Photos

Anyone who says online dating isn’t tough is either lying, delusional, or hasn’t actually ever touched a computer before. As easy as it is to create a profile and start clicking through potential dates, actually finding someone you connect with can be a challenge. Dating is hard, therefore online dating is hard.

Occasionally you find yourself in a rut. Or maybe you haven’t even started in the first place. Either way, there are things you can do today – right now – to give your online dating experience a much-needed boost.

1. Start! What’s stopping you? Are you still worried online dating might not be for you? You won’t know until you try. Take the plunge.
2. Give your profile a makeover. When was the last time you updated your profile? Can you remember the last time you looked at it? Actually, can you even remember what you put on it in the first place? You are constantly evolving and your profile should be too.
3. Delete all the mirror selfies. You have friends. Get them to take your picture instead. No one cares what your bathroom looks like or what you wear to the gym.
4. Upload a silly picture instead. Professional headshots belong in two places only: on your LinkedIn profile and in a casting director’s hands. No one is looking to date a carefully crafted (and probably Photoshopped image) – they want to date the real you. Someone with a personality. Show it off in a fun, free-spirited snap.
5. Ask a friend to be your online dating support system.  Online dating can be intimidating, but nothing cuts down on the intimidation factor like having a trusted friend by your side. Motivate each other to keep meeting new people whenever the going gets tough.
6. Be proactive. Don’t wait for someone else to make the first move. Take action! Your potential pool of dates expands rapidly as soon as you start initiating conversations instead of waiting for others to do it. You may not always get the response you want, but you’ll gain confidence from knowing that you tried.
7. Set goals. As with most things in life, you achieve more when you set goals for yourself. Have you seriously thought about what you want out of your online dating experience? If you’re not sure, how can you find the person who will give it to you? Write down your goals – both short-term and long-term – until you have a clear picture of what you’re looking for.

There are a few common complaints every online dater has, and at the top of the list is "They looked nothing like their picture.” You could call it superficial, but let's be honest – who doesn’t appreciate truth in advertising?

There's always an embellishment aspect to dating, especially when dating means filling out a profile and answering personality tests, but there's a point when embellishment becomes flat-out lying. And that’s not cool, folks.

There’s never going to be a way to ensure that everything said on an online dating profile is fact, but a new feature from Zoosk will at least ensure that the photos associated with the profile are real. The new feature is called Photo Verification, and it uses a patent-pending process to compare members’ photos to videos they submit of themselves.

The verification service is currently available only on iOS, but an Android version is in the works. To use it, open the Zoosk app on your iPhone and select a profile photo that you want verified. You will be prompted to record and submit a video selfie that captures your face from multiple angles. Zoosk will then compare the video to the photo to ensure it’s an accurate representation of your real life appearance. If you pass the test, you will be certified with a badge on your profile. It’s basically the dating equivalent of Twitter’s verified profiles for celebrities, except you don’t have to have a famous face to use it.

Note: the video will remain private, so don’t worry about how much more awkward it is to take a video selfie than a photo selfie.

“One of the most important concerns of online daters is going out with someone who doesn’t really resemble their profile picture,” says Shayan Zadeh, co-founder and CEO of Zoosk. “By innovating a system for our members to validate the accuracy of existing profile photos, we believe we can create better first-date experiences that will lead to lasting relationships.”

By adding a new layer of transparency to online dating, Zoosk hopes to create a more authentic experience that will boost trust between daters and increase first date satisfaction. "Zoosk developed this feature in order to address its members' interest in having more transparency and trust in their potential dates," the company said in a statement. "By creating a Photo Verification process, Zoosk has become the first company in the online dating industry to directly address this concern."

To find out more about this dating service and the other features they offer you can read our review of Zoosk.

There is quite possibly nothing in this world that perplexes us more than that strange collection of physical and emotional responses we call love. Humans have been trying to understand it since the dawn of…well…humans, in poetry, in art, in music, and in laboratories.

Writer Olga Khazan, in an article for The Atlantic, explores recent research being done into the murky, inexplicable world of online dating. These studies are designed to determine “what makes people desire each other digitally,” she writes, “as well as whether our first impressions of online photos ultimately matter.”

What do social scientists know that you don’t?

First, your face plays an important role in your romantic fate – which means yes, your photos matter. Some evidence suggests that qualities like extraversion, emotional stability, and self-esteem can be read in a person’s physical appearance. For example, writes Khazan, “Hockey players with wider faces, considered a sign of aggression, spend more time in the penalty box.” On a basic level, then, strangers viewing your dating profile may be making judgements about your personality on a subconscious level, solely from your photos.

But pictures are not the end of the process. Nuances of personality are only revealed through interaction, and looks can be deceiving. Personality may supersede looks as we get to know someone – or, explains Khazan, “at the very least, we tend to find people more attractive when we think they have good personalities.”

Frequently, we end up pairing off with partners who match us in level of attractiveness. Which brings up another question: should you date someone who looks like you? Psychologists say the answer is no. Khazan describes another experiment, in which “subjects who thought they were similar to one another were more likely to be attracted to each other, but that wasn’t the case for those who were actually similar to one another.” Where speech is concerned, however, couples with similar speech styles are more likely to remain in a relationship than couples with differing speech styles.

Then there’s the question on everyone’s mind: will online dating actually lead to a relationship? A 2008 study by Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick at Northwestern University attempted to uncover the answer, and found it to be much more complicated than a simple yes or no. Online dating does give us more options than ever before but, as Finkel and Eastwick discovered, that isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Stay tuned for their discoveries in Part II.

The Internet has been afire recently with the news that both Facebook and OkCupid have experimented on their users. Both companies have apologized or pseudo-apologized for their actions, while being careful to note that such online experimentation isn’t uncommon.

OkCupid took it one step further in their non-apology, candidly declaring that “if you use the Internet, you’re the subject of hundreds of experiments at any given time, on every site” and revealing two more experiments they’ve conducted on users.

The first was born out of OkCupid’s short-lived blind date app. To celebrate the app’s release, OkCupid removed all the photos from the site on launch day. During those seven photo-less hours, OkCupid noticed some interesting things:

• Users responded to first messages 44% more often
• Conversations were deeper
• Contact info was exchanged more quickly

In short, OkCupid functioned better without pictures. When the photos were restored, the conversations that had started blind melted away. “The goodness was gone,” notes the blog post, “in fact worse than gone. It was like we’d turned on the bright lights at the bar at midnight.” The blind date app revealed a similar phenomenon. When users got to the date, they had a good time more or less regardless of how physically attractive their partner was. “Basically,” the post reads, “people are exactly as shallow as their technology allows them to be.”

In a related experiment, OkCupid decided to test its original rating system that allowed users to judge each other on two separate scales: Personality and Looks. “Our thinking was that a person might not be classically gorgeous or handsome but could still be cool,” the blog explains, “and we wanted to recognize that, which just goes to show that when OkCupid started out, the only thing with more bugs than our HTML was our understanding of human nature.”

After gathering the data, OkCupid found that “looks” and “personality” were essentially the same thing to users. They ran a second, direct experiment to confirm their hunch that people just look and pictures and ignore profiles. A small sample of users were shown profiles that did not contain text, resulting in two sets of scores for each profile: one score for the picture and text together, and one for the picture alone.

The results were predictably disheartening: text is less than 10% of what people think of you. The blog says it best: “your picture is worth that fabled thousand words, but your actual words are worth…almost nothing.” Ouch.

It’s hard to imagine an Internet in which The Onion doesn’t exist. As far as satirical news is concerned, no one does it better. In a post from spring, The Onion took on online dating and…well…the results are exactly as hilarious as you'd expect them to be.

The Onion’s top tips for finding love online include:

• It’s important to choose an interesting profile picture that reflects the “real you” persona that you’ve cooked up, like a photo of you hiking or at a volunteer event.
• To stand out in a sea of suitors, include something in your profile completely unique to you, like your social security number and checking account information.
• Be willing to open yourself up to new experiences, like going on a series of terrible dates with men you despise.
• Personal details give potential dates a more accurate picture of who you are. Be specific in your profile by mentioning the exact episode and scene that made you give up on Lost.
• Humor is a huge asset in any dating profile. Be charmingly self-deprecating with lines like “I have a soft spot for reality television” and “I’m a bad listener because I’m wrapped up in my own childish self-obsession and do nothing to improve myself.”
• Remember to relax and have fun! Sometimes, the moment you stop worrying about finding that perfect match is the moment you’ll open your email and find an absolutely vulgar and disgusting email from a complete stranger.

So yes, they’re funny…but The Onion’s tips aren’t quite as useless as you think, as long as you’re willing to read between the lines. Look at it this way:

• Photos are a great way to show your personality without have to write about it, which can be tedious to do and boring to read. Choose photos that show you doing what you love, like playing an instrument, traveling the world, or attending a NASCAR race.
• Safety should be taken seriously. Don’t put any identifying information on profile. That includes everything from your phone number to your work address to, yes, your SSN and checking account info.
• Online dating doesn’t work unless you come to it with an open mind. Take a chance on someone who doesn’t immediately tick off every one of your boxes. You might be surprised.
• Including unique personal details is a great way to attract the attention of likeminded suitors. Not everyone will understand your Doctor Who reference if you’re a sci-fi fan, but the ones who do might be better matches for you.
• Humor is a huge asset in a dating profile…just make sure it’s actually funny.
• Remember to relax and have fun! Sometimes, the moment you stop worrying about finding that perfect match is the moment you’ll open your email…and actually find that perfect match.

See? The Onion’s dating advice isn’t nearly as useless as it should be.

What’s one of the biggest reasons online dating detractors say the Internet is no way to meet a decent date?

The high creep factor, of course. And to be honest, anyone who has tried online dating for more than a day would probably find it difficult to totally disagree. Online dating is an incredible innovation, but there’s no denying it comes with its fair share of strangeness.

A little weirdness is either entertaining or mildly irritating, but what if it goes beyond “a little?” That’s where CreepShield comes in, a new service that helps users avoid the creeps and the crazies online using facial recognition technology .

"Criminals often hide behind aliases online, but CreepShield uses facial recognition software to check for facial similarities and brings up potential matches from a database of over 475,000 registered sex offenders," explained CreepShield's creator Kevin Alan Tussy. "We see facial recognition as a tool that can definitely help make online dating safer. While this technology can't identify everyone out there with bad intentions, it's a huge step in the right direction."

To use the service, simply copy the URL of any headshot and paste it into the CreepShield search engine. The photo is instantly scanned against images in a database of convicted sex offenders, looking for a match. In addition to CreepShield.com, there is also a CreepShield Chrome extension if you prefer to research dates on the fly. Once installed, the extension allows users to right click on any jpg, png or gif displayed in the browser and select "Scan with CreepShield" from the dropdown menu.

CreepShield was developed by the team responsible for the extremely controversial Google Glass app "NameTag." The app and its powerful facial recognition technology were big news earlier this year when Senator Al Franken publicly requested that its release be delayed. With that project put on the backburner, CreepShield came to the forefront.

It’s an intriguing idea, and it’s hard to argue with something that could make online dating safer, but the service still has a few kinks to work out. The site’s FAQ stresses that, due to the way facial recognition technology works, CreepShield can’t guarantee its matches. “It is always up to the user to decide whether or not a searched photo contains the same individual as the results presented,” the site reads. And indeed, when put to the test, it seems the searching method leaves something to be desired.

What do you think? Would you use CreepShield to get the deets on a date?