Single

The times, they are a-changin’. In fact, they’re more than changing. They’re completely transforming. Evolving, even.

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, the majority of American adults are now single. This is the first time single adults have outnumbered married adults since 1976, when the BLS started keeping track in the first place.

Back in August, there were 124.6 million single Americans – a number that counts for 50.2% of the 16-and-over US population. 0.2% may not seem like a big number, but it's statistically relevant and, more importantly, it's socially relevant.

Eric Klinenberg, an NYU sociology professor who researches marriage trends, told the New York Post he believes that margin will remain the same for the foreseeable future, but that change is still afoot. “I don’t expect the proportion of singles to go much higher, but it could go up a bit more,” he said. “Marriage rates are going down all over the developed world as people experiment with new ways to organize their lives and their relationships.”

That, in turn, could have social, political, and economic ripple effects. On the whole, single Americans prefer to rent housing rather than purchase it. They're also less likely to have children. Trends like these, and others in a similar vein, mean major changes in spending are probably on the way. A third of young adults still live with their parents, and even those who don't are concerned they can't afford to participate in marriage and other aspects of the American dream like generations before. Maybe the dream itself will change.

Of course, it's important to note that "single" in this context simply means "not married." Plenty of folks in that 16-and-over category are probably casually coupled up or settled into serious, long-term partnerships. “Just because people are not getting married doesn’t mean they’re not partnering and cohabitating,” said Karen Guzzo, a sociology professor at Bowling Green State University, to the Post.

And it seems that even though marriage rates have plummeted, plenty of young people still hope to get hitched. According to Gallup survey data, only 9% of Americans in the 18 to 34 age range say they both have never been married and do not ever want to marry. 54% of Americans are currently married and 21% of those who have never been married say they want to tie the knot someday.

In the meantime, those 21% can join the 9% in celebrating National Unmarried and Single Americans Week – because yes, that's a real thing.

First, let's get this out of the way: happy (belated) National Unmarried and Single Americans Week!

Yes, that's a real thing sponsored by Unmarried America, an information service for unmarried workers, consumers, taxpayers, and voters. It was celebrated this year from September 21 to September 27, and if you're wondering what it's all about, you can pick up a copy of their e-book on singles' rights.

Having a week to celebrate singles isn’t so bad, and it's probably better than referring to Valentine's Day as "Singles Awareness Day” (aka “SAD”), but really, why wait for a specific week when you could celebrate singlehood all year round?

There's lots to love about being single, even if it feels like a hard pill to swallow when everyone on your Facebook feed is getting hitched. Forget about them. Being single is awesome, and here are 10 reasons why:

1. That huge bed is all yours.
2. And you can sleep in it in whatever you want, because there's no need to worry about how sexy you look in the morning.
3. That paycheck you just got? It's all yours. Not a single cent of it is going into a joint account and none of it has to be spent on another person unless you want it to be.
4. If you do feel like treating someone, treat one of your friends – because since you're single, you have a whole lot more time to spend enjoying their amazing company.
5. When one of those friends complains about their relationship, you can privately congratulate yourself on being drama-free in that area.
6. Holidays are so much easier. You don't have to come up with a cute couples costume for Halloween. You don't have to stress out about what mind-blowing gift you're going to get your SO. You don't have to worry about meeting relatives or dividing time fairly between each other's families.
7. You can marathon an entire season of a show in one night and no one will ever know, because that Netflix account is all yours.
8. If you do feel a sudden urge to make out with someone, you can. Any time you want. With zero guilt.
9. You'll stay culturally relevant. Your coupled friends have probably never tried the magical modern experience that is Tinder.
10. There is no one around to tell you how much Ben & Jerry’s is too much, because that pint is all yours. Go right ahead and eat it in one sitting, without even dishing it into a bowl.

The adventure of singlehood is sounding pretty good right now, isn't it? And so is that ice cream…

Many singles get burned out on dating. If you’ve been out of a relationship for a while, it can be exhausting to go on an endless amount of first dates, join online dating site after online dating site, or even just drag yourself to another party that may or may not have any single people attending.

While I’m a huge advocate for putting yourself out there, taking advantage of opportunities (romance can come into your life when you least expect it), sometimes it’s more beneficial to take a time-out and regroup when you're feeling depleted.

In recent months, there has been an increasing interest in “unplugging.” We are constantly busy, always rushing to the next meeting, event, business trip, or date – so it’s hard to disconnect from our phones and our lives, even for a few minutes. The problem with all of this over-stimulation is that it burns us out. We put so much time and energy into our careers, social media presence, friends and family obligations that we often lose ourselves in the process. This doesn't make us very motivated to date.

How can you connect with anyone else if you have lost touch with yourself?

Instead of beating yourself up for not meeting anybody, or for letting your membership lapse on Match.com or eHarmony, remember we all need a break from time to time. Try these simple tips instead to help you regroup. Time-outs are good for all of us:

Pick a new hobby that makes you happy. Maybe you used to paint, or play volleyball, or were learning Italian before you got pulled into those daily obligations or got caught up in schedules and career. If there is a hobby outside of work and your family life that is all yours, then pursue it. We become the life we cultivate for ourselves, so make sure you incorporate joy into yours.

Meditate or do yoga. It’s important to embrace silence. We are surrounded by constant stimulus, so it is difficult sometimes to pull ourselves away from email, work, social media, or checking Tinder. But it’s vital. Take time to be quiet and strengthen your mind and body so you can be in a better place to connect with others when you go on your next date.

Find an exercise routine that invigorates you. Going to the gym is healthy but can get so boring! Get outside instead – go rock-climbing, biking, play volleyball, or take up a new sport that challenges you a little. An extra boost of energy and endorphins goes a long way.

Linger over dinner or brunch with friends. That’s right, no more scheduling meetings and appointments back-to-back on the weekends. Leave your afternoons free, enjoy spontaneous plans, and linger over that delicious meal with your friends. It will help you be more present and relaxed on your dates, too.

Dating is a numbers game, but what happens when you’re not 23 any longer – do the numbers start working against you?

No! The truth is, people are looking for partners of all ages. More than half the U.S. adult population is single, and many are baby boomers and Gen Xers looking to find love after a break-up or divorce, or want to get married for the first time. You are not alone.

The media would like us to think that young daters are the only ones out there who are actively dating and forming relationships, but that is far from the truth. Older daters are higher in number, but are slowly adapting to the technology available to them – specifically online and mobile dating. The stigma is gone for the most part, thanks to the ease, accessibility and popularity of mobile dating apps. How many 40-somethings do you know using Tinder? Probably more than you’d expect.

If you are over 40 and wondering how to approach this whole dating thing, here are some tips:

Try different sites and apps. Not everyone over age 40 should be on eHarmony. Not every guy should be on Tinder. Before you join, ask yourself what your goals are. Do you want to test the dating waters without getting serious? Do you want to get married? Or would you like to find a girlfriend/ boyfriend for companionship? Different sites and apps offer different experiences, so be sure to research first.

Be honest in your approach. So many women lie about their ages, and so many men lie about their height. They want to attract more people, but in the end when you are meeting dates in real life, they will be upset by the lie. Don’t start any relationship this way. The people who are right for you won’t let age or height be a factor, so don’t you either.

Let go of your baggage. There’s nothing more important than examining past relationships and seeing where we can get rid of old beliefs and thought patterns that aren’t serving us. Anger and fear are the two worst things to hang on to – for anyone. Go to counseling, talk with a friend, start a practice in yoga – do what it takes to help lift you beyond your current fear and anger, and into a place of greater peace before you date. It will be worth it.

Think about what you want in a relationship. It’s more important to understand how you want to feel in a relationship, rather than looking for a guy or girl who checks off those “boxes” – like being hot, or educated, or successful. These don’t matter nearly as much when you are in the relationship. Instead, think about the kind of person you’d like to spend time with.

Cultivate your own happiness and personal life. Do you enjoy travel, riding your bike, or cooking? Don’t wait for a partner to plan your next trip, or a cycling buddy before you research new biking trails, or a boyfriend before you start cooking elaborate 4-course meals. Do it for you! When you do things that make you happy, it puts you in a great headspace to attract others who are happy in their lives, too.

Some of us are perfectly happy to be settled into singlehood. Others absolutely hate it.

The thing is, singlehood can be a conscious choice or an unintentional affliction. If it's the former, rock on and keep doing what you're doing. If it's the latter, sit down because we've got some talking to do. I'm all for people staying single, but I don't want anyone to be forced into singlehood if it's not where they want to be. And here's the hard truth: if you're single and you don't want to be, there's a good chance you're the reason.

Of course you can't control the people around you, and they certainly have a say in whether or not they want to date you, but there are specific, unproductive mindsets and actions you may be responsible for that are keeping you single longer than you want to be.

Are you doing any of these things?

• Not making an effort. Newsflash: if all you do is watch your Netflix queue, you’re never going to meet someone. Join an online dating site. Spend weekends in museums, parks, classes – anywhere you're surrounded by strangers. And don't be afraid to make the first move. If you're not trying in the first place, you can't expect results.
• Dating the same type over and over again. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That goes for dating, too. If you've got a "type" and it hasn't worked for you yet, it's probably not going to work for you in the future either. It's time to branch out. And the added bonus is that once you've stopped limiting which types of people you will and won't date, the possibilities open up and you have more potential partners than you ever thought possible.
• Choosing partners based solely on a list of qualities. It's a good idea to know what you want and don't want in a relationship, but it can be limiting if you're too attached to your imaginary list. Someone could have every quality on your list and still be wrong for you. On the other hand, someone could be missing most of them and yet mysteriously make you happier than you've ever been. A person is a whole package, not an inventory of dealbreakers. Save the list for Santa.
• Not making space. This is one of the hardest lessons for people to learn. If you want love in your life, you have to make room for it. You can't be focused on your friends, your career, your hobbies, your family, or whatever else is taking up your time, 24/7 if you want to meet someone. Recognize that you're ready to let love in, and leave some space in your life to allow it to happen.

A few of my closest friends turned 30 this month, and it's got me thinking. There's no denying that dating in your 20s is fun. A lot of fun, if you do it right. But seems to me there's something special about dating in your 30s.

Sure, there are some downsides that come along with it. If you're unattached by the time you reach the big 3-0, you're bound to get comments about how you shouldn't settle but shouldn't get left on the shelf either (how confusing is that?). People ask about your biological clock or if you're afraid of commitment. They tell you that you can't "have it all" or that all the good ones will be taken if you wait. Some might even straight-up say there's something wrong with you.

But on the other hand, there's a lot to love about dating in your 30s, like:

• You know who you are. The 20s are all about finding yourself. You're meant to travel the world, go on crazy adventures, work odd jobs, occasionally squander your cash on silly purchases, etc. some of it will be great, and some of it will be awful. All of it adds up to some seriously important life lessons that you carry with you into the 30s dating game. By then, you're ready to think more seriously about the kind of relationship you actually want and the kind of partner who can give it to you.
• You know what love is. Well, maybe we never really know what love is, but entering our 30s means knowing a whole lot more about it. There's often a very big difference between what you're drawn to, what you want, and what you need. As you get older, you're able to tell the difference and define the kind of love that works for you. And because of that…
• Dating gets serious. In your 30s, relationships tend to move faster. You've been through your fair share of bad dates, inadequate relationships and casual hookups, and you know what you want. If something isn't working out the way you want it to, you have the confidence to end it quickly. And if things are headed in a good direction, you feel equally comfortable pursuing it.
• On the other hand, not everyone wants to get serious. Some people are looking to settle down in their 30s, but others are happy staying single. Both are perfectly viable options that can lead to happy lifetimes. The important question to ask is “Where do I want to be in 5 years? Or 10?” Like it or not, what you do today will have an impact on your relationships in the future. If you do want to be with someone, make sure to create space in your life for it right now.

And most importantly…

• There’s still a lot to learn. Wouldn't life be boring if you'd already learned everything? Luckily, that's never going to happen, least of all in your 30s. Enjoy the weird and wonderful lessons that life will continue to throw your way.