situation. And thus, the invention of the caption. Here’s a little bit about when you should make sure your online dating photos include captions, and why.

First, your default picture should probably be self-explanatory enough that you don’t really need a caption; after all, the main event is your face. Even if you’re going for an “attention-grabbing” default picture, it shouldn’t be so out there that it causes a reaction along the lines of “What in the world is that?” You might be skydiving, but it’s obvious you’re skydiving. In general, however, the default picture should have a nice, clear shot of your face, preferably smiling, so there’s no confusion over whether you’ve used a mugshot.

However, nice as those pictures may be, they can sometimes be lacking in character. That’s when you start pulling out other, more interesting photos; photos with a story behind them. But here’s the catch: you need to either explain the story behind them (in a succinct way) or make sure the photos are really as interesting as you think they are, even without the story. The picture of you dressed as a lobster might be funny, but it’s even funnier when you explain you stumbled into being an extra for the Ice Capades last year - and it might reveal a little something extra about your personality, too.

Then there are the photos that can be called Potentially Deliberately Misleading. For example, a picture where you’re casually posed with a celebrity. In reality, you stood in a convention line for an hour to get this photo; however, you might neglect to mention this because you’re okay with the assumption that you’re just friends with famous people. Even though you’re not actively trying to deceive, it might look that way to others. Or imagine a photo where you’re being swarmed by children. Are they yours? Are they your nieces and nephews? Do you work at a day care? The lack of a caption that clarifies the situation might make it seem like you’re actively hiding something. Thus, perhaps it’s best to be crystal clear from the beginning.

Finally, there are photos that just need a little clarification. Yes, once you’ve met in person it’ll be pretty easy to identify you in a crowd, but when you’ve only got one or two photos to go by, the reader might not be able to pick you out of a group shot of bridesmaids or fraternity brothers. If you’re going to include a group shot, make sure it’s obvious which one you are.

Captions are not meant to be additional profiles, but when used correctly, they can eliminate confusion and enhance the stories told by your photos. Do your photos need explaining?

When constructing an online dating profile, there’s a lot of focus on keeping negativity out of the profile. What some people may not realize is that the self-summary is not the only area into which negativity can creep. In fact, the image section is a great way to make sure you’re not injecting any unintended negativity into your profile; a picture is a worth a thousand words, after all.

The easiest way to stay positive is to select a picture with a smile. True, not everyone likes the way their smile looks, especially when it’s genuine and not a “pretty” smile. But from the perspective of the observer, the genuine smile is the most attractive of all. When you’re really having a good time, you’re feeling comfortable and happy; you’ve let down barriers. Those visiting your profile will pick that up immediately, and perhaps feel like they know you a little better. They’ll feel that warmth, and feel warmer toward you.

Thus, a genuine smile is often the best choice, even if you don’t think it’s necessarily the most flattering. However, not everyone has a photographer standing by when they’re having a good belly laugh; what then? Well, smiling is still a good option, even if it’s your “pretty” smile that you use when you know you’re in front of a camera. Try to choose an occasion that was relatively candid, even if the smile wasn’t. What that means is, a casual shot standing in front of the entrance to a theme park is still better than a posed glamour shoot from your local department store.

Pictures to avoid are anything that might be construed as anger, aggression or moodiness. You might have been going for “alluring” with your sultry pout, but to someone else, you’re just brooding. In particular, staring directly into the camera can be a little too intense for an online profile pic, especially if you’re not smiling. If you feel you absolutely must convey your pensive, serious look, try looking into the distance or off-camera; at least it won’t be mistaken for a mugshot as easily. Thinking about something happy, even when you’re not actually smiling, is helpful, too - though really if you don’t already have some serious picture you love, it’s not worth spending the time to create one now.

Before your profile has even been clicked, you’re making a first impression with your default picture. Furthermore, some peruse all the images before they even get to the text. Is the impression you’re making as positive as you’d like?

First impressions count, especially in online dating. There are so many people registered on online dating sites that it's more important now than ever to stand out from the crowd. And the most effective way to do that is to optimize the first point of contact for any potential date - your photos.

I'm always surprised to see people posting grainy photos, or shots with so much glare you can't make out the person's face, or pictures taken while staring at a reflection in the bathroom mirror. These are all online profile don'ts, because it doesn't give potential dates a snapshot of the real you.

How many times have you met someone for the first time and were disappointed because she didn't look like her pictures? Well, don't make the same mistake yourself. Posting great pictures isn't just about looking your best, it's about giving people a glimpse of who you are.

Following are some ways to choose the best online dating photos:

Stay current. While you might think you look the same as you did on that trip to Vegas five years ago, you don't. It's important to show who you are now, even if you have a few more wrinkles or an extra ten pounds. Honesty goes a long way in online dating.

Pick one headshot and one body shot. Potential dates want to see who you are. Don't be sly and post grainy, blurry, or otherwise poor quality photos. Choose one nice headshot and another that is full-length. If you only post photos from the neck up they will assume you have something to hide. So show off!

Pick at least one "active" picture. This is really important. You want to tell a story with pictures, because many people flip through photos first before they even start to read the profile. If you tell them your interests in photos - whether it's a shot of you hiking, sailing, horseback riding, or playing the guitar, they have a conversation starter.

Don't hide your face. Stay away from photos with hats and sunglasses as they hide your features. People like to see your eyes, your hair, and your whole face - not what you're wearing.

Don't stand beside your toys, friends or exes. Many guys like to take pictures next to their expensive cars, houses, or boats. This is not attractive to women. It makes you look like you have something to prove. Instead, choose pictures of you - just you. And ladies - don't include a group shot with friends, otherwise he might never figure out which one is you. (And do you really want to know he thought he was emailing your friend?) And for both sexes - choosing pictures with exes is a big no-no. We can tell even if you Photoshop them out. Leave them out of the mix.

Have you been told to keep your shirt on/button it up/have someone else take your photo/look away from the camera?

In all of the instances above, OKCupid is shutting you down. The popular online dating site decided to dig into its members' profile pictures and see if there was a story to be told. Indeed, there was, but certainly not the story the folks at OKCupid expected. The study's data covers 18 to 31-year-old only and reviewed over 7,000 photographs to come to a few conclusions. Grab a coffee (and maybe a note pad) so you can soak-up everything OKCupid shares and maybe make some meaningful changes to your own online dating profile.

Smiling is Good, but There's Something Better

We all get that smiling is the key for any happy photo, but OKCupid discovered that there's one more thing that takes a smiling photo to the next level: the flirty look. The ideal look for profile pictures that work is a smiling, flirty face looking directly into the camera...for ladies. Eye contact is important and enhances a woman's attractiveness, while the flirty look seems to send things over the top. On the contrary, men were found to be most attractive in photos where they look away from the camera and do not smile.

Self-Portraits Sell

Who knew that the "MySpace" style profile picture would be successful? Certainly not OKCupid. But according to their study, these pictures pull more weight than one might think. The self-shot photos for both men and women garnered more bites (new contacts) per month than regular photos taken by someone else. They initially thought these surprising results (for women, at least) were purely a product of self-shots being more revealing (i.e. cleavage). Then again, men don't have (or should not have) cleavage, so that was out. Perhaps it's simply a factor of self-shots being honest. They're not edited or photoshopped and you know they're probably current photos. Oh - and an interesting tidbit: guys, you can take your shirts off, but the ladies start losing interest (sharply) after they turn 19.

Beauty May Be Only Skin-Deep?

"Keep your clothes on." We ladies have heard that repeatedly when it comes to out online dating profile pictures, right? Have a seat. Get ready for convention to be challenged. OKCupid says that profiles that include a cleavage shot, regardless of the member's age, get more pings than those profiles without. Shocking! Be sure to check out the charts in this section of the report, as a woman who always thought that showing a little "down there" always meant I didn't value myself "up there," I'm going through a paradigm shift here.

But wait - the report dup a little deeper with the "cleavers." They modeled potential conversations held the keepers of the cleavage shot (in comparison to those with other types of photos and discovered...those members with "more interesting" photos were more likely to have enduring conversations (information based on the number of back and forth messages and the type of photos in a member's profile).

OK, so all may not be lost below or above the chest, but maybe a little more skin can't hurt?

OK - Show Your Face. Or Not?

We've been forever told to show our faces in our online dating profile photos. Let people see what you look like. Make sure they know it's YOU. But OKCupid discovered a very interesting tangent in their recent study: no face can be great if you give them something else to look at. An intriguing photo that's a bit quirky can beg conversation and in the long run, prove itself just as powerful as a full-face profile picture. Who knew, right? Maybe that odd little picture your friend snapped of your next or your series of self-portrait in shoe...potential online dating profile pictures, all of them!

To read the complete report, OKCupid's blog and to find out more about this dating site, read our review of OKCupid.