Studies

Women are crazy, right? We fall head over heels in love with men the minute we meet them, and we're obsessed and clingy forever afterwards.

At least, that's the narrative that's commonly told.

In reality, science says it's men who fall in love faster than women. One survey found that a man hardly needs to have spoken to a woman before he decides that she's the one for him. Women, on the other hand, require more time before they're willing to give their hearts away.

The survey was commissioned for the launch of Elizabeth Noble's new novel, The Way We Were, the story of childhood sweethearts who reappear in each other's lives years later. 1,500 men and 1,500 women aged 16 to 86 were polled about their love lives

One in five men surveyed claimed to have experienced love at first sight. Just over half reported being smitten with a woman after just one meeting, and nearly three-quarters admitted they'd lost their hearts within three dates.

In contrast, only one in ten women said they had experienced the fabled rush of love at first sight. Most said they waited until at least the sixth date before determining whether or not they'd found the real thing. The study also found that:

• The average British man falls in love just over three times in his life, while the average woman falls in love only once.
• More men than women claim to have loved someone who did not love them back.
• Men are also more likely to say 'I love you' first.
• Both sexes agree that their first love was the most difficult to get over. One in four said they felt they would never fully recover from the heartbreak.

Another study from the University of Texas found that it takes men 20 minutes or less to decide whether or not they want a second date with women. And the study found this interesting difference between the sexes: the more attractive a woman is, the more a man thinks she's interested in him. Women, on the other hand, tend to underestimate men's attraction to them.

Professor Alexander Gordon, a psychologist and member of the British Psychological Society, has analyzed the differences between men's and women's views of falling in love and choosing partners. He believes that men tend to turn to superficial factors, like a woman's looks, to determine whether or not they are in love, but the process of falling in love is much more complex for women.

Women are more likely to weigh all the pros and cons of a potential partner before making their choice. "Women are better at reading social situations," Gordon says, "and are more likely to ask more questions of themselves after meeting someone, like is he going to make me feel secure and will he be a good father to my children?"

When it comes to dating with an age difference, there's usually only one story told: men love younger women, and women love older men.

Yeah, it's true - some men do want to date younger women and some women do only go for older men - but it's not the full story, and it's time we recognized that there's more to May-December dating than one unscientific-but-still-predominant view.

AYI.com (Are You Interested?), a dating service that uses Facebook to pair people based on interests, has pulled data from its 68 million downloads and 20 million Facebook profiles to analyze what it takes to make a successful match. Their experiment focused in on the 1 million recommended pairings in a specific population of 35,942 users ages 30 to 49.

AYI's most surprising finding was this: their female subscribers were five times more likely to show interest in men who were five years their junior than men who were five years older. The old narrative is outdated and inaccurate.

Well, sort of. Men do still like dating younger women, as the AYI study proved. Among the 26,434 men between the ages of 30 and 49 who were studied, 42% said they wouldn't even consider dating a woman if she was older than them. If, however, an older woman contacted them first, they admitted they wouldn't necessarily turn her down. AYI's data shows that a man is only 22% less likely to respond to an older woman than to a younger woman if she is the one who initiates contact.

What gives, guys? If you think older women are an easy target with no other options - and it doesn't require any preliminary effort on your part - you'll go for it, but otherwise you won't go anywhere near them? That doesn't sound like the progressive society I like to think I live in.

There are a few theories that explain why AYI's study turned up its findings. Once upon a time, AYI analysts think, young women marrying older men had an appeal based on wealth. While there are still plenty of women who like the idea of marrying for money, younger women are now inundated with requests from older men on dating sites and the myth of the Sugar Daddy is never as glamourous as it seems.

A 2008 study published in the journal Psychology of Women Quarterly found that women who are 10 or more years older than their partner are more satisfied and more committed to their relationships than women who are the same age or younger than their partners. So guys...don't limit yourself to younger women, and girls...don't be afraid of dating younger men.

I will always be one of the first to insist that men and women can just be friends. I have great friendships with women. I have great friendships with men. And I don't see a difference...friends are just friends, right? If you get along with someone gender doesn't matter, does it?

A new study called "Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship" has examined the controversial issue of male-female friendships, and found that the answer is no...and yes. Inconclusive? Yup. Interesting anyway? Definitely. Here's how it worked and what they found...

Interested in examining how heterosexual, opposite-sex friends tackled the issue of sexual attraction in their friendships, a group of researchers asked 88 pairs of opposite-sex, college-age friends to fill out questionnaires about their friendships. Participants answered questions about their friendships - including questions about their levels of attraction to each other - separately. To ensure honesty, all responses were kept confidential, even after the conclusion of the study.

The results showed that men tend to be more attracted to their female friends than female friends are attracted to their male friends. Overestimating women's interest is common amongst men, says April Bleske-Rechek, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin who worked on the study. "Men over-infer women's sexual interest in a variety of contexts," she explains, "and I definitely see that extending into the domain of cross-sex friendships as well."

Men and women were equally likely to report finding their opposite-sex friends attractive even when they were already romantically involved with someone else, but more men said they'd like to go on a date with their female friends. Fewer women said they would be interested in dating male friends, preferring to keep their relationships platonic.

The research team then expanded their investigation to a second study, which asked 107 young adults ages 18 to 23 and 322 adults between the ages of 27 and 55 to list reasons why cross-sex friendships are both beneficial and burdensome. They were overwhelmingly voted beneficial, though adults reported having fewer opposite-sex friends than the younger group.

What's most interesting about the pros and cons list is that "attraction" almost always fell on the "burden" side of the cost-benefit analysis. Men were less likely to call attraction a burden than women, but both men and women were unlikely to see it as a positive aspect of an opposite-sex friendship.

So does that mean men and women can't be friends after all? Of course not. But it may be wise to be clear and upfront about exactly what your intentions for a new relationship are. If you want to be romantically involved, set the foundation for that right away. Don't build a close, platonic friendship first in hopes that it will one day turn into something more.

Cheaters can be identified by their voices. Highlighting your flaws in photographs may actually make you more attractive online. Listening to Adele could make you more a more desirable date. Men like women who have been dumped, and women prefer men who have done the dumping. Hamsters are rarely a dealbreaker.

That's what we've learned so far from YourTango's recap of "The 11 Weirdest Dating Studies Of 2011". We've got six more to go...what else has 2011 taught us about our love lives?

1. There may be a link between drinking and monogamy. According to Reason.com, the more a society practices monogamy, the more it consumes alcohol. Monogamy may also correlate with technological and cultural advancements.

2. Men take longer to get ready than women. Busted! We ladies may have the reputation for taking up the bathroom for hours, but a study this year found that men take an average of 81 minutes to get ready compared to a woman's 75 minutes. They even broke it down by task: 23 minutes in the shower, 18 minutes shaving, 10 minutes cleansing and toning, and 13 minutes selecting an outfit.

3. "Two Hearts Beat As One" is more than a U2 song. Ramesh Rao, a professor of electrical and computer engineering at the University of California, says that "heart-synching" may be an accurate measure of how well two people connect on a physical and emotional level. When two hearts beat in sync because their magnetic fields are entangled, their rhythm can change and indicate how well a date is going.

4. Women shouldn't be overly friendly with their partner's friends. A study published in the American Journal of Sociology found a link between sexual dysfunction in older men and the friendship between their friends and female partners. When a woman has stronger relationships with her partner's friends than he does, it undermines his feelings of independence, privacy, and masculinity, causing him to feel insecure.

5. Women have better recall for things spoken in a deep voice. David Smith and a team from the University of Aberdeen found that women remember objects presented to them more accurately when they are introduced by a deep male voice, rather than a higher-pitched male voice. Low masculine voices also play a role in mate choice for women.

6. Men who cheat on their spouses are more likely to do themselves an injury...to a very private place. Only one word is needed to sum this study up: Ouch.

So there you have it... the 11 weirdest dating studies of 2011, and some interesting food for thought for 2012.

There are a few things that I look forward to at the end of every year. Christmas dinner with my family. Making resolutions for the new year. And all the Top 10 lists.

"Top 10 Albums Of The Year." "Top 10 Movies Of The Year." "Top 10 News Stories Of The Year." It's a quick, easy, and pop culture-friendly way to reflect on the major stories and scandals of the last 12 months, and this year YourTango has added a new list to the mix: The 11 Weirdest Dating Studies Of 2011.

Let's see what made the cut...

1. Men prefer to date women who have been dumped. A study published by the University of Michigan found that men prefer to date women who were dumped by their last boyfriends, while women prefer to date men who initiated their last breakup. The team behind the study speculates that when a man initiates a breakup it reinforces male dominance and traditional gender roles, whereas a woman who initiates a breakup is perceived as picky and high-maintenance.

2. Highlighting your flaws may make you more appealing on online dating sites. OkCupid ran a study that analyzed the photo vote patterns and messages from 43,000 female members. They found that falling in the middle of the attractiveness scale (being "cute" rather than "hot" or "unattractive") didn't always work out in women's favor. Playing up the features they thought that men wouldn't like, however, did prove to be a successful strategy for women.

3. People can identify a cheater by the sound of his or her voice. 120 male and female college students were asked to make vowel sounds in a range of pitches, then participants selected the voices that they thought were most attractive and the voices they thought belonged to cheaters. Men associated higher-pitched female voices with cheating, while women associated lower-pitched male voices with infidelity. There may be a biological imperative for the women's response: a deep voice could be indicative of a higher testosterone level, which may in turn be indicative of more promiscuity and an increased likelihood of cheating.

4. Adele could get you a date. Adele's most famous songs are about breakups, but it turns out that listening to her music may be a good way to hook up. A dating site called Tastebuds.fm, which matches potential dates based on their taste in music, found that the most successful online daters are fans of Adele's music. Lovers of Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, and the Arctic Monkeys were also lucky in love, while Metallica, Linkin Park, and Eminem fans were the least popular dates.

5. Hamsters are unlikely to ruin your chances of getting a date. Yep, someone actually studied that! When Craigslist.co.uk asked single men and women what kind of pet would make them less inclined to date someone, the hamster won the coveted title of "Least Likely To Break A Couple Up." 28% said they wouldn't date a dog owner and 25% wouldn't date a cat owner, but only 10% said a hamster is a dealbreaker.

The remaining six weirdest dating studies of 2011 are waiting just around the corner...

I've been told that birds of a feather flock together. I've also been told that opposites attract. So who's right? Does the avian adage apply to everyone, or only members of the animal kingdom? Are we ultimately attracted to similarities or differences?

According to many studies, reviewed earlier this year by Sam Sommers in The Huffington Post, "similarity rules the day." Sure, some couples have different religious values, different political beliefs, and different ideas about which team deserves to be in this year's Super Bowl, but for the most part, we are drawn to friends and romantic partners who are like us. Similarity, in fact, is an incredibly powerful force in many situations.

A paper written by researchers from Wilfrid Laurier University in Canada explored the ways physical similarity predicts seating choices. In their first study, the research team analyzed the seating arrangement of college students in a computer lab. Over the course of a few days, the team observed the students at several different times, taking note of how students' characteristics influenced where they sat. They found that students without glasses were significantly more likely to sit beside other students without glasses, while students with glasses were more likely to sit next to their bespectacled brothers-in-arms. Another study found similar results when analyzing hair color.

In a third study, participants arrived at the experiment's location and were introduced to a partner who was seated. The participants were then handed a chair and asked to take a seat next to their partner. When the participant was seated, the research team measured the distance between the seated partner's chair and the new participant, then sent a photograph of each of the participants to a second set of researchers for further evaluation. In keeping with the results from previous research, the team found that "the more physically similar the two were judged to be, the closer to the partner the participants tended to place their chair."

Digging deeper, Sommers then found a study conducted by researchers at Berkeley that examined the matching hypothesis - the idea that we have a tendency to select romantic partners of a desirability level similar to our own. In simple terms: "we try to date people in our own league." To test the hypothesis, the team defined "popularity" on an online dating site as the number of opposite-sex individuals who sent unsolicited messages to another member, then measured the popularity of 3,000 heterosexual users of the site. They found that high-popularity users contacted other popular users at a rate that was significantly greater than could be accounted for by chance. A second study of over a million members confirmed the results of the first study.

When it comes to dating, it looks like opposites aren't in high demand after all.